by Wolf, Bree
Never would he take it for granted.
Never.
Chapter Seventeen
The Ghost of Another
“You look happy.”
Looking over his shoulder, Grant found his father-in-law stepping into the drawing room, a large smile on his face as the man regarded him. Grant nodded. “I am. More than I ever thought possible.”
“Even though she does not remember you?” Maynard asked as he came to stand beside Grant, his eyes drifting to Nessa as she stood on the terrace, her gaze sweeping over the luscious gardens of Wentford Park.
Grant sighed. “Of course, I wish she’d remember our time together, but…she’s still Nessa, with or without her memories.”
Her father nodded. “That she is, but does she love you?”
Feeling his body tense, Grant inhaled a slow breath before he glanced at Maynard. “I’m not certain,” he replied, remembering the kiss they’d shared a few days ago. “The way she acts reminds me of when we first met.”
“How so?” Maynard asked, a frown coming to his face.
“She seems filled with doubts.”
“About you?”
Grant frowned. “Also about herself. I feel as though she doesn’t dare believe that I love her, that I married her because I loved her. The other day she all but asked me if I’d rather be married to Eugenie.” His insides tensed at the thought that he still had to reveal to Nessa the fact that Eugenie was expecting his child. How could he ever hope to share this information with her and still reclaim her heart?
Maynard’s eyes widened. “That was a very straightforward question.”
“That’s Nessa,” Grant replied, chuckling.
Her father nodded. “Sounds as though she’s trying to determine whether or not it’s safe to allow herself to fall in love with you.”
Grant’s heart skipped a beat, and he turned to look at his father-in-law. “Do you truly believe that?”
Maynard nodded. “I do not believe I would be betraying her trust if I told you that when you two first met, she told me she believed you’d only sought her out because of a bet or a wager.”
Grant laughed. “She told me so as well.”
Shaking his head, Maynard smiled, deep affection in his eyes as he looked at his only child. “Still, she did look a good deal disappointed when she said it as though she wished you’d prove her wrong.” He clasped a hand on Grant’s shoulder. “And you did. Perhaps you need to do so again.”
Nodding, Grant met his father-in-law’s gaze. “Thank you. I promise I shall not disappoint you. I still love her as I always have. I hope you know that.”
“I do, my boy,” Maynard replied, his hand squeezing Grant’s shoulder affectionately. “I do.” His gaze drifted to his daughter. “Now, go and steal her heart all over again.”
Chuckling, Grant nodded. Then he stepped out onto the terrace. Although Nessa did not turn around, he knew that she was aware of his presence. Something in her posture shifted as though she, too, was preparing herself for another encounter. What would this one bring? Tears? Laughter? Kisses?
Grant desperately hoped for the latter.
“Were you speaking about me?” she asked with a sidelong glance at him when he came to stand beside her.
“You saw us?” Grant asked, frowning.
Her brows rose. “I have eyes, don’t I?”
Grant laughed. “Not in the back of your head. At least not to my knowledge.”
Slightly turning toward him, Nessa met his gaze, her own guarded. “Does that mean you feel confident you can act differently behind my back? So long as I cannot see you?”
Feeling a cold chill run down his spine, Grant reminded himself of his father-in-law’s assessment. “Are you testing me?” he asked in a straightforward way. “To see if I deserve your trust?”
He could see her studying his face. Then a small smile claimed hers. “Perhaps. Do you think it wrong of me to do so?”
“I think it unnecessary.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you,” he told her as his eyes held hers, open and honest, daring her to contradict him. “Do you believe me?”
A shuddering breath passed her lips as she shifted on her feet, putting a little more distance between them. Silence fell over them before her gaze refocused on his. “Tell me about Eugenie.”
Feeling every muscle in his body tense in fear, Grant willed himself to remain calm. After all, he ought to have expected a question like that. He owed her answers, the truth. Her and Eugenie as well. “What do you want to know?”
