Let It Snow

by Sue Moorcroft

  Normally, she would have loved the advent musical brunch in a pretty shuttered hotel in town. Children played before an impressive Christmas tree festooned with silver ornaments, families listening and applauding, and the Middletones were introduced by the bearded master of ceremonies as ‘visitors to our small town and friends of our British friend, Max Gasly, who have kindly brought their little choir to Switzerland’.

  They sang. The audience joined in with ‘Silent Night’. They chatted with the friendly local people and ate the gorgeous four-course meal.

  Two girls of about eight played a wavering clarinet duo and one said something to the other in a strangled whisper as she exited that made everyone within earshot laugh. Max, grinning, translated for the Middletones. ‘She said, “Shit! I got it wrong!”’

  Lily laughed along with everyone else but she’d noticed with a lurch that she’d missed a call from Isaac while they’d been singing and sidled out to the corridor to call him back. Annoyingly, he didn’t pick up. She left him voicemail to ask how things were going.

  They arrived at the Christmas market in the afternoon to the news that this was to be their final performance as Sarah and Melina informed them that a snowstorm was forecast and the organisers were closing the market at five instead of eight. ‘No one will come to shop in such weather.’

  Lily spent the hour before they were due to sing doing Christmas shopping, knowing that her loved ones would adore presents from a proper Swiss Christmas market.

  When it was time to sing they received a better reception than ever but Lily felt flat, very much aware of Isaac’s absence. Carola, though on the phone to Owen every hour to check he really was OK after his mugging, was high on the knowledge that he was neither a dud nor a ghoster and made up for it, singing lustily enough for all nine of them.

  Lily was so fatigued that Christmas lights were turning from twinkles to blurs in her vision. She was touched, though, that so many from British Country Foods turned up, giving up part of their Saturday to listen to them sing: Los and Tanja, Garrick and Eleanor, Stephen and Kirstin – each with a young man in tow – and Felix with his two little sisters, who’d brought Swiss chocolate bars for each of the Middletones. Tubb was there but Janice had stayed home to take care of Dugal and Keir. The one thing that did lift Lily’s spirits a notch was Tubb and Garrick giving her big hugs and telling her what a great job she’d done. For a split second she wanted to spill her heart, to tell them who she was. If only she knew they’d be as overjoyed to have her as she was to have them …

  Then Los was speaking, presenting the Middletones with a huge hamper of delicious-looking cakes, gingerbread and ‘hanselmanne’ – little men made of sweet bread. Then he singled Lily out and gave her a case that held a dark wood watch, its hands of gold and the strap of leather.

  ‘Wow!’ she said, staring at the handsome timepiece.

  Los beamed. ‘We appreciate the seamless way you brought together the various elements of this project. We have received many column inches in publications covering the trade fair as well as much notice on social media about your singing group. The design of the stands and the stall were perfect. Thank you.’

  ‘Yeah, thanks, Lily, you made the whole thing happen,’ Warwick agreed loudly, and everyone clapped so vociferously that Lily’s eyes burned, especially when Garrick gave her another hug and said everyone concerned with the stand at the show had said nice things.

  Max chimed in. ‘How about you all go back to our place? Ona and Janice won’t be left out and Dugal and Keir will be excited to see you all. Tubb can go with you now while I help dismantle the stall and I’ll get there later.’

  A round of goodbyes began, people hugging those they probably wouldn’t see again. But then Emily got carried away and not only hugged Warwick – who she would definitely see again – but gave him a big kiss on the lips.

  Warwick stepped smartly back, blurting, ‘Whoa, Em. I’ve got a girlfriend and you’re not even legal.’

  Emily stared at him, stark horror on her face. She stammered something, clearly mortified. ‘Sorry!’ she ended on a miserable squeak.

  After an embarrassed silence Warwick said gruffly, ‘Don’t matter.’ But he walked ahead with Eddie and Alfie, looking embarrassed. Emily fell in beside Carola, chin tucked down in an effort to pretend she wasn’t crying. Carola hugged her and whispered she was sure that Warwick knew she’d just got confused really and not to worry.

  Even Charlotte was nice to her, saying, ‘Boys are so clumsy, Emily. He just said the first thing that came into his head.’

