Let It Snow

by Sue Moorcroft

  She crouched to fuss Doggo delightedly, greeting Baz with a grin. ‘You’ve got dog-walking duties?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Baz agreed, getting his breath back. ‘It seemed a good way of earning a fiver.’ He dropped his voice. ‘Isaac’s moved some woman in upstairs. She’s ill or something.’

  Smile pinned on, Lily tugged her hood up more securely and made to move around Baz, though Doggo seemed to think he might be going with her and stood in her way. ‘She’s had an op so needs someone to look after her for a bit.’

  Baz screwed up his forehead. ‘Is that even a thing? Shouldn’t you be in hospital if you can’t look after yourself?’

  Lily actually found herself laughing. ‘On the NHS? What planet do you live on?’

  When they’d said their farewells, Lily turned in the direction of home. Once there she awarded herself an hour lying on the sofa with a family bag of Quavers and the TV remote. Channel-hopping, she found a new series called You’re Just a Mess where a combined life coach and house doctor called Ms Might descended on people and threw out all their crap, mental and actual, counselled them, shouted at them, and sent them on their way with a new life. ‘Pah!’ Lily snorted at the screen. ‘What makes you the world authority on everything, Ms Might? How is it helpful to make someone throw out their doll collection if it makes them cry?’

  She was just thinking reluctantly about getting ready for work when her phone sang out her FaceTime tune. Turning her phone over she read Tubb on the screen and sighed as she muted the TV. She had to speak to him some time. ‘Hi,’ she said flatly, after tenting her legs to prop up the phone. She counted up in her head. Was it really only six days since that awful scene when Tubb and Garrick had exploded her life?

  ‘Hi.’ Tubb cleared his throat. ‘Sorry I couldn’t be there when you left. Rushing Ona to hospital took precedence but I certainly didn’t mean you to leave the country without … Well, I never meant to let you leave like that.’

  ‘Right.’ She waited. Uttering more words would give her voice the opportunity to shake, betraying the way her heart was beating with a mixture of dread and hope. He’d initiated the call so he presumably had something to say.

  Tubb rubbed his hand over his head. His hair had thinned a lot more recently. ‘I apologise for the way I spoke to you. Maybe intolerance is a symptom of heart failure.’ He didn’t smile so Lily didn’t either. ‘Sorry also that this call has been so long in coming.’ It was as if he was reading from a list he’d prepared. ‘The new baby, Ainsley, has been causing a bit of concern. Ona’s still in hospital with him and Max and Janice have been taken up with hospital visiting while I’ve tried to fill in the childcare gaps.’

  ‘How are Ona and Ainsley now?’ Lily asked.

  ‘Improving and hoping to be home in the next couple of days.’ Tubb’s expression lightened.

  Now she was over the momentary shock – and flare of hope – stemming from his call, Lily felt she could take the initiative. ‘I’m sorry about the way I told Garrick. I feel stupid that it had never occurred to me that you hadn’t told your brother about your dad’s affair.’ And then, deliberately, because anger had decided to join the gang of emotions roiling around her belly: ‘Our dad, I mean.’

  On-screen Tubb nodded slowly. ‘It seems as if not telling your brothers something is a family trait.’

  Lily’s cheeks scalded.

  Tubb went on before she could think of a reply. ‘You probably realised from Eleanor’s reaction to stumbling over a completely innocent scene between you and Garrick that he had a thing with a younger woman that almost ended his marriage. It was more than a year ago but her reaction showed she’s by no means worked through her feelings.’

  Lily just nodded. Garrick cheating on his wife wasn’t her fault and she hadn’t known it had happened.

  ‘So,’ Tubb went on, picking up a pencil to twiddle between his fingers. ‘I’ve talked things over with Garrick – the awful balls we made of things with you. I apologise that my anger with Marvin—’ he got around the ‘Dad’ thing neatly ‘—was misdirected at you. My concern was for Garrick’s feelings.’

  A spark of hope ignited in Lily’s heart. But Tubb’s next words made it clear that he was apologising for the way he delivered the message rather than for the message itself. ‘I haven’t yet got past the fact that you’ve been deceiving me for the last couple of years,’ he went on. ‘And that I could have easily met your mother without being aware that she was the woman who recklessly put at risk my family’s happiness.’

