“Or to have a cell phone, or a car to drive into town, or to use the Internet.”
All the things she’d been told had been made inaccessible for her own good, so she could retreat, relax, and reclaim her memory. She’d thought those were her doctor’s orders. Instead, it had been the feds. Rather than investigating other possibilities, they’d simply hoped she would remember the details of her own nefarious deeds. Information she still couldn’t give them—certainly not enough information to counter the charges being drawn up against her.
“Has it continued?” she asked.
She’d managed to surprise Cole. A single eyebrow raised. His head inclined forward. “Has what continued?” he asked.
“The illegal activity. The leaking of classified research. Has anything more happened since my shooting?”
“No.”
Naturally. “Which only helps the government’s case against me. I’m the ringleader, so of course nothing more’s going to be leaked while I’m in custody. Don’t you think that’s a tad bit convenient?”
“You’ve been under surveillance, not in custody.” He sighed. His stance and his expression softened. “You’ve been under my personal protection, Shaw. I know we have a lot to work out once this is over, and this time the fault for the personal mess we’re in is entirely mine. But whether you want to believe me or not, I’ve done everything I could since joining the task force to support your innocence. And now we have proof that the lack of new security breaches has been about this guy being up to no good out here. He’s preoccupied with messing with you. Dawson’s working to get a team here tomorrow to dig for more evidence.”
Whether she wanted to believe him or not? Was he serious? She’d fallen in love with him. She’d let herself feel safe. Wanted. She’d felt secure in his acceptance of the mistakes they’d made as kids, and in the new start they’d both said they’d wanted. And all this time, to Cole she’d been another suspect. A witness. Whatever.
He hadn’t let her into his heart again. Not far enough. Even if a part of him had honestly tried to believe in them, it was clear that they were exactly where they’d been fifteen years ago—nowhere. Everything she’d thought they were becoming again had only been an assignment to him.
Well, this assignment was over. She was done with all of it, particularly thinking she could convince him to give them another chance.
“Tell your team I’m getting the hell out of here.” She turned away, intending to grab her suitcases and start packing. “The only way you’re stopping me is by arresting me and taking me to jail. You can do whatever you want with this place, but I’m—”
Something shattered the wall over her head, raining bits of plaster down on her.
She screamed, then screamed again when Cole tackled her from behind and squashed her already aching body to the floor.
“Stay down,” he ordered.
“Get off of me!” She tried to crawl away, but got no further than kicking at his shins with her bare feet. “Find another way to lure out the person you told me yesterday hadn’t shot at me at all.”
“Knock it off.” He cursed as another silent bullet took out the window of the door to the backyard. “You’re right. Let’s go.”
She rallied herself to run into the kitchen. Instead, she found herself lifted from the floor and carried under Cole’s arm like a football, out the back door into the same yard she’d raced through when she’d first found him.
“Put me down!”
“Stay still.”
He had his gun out and was running for the woods, half naked, faster than should be possible considering he was lugging her along. She twisted and once more tried kicking. Which wasn’t the sanest choice, she knew. But she couldn’t endure his touch a moment longer. His hold around her diaphragm tightened until she couldn’t breathe.
“Kick me again,” he said, racing down the hill through the underbrush and trees, “or try to bite me, and I’ll paddle your ass when we get to the cabin. Hold still until I have us under some cover. Then you can smack me around all you want, if it makes you feel better.”
She went limp, if for no other reason than she couldn’t take in any air. But there was also the realization that she really didn’t want to smack him. And that weak, needy impulse began to dissolve the rest of her fury.
Cole was once more putting himself between her and danger. She’d loved him for being that person, the only person in her life who’d ever cared so much for her. Her addled mind had wanted to believe that he would care for her that way forever. That he was once more the honorable man who’d protected her, who’d asked her to believe that he’d always be there for her no matter what she discovered next. And damn it if a part of her didn’t still long to.
He crashed through a hedge into a clearing and set her on her feet. There hadn’t been a single shot since leaving the house, but he cautiously scanned the moonlit distance between them and the ramshackle building they’d reached. His gun followed his line of vision until, satisfied, he curled an arm around her and speed-walked her not to the front but to a side entrance.
He let her go long enough to shove his hand into his pocket. An almost soundless beep triggered the locks to turn in what looked like an ordinary wooden door. But when he opened it and all but shoved her inside, she got a closer look and realized it was made of some kind of very carefully disguised metal.
Lights within switched on automatically. Triggered by motion detectors? She didn’t get a chance to ask before Cole pulled the remote device from his pocket and pressed another button. Metal guards rolled down across the windows. Once they were in place, Cole moved away from her, to the other side of the room, where he threw on a haphazardly discarded sweatshirt, then consulted several computers set up on his kitchen counter. He left her standing beside the door she assumed was once again securely locked.