  Emily, though, was not to be consoled. ‘Mum, can I go back to our room?’ she beseeched between sobs. Carola sighed and agreed. ‘We’ll both go. Perhaps later, when you’re feeling better, you and I can go down to the skating rink and have something to eat there.’ Charlotte decided to join them, then Lily caught up with the others in time to hear Neil and Franciszka gracefully declining Max’s kind invitation in order to take the equipment back then walk on up the mountain.

  Warwick stared after Emily, brick red, and mumbled something about wanting to stay in town. Eddie and Alfie decided to do the same, Eddie hoisting his guitar on his back.

  So Lily was left to walk up to Max and Ona’s house with Garrick, Eleanor and Tubb, who huffed and puffed up the slope. It was a strange feeling to think that all the singing was over.

  Janice and Ona were glad to see other adult faces and Dugal and Keir instantly demanded to know where Doggo was so Lily put her boots back on to fetch him. He’d be glad to be let out anyway. When she returned, Doggo settled happily to the agreeable task of playing chase round the dining table with Dugal and Keir.

  Feeling vaguely depressed because she’d missed yet another call from Isaac and again he hadn’t picked up when she tried to get him back she drifted into Max and Ona’s kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. There, she found Garrick pouring water into the coffee machine. If she stuck to her decision not to confess their shared genes, Lily realised she didn’t know when she’d see him after this. When she’d made her cuppa she sat down at the table.

  Garrick took the seat beside her while he waited for the coffee to brew. ‘Have you enjoyed the trip?’

  ‘So much!’ Lily beamed. Leaving out her disappointment over Isaac dashing back to the UK she launched into a description of everything she loved about being in the mountains and how welcome the Middletones had been made to feel.

  Garrick looked pleased. ‘It’s been great for us. We’ll miss you when you’ve gone.’

  It seemed completely unexceptional to Lily, even when Garrick bestowed a friendly pat on her shoulder, so she was utterly shocked to hear Eleanor snap from the doorway, ‘Very cosy.’

  Garrick got to his feet, face reddening. ‘I’m just waiting for the coffee,’ he said stiffly.

  Lily stared at Eleanor in astonishment. ‘What’s up?’ she asked, bewildered.

  The question, rather than soothing Eleanor, seemed to irritate her. ‘What’s up,’ she enunciated clearly, ‘is that you seem to enjoy the company of my husband a touch too much for my taste. You were lunching together when I rang him the other day.’

  ‘What?’ Lily laughed. ‘We were all at lunch together. It wasn’t just Garrick and me.’ But then she looked from Garrick to Eleanor and saw they both looked deadly serious. Irritation swept over her. Was Eleanor really that immature and insecure? ‘My relationship with Garrick couldn’t be more platonic,’ she said tightly.

  Eleanor just sneered. ‘That’s what the last one said.’

  ‘Lily doesn’t need to know about that,’ Garrick muttered, face darkening.

  ‘Oh,’ said Lily, getting the significance of ‘the last one’. Garrick must have cheated on Eleanor in the past. The thought made her unexpectedly sad. She’d assumed he was happy with Eleanor, like Tubb was with Janice.

  Eleanor was glaring at Garrick. ‘Maybe she does need to know. After all, your last little affair led to you having to change your job and us all uprooti
ng and coming out here.’ She sniffed mightily, gazing at Lily. ‘I’ve seen you hug him.’

  Lily couldn’t believe Eleanor was making such a mountain out of a molehill. ‘I haven’t hugged him any more than I’ve hugged Max or Tubb.’

  Garrick implored, ‘Honestly, Eleanor—’

  ‘Honestly?’ repeated Eleanor bitterly. ‘I can see the whole horrible cycle happening all over again. You promised that it would never happen again. You promised,’ she repeated piteously.

  Slowly, Lily got to her feet, finally getting why Eleanor had always seemed so wintry and distant with her. She’d picked up on feelings Lily had for Garrick … but oh, were they the wrong ones! Everything that had happened in the past few months crowded in on her. Her parents’ relationship sailing into troubled waters, the friction with Zinnia, the ‘thing’ with Isaac that might be so brief she could have blinked and missed it. And now she’d somehow brought this sordid little scene down on Garrick. ‘Of course there’s nothing between us,’ she blurted out. ‘At least not what you think.’

  Eleanor stopped. ‘Not what I think? That implies there’s something.’