  Again, Lily said nothing. He hadn’t met Roma because Lily and Roma had been keen he shouldn’t.

  ‘I admit I don’t really know what to think,’ Tubb went on. ‘I’ve barely got my head around my new state of health and now I’m hit with the knowledge that someone I liked and trusted has been keeping something crucially important from me.’

  He gave a dry cough. ‘Garrick feels he wants to talk to you, though. Can he ring you?’

  ‘Of course,’ she murmured through numb lips. This lukewarm conversation wasn’t what she’d hoped for but it was what she’d feared. ‘I might as well know the worst. Do you want me to stop working at The Three Fishes?’ She needed the dosh but she was pretty sure she could find work at another pub somewhere just before Christmas.

  Tubb hesitated. ‘No need to rush into anything.’

  ‘No point leaving The Three Fishes shorthanded either,’ she agreed. ‘I’ll go and start my shift then.’ Although she was continuing to speak in stiff little sentences she was aware of a growing urge to burst into tears because Tubb, who she’d become so fond of over the past couple of years, was being a toughie.

  ‘Not quite.’ He looked down at the pencil he was twiddling. ‘News has come to me on the breeze that you and Isaac were close during the Switzerland trip.’

  For a moment she thought he was taking a personal interest but then he added, ‘You probably know he’s got his ex there at the moment. I’ve just talked to him. I just want to be sure the situation’s not going to cause any problems.’

  Was Tubb just worried about his beloved pub and whether the lucrative Christmas business would be affected by staff shenanigans? ‘Don’t worry. It’s over,’ she said, trying to be as cool about it as he was but hearing her voice crack. Then, because she couldn’t maintain a brave face for even five seconds more, she said goodbye and disconnected.

  Her eyes felt sore when Lily turned up for work at eleven forty-five. She’d squirted Optrex into them and added eyeliner and mascara so she was pretty sure no one would notice.

  Isaac wasn’t downstairs when she arrived, although he was on the rota. Flora rushed in a couple of minutes late, throwing her coat at the hooks. ‘Hello! Did you have a brilliant time? I couldn’t get much out of my dear brother about it but your pics on Facebook looked amazing. All those lights and mountains! Is he upstairs? I’ll just pop up.’

  ‘Lovely,’ said Lily, pretending to be absorbed in checking mixers as Flora headed for the stairs.

  Neither Flora nor Isaac made an immediate appearance but the till was set up so Lily unlocked. The blokey blokes were first through the door. Lily had no idea whether any of them had a job or a partner nor where they’d find time for them either.

  ‘You’re back,’ said the man Lily knew was called Bell. ‘Pint of IPA.’

  Lily found the action of pulling a pint hurt her hand because she had to grip as well as pull. Awkwardly she swapped to her right hand and took Bell’s money.

  After ten minutes a middle-aged lady came in wearing a thick down jacket. ‘Is Isaac here?’ She smiled at Lily who, after a second, realised it was Isaac’s mum, who she’d met a few weeks ago.

  ‘Hello, Mrs O’Brien, he’s upstairs—’

  ‘Come through, Mum,’ came Flora’s voice from behind Lily.

  ‘Call me Stef,’ Isaac’s mum said to Lily with a smile. ‘Hello, love!’ to Flora. ‘How’s Hayley today?’

  ‘Disappointed at not getting her drain out.’ Flora’s voic
e diminished as she took her mother through the back area towards the stairs. Lily felt as if she were the newcomer to the pub, not Flora. As a few Friday lunch regulars came in and chose tables she whizzed out with menus and big smiles, reflecting that although Stef had had her problems with Hayley according to Isaac, now Hayley was in trouble, Stef was calling to see her. Was it because Stef had a caring nature? Or evidence that Hayley was re-entering Isaac’s circle?

  She took drinks orders for two tables and when she turned back saw Isaac behind the bar, his hair shining and earring glinting beneath the twinkling Christmas lights. Her heart flew up into her throat.

  She crossed to the till and rang through two pints of lager and two glasses of white wine for the couples at table ten and a shandy, a tonic water and a double gin for the ladies at table five. Isaac watched while she made up the orders and delivered them.

  ‘OK?’ he asked, when she returned.

  ‘Yes, thanks.’ She made herself sound carelessly composed, as if she wasn’t breathlessly aware of him, of his body beneath the pressed-crisp white shirt.

