Cinder To Ash (Tainted Hearts Book 3)

by Summer, AJ

  After some awkward silence and unsure eye glances, customer guy walks back in. Mia jumps into action and asks the fake sap if he’s okay. He grumbles something and flops back down onto her table.

  “I’m, um, just going to finish over here,” Mia says, walking away awkwardly. Alec waves me into his office at the back and Livvy glares at me violently. She’ll come around.

  I follow Alec into his office and close the door behind us. Sitting down in the chair in front of his desk, I feel too much like a naughty student so I stand up. I walk over to the new art on his walls and inspect the first one that catches my eye. It’s some kind of hybrid dragon-bird thing. Not quite a gryphon and not quite something else.

  “This is good,” I say, because it really is and not just for bullshit conversation.

  “Thanks. Why are you here, Jase?” Straight to the point. That’s Alec for you. I tell him the truth. There’s no point in lying.

  “I’m in town to pick Mia up for a date. I’m a little early so I thought I’d swing by here and see how things are going.” I turn away from the sketch and face him. He’s got a heavy scowl on his face.

  “Don’t screw with her.” Again with the grunting. I, Alec. You bug - I squash. Cue gorilla chest bumping. Remember those anger management classes I mentioned earlier? Yeah, those come in real handy at times like these. I know I deserve it, but man does it piss me the hell off being told what to do. I shove my hands into my pockets and clench my fists.

  “You know I won’t do that. Things are complicated with us, so I’m only going to explain this once. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t take a piss by myself. I couldn’t even get out of bed without help those first two weeks. You think I wanted my girl to see that shit?” I grind the last bit out between my teeth. The muscles in my jaw pop and I swear my teeth are about to crack.

  “You could have told her that instead of cutting her out of your life completely! What about after you could walk again? What happened then?” Alec challenges. I take a deep breath through my nose and my jaw relaxes a tiny fraction.

  “I couldn’t find the right time.” My head drops forward in shame. I waited so long to come back here. I made her wait so long. I can understand how everyone is pissed off at me. If Mia can give me a second chance then these buggers can ease up too.

  “I know you’re not a coward.” On the word coward my head snaps up, gnashing my teeth together. Alec holds up a finger and continues, “But that was a pretty messed up move you pulled. We could’ve helped you, but you left us all in the dark. That’s a hard thing to forgive. And you broke Mia’s heart! I saw her this morning, smiling and happy. I couldn’t tell what was different, there was some spark back in her eyes and now it all makes sense.” Alec stands up, leaning his fists on the desk, he bends forward. “Hurt her again and I’ll snap your tiny neck.” His blue eyes are hard and unrelenting. He’s speaking the truth. The big man will break me if I hurt her again. Some newfound respect for the big guy is being formed - he cares for my girl as much as I do.

  “Understood.”

  “Good. Now about your job?” he asks, sitting back down. He’s relaxed and all signs of malice has left his body. Talk about a complete 180.

  “I think Mia still needs space.” I reply, running my hand through my hair. “She’s given me a week to fix us. To date her. Let’s talk next week.” Explaining it like that makes me feel stupid as shit. Alec’s deep chuckle vibrates through the office and I scowl at him. I’m glad he finds it funny. Asshole.

  “Date her? You guys were together for almost eight years!”

  “My point exactly, but this is what she wants so this is what she’ll get.” He laughs some more, wiping tears from his eyes. It just makes me feel even more ridiculous. I check the time on my watch, it’s just before six now. “Are we done here?” I ask, swirling my finger around.

  “Yes, go,” he says, still laughing his pumped up ass off. I swear his arms are as big as my thighs already.

  I pass the dragon drawing tacked to the wall, tapping its head. “You should make the head smaller, maybe it wouldn’t look like a hippo banged a crocodile,” I joke, laughing at the grunt, followed by the scrape of his chair. I duck out the door quickly, just in case he decides to try those new muscles out on me. I would deserve it. There was nothing wrong with his drawing. Call it payback for laughing at my dating situation.

