Surviving

by Ahren Sanders

  “Declan, why don’t you invite the band to meet us there?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, let’s get it over with. I can’t avoid them forever. They’re a huge part of your life, and unless we plan on keeping two separate lives, I’m going to have to be around them.”

  “God I love you. I’ll arrange it after breakfast.” he kisses my cheek and squeezes my hand. I know how much this means to him.

  Even though everyone is talking over each other, I get a pretty good idea of how their summer has been. I talked to the girls and Robbie often, but the rest of the guys fill me in.

  *****

  Our dinner is a success. I personally thought I cooked enough for leftovers, but I forgot how much food five men can put away.

  “Raven, I suggest you make double the amount of mac-n-cheese next time.”

  “Gabe, I tripled the recipe! In general terms that should have been enough to feed twenty people. And we had meat and vegetables.”

  “I’m just saying, in the future take my advice.” he argues.

  I shake my head; it is good to be home.

  Once the kitchen is cleaned, all the girls get ready for the night. Declan follows me to my room and shuts the door. My brother yells threats from the living room, but he doesn’t care.

  “Sparkle, this means a lot to me. I know you’ve heard it a thousand times, but they are really sorry for what happened. I’ve been scared for weeks you wouldn’t forgive them.”

  “Dec, I’ve already forgiven them. It was never about forgiveness. It was about feeling hurt. I would never ask you to choose between us, and if I don’t move past my feelings, it’s essentially asking you to choose. I’m not saying we’re gonna be best friends again, but we need to be civil and hopefully get back to a good place.”

  He hugs me firmly and showers my head with kisses. I push him back out to the living room so I can finish getting ready.

  By the time we get to The Steamroom, it’s packed. Although schools not back in session yet, there’s a huge college crowd for a Thursday night.

  The band is entertaining but nothing like Sayge. Nostalgia fills me when I remember all the times I sat backstage last year. We find a large table in the back near the pool tables, and our waitress recognizes Declan immediately. She slides next to him and runs her hand down his arms trying to get his attention.

  “Hey, Declan, remember me?”

  He looks down at her and steps back. “Um, no, should I remember you?” He looks around for me frantically, but I slink behind Kendall to see how this plays out.

  All five of us girls watch with grins on our faces.

  “I’m Shelly, we met here last summer. I just started working and hoped I’d see you again. I hear your band is doing great.”

  “Yeah, well thanks Sheila, the bands doing fine.” He’s still looking around for me.

  “My name is Shelly, don’t you remember backstage?”

  Ugh! Why of all places do I have to be reminded of all his Band Bunnies tonight? My thoughts of nostalgia are quickly diminishing.

  “Listen, I hate to be rude but I’m here with my fiancée. I’m not interested in a stroll down memory lane with you.”

  “Oh come on, meet me when I get off work tonight. I can help you remember.”

  “Are you kidding me? That’s pathetic.” Kendall says loud enough for Shelly to hear.

  She turns her head and realizes she has an audience, and we immediately burst out laughing. I feel bad, but not bad enough to stop giggling.

  Shelly shoots us an evil look and stomps away. A few minutes later a new waitress comes over to get our drink order. This is one we actually know and like. She hangs around when she brings the drinks and catches up for a while before going back to work.

  Declan’s phone dings with a text and comes over to stand by me. He takes a protective stance and we all notice.

  “They’re here.”

  “Okay, let’s do this.” I try to get up, but he nudges me back.

  “Raven, they will come to us. And to let you know, Charlie is not with them.”

  My heart skips a beat. I hate fighting with my best friend, but I’m glad I don’t have to face her right now.

  Blake, Nate, and Cooper join the table. Everyone says their hellos and a few hugs are given by the girls. When they get to me, they stop. All three are side-by-side, and they drop down to their knees at the same time. Each of them pulls out a flashcard and lines them up. Once all together they read:

  We’re sorry, please forgive us, we love you!

  I start laughing, and other people at the bar have gathered around to see what’s going on.