  ‘How’s your hand?’ He stepped in closer.

  ‘Fine, thanks. I told Tina I’d be OK for light duties. I might have to use my right hand to pull the pints a bit, that’s all.’

  ‘Sure?’

  She allowed her gaze to meet his properly. His brown eyes were sombre. There was something reproachful in the set of his mouth, like someone who was being punished for something he hadn’t done. She said steadily, ‘Perfectly sure. Thank you.’ With what she hoped was a composed smile she stepped around him to serve a customer.

  Lily worked on Friday, Saturday and Sunday with a tight, miserable feeling in her chest. Isaac’s manner towards her was professional, with no hint of what had gone on between them.

  During the week that followed she tried hard to drum up business for her supposed day job as a designer, making new connections on LinkedIn and joining groups with show or expo in the title, sending personal approaches to companies found in directories of shows on at Olympia, ExCeL, the East of England Showground and anywhere else that might bear fruit. Phoning follow-ups when she could. ‘It’s a dead time, less than two weeks before Christmas,’ a guy in a Huntingdon beauty and hairdressing wholesalers said. ‘Everyone’s focused on finishing things up before Christmas holidays or end-of-year deadlines.’ Another said she didn’t even know their show budget for next year. ‘Then they’ll say, “How are things looking for the Motor & Tech Show?” and expect answers!’

  Lily commiserated, sent a ‘Great to talk to you today – get in touch if you think we can work together’ email and flopped back in her chair. If things didn’t brighten up she’d be reduced to networking breakfasts. Or …

  In the New Year she could look for a job when the un/happiness of Christmas was behind everyone.

  She went out with Zinnia one evening. Roma was away on a photographic assignment. Lily decided not to try and see Patsie in case she thought Lily was checking up on her while Roma was away … which Lily could easily feel the need to do if she let herself.

  On Wednesday evening Carola got all the Middletones together for a reunion Christmas drink at The Three Fishes. Lily went along, her smiles at the ready, knowing it was pointless to suggest another venue. It was the village pub and they were a village singing group!

  It was really great to see the others anyway, exchanging hugs and jokes. Emily blushed when Warwick arrived but later Lily saw him sitting next to her and talking, making the young teen first smile and then laugh, so she felt Warwick must have apologised for being clumsy when Emily kissed him.

  Eddie had brought his guitar so they sang, and none of the non-Middletone customers seemed to mind. A few joined in with the stuff everyone knew like ‘White Christmas’ and ‘Let it Snow’.

  Isaac watched from behind the bar but didn’t sit with them or join in this time, not even when there was no one waiting to be served. Probably best, Lily thought, especially when Hayley appeared, a floral bag over her shoulder.

  Lily’s heart jumped.

  Hayley looked pale and wobbly, drawn and thin and, without make-up, nobody could mistake the age difference between her and Isaac. ‘I heard the music,’ Lily was able to catch her saying, then watched from the corner of her eye as Isaac brought a tonic water to where she seated herself in a tub chair in the corner.

  By the time he was behind the bar again Lily was up and heading Hayley’s way. After asking after her health, Lily offered, ‘Come and join in, if you want to.’

  Hayley hesitated. ‘I feel rather a pariah because I’ve still got my drain. It’s horrible to have to carry around a bag of goo.’

  ‘Bag of goo?’ Uncomprehending, Lily glanced into the bag Hayley had been wearing over her shoulder and got a shock to see a tall, thin bottle of pink liquid, its tubing vanishing under Hayley’s shirt. ‘Oh.’

  Hayley grimaced. ‘I was scheduled to have the drain out yesterday but I was told there was too much blood and stuff still coming out. I nearly cried with disappointment. The tube under here—’ she lifted her right arm slightly and gesticulated at an area beneath it ‘—is driving me mad. Honestly, there is no comfortable position. I swear it’s rubbing directly on my ribs.’

  Sympathy flooded through Lily. She sat down in the chair across from Hayley. ‘You’ve really been through the mill.’

  With a brittle laugh, Hayley nodded. ‘It’s been a nightmare since I found the lump. I should have had the histology results on Monday to find out if there was more bad news but my consultant’s on holiday so I have to wait until the 23rd.’ She blinked several times and laughed again. ‘I feel a little bit as if she shouldn’t go on holiday when I’m waiting for something so important!’