  I walk down to the kitchen, to make my little caffeine addict her favorite fix. Can’t blame me for wanting her in a good mood for our date.

  After a not so quick drive through at Mia’s favorite fast food take out, my truck smells like a friggin’ carnival – there’s soda, sundaes, burgers and fries, and even apple pie. I pull up to our spot at the lake and turn off my truck, then get out and pull the blanket and emergency lamp from the backseat. Mia watches me with a faraway look in her eyes. Did I make the wrong choice? I thought this would be the perfect way to start our dating experience. There are still six other nights for movies, bowling, dinner and whatever the hell it is people do on dates. I open the blanket on the back of the tailgate and switch the light on before going back around to her side to open her door.

  “We haven’t been here in so long I’ve forgotten how perfect it is here,” Mia says softly.

  I wrap my hands around her waist and gently lift her from the truck. Her eyes don’t move from the lake. It’s magical out here. The quiet. The dark water. Some lightening bugs are hovering over a bush nearby. Picture fucking perfect. I grab most of the take out bags and take them to the back. When I turn back around I almost walk right over Mia, she’s that close to me. She wobbles a little on her feet while holding the sodas and sundaes out to me. I place them down on the truck bed. This feels awkward. Is it supposed to be this awkward? I’ve known this girl for eight years. Cherished her for as long as that. I’ve even seen her naked! That brings a naughty grin to my face. Mia screws her eyes up at me and I chuckle at her suspicious face.

  “Sit,” I pat the spot next to me on the tailgate. From here we have a perfect view of the lake. The black surface is as smooth as dark glass with just a glimmer of the bright moon reflecting off it. Mia’s soft exhales mix with the sound of the chirping crickets and the world just rights itself. It slips gently back into its rightful place and my own lungs expand with the sweet night air.

  “This is so beautiful.” Her soft voice barely breaks the happy silence around us.

  “It is.” I look at her in the soft light of the emergency lamp glowing beside her, she smiles at me. There’s still a barrier here, the one dividing us from how we use to be. I’m not entirely sure how to cross it; I also didn’t think one night would fix it. I’m going to keep trying though. Even if I have to take a sledgehammer and knock that wall down, we’ll get to the other side.

  Instead of having the heavy conversation that’s on my heart, I go for a much easier topic. I still have six other dates to have that little heart-to-heart with her.

  “You hungry? From the amount of food we have back here, you’d think we’re fattening up for the hibernation season,” I tease.

  “I can eat,” she says, reaching over me for the take out packets.

  Her arm rubs against my stomach and the muscles tense deliciously. I’m starved, but not for the food. No, I want to feast on her. Mia hands me a burger and fries and lays her own on her lap. Her lips wrap around her straw and I tense. It’s taking a considerable amount of restraint to not just lay her down and take what is mine. I know her body better than my own. My fingers know the dips and rises and the way to touch them to make her burn. My mouth knows just the right amount of pressure that’s needed to make her scream my name.

  “Are you okay?” Mia asks.

  I avert my staring eyes from her mouth and immediately look down at my lap to make sure the contained beast is still … well, contained. I need to write a letter to whoever made these jeans. This damn zipper is solid. I keep expecting to see it bust open but so far, no fatal breaks have occurred. I clear my throat and nod. �
��I’m fine.”

  I unwrap my burger and dig in. We eat in silence; both of us stuck in our own heads while thinking of something suitable to say. Why can’t we just go back to the way things were? It’s not like one of us cheated and that’s what broke us up. We didn’t even have a big fall out and move our separate ways. It was just me … I did this. I need to apologize.

  We finish our food and after the empty wrappers have been gathered and Mia is leaning back, slurping on ice cream, I just go for it. “I’m sorry, Mew. I’m so damn sorry for breaking us. For allowing myself to break in that accident. For running. For being a damn coward.” I’m not even surprised at the emotion in my voice. “I’m so tired of being strong all the time. I had to be strong for Gramps and Gram when Mom left all those years ago. I had to be strong when Dad beat Mom to death and Grams couldn’t take the guilt of not keeping her away from him. When Gramps died … I loved all those people too, but I could never show how much it hurt, because I couldn’t stand to cause them more pain, by hurting for me.”