“How did you meet?” Nessa asked, and her arms rose to cross in front of her chest.
A chill ran over Grant at the distance that had so suddenly sprung up between them. “At a ball,” he replied, reminding himself that there was no better course than honesty. “My mother introduced us.”
Nessa’s lips thinned. “She wanted you to marry her.”
“She did,” Grant confirmed, waiting for her next question.
“She never liked me, did she?” Nessa asked, and again her lips thinned as though she were admitting a character fault.
Self-doubt came to her hazel eyes, and Grant wished he could take her into his arms and assure her that there was no woman on this earth who had ever compared to her. Still, now was not the time. Now, she needed answers. “I cannot be certain as Mother rarely shows affection to anyone.”
“But she was not happy to see me return, was she? She wanted you to remain with Eugenie?”
Sighing, Grant nodded. “She did.”
For a moment, sadness came to Nessa’s eyes and her gaze dropped to the ground. Her hands tensed on her arms as she seemed to be hugging herself tighter. “Why did you marry Eugenie?” she asked, and her eyes were fearful as they rose to meet his. “I do not blame you. I understand that you would remarry after all that time, but…why her? Why not another?”
Grant saw the way her bottom lip quivered, the way she held on tightly to remain in control, and he knew that she feared to hear that he had chosen Eugenie out of love or at least affection. “I liked her,” he admitted, taking a step toward Nessa. His hands reached out to pull hers from their tight grasp on her arms. “I liked her. She was kind and compassionate and honest, and I knew she would be good for Milly. She had just lost her father and brother, and her guardian sought to marry her off with the utmost haste.” His hands tightened on Nessa’s, unwilling to allow her to look away. “I felt for her. I felt the need to protect her. And I married her because I thought we could help each other.”
Pulling Nessa forward, he grasped her chin, bringing her face closer to his. “But I did not love her. Not for a moment. She would have deserved to be loved, but I could not as my heart has always belonged to you. Only you. Not even death could wrench your hold from it.” A smile came to his lips as she all but shivered in his arms, her gaze warming with each word he spoke. “The moment you came back into my life, I forgot she even existed. I’m not proud of it, and I know she deserved more, but it is the simple truth. Next to you, the whole world pales and shrinks into the background, and all I can see is you.”
Nessa’s chest rose and fell with each quick breath, and her eyes shone with tears.
“Do you believe me?” Grant whispered, his gaze following his words as they fell against her lips. “Do you dare believe me?”
“I-I want to,” she stammered, her eyes wide with hope and desire as they searched his. For a long moment, they looked at one another, her hand resting in his while his other held on to her chin, his thumb lightly skimming over her skin. A shiver went over her at his caress, and she suddenly pulled back, shaking her head as though to clear it.
Reluctantly, Grant released her, reminding himself to be patient. After all, he could not imagine what it felt like not to remember one’s own life, to have doubts and uncertainties cloud one’s own desires and hopes. It had to be utterly frightening.
With a bit of distance re-established between them, Nessa once more
sought his gaze. “Where is she now?” she continued her questions. “You said she married an old friend of yours?”
Grant nodded as renewed guilt found its way into his heart. “I feel awful for treating her as I did. I should never have married her. But I did, and she was the one to pay the price for my happiness.” He cast Nessa a small smile, and the corners of her lips twitched ever so slightly as though she could not help but respond to him. “I knew she’d be ruined in the eyes of society. The only way to restore her reputation somewhat was to see her married to another.”
“And so you asked your friend? Why would he agree? Does he not wish for a love match himself?”
Reaching for Nessa’s arm, Grant hooked it through his own and then led her down into the gardens, feeling the need to move. “Adrian suffered many tragedies in his life,” he told Nessa, glancing down at her as they walked. “He’s always been a good man, a good friend, but his own past has taught him that love is painful and ultimately leads to loss. He returned from the war a changed man, determined never to marry. I believe he has not left Ravengrove in years, keeping to himself and refusing to set a foot out in society.”