  Then Carola arrived to join the conversation. She’d had friends who had mastectomies and so was able to chat to Hayley about radiotherapy, chemotherapy and implants. It all sounded so grim that Lily even found it within herself to feel glad that Isaac had agreed to help Hayley.

  Even if it had got in the way of Lily having a Christmas adventure with him.

  She glanced up the bar and saw he was watching her. His eyes seemed to see right through to her heart before he turned away.

  When Lily’s phone rang on Thursday afternoon she’d been scrolling through jobs on the internet. No longer did she have the Switzerland trip to look forward to. The thing with Isaac wasn’t going to happen. Her brothers hadn’t greeted her with open arms. She felt rootless, more so than when she’d come back from Spain because then her parents had been there to give her a home.

  She’d found nothing in Cambridgeshire but several interesting opportunities in London. One brought in a salary of sixty thousand as a Brand Design Lead for a South East Asian hotel chain. She’d have to be pretty audacious to carry that off but except for working with actual hotels she did have all the qualifications, experience and ‘required skills’ they’d tagged – design, print, exhibition, space, objects, interior. She clicked the heart to shortlist the job and then her phone rang. She picked it up.

  Garrick. Lily halted, hand hovering. Then she sipped the glass of water she’d had at her elbow as she worked and answered.

  ‘Lily.’ Garrick hesitated, as if unsure of his reception.

  ‘Garrick,’ she responded, holding her breath and not knowing what to expect. Tubb had said that Garrick wanted to talk to her but not why.

  ‘I want to apologise,’ he said. ‘You took me by surprise but I acted like an arse, walking out like that. It wasn’t a mature reaction and I hear Harry lost his temper. I’m sorry.’

  A wash of relief uncurled Lily’s shoulders. ‘I understand it must have been a shock. I’ve already apologised to Tubb for never even wondering whether he’d told you about Marvin and my mother, so I need to say sorry to you too.’ She’d learned enough from her conversation with Tubb that referring to him as ‘our dad’ could provoke an emotional reaction.

  Garrick’s voice held none of the guardedness that Tubb�
�s had. ‘I have to confess to being intrigued. Can you tell me the whole story?’

  So Lily did, explaining about having two mothers, Patsie approaching desired motherhood pragmatically and Roma going at it completely half-arsed. ‘Mum’s quirky,’ she admitted. As she unfurled the story she paced about the room, pouring herself a cup of coffee from the jug she’d made at lunchtime, finding Garrick’s interest much easier to deal with than Tubb’s wariness. ‘When I read that obituary and Mum explained who Marvin was it triggered something,’ she admitted. ‘I think it was the finality of learning I’d never meet my father that made me determined to meet my brothers.’

  As they talked, the afternoon light dimmed and, through the French doors, Lily saw frost begin to sparkle on the bare rose bushes outside. Something close to happiness grew inside her as the conversation went on, natural and warm. Garrick had reached out to her after all. Her brother, Garrick.

  Finally, he turned the subject. ‘I was going to telephone you anyway but this morning I had a long meeting with Los Aebi. He was very impressed with your work on the trade stand, the Christmas market and on the cultural exchange aspect of the project.’

  ‘That’s good. I certainly enjoyed it.’ The project hadn’t ended well but that wasn’t Los’s fault.

  ‘I don’t want you to think that this is why I phoned,’ Garrick went on earnestly, ‘but Los wants me to sound you out about taking a full-time job with us.’

  It felt as if the room swirled around her. ‘In Switzerland?’

  ‘That’s right. You’d report to me but work with Kirstin, Felix and Stephen. We haven’t had an in-house designer before but the role would make a valuable addition to our promotions side. It will be more general design than exhibition work but it would be varied and would include a bit of travel.’

  ‘Seriously?’ Lily was literally stuck for words. She was being headhunted!

  ‘I know you have your own business,’ Garrick went on quickly, perhaps misreading her reaction. ‘But Los really likes motivated self-starters with a can-do attitude. When you backed that up with designs he liked and being so easy to work with, you caught his attention.’ Lily listened with a sense of being in a dream as on and on he went, talking about a package of salary and benefits with a relocation grant. The wonderful standard of living in Switzerland. ‘Why not come out and meet with Los?’ he ended persuasively.