Striking a Balance (Thalia Book 2) (The Thalia Series)

by Jennifer Bene

  I know I’ve asked too many times already to speak with her, but would you at least tell Thalia I want her back. At least give her the opportunity to answer for herself if she’d want to be with me. You were the one who lectured me about trust, and how important it is to treat a submissive well and for the relationship to be consensual. Well, if you believe all of that – then have the balls to find out if she would still choose you.

  I knew who she was before she did, and I can give her a fulfilling life. She knows that.

  Ask her if you’re not a hypocrite.

  - Marcus

  She finished and slid the laptop off her thighs and onto the floor in front of her. Her stomach twisted and for a second she thought she might be sick as she suddenly became light headed. Marcus had not given up. He still wanted her back. Her mind summoned images from the nightmare of a week she had spent with him. Fear and confusion and ill-defined rules that he sometimes enforced and sometimes didn’t. She remembered exactly what it had been like with him as her Master, and how drastically different it had been with James.

  James interrupted her thoughts, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. His voice was distant, “I’ve only asked you for six months, and we’re halfway through that.” He sighed and took his hand from her cheek. “If you want to leave at the end of that, even to go back to Marcus, you are free to do so.”

  Thalia felt a laugh bubble up inside her and it burst from her lips slightly hysterically, “You think I want to go back to him? After this?” She raised her hands to gesture around her, trying to encompass the entire life that James had given her and everything he did for her.

  “You wouldn’t be the first girl to want to stay with him.”

  She leaned forward and shut the laptop hard, staring at it while she spoke clearly, “Master, I will never go back to Marcus. I hope his whole world crashes down around him and his sadistic fuck of a brother. I hope he’s never able to take another girl. He said he was going to break me, well, I hope I fucking broke him when I left.” There was silence for a moment interrupted only by her rapid breathing as her anger filled her up.

  “I think you did break him, pet.” James said softly and grabbed her, pulling her up into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. His words sent a thrill of satisfaction through her, soothing the anger that had surged. Marcus had threatened to break her, but she’d survived. James had come for her, she had chosen to go with him and she had escaped. Her mind went back to the email and Marcus’ references to a discussion.

  “May I ask what your conversation with Marcus was? The one he referenced?” She asked it quietly and his breath blew out against her neck.

  “I told you at the auction that I didn’t agree with his methods, but I didn’t originally know them when I was referred to their... business.” He pressed his forehead against the side of her head, “Honestly, I think I willfully ignored it, so I wouldn’t have to think about it. Feel guilty about it. As you know my tastes run... darker, but I genuinely thought the girls were all there willingly. At least at the start I did.”

  “Yes, Master.” She whispered. His voice was a little lower when he spoke again and it sent a hum through her body.

  “Their feed was an outlet for me, for those tastes. My last submissive and I had parted ways, and I’ve never found much pleasure in vanilla relationships.” His fingers traced down her spine lightly. “Then I watched a party where a guest asked a question about if the girl fought back often. Marcus said he’d had to knock her out when he took her.”

  Thalia tensed, remembering the stairwell in her office building.

  “I confronted Anthony about it first, and he didn’t even attempt to deny it. He was very clear with me that if I attempted to cause issues for them they would take action.”

  “Action? Like what, Master?” Thalia tried to turn to see his face but his arms tightened so she stayed where she was, curled against him in his lap.

  “Let’s just say he’d implicate me badly enough that no company that had a morality clause would hire me. I’m sure he had more than enough to expose my preferences to family and friends and co-workers alike.” James said it like he was tired. “Then, to ensure I remained complicit he said it would be in my best interest to maintain my account with them. It was simple: expose them, or stop paying, and I’d hang myself in the process.” His voice was quiet against her hair, and her pulse pounded as she wondered how many people thought it was some elaborate charade. Just a bunch of girls like Anna who had volunteered. That there was some safe word that would stop it all.

  And there wasn’t. Marcus had never offered anything like that.

  “And you went to talk to Marcus too?” She asked.

  “He called me, actually. Anthony must have shared my concerns with him, and Marcus’ call was much more,” he paused, “physically threatening.”

  “And you -” she started but he kept talking.

  “I told him he was a bastard,” he said bluntly, and Thalia burst out laughing as she felt the rumble of a laugh in his chest. “I told him he wasn’t a real Dominant, or a real Master, that he wouldn’t know what that was like unless he made it a consensual agreement. He called me an idiot, I called him a rapist, and it devolved until he hung up on me.”

  His hand returned to trailing lightly up her back, then down again. Thalia bit her lip as she imagined the two of them arguing over the phone. Marcus passionate and loud, James confident and steady. Two alphas refusing to back down. Except Marcus had apparently been thinking about James’ speech all this time.