“That sounds awful,” Nessa whispered, her eyes filled with sadness as she looked up at him. “It sounds lonely.”
Grant nodded. “He has no family left.” He sighed. “He was the youngest of four brothers.”
Nessa’s eyes widened. “Was?”
“They all died,” Grant replied, wondering what it felt like to lose one’s family one by one. He was grateful he had never found out. Nessa’s loss alone had crippled him beyond repair, and only her return had healed the wounds her death had inflicted upon him. “He’s alone now, and I’ve been worried about him for many years. Still, I did not know what to do. No matter what I said, he would not listen.”
“But he agreed to marry Eugenie?” Nessa asked, doubt in her voice. “Why would he do so?”
A small smile came to Grant’s face. “Because he has never turned away from someone in need.”
“Do you think she is safe with him?” Nessa asked, concern in her voice as though Eugenie meant something to her. “Your mother called him the Beast of Ravengrove. What does that mean? Do you think he could be a danger to her?”
Stopping in his tracks, Grant grasped her hands as his gaze sought hers. “I would never have asked him to marry her if I had thought so for a moment. I hope you believe me.”
A small smile crossed Nessa’s face as she nodded. “I do believe you.” Then she sighed. “Still, I cannot help but feel awful for ruining her life. My return forced her out of her…her home. Because of me, she had to marry a stranger. She must be furious.”
Remembering the look in Eugenie’s eyes when he had told her of Nessa’s return, Grant shook his head. “She’s not,” he whispered, noting the doubtful look in his wife’s eyes. “She told me she always knew that my heart would never be hers. She wished us well.” Grant could only hope that she, too, would find the same happiness that he felt now within his grasp.
Nessa’s face darkened. “Now, I feel even worse.” She paused to collect her thoughts. “Milly said she spoke to Eugenie about me. She told her that in her heart Milly would never forget me.” Her gaze rose to meet his, and he could see tears clinging to her lashes. “I feel awful for what I did to her, and yet, I…a part of me wants to forget that she’s ever been here, that she’s ever been a part of Milly’s life, that she’s ever been a part of yours.”
Grant held on to her hands lest she’d try to walk away. “Because I’m yours?”
Her teeth gritted together as she looked at him and he felt a soft tug as she tried to free her hands from his hold. Still, her gaze remained on his and he could see her jaw harden. “Yes, you’re mine.” Staring at him, she shook her head. “A part of me feels as though I have a claim on you.”
Grant’s hands on her tightened. “You do have a claim on me. I am yours as you are mine.” His left hand slid along her jawline and into her hair, holding her to him with a fierceness that threatened to overwhelm him. “You’re mine, Nessa, do you hear? Mine.”
Her breath came in quick gasps as she stared up at him. “What if I never remember?” she asked, trying to pull away. “What if—?”
“I don’t care!” Grant growled. “All I want—”
“You cannot mean that!” Nessa snapped, eyes narrowed as she regarded him. “You gave her up in the hopes that you could regain what you lost. Do not deny that every fiber of your being wants me to remember. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at me.”
Bowing his head, Grant sighed heavily. “Of course, I would want you to remember,” he forced out through gritted teeth. “But even if you do not, I have no regrets. Do you know what it was like to have her here? Yes, I liked Eugenie, but…” His throat constricted as all the pain and torture of the past year resurfaced. “To see her in your chamber, seated in your chair, embracing our daughter, I…” Cursing under his breath, he forced himself to stop, not wishing to frighten Nessa with the emotions that boiled in his blood.
“Yes, I wanted Milly to be happy. But to see Eugenie replace you was agony. It was as though you had never been. The world continued to turn and life went on, and with each day that passed, I felt you slipping farther away.” His chest rose and fell rapidly as he stared down into her wide eyes, eyes that slowly filled with tears.
