“I want a lot of things we don’t have time to get into. But first and foremost, I want you to get out of this alive,” he said. “I want your mind whole, your innocence proven, and this shit who’s after you stopped and caught and incarcerated for everything he’s done to you and our country. You and I can make that happen.”
“Together?” She was mocking him. “Like old times?”
“There’s nothing old about this, darlin’.” She flinched at his favorite endearment. “I know you’re angry. You have every right to be.”
“Oh, well, thank you. You’re too kind.”
“Screw your thanks and your sarcasm. They can wait, along with the rest of what we have to say to each other. Focus, Shaw. Keep making this about the past and me, and you’re going to find yourself dead or officially charged with multiple felonies. You’re not going to cave to what they want to pin on you. Or leave here in a snit and expose yourself to even more danger, because WITSEC can’t justify protecting you based on a fall down the stairs and a cut finger. You’re not going to do all that just to spite me.” He snorted. “You’ve never been a stupid woman. Don’t start now. You’re stronger than that, damn it.”
“And you’re what?” She was frowning, making him want to lean down and kiss her until she smiled again. She’d wrapped her arms around her body and her soft, sweet-smelling sweatshirt—probably to keep herself from beating the crap out of him. “My hero? Ready to rescue me from my own feeble mind and the danger I can’t escape by myself?”
His recklessness as an agent had ruined her ability to trust his feelings for her, but he refused to let it destroy her chances to seize her freedom from the grasp of both her nightmares and her stalker.
“I’m your partner,” he promised, “from here on out. If you don’t want to deal with us once you’re free, I can’t make you. But you have to work with me against your stalker. Don’t throw away your chance to finish this, no matter the risk.”
“I’m a fairly risk-averse person.”
He raised an eyebrow instead of saying no shit. “Then tell me how to improve your odds. What do you need? You want to know all I know? Done. What else? You really want to stop what’s been happening to you? Let’s get down to business.”
“Now?” Shaw met his challenge with an unblinking gaze. “You said Dawson could have a team here in two hours. What can we do in so little time?”
“We can end this once and for all.”
“We?” Doubt in him, in them, dimmed her beautiful eyes.
“If you’ll work with me, yes.” He held out his hand to shake, as she had yesterday. The part of him that wasn’t an agent, the lover inside him who’d worshipped her body just a few hours ago, was desperate to pull her into the shelter of his embrace and beg her to refuse. “Partners?” he made himself say.
“Partners?”
“We’ll both be there when he shows himself.” Cole’s fingers itched to be holding his Glock. He was going to take the bastard down, but not before he gathered evidence and made the man suffer for everything he’d put Shaw through. “I’m not your father or your brother, who didn’t give a rat’s ass about you. I’m not Dawson or anyone else on the task force. This is me. I’ll protect you, like I always have. If you can’t believe anything else, believe that. No more giving up. Let’s finish this.”
Shaw sighed.
She stared down at his hand, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.
Then slowly, agonizingly slowly, she reached out and shook.
Chapter Seventeen
“How is all this going to fly with Dawson?” Shaw asked Cole, half an hour into their truce. “Or the people you answer to at the FBI?”
Sitting on his couch, they’d worked through their plan to flush out the monster from her nightmare. And somewhere during that process, she’d accepted how much she would always love this man who was once again protecting her. Amnesia or not, her mind had chosen Cole. When nothing else had made sense, she’d believed in him and in what she’d thought they were becoming together.
He hadn’t believed in return. How could he have and not told her the truth about himself and his assignment? Sure, he seemed to regret what he’d felt he’d had to do to protect her. And she was less inclined at the moment to throttle him with her bare hands. But how did she begin to trust in them again, when they’d once more failed so spectacularly?
Still, from the start, he’d been the calm center in her nightmare’s storm. Damn the dangerous omens that had been swirling around them, she’d gravitated toward him because he had believed in her. He’d helped her get stronger and believe in herself. And now he was demanding that she rise to his challenge again and work with him one final time. He was treating her as an equal, as the strong woman she wanted to get back to being. He was giving her the chance to end this on her own terms.
She’d wanted to hug him and whisper thank you into his ear. She wanted to sit with him for the rest of the night and ask a thousand questions, now that the lies between them were gone. She wanted her friend back, her lover, her soul mate—at least the soul mate she’d thought he’d been, someone who could give himself fully and trust the person he loved with his whole heart.
Instead, they’d retired to neutral corners. The energy between the two of them was finally clean. Their defenses were down for the first time. They’d focused on what they’d both learned how to do so much more successfully than they’d learned how to love—business. Her exit strategy from her troubles with her stalker and the U.S. government, and most likely from Cole’s life, was solid. Well, as solid as a sting to catch a madman could be.