  “Oh my God, you morons, get up! Come here.”

  Each of them jumps up and race to hug me. Nate holds on the longest.

  “Raven girl, I will never hurt or disappoint you again. It has been hell without you.”

  “Okay, Nate, you’ve got your hug, let go of my girl.” Declan starts pulling on Nate to unglue him from me.

  “Sorry, man, I needed some Raven love.”

  “That’s about all you’ll ever get, back up.”

  And just like that, things are back to normal. Now the only two people I have to talk to are Jay and Charlie.

  Our waitress keeps our drinks full all night, and most of the guys get into a serious pool tournament while the girls dance.

  As our designated drivers, Abbi, Jimi, and Tripp decide when it’s time to go. The exhaustion hits me hard, and I fall asleep on Declan’s chest. I don’t even wake up when he carries me to bed.

  Chapter 13

  I’ve Been Reading

  It’s been four days since my argument with Charlie. I’ve picked up my phone a dozen times to call her but stopped myself. She’ll call me when she’s ready to talk, and I have a feeling all the words she screamed the other night was an out lash about something else.

  Declan has not let me out of his sight since we got back to Nashville. He’s gone with me to get my books and get my finalized schedule from my advisor; he’s walked with me to each class to make sure he knows my buildings. He’s gone shopping with me and helped get unpacked from my trip, everything I do, he is right there. Tonight is family dinner with my parents. He’s asked me to stay at his house afterwards. His sisters’ are driving him crazy, and he wants privacy.

  Tomorrow, Sayge has a meeting with Mike, and he’s invited me. I feel a little strange about it, but he insists everyone wants me there. They are going to hear their audio mixes from the studio in Charleston and pick the song Mike goes live with. Declan wants my opinion on the tracks, so I reluctantly said yes.

  It’s not that I’m unhappy about going; I just don’t want to give influence on something so important. This is a decision Sayge needs to make.

  When we get to my parents’ house, he hurries around the truck to open my door and links his hand with mine as we walk to the door. As soon as we walk inside, I smell the delectable aroma of spaghetti sauce. My dad greets us and invites Declan into the den to hang out with the men. I excuse myself to go help my mom.

  “Hey, Mama, what can I do?”

  “Not much left to do in here, but you can set the table.”

  I take the silverware and plates and head to the dining room. Robbie, Declan, and my dad are discussing football in the other room. Poor Robbie is convinced the Titans are going to the playoffs this year and my dad and Declan are giving him shit.

  When I get back to the kitchen, my mom has us each a glass of wine poured. She’s sitting at the island bar waiting on me.

  “Thank goodness, we haven’t had any time to talk since you got back, tell me what’s going on.”

  I start with Declan. I fill her in on everything minus the great sex. When I tell her he still refers to me as his fiancée; she looks down at my hand.

  “How do you feel about that? You had an emotional few months, and you’re not even wearing a ring.” She points out.

  “I don’t know how to feel. I’m the one who gave the
ring back so I shouldn’t be upset, but I kinda wonder if he’s going to return it. Of course, I still want to marry him. He’s the love of my life. But I’ll be damned if I ask for it back.”

  “I think he’s dying to get it on your finger. If you ask me, I bet he’d marry you tomorrow if you’d do it.”

  “Maybe not tomorrow, but as soon as I graduate I will.”

  “Have you heard from Finn?”

  “Yes, and it was great. I talked to him a few nights ago, and he loves his new position. He’s doing mostly online classes, so his nights are tied up, and still living in Jack’s guest house. He sounded really good. I miss him.”

  “So does Robbie, but I think this is good for him.”

  “Me too, Mama, me too.”