“Very impressive.” She looked around at the sophisticated interior of the outwardly run-down place, feeling unsure and annoyingly embarrassed by her latest meltdown. She didn’t like it, the needy place inside her that was once again softening toward him. “Expensive toys. Your task force went all out.”
“It’s my personal setup.” Cole faced her, his legs braced apart and his hands clasped behind his back. It was a soldier’s stance. An officer of the law. A heartless professional that a part of her realized even now, after everything, wasn’t really who this man was deep inside. “I’ve made a lot of enemies over the years. All alone up here on the mountain the few times I get home, I can’t be too careful.”
“Naturally.” He hadn’t spared any expense. He wasn’t one to do anything he cared about halfway. “Too bad you couldn’t get Dawson or your Bureau to take protecting me nearly as seriously.”
“I called in every marker I had to be here for you, Shaw. I knew you were innocent of the crimes you were suspected of committing. And despite our past, I dove headfirst into trying to solve things for you, because you were in no shape yet to solve them for yourself. Being here and watching were the only things I could do for you until your stalker raised the stakes on us.”
She wanted to believe him, the way a part of her still longed to cling to everything that had happened between them over the last two days. She felt the last of her outrage receding. The logic of what he’d been saying was starting to ring true. But all the fast talk in the world couldn’t undo how he’d kept lying to her, how he’d misused her love for him to carry out his orders.
Had he really done what he had out of genuine concern for her? Concern that had felt so real, she’d begged him to make love to her. Or had this been nothing more than a painful replay of how they were both too damaged to make a loving relationship work with anyone, particularly each other?
“I came to the bedroom that last time to tell you everything,” he said, as if he’d followed her unspoken thoughts. “I should have tol
d you right away, but you were so unbelievably sweet and sexy, and I got lost in…us.” He cleared his voice, his throat clenching several times before he spoke again. “Then you woke screaming, and you were hurt on the stairs, and Dawson called…” He waved his hand, as if to brush away his excuses. “I screwed this up. I’ve handled it all wrong, and I’m sorry for that. But you’re being irrational if you’re not willing to concede that my tactics have worked for you. For us. You were already catching on in that last dream. Your subconscious knew I was here for some other purpose than just being a good neighbor. And you still trusted me once you woke up and calmed down. I need you to try and hold on to that so we can discuss alternatives.”
“Alternatives?” she asked. For his tactics? “For what?”
He lifted a hand and rubbed the back of his neck the way he must have all those years ago when they’d first been lovers. She couldn’t remember a single other occasion when she’d watched him become frustrated beyond bearing. But a part of her warmed at the reminder of the young man she’d once known.
“For ending this,” he said. He pulled the device she’d found from his pocket and studied it. “The creep knows he’s been discovered, but he can’t get to you in here with anything short of a tank or antiaircraft artillery. He can’t hear us anymore. This place is well shielded. That gives us a tactical advantage. He doesn’t know what we’ll do next.”
“Next?” Her laugh sounded unbalanced even to herself. She cleared her throat and tried for something a shade more eat-shit-and-die. “There is no next, Cole. I want you and your task force off my property. Then I want, just as quickly, for you to disappear from my life again, before one of us says something else I’ll regret.”
She found herself wanting him to deny that their parting ways was what he wanted, too. That he intended to fight this time for the perfection he’d said he’d found with her.
“And what about your memories?” he instead demanded, quietly, reasonably. He was all business again. He was a top-notch agent, no doubt. And he was clearly determined to fight by her side, as he’d promised. But as her FBI protector or as her lover? “What about the details floating around in that last dream that we haven’t had a chance to debrief? What about what you know about the night you were shot that could bail you out of trouble?”
“I’ll take my chances talking with the federal prosecutor,” she muttered, “once I get back to Atlanta.”
“And Cassidy Global? Assuming whomever’s taking potshots at you is the one trying to destroy everything you’ve worked yourself into the ground to build. Your corporation will be in financial limbo indefinitely if it’s drawn into a formal investigation. You’ll lose your government contracts. You and your corporate officers will be tied up with endless depositions and audits, and then a trial. The press coverage will ensure that any independent clients you have will run for the hills, too. Is the satisfaction of kicking me to the curb worth the risk to your company, not to mention your life? This is too important to make a snap judgment like that, just because you’re royally pissed at me.”
Shaw’s scar throbbed at her temple. The hand she’d boiled in the bathtub did, too. And the thumb on her other hand. Because she couldn’t take any more. Not one more damn thing that was beyond her control.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. Because Cole was right. She was being unreasonable, childishly talking about giving up when they were so close to finally knowing what was going on. Sure, she liked things orderly and contained, logical and sorted into discrete categories that she could process at her discretion. Hadn’t she done exactly that, as she’d sifted and cleaned her way through the mansion? And in her job, in her life, Shaw suspected there was very little she allowed to surprise her anymore.