  I have to clear my throat again, because the words have become razors in my throat. Each word cutting deeper than the first, bleeding the pain from my body with every slice. Mia stares at me with wide eyes. Embarrassment burns hot on the back of my neck and the voice in my head tells me to shut up before I make a bigger fool of myself, but I can’t. This last piece she needs to hear.

  “And when I walked away from you. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, baby. I don’t even think my heart was beating then. It killed me being away from you. I love you so god damn much, Mia. You need to forgive me. I need you.”

  I drop my head, unable to hold her wide-eyed stare any longer and await my verdict. Two small hands wrap around the tightly clenched fists in my lap and the tense muscles instantly relax. I don’t dare look at her yet, I’m sure my eyes are shiny with emotions just waiting for me to slip up so they can expose how truly pathetic I am. I won’t cry in front of her. I can never do that.

  “I forgive you. I’ve already forgiven you. But I can’t forget the pain you’ve caused. I can’t trust you like that again. It’s too soon.” She pulls my face up with a gentle hand on my jaw. When she smiles, it tells of so much sadness and pain that even the fiercest creature of hell would run from the sight. “We’ll be okay.”

  Her fingers run over my bottom lip. I bite my tongue in an attempt to stop myself from kissing her. Screw it! I don’t want to see that look on her face anymore. Slowly, carefully, I place a soft kiss on her thumb that’s still hovering on my mouth. A tear slips free and slides down her cheek, leaving a wet trail across her angelic face. Leaning forward and wrapping one hand around her neck, I pull her closer. Pressing my lips against her cheek, I kiss the path of her tear, until I end just below her jaw. Her skin is salty and my breath seems to warm the soft velvet just a tinge.

  “We belong together. I’ll never again let you go. When death sends its angel to pry my soul away from you, that’s when it’ll end. And even then I won’t go without a fight.”

  She sighs when I place another kiss onto the soft expanse of her neck, tilting her head to give me more space. I indulge her with one more kiss before pulling away and chuckling at the dazed look on her face. She shakes her head and gives me a cute little glare. It’s something between ‘I want to rip your clothes off’ and ‘I want to claw out your eyes’. Very sexy.

  “I thought dates were supposed to be fun,” I tease, trying to ease some of her discomfort.

  “Let’s go for a swim,” she says, shocking the hell out of me. Mia does not go into water when she can’t see the bottom. A fear brought on by her twin brother’s death. He died while cliff jumping on a school vacation.

  She’s almost at the water’s edge and I can barely see her in the dark. “Are you sure?” I shout after her.

  “Come on, Jase. It’s just water!”

  There’s a loud splash. The sound makes me hurry along faster; terrified that she might disappear if I can’t see her. I notice a pile of clothes and her shoes a few feet away from the edge. Is that her bra? I kick my shoes off and tug off my shirt. Mia’s naked? After slipping off my jeans, I walk carefully on the pebbled earth until I can dive into the water. How did she run on this? Ouch!

  I know this spot well. Lewis, James and I use to play here during school breaks in the summer. A tradition that died off once we grew up and started noticing girls. Or they did, I wasn’t interested in that shit until later. Had too many responsibilities growing up. I might regret that a bit now, I realize what a great spot this would’ve been to bring Mia. Especially if she was going to swim naked.

  I reach her where she’s treading water not too far from the edge. So she’s not as fearless as she would’ve liked me to believe. Still, just for her to get into the water by herself, at night, shows how much she’s grown in the past couple of months. I guess we both did some self improvements then. My temper is almost a thing of the past.

  “Hey,” she says when I bob along next to her.

  “Hey,” I say back on a smirk. “If I knew you were going to take your clothes off I would’ve suggested swimming at the start of this date.” Her hand flies out to playfully smack me on the shoulder.

  “I didn’t want to get your new truck wet.” I can’t see with just the moon as back ground light but I think she’s sporting some pink cheeks.