  Dinner goes well, and Declan fills my parents in on his summer and our plans to meet MJ tomorrow. My dad seems thoroughly impressed with the progress Sayge made during the summer. Robbie is working for my dad full time now, and he’s found a condo that’s close to me and the offices. He signs the lease this week. Since he has no furnishings, my mom and I offer to shop for him for the basics. He looks relieved at the suggestion. He gives us a hard budget and makes us promise stick with neutral colors. We almost have a knock down drag out when he has a bigger budget for his TV and entertainment system than his whole kitchen. I try to explain the importance of a fully stocked kitchen and nice linens, but it falls on deaf ears. I finally give up when my dad and Declan agree with Robbie. I guess being in the military for so long carved his opinion on sheets and towels.

  After we finish cleaning up, Declan and I say our goodbyes and Robbie follows us out. He’s meeting up with Tripp and a few other guys tonight.

  When we pull into Declan’s driveway, my heart races; I haven’t been here in almost three months. He senses my unease and lifts me up to carry me into his house.

  He sets me down in the living room and takes my bag to his room. I follow him trying to figure out what feels different. The place is clean, and nothing’s out of place, but something is amiss.

  Then I figure it out. Our pictures are missing. He still has family and friends, but anything with me is gone. I see a few frames in a bag on his bedroom floor, and I go to investigate.

  “I haven’t had time to unpack those.” He tells me quietly.

  “I understand.” My voice cracks because I know why he put them away.

  “Shhh, sweet girl, you got it all wrong. I haven’t had time to unpack from the summer. I took all those on the road with me. I needed to see you every day.”

  “Oh my God, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.” A tear slides down my cheek.

  He laughs as he wipes it away. “I guess I haven’t done a bang-up job at being sweet because to me it sounds pretty pathetic.”

  “Nope, pretty sure it earns a reward.”

  He grins at me. “A reward huh? What did you have in mind?”

  “I meant to give this to you the other night, but things got crazy. I bought you something in Paris. When I saw it, I thought of you.” I go to my bag and bring out the plaque I bought. When I hand it to him, he looks at me weirdly.

  “It’s in French and says, ‘Music is the soul of the life around us.’”

  “Wow, it’s beautiful. Thank you.” He says quietly.

  I walk over and pull his face down to mine. I start by kissing on his eyelids and pepper my way down his cheek. Once I get to his lip ring, I nibble with my lips until he opens his mouth to accept me. He slams his body into mine. I devour his taste as if I’m starving. His hands slip under my shirt, and he runs his fingertips lightly over the skin from hip to hip. I raise my arms over my head so he can remove it altogether, but he continues to trace his fingertips over my stomach. The air is cool against the exposed skin, but my insides are on fire. I’m about to beg him to undress me when my phone rings.

  I break the kiss and to see who it is. As soon as her name flashes, I deflate. I have to answer.

  “Sweetheart, I’m sorry but this is Charlie. I need to take it.”

  “You’re kidding me. Even from the fucking doghouse she cock-blocks me.”

  I give him a quick peck and leave the room to answer.

  “Hello.”

  “I’m so fucking sorry; please don’t hang up on me.”

  “Charlotte, I’d never hang up on you. Beat your ass, yes. Hang up on you, no. It goes against the code.”

  “Can we talk? Maybe meet for a drink?”

  “I can’t tonight. I just got back from my parents’ house, and Declan and I have plans. But I’m available tomorrow afternoon. Want to meet for coffee sometime after lunch?”

  “Yes, that sounds good. Please tell me you don’t hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you. I love you. We’ll talk tomorrow okay?”

  “Okay, text with a time to meet you and I’ll be there.”

  Declan is watching me from the doorway of the bedroom. He’s beautiful standing there in the muted light from the room without his shirt. My pulse picks up as I walk back to him. I run my hands along his scruffy jaw and stare into the eyes that melt my soul. We don’t say anything for a few minutes but look at each other. He breaks away first by picking me up, I straddle his waist and then he lays me down gently on the bed.

  “No more interruptions?”

  “No more.” I confirm.

  He seals my mouth with a kiss and runs hands up my side and lifts my shirt as he goes. Once he removes the shirt, he flicks the clasp of my bra and pulls it down my arms. Lifting up so I can rub against his naked chest, I pull him all the way on top of me. He slides over to adjust his body weight but doesn’t let me go. Kissing down my chest until he reaches the swell of my breasts, he uses his tongue, lips and fingers to circle my nipples until their pebbled and aching.