  “I didn’t watch his feed at all for a long time. I think you should know that. I sought other outlets, but once or twice in the six months before you, I would cave and access it. Then I’d feel terrible about it, and avoid it again.” His confession made her feel – strange. It didn’t surprise her really that he’d looked, she knew very well what he liked. She felt like she should be upset, but she wasn’t really. The fact that he’d even told her the truth made her feel... trusted? That was the word. “I caved again the afternoon I accessed it and saw you wandering the room. Your beauty caught me off guard, and then you pounded on the door and screamed at him. So feisty. So brave. And then when he came to get you and you slapped him? I was more than impressed, I was enthralled. I wanted you away from him. I wanted you for myself. Unbroken.”

  “You have me.” She said and pressed his arm tighter around her.

  “And Marcus wants you back.” His voice was rough as he spoke. “And he doesn’t take ‘no’ very well, as you recall.” She remembered that clearly. The word had left her vocabulary fast when she was in his possession. But she was with James, an ocean away. She was safe.

  “It doesn’t matter, I’m with you. If I may ask... has he been emailing you for long, Master?” She made herself breathe evenly to calm down.

  “Since a few weeks after I left with you.” James sounded irritated, and it made her smile.

  “And he’s been asking for me back the whole time?”

  “He’s been asking to talk to you, to see you, for me to relay messages to you – and yes, for me to give you or sell you back.”

  “May I ask what you’ve been telling him, Master?” She wanted to see his expression, but he still wouldn’t let her turn around in his lap.

  “Mostly that hell would freeze over and there would be a duck in parliament before I’d ever do anything for him.” He laughed and so did she. It made her feel protected; he didn’t want to sell her. “But then I realized I was making a decision for you before you’d had the chance to even think about it.” He intertwined their fingers and she leaned back against him again. “And you have the right to know all of your options when it’s time for your decision.”

  “I already know my choice -” she started to talk.

  “No.” He interrupted quickly, his voice taking on the edge of a command.

  “I know. You said I’m not allowed to make a decision before the six months is up. Which is
ridiculous.” She paused, irritation threading through her voice, and then added, “Master.”

  “No, pet. It’s for your sake.” He sighed, exasperated with her.

  “Of course, Master.” She pouted, sulking in her frustration. She’d tried over and over in the last few weeks to tell him she wanted to stay, she wanted to be his, but he adamantly refused to hear it. He even locked himself in the bedroom without her one night as a punishment for her trying to tell him she chose him. He’d told her to sleep on the couch but she’d slept on the floor outside his door as penance for upsetting him. She’d still woken up in his bed with his arm across her, because at some point he’d come out and got her.

  Since then she’d kept her mouth shut because he adamantly refused to let her choose before the six months – but it was driving her crazy. And now he actually thought she’d view Marcus as an option? It made her angry again just to think about it.

  “Don’t be upset with me, pet, I’m making you wait for a good reason.” His voice was bordering on stern, but she knew he was trying to stay calm and comfort her.

  “I know you have my best interests in mind, Master, and I trust you. I only wish you trusted me and my choices as well. Unless I don’t deserve that.” The words were out before she’d thought them through. It was how she felt, but she could have said it more gently, more submissively. She bit her lip, knowing she’d likely overstepped the mark.

  He slid her off his lap and her stomach sank. She’d gone too far. As she formed into a kneel on the pillow at his feet she felt his hand slide between her collar and her skin. He pulled back and the soft black leather tightened, causing the silk lining to put pressure on her throat. She could still breathe, but she knew he wouldn’t let her move away if she tried.

  “Thalia.” His voice was low and serious behind her ear.

  “Yes, Master?” Her heart rate picked up as he pulled the collar a fraction tighter. Yes. She’d overstepped.

  “I can’t trust you yet, Thalia. I do have your best interests in mind. I understand, and I am grateful, that you chose to come with me three months ago. But I don’t trust your judgment yet. Your alternative to me was Marcus, and with him Anthony.” His voice had an edge to it when he discussed them, “Time has to pass, Thalia, for you to decide if this is something you enjoy or if I was just a way out of a very bad situation. What you deserve is the time to make a good decision.”

  She started to open her mouth but he yanked the collar back to silence her.

  “You could wake up in a month and realize you never enjoyed being submissive, that you did it out of a need to survive.” His voice was clear and direct in her ear, and regardless of the point of his comments he was still turning her on. Which only made her want to scream that she chose him anyway.

  She wanted him, she wanted this!

  He wouldn’t listen though. She leaned back into his pull so the collar wasn’t so tight as she spoke. “And if in a month I did decide that I wasn’t submissive? I’d still have two months left in our agreement, Master.”

  He released her collar instantly and sat back in his chair. “Then you could say your safe word every day until the six months were up.”

  She turned and looked up at him, surprised by how level his response had been. His green eyes were darker and she knew he was aroused, but he still offered her choices and safety. Her bottom lip was between her teeth as she dropped her eyes to his chest. He was serious. If she chose it, he’d let her say ‘chair’ ten times a day. She took a shaky breath, “You really mean that don’t you, Master?”