Sighing, Grant allowed his gaze to travel over her lovely face. His other hand rose, and his fingertips brushed down her temple and tugged a stray curl behind her ear before tracing along the line of her jaw, his eyes mesmerized to have her here with him, in his arms, alive and well. “Sometimes I still cannot believe you’re truly here. I wake in the middle of the night and, for a moment, I fear that your return was only a dream. And then I remember, and my heart feels as though it will burst with joy any moment.” He placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “You’re mine, Nessa, and I am yours, heart and soul.”
As Nessa lay in his arms, her eyes began to flutter, chasing away the tears that still lingered. “You never loved her?” she whispered, the tentative beginnings of a smile tickling her lips.
“Never,” Grant replied as his heart began to swell with joy at the mere sight of her. Eugenie would have deserved to be loved, but his heart had already been claimed. It would remain Nessa’s for all the days to come. If he was certain of anything, it was that.
“And there’s no part of you that wishes she could be here instead of me?”
The thought alone sent a stab of pain through his heart. “None, I promise you. It’s only ever been you.”
Nessa swallowed, and her smile grew wider. Still, her eyes remained guarded as her attention suddenly turned inward. “I wonder what it means that it bothers me to think of you and her,” she whispered before her gaze rose to meet his once more. “I cannot remember what it felt like to be in love, to want someone for myself alone.”
Grant held his breath. “Do you?”
Her eyes traveled over his face as though she were seeing him for the first time. “I still need time to—”
“I know,” Grant assured her. “But do you want me? Here and now, do you want me?” His heart beat wildly in his chest as Nessa’s fingers reached out to touch his face, the same disbelieving look in her eyes that he knew had been on his own face only a few minutes ago.
Sheer wonderment.
“I think I do,” she mumbled as her fingers traced over his cheekbones and down to his lips, brushing over the corners of his mouth. “You’re mine.” A deep smile came to her face. “You’re mine.”
Overwhelmed by the sudden joy he saw on her face, Grant felt as though he had strayed into a dream. His arms tightened on her of their own accord, pulling her deeper into his embrace.
Instantly, the look on Nessa’s face changed. He could see that she felt his need for her, and before he knew what was happening, she flung her arms around him, pulling him down into a demanding kiss.
Responding with equal measure, Grant w
rapped his arms around her, holding her against him as he kissed her breathless. His hands were in her hair, then traveled over her back and shoulders. All the while, Nessa clung to him with a fierceness he knew only too well. “You’re mine,” he panted as he lifted his head to look at her. “And I am yours.”
Nodding, Nessa pushed herself up onto the tips of her toes. “Stop talking and kiss me.”
Chuckling, Grant complied, knowing that Nessa would always be Nessa.
No matter what.
And he loved her for it all the more.
Chapter Eighteen
Coming Home
In the first few weeks after learning who she was, Nessa had been overwhelmed by everything she didn’t know. Not only that, she had felt guilty for not being able to love the way she had. Every time she’d looked at Grant and seen him looking at her in that longing way, her heart had clenched, and she’d felt awful because she couldn’t give him what he sought.
What he deserved.
Although a hint of guilt still lingered, Nessa no longer paid it much heed. These days, when her path would cross her husband’s, the look in his eyes stole the breath from her lungs and set her blood on fire. Her hands itched to feel him again, and she counted the moments until he would kiss her once more.
Nessa still did not remember him, and yet, her heart had grown hopeful that even without the memories of her past they might find a way to shape a shared future.
Now and then, callers would come to Wentford Park—friends and acquaintances Nessa could not remember—clearly curious to lay eyes on the lady of the house who had been presumed dead for three years. Occasionally, Nessa heard whispers from the servants about how the news of her return slowly spread through the county. Every once in a while, she even heard Lady Remsemere’s name whispered in hushed tones. Clearly, the circumstances of Nessa’s return had caused a stir, giving gossip even greater wings than before.