  I reach between us and unbutton his shorts. Once I get the zipper down, I slide my hand under his boxers and grip him lightly. He hisses against my chest and thrusts in my hand causing me to clasp tighter. I use my thumb to play with the tip but as soon as a bead of moisture slides out, he moves.

  “Not yet baby, I’ve got plans for tonight. I want you to trust me. Can you do that?”

  He looks mischievous as he bends backwards to his nightstand. When he comes back around, he has a blindfold in his hands.

  “What is that?” I ask nervously.

  “It’s a blindfold.”

  “I know that but what are you going to do with it?”

  “I’m going to cover your eyes then I’m going to tie you to the bed.”

  “What?” I croak.

  “I’ve been reading over the summer. I remembered some of the authors and books you read, so I bought them and read on the bus.”

  “You’re kidding me?”

  “Nope, and I gotta say, I still want to argue that you read porn that has been re-categorized as Contemporary Romance.”

  “Hmmmph! Hardly, there’s always a love story.”

  “If you say so but it did give me some great ideas.”

  “Declan, I’m not sure what all you read, but there are some things that are pretty weird. I’m not sure I’m into those things.”

  “I know our limits. I even blushed at some of the stuff, but I won’t do anything you can’t handle. Please trust me.”

  The way he whispers into my ear turns my body molten. I reach up and kiss him. I really kiss him pouring my thoughts and feelings into the movement of my mouth against his. He pulls back and positions me on the bed, so my head is on top of my three favorite pillows and covers my eyes. The softness of silk is cool against my wrists as he secures them above my head on his headboard. He leaves them very loose, but I don’t pull away. I wait for him.

  As he kisses his way down my body, I realize this is hot! I can’t see him or touch him, but every move he makes causes my body to react. After paying extreme attention to each of my breasts, he licks his way to my belly button and starts to undo my shorts. I try to kick off my sandals, and he helps me. He takes each foot and s
ecures them under him and continues to kiss while pulling my shorts down. I’m completely naked under him and he moves so no part of his body is touching me.

  “This is torture to me. I want inside you so badly, but I also want this to last a while. I think I’ll start from the bottom and move up.”

  He starts kissing up my legs, alternating between each side until he reaches my aching core. I’m so wet, I can feel myself. He spreads my legs apart and kisses me from my clit to my ass before he finally licks me. I gasp at the contact. The silk secures my wrists, and all I want is to touch him.

  He takes his time kissing each swollen lip and nipping on me before he plunges his tongue and licks me from the inside out. I scream and realize how much more intense this is not being able to see him or know his next move. I buck my hips up, shoving myself to his mouth and start panting his name. He moves one finger to flick my clit, and I lose myself into him. I actively push myself into his face and enjoy the feel of his tongue making love to me. His facial scruff is rough against my sensitive skin, but at the same time it’s so sensual I moan. He squeezes my ass and as if he knows how close I am, pushes two fingers into me. I shoot off like a rocket crying his name over and over again as the orgasm flows through me. I start to shake when he pulls back. I hear his shorts hit the floor, and he’s on top of me in a second.

  Before I can protest it’s too much, he pushes inside and kisses me without restraint. I taste myself and all I want is to wrap around him. He must feel the same because he pulls on the ties and my arms are free. I drag my nails up his back. He groans into my mouth and sits us both up, so I have no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. He hits so deep I moan. I lean my head back and let him take my nipples into his mouth one by one. I’m still grinding on him, but the pace is slower. I rotate my hips trying to reposition but instead he hits my g spot, and it causes me to scream.

  He grabs my hips and picks up the pace, slamming into me several times before I yell again and feel him release in me. We stay still for several minutes with our sweaty bodies holding each other. I don’t realize he’s removed the blindfold because black spots fill my vision.

  “You’re fucking incredible.” He whispers in my ear.