  Garrick looked astonished. ‘But there’s not,’ he objected, furrowing a confused brow at Lily.

  A silence grew. Lily tried to think what to do, what to say. She felt cornered by her own words, by the situation, by her unhappiness, by holding on to secrets about things that affected her so fundamentally but weren’t her fault. She out let her breath and turned to Garrick. ‘I’ve wondered whether to tell you. I haven’t known what to do. But … well … if I had, this wouldn’t be happening.’

  Eleanor and Garrick looked at each other then back at Lily. ‘What?’ Their faces bore matching expressions of frustrated unhappiness.

  Lily gazed at Garrick, beginning to tremble. She felt as if she were being sucked towards a vortex and there was only one way out. ‘I’m sorry it’s such a shock. But apparently my mum and, and …’ She floundered, not knowing whether to say ‘your dad’ or ‘our dad’. ‘… Marvin Tubb had an affair. And I’m the result. I’m your half-sister.’

  Garrick gaped. His eyes were a similar blue to hers but held only outrage.

  Then Lily heard a strangled sound. Turning, over Eleanor’s shoulder she saw Tubb. His face was ashen, his mouth agape.

  ‘Sorry,’ she blurted, feeling as if the vortex was spinning closer, closer. Of all the ways she’d envisaged breaking the news to her brothers, this wasn’t it: so clumsy, so out of control. She began to babble in horror. ‘Sorry, Tubb. Sorry! I know you didn’t want to know if Marvin had fathered more children but I haven’t known what to do. Whether to tell you. I wanted to … but also, I didn’t.’

  Her voice dried. Tubb’s eyes were suddenly blazing with fury. ‘Why did you decide to bring it out now? Garrick didn’t know about Dad having an affair!’

  Lily swallowed her shock. It had never occurred to her that Tubb would keep that knowledge to himself.

  ‘I’d decided not to tell him,’ Tubb went on bitterly, brushing past Eleanor to come further into the room. ‘I didn’t want to besmirch our father’s memory for him, as it had been for me. Garrick’s the youngest. He worshipped Dad.’

  Garrick was frozen.

  Lily watched, mortified as Eleanor, her jealousy apparently forgotten, crossed the room and took his hand.

  ‘He’s not the youngest,’ Lily whispered. ‘I am.’

  Tubb stared at Lily as if she’d said something to deliberately hurt him.

  The next minutes were like a nightmare. Lily was rooted to the spot with overwhelming shame she didn’t think she should have been made to feel. She had to gulp back tears as Garrick and Eleanor got their coats and left. ‘I have to process this,’ Garrick mumbled, not looking at anybody. Tubb clapped him on the shoulder as he passed.

  Then turned and glared at Lily with such scorching contempt she physically stepped back.

  She suddenly had every sympathy for the little girl at the advent brunch because, shit, she’d really got it wrong. ‘I’m sorry,’ she tried to say again. Then, because that sounded as if she were apologising for existing, licked her lips and began again. ‘I’m sorry I told him but Eleanor thought he and I were having a thing and I had to make her understand—’

  Then Janice burst into the room, eyes wide and panicked. ‘Harrison, Ona’s having a big bleed. One of us will have to take her to hospital and the other stay with the boys.’

  ‘I could stay with the boys,’ Lily began.

  Tubb shook his head saying shortly, ‘Better for them to be with their grandmother. I’ll drive Ona.’ Then he turned and hurried out with Janice.

  Lily stood rooted to the spot, listening to their voices, suppressed urgency, phone calls being made, the decision being taken to get Ona to emergency care at the hospital in Cham. Lily didn’t know Cham but heard Tubb reassuring Janice that it was less than twenty minutes in the car and it was better not to wait for the ambulance.

  Except for Doggo coming into the kitchen to look for her, she knew herself to be forgotten or disregarded. She hooked her fingers into Doggo’s harness to keep him with her, out of the way of a family drama more important than her grief and hurt. She listened to Ona calling falsely bright goodbyes to her sons as Tubb gave her his arm to help her out to his car, to the front door closing behind and Janice trying to sound breezy as she told Dugal and Keir they’d go up and play in the bath. Later, she’d make them burgers for dinner.

  Once their voices had vanished up the stairs, moving as stealthily as a robber caught where she ought not to be, Lily left.