  “I don’t mind you getting my truck wet.” From my tone I’m sure she can tell I don’t mean with her wet clothes. She swallows loudly and swims closer to me.

  “You’re beautiful in this light,” she says, moving a wet hand down from my hair to my shoulder.

  “I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to say something like that,” I say, chuckling. She shrugs. She moves even closer until her legs wrap around my waist and her arms grab onto my shoulders. So she’s not completely naked, I can feel her panties press against my stomach. Good thing I played it safe and kept my boxers on.

  “So we can’t go all the way, but I’m pretty sure we are allowed to make out on a first date. I have to uphold my reputation you know,” she says on a teasing smile.

  I groan. “Wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation,” I grunt, even when I know I want to ruin her for any other man ever.

  Our mouths meet slowly, not at all like the frenzy building inside of me. Our lips move in a slow dance while my kicking legs move us round in the water. Mia’s hands tighten on my shoulders and my heartbeat slows down. It relaxes because it knows it’s found home. With this woman in my arms, everything is right in the world. This lake can take me to a watery grave right now and I’d die a happy man. A happy man with a boner from hell, but a happy man none the less. Mia pulls her mouth away from me and my head follows instinctively. Her laugh tinkles into the night air, followed by a very gruff grunt from me. I’m not happy, but when she leans her forehead against mine and kisses my nose, I decide to live with it. I smooth my hands over the wet skin on her arms and notice her cold skin is covered in goose bumps.

  “You’re cold.”

  “I am,” she says just as her teeth start to chatter. Time to get out. I don’t want to get her sick on the first night.

  “Let’s go. We can use the blanket to dry you off and turn up the heat in the truck.”

  She nods stiffly.

  We swim to shore together and I almost wait for her to go ahead so I can give her some privacy to get out, but I’m not a gentleman so that thought flies right out of my head the minute she sets a foot on dry land. The pale moonlight illuminates the white of her skin and glistens off the wet droplets like diamonds. The sight makes my mouth water. I need to get out of this water. Mia bends down, showing off her luscious ass while putting on her shoes. She scoops up her clothes and runs her half naked body to my truck on a squeal.

  I pull on my shoes and follow behind at a slower pace, fully enjoying the sight of her trying to cover herself with her bundle of clothes. I remove her clothes from her arms and she allows me a quick glimpse before covering herself with he
r hands. That’s even worse, seeing her hands holding the plump flesh of her breasts. I pull the blanket from the back and drape it over her shoulders before pulling her close, so that her hands are trapped between our bodies. Tugging the ends of the blanket together behind her back, I watch her face light up when we’re wrapped warmly in our cocoon.

  “Better?” I ask.

  “Much better,” she replies with that husky voice of hers.

  Her eyes are shining with heat. One of her hand pulls out from between us and tangles in the wet hair at my nape. Her nipple is a hard little bud where it rubs against the skin of my chest. Mia applies more pressure to the back of my head, urging me to bend forward and take her lips in another scorching kiss. The only thing keeping our bodies apart are two pieces of cotton and that makes a very dangerous situation. Especially since Mia made it clear that she wants to take things slow. I break it up quickly, because if this goes on any longer I won’t be able to stop. Mia steps away from me, but the tight blanket doesn’t let her get far.

  “We should go, before we freeze or something.” She wiggles free from the blanket and I let her. She pulls her shirt on without her bra, taking off her shoes; she quickly puts her jeans back on.

  “Get in. I’ll get this,” I say, moving my hand toward the back of my truck.

  “Ok.” She’s back to teeth chattering so I go around to my side and switch on the truck to turn on the heat.

  “Thanks.”

  She quickly moves her hands to the vents and holds them there making me smile. I’ve really missed having her in my life. I grab all the take out bags and roll up the blanket. There’s definitely a chill in the air now. Fall will be here soon. Mia loves the fall and all the colors. Me, I don’t really care what time of the year it is. I’m not a sentimental type of guy. Never had any reason to be. Maybe that will change when I have to remember a wedding anniversary or something. That gives me an idea-