  He leaned forward and grabbed her hair hard, making her gasp before his lips covered hers and she moaned against his mouth. When he pulled back his voice sent shivers down her back, “I told you once before I don’t want someone in my bed that doesn’t want to be there. No matter what I’d like to do to them... and that includes you, Thalia. Paid for or not.”

  “Yes, Master.” She said breathlessly, panting slightly. He pushed the chair back and stood.

  “Get up.” His voice was sharp and she stood in front of him, replying appropriately. He slid his hand into the back of her collar and pushed her forward, moving out of the office and down the hall. She already knew they were going to the playroom. As soon as they stepped inside he let go of her and she dropped to a kneel so he could shut the door.

  She kept her eyes on the floor as he moved through the room in tense silence. A moment later he was in front of her, removing the thin collar that resembled a choker and replacing it with a thicker collar with rings on either side of her neck. Then he pulled her up again. As their conversation had progressed she had felt him sliding further and further into his dominant side. Each of her outbursts pushing him further until her final complaint had flipped him completely. He gripped behind her head and pulled her forward. There was no playful discussion as he brought her over to a wide padded bench.

  “Lay on your back.” His voice was sharp and direct, and it always made her jump a little when he talked to her in that tone. When she lay down he attached something to the collar on each side, which connected under the bench and held her head down. Narrow leather cuffs went around her wrists, and he pulled them over her head, latching them to the underside of the bench.

  She opened her mouth to apologize for pressing the issue again, but bit her lip against the urge. He was already upset with her, the best way to apologize was to accept the discipline he had planned. His hands pushed her thighs apart, and she moaned and lifted her hips as he traced a finger up her slit. Already gathered wetness making her slick. He didn’t continue though, instead he fastened her ankles to the supporting legs of the bench leaving her open and restrained.

  “You already have such pretty welts on your backside, pet, that I thought for this discussion we’d make the front match.” Stepping to the side he returned with a riding crop, running it down between her breasts before flicking it sharply against her clit. The sting made her legs try to close instinctively but ineffectively.

  She yelped tugging on the leather cuffs as she squirmed, but she nodded. “Yes, Master.”

  “You’re asking me to trust your decision when you’ve only had thirteen weeks with me.” The stinging crack of the crop across her thighs made her whimper and bite down hard on her lip before the heat of the welt spread out. “You want me to believe you can think for yourself, that Marcus’ training didn’t irreparably alter your way of thinking?”

  “Master -” the crop struck at the sensitive skin just above her pussy and she cried out and tried to move, but she was bound too tightly.

  “Don’t speak.” The crop trailed across her thigh and then snapped down so the edge curved to the inside of her right thigh. Her instinct was to close her legs but it just pulled the cuffs on her ankles. She made herself nod. “I can’t trust you until you can admit to yourself that what happened affected you. Pet, you can’t even go shopping without me there.” His exasperation was evident.

  She closed her eyes as she remembered when he’d told her three weeks before to drive to the local market, pick up a list of items, and come back. She had sat frozen in the locked car outside the store having some kind of panic attack. When she’d come home empty handed he hadn’t yelled at her. He’d kissed her and then taken her to bed, and everything had felt better when he’d pinned her down and fucked her until she begged to come. She hadn’t even asked for another chance, because the idea of being alone, without him there, made her sick.

  More than anything she hated that the point he was making about Marcus’ effect on her was accurate.

  “If this is what you want, you have to be able to balance life as a submissive, and life as yourself. Which means you have to be capable of being yourself.” The snap of the crop on her other thigh left a matching welt on the inside of that leg. Heat blossomed as the sting faded and she twisted her wrists in the cuffs. She gritted her teeth against the urge to argue with him, to try and explain her panic with anything other than leftover trauma from Marc
us. She wanted to be able to ignore that Marcus had shown her so many things that had frightened her, but also left her desperate for things like this. The crop snapped hard across both of her thighs again and she screamed before she shut her mouth against it.

  “You have to be stronger, Thalia. Being with me is not about survival, it’s about living, and that takes more than saying ‘yes, Master’. I need you to show me the woman who fought, not the woman who started to call out for him. Then I’ll be willing to hear your answer at the six month mark.” His voice was strong and even, and it didn’t necessarily sound judgmental but shame washed over her anyway at the memory of crying out for Marcus. She tilted her head back as much as she could in the tethered collar, trying to not see him in her periphery. The crop struck hard across another part of her thighs and she hiccupped, and felt the tears burning the edges of her eyes before they spilled over.

  “I don’t want him, Master!” She half-shouted as the tears started. Another crack of the crop on her pussy made her whine and close her eyes tight as her legs strained to close against the cuffs on her ankles.