  Outside, the promised snowstorm had arrived. The flakes poured from the sky in diagonal lines then backed up on the wind and swirled in the halos from the street lamps. Doggo woofed and snorted, bucking about excitedly and kicking up snow, glancing at Lily as if inviting her to play.

  ‘Not in the mood,’ she said to him quietly. She pulled up her hood and trudged the couple of minutes back to the annexe, the snow blowing into her eyes and making them burn.

  Isaac had been playing telephone tag with Lily all day. It had been amazingly hard to find a time when he could conduct a call in private. Hayley was drowsy but rarely seemed to fall into proper sleep. She sat propped up in the armchair, a book in her lap or the TV on. She was what she described as ‘sore’, carrying the area under her arm where the drains emerged as if it were a nest of boils. When he’d helped her wash this morning he hadn’t been able to avoid seeing the bloody fluid in the drain bottles and had felt briefly lightheaded as he did what he had to do to help her wash. She couldn’t take a bath because of the drains and couldn’t shower because of the dressings.

  The last time he’d been in proximity to Hayley in any state of undress they’d been in a relationship. He’d known her body then, the body she’d worked hard to keep smooth and desirable.

  Now … now it was wounded. Altered. Thoroughly unnerved and miserable by having to accept his help, Hayley didn’t know whether to be grateful or hateful, so alternated between the two, leaving him edgy and biting his tongue. He never remembered being in such an uncomfortable situation in his life.

  For Isaac’s part, he felt cornered. If Hayley was the kind of woman who had twenty friends to call on or close family both he and Hayley would have avoided this situation like the plague. She hadn’t even told him about her mastectomy until she was forced into it.

  He made her meals. They talked stiltedly. He made tea and coffee, watched her take her meds. Hung around for when he was needed. Time dragged. Hayley was emotional and cried twice. He didn’t remember ever seeing her cry. The high spot of her day seemed to be when Vicky rang from Cornwall to ask how she was, though Hayley bravely brushed aside her own situation and asked after Vicky and Nicola’s dad. ‘Not good,’ had been Vicky’s answer, apparently.

  Flora had been unable to fetch Isaac’s things from The Three Fishes because Willow was at work and Flora had all four of the children to look after but only two child seats for her car. ‘S
orry,’ she said, obviously shaken to hear of Hayley’s plight and Isaac’s part in it. ‘I can do it late tonight when Willow gets back but it would be about midnight.’

  ‘Better not,’ he murmured, resigning himself to another day in the same clothes. ‘It’s not fair to disturb Hayley then.’

  It was a surprise when the front bell rang at six in the evening and Isaac’s mum appeared at the door. ‘Your stuff’s in the car if you want to run down for it,’ she said calmly, stepping indoors and handing him her car keys. ‘Sorry to invite myself, Hayley,’ she said, sailing into the sitting room. ‘You poor thing.’

  ‘Um. That’s OK,’ Hayley said, looking dazed.

  Stef talked to Hayley while Isaac ran down the stairs and hauled two fat holdalls out of the back of her car.

  Considering the two women hadn’t really seemed to like one another while Hayley and Isaac had been together, they found a lot to talk about. Maybe with Hayley now being incapacitated and Stef having been a carer for so long, they’d found an area of understanding. Whatever it was, Isaac was able to shower and change while his mum kept up a steady flow of sympathetic conversation.

  After half an hour Stef rose and hugged Isaac. ‘I’ve got to get back to your dad.’

  Isaac found himself unexpectedly glad of a cuddle from his mum. ‘Thanks for bringing my stuff. Give Dad my love.’

  By the time he’d seen her back to her car Hayley was asleep in the chair so he crept off into the spare room and closed the door to ring Lily.

  And, finally, finally, she answered. ‘Hello, Isaac.’ Her voice sounded small and far away.

  ‘Hey,’ he said, rolling down on the bed, warmth flooding through him for the first time in the past twenty-four hours. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Fine,’ she said lifelessly. ‘How are things there?’

  A prickle worked its way up his neck. ‘You don’t sound fine. You sound as if you’ve been crying.’

  ‘Crying?’ She laughed but it lacked her usual warmth and musicality. ‘I’ve been singing so much my voice has gone. I’m kind of glad to get to the end of it. We’ve ended early because there’s a snowstorm and Ona’s been rushed into hospital.’