The last two days had been one nonstop shock after another that she hadn’t been prepared for. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t handle the reality of her situation. She’d decided in the bedroom to see this through to the bitter end, whatever it took. Screw how shocking it had been to discover how dire her circumstances really were. Where was her resolve, now that she really needed it?
“I never would have done any of the things they’re accusing me of,” she said firmly.
“I know that.”
She nodded, grateful to hear him reaffirm his faith in her, now that she was calm enough to absorb the ring of truth behind his words.
“I was certain of your innocence from the very beginning,” he assured her. “Regardless of our past issues, I knew you wouldn’t betray your country and everything you believe in. Not the Shaw Cassidy I remembered. Not for money or power or any of the other motives the attorneys will come up with.”
He took a step closer and stopped, sighing, when she pointed her finger at him again, still needing him to stay away.
“My people can be here in two hours,” he said. “They can drive you down the mountain and back to what’s left of your life in Atlanta. Or you and I can work on a solution that will get you out of all of this. For good.”
“Your people.” An hour ago, she’d been so certain she was Cole’s people.
“When my team arrives, we need to give them what they want, the information no one else can but you. Once we do, you’re a free woman.”
“You want to trap my stalker,” she said. Following his logic was easy. Seeing his nod in agreement spiked her blood pressure again. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. “You’re suggesting that the two of us draw out my stalker before Dawson and the others get here.”
“Dawson’s got a million regulations to follow. No way in hell would he approve trying to trap this guy the way we can.”
“You mean using me as bait.”
“Without you, your stalker will go underground again. He might never resurface. And I’m not sure we have enough yet to warrant witness protection for you, especially without a solid felony suspect that you can testify against. That’ll be Dawson’s call. It’s a risk.”
“Riskier than thumbing our nose at whoever’s after me, and daring him to take another shot?” Riskier than the need within her, throbbing just as fiercely as before, for Cole to truly love her?
“He wants the shot, Shaw. He’s getting more and more worked up, and he’s getting careless. He was in the house while we were sleeping, setting up those stairs. He’s panting for another chance, especially if he overheard any of what we said before he shot at you again in the storage room. He may know a team is coming. He’s watching us now. We have a very short window of opportunity to make all of this go away for you. Tell me you’re not going to mess that up.”
“Mess it up?” It took every ounce of strength and integrity she had not to slap him across the face. “You said it yourself. This is your fault.” Her face was only inches from his now. “I know I ruined things between us in the past. But you made me believe that was over. You lied while you made love to me, while you let me fall back in love with you. And now you want me to trust you with my life, with this insane scheme of yours, because it’s my only chance to be free. How can I? You’ve made that impossible. Tell me, Cole. Tell me exactly which one of us has messed us up this time?”
…
Cole didn’t know where to begin to defend his actions. He wasn’t even certain there was a point anymore. So he didn’t. What was the use?
He’d lost Shaw’s heart. Again. And arguing about whether or not his actions had been justified, pushing harder to get her back on a personal level, wasn’t an option at the moment. That would have to wait until he was certain she was safe. Even then, he may have already lost her for good. He was 100 percent guilty of the accusations she was hurling at him, just as she’d been guilty of deserting him when they were kids. From her perfectly reasonable perspective, he hadn’t done right by her this time, by them, from the moment she’d woken in the parlor.
And, once again, they were both paying the pr
ice.
“I made the best decisions I could in a difficult, fluid field situation,” he said. It wasn’t an excuse. It was exactly what he had done on countless other cases. But his good intentions didn’t change how badly the trust between them had disintegrated. “You were injured. Your mind isn’t fully recovered—you were still dissociating when you woke from your last nightmare. I was wrong to keep things from you, yes. But I was trying to take care of you the best I knew how.”
She looked ready to slap him. She was royally pissed. Her self-confidence was returning in leaps and bounds, and it was glorious. It made him smile, despite the fact that she was slipping through his fingers.
She stiffened. “I’m glad you find this so amusing.”
“I don’t.” What he’d found was that there was nothing Shaw could do that wouldn’t intrigue and arouse him to distraction. A train of thought that, unfortunately, they had no time to explore, either.
She sighed, then ground her teeth together. “What do you want from me, Cole?”
Pain made her words shake, despite her stony expression.
He stopped himself from repeating what he’d let slip out when they’d made love—that all he wanted was the perfection of holding her. She wouldn’t believe him now. And the emotional conflict he was still causing her could very well get her killed or land her in prison.
Her Forgotten Betrayal Page 18