Cole was determined to gain the upper hand against the maniac who was viciously destroying her career and her life for reasons she didn’t understand. She couldn’t imagine there was anything in the world sexier than this powerful, driven man. She’d never wanted him more. But what did he really want? He’d never said he loved her. He knew she wouldn’t believe him now if he did. But he was still there, fighting for her, making her long to keep him with her forever.
And he hadn’t answered her question. “Cole? Aren’t you going to get into trouble for what we’re doing?”
He was straightening the papers on the coffee table, his drawings of how and where he thought their plan would take them once she left his cabin. They’d discussed several alternatives and countless escape options if something went wrong.
“If this goes down the way I expect it to.” He looked up, his expression unreadable. “I’m gonna be suspended. I’m blowing half a dozen regulations with the stunt we’re about to pull. My brand of insubordination gets put up with on a lot of assignments because I always deliver what my chain of command wants. This time, that’s not going to happen.”
“What’s not going to happen?”
“I’m not going to give them what they want—you in prison. Dawson’s already pissed, but he’ll get over it after a while. So will the Bureau if our intel gives them a leg up on the espionage. But my ass is grass for a while, once a task-force team gets here.”
“You say that like you’re not one of them.”
She realized she’d shifted closer to him.
She was perched on the cushion that had at first separated them. She wasn’t leaning into him. But she was no longer so tense she was in danger of toppling onto the floor just to stay out of his reach. The instinct to inch even closer was there, strong enough to make her feel needy and pathetic. Weaknesses she couldn’t afford to take with her into what they were about to do.
“I’ve never been one of them,” he said, releasing the same easy laugh he’d used when he’d talked about the burns on his back. “Not from the first day I was accepted into the FBI Academy. On every assignment I’ve caught hell for my rule breaking, even though it always achieved the desired results. I’m simply good enough at what I do for the powers-that-be to keep me around.”<
br />
He saw himself as an unwanted man. He seemed to go out of his way to create that reality. He’d survived an unwanted childhood, and he was still fighting back against the neglect and betrayal that had shaped him. Including her own. A part of Shaw wanted to applaud—the place inside her that identified with Cole’s determination never to go under.
She was a piece of the past that had damaged him. She hadn’t been strong enough to fight for him when he’d counted on her to. Her childish inability to deal with the fire and her brother’s death had played a major role in Cole becoming the closed-down, ruthless fighter he’d become. The warrior now fighting to save her. And their history was a big part of the reason he’d done what he had. Cole had learned at too young an age that he could never completely depend on anyone but himself—not even her.
She laid her hand on his arm, the hand he’d so gently tended to when the bath water had scalded her. To hell with putting off absolutely everything they needed to say to each other.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He reached for her and tangled his fingers with her own. She didn’t trust herself to look into her protector’s face. If she didn’t see a reflection of the confusing wave of feelings swallowing her, she might burst into another humiliating flood of tears. But she wasn’t holding back what she needed to say this time. He deserved better than that.
“For everything,” she continued, holding onto his hand. “I should still be angry at you, and I guess I am. But I’m sorry, too. You didn’t deserve what happened to you when Sebastian died. You were trying to care for me. You almost died for me. And I abandoned you, like your father did. I’m sorry for what that did to you. Whatever happens next, I need you to know that.”
He squeezed her fingers, too tightly.
She flinched, her gaze jerking up.
“You don’t owe me an apology.” He was angry, furious, but she sensed not at her. “Don’t think for a minute that you have to say things you don’t mean just to make sure I’m there for you when this goes down.”
“I’m not saying it because…” But of course he would think that. Hadn’t he always believed the worst, just when she’d needed him to see the very best of who they could be?
“You have to trust me, darlin’, or this won’t work.”
“I do.” Maybe after everything, she shouldn’t, but her faith was rock solid in this exasperating man’s good intentions where her safety was concerned.
His other hand lifted to caress the newest of her injuries, the bump over her eye.
“The last thing I want,” he said, “is for you to be hurt again.”
He lowered his forehead to hers, flooding her with a sweet connection that felt young and innocent, like they were both starting over every time they touched this way.
“You’re not going to hurt me,” she said, believing it. “As risky as this plan sounds, I know what I’m getting into this time. You’ve made that possible. Even if the rest of what we thought we could become again doesn’t happen, I’ll always be grateful for what you’ve done for me.”
His attention dropped to her lips.
She licked them and watched his pupils expand at the sight. She sensed the need escaping his rigid control, matching her own desire for one last taste of what they’d shared.
“I don’t want your damn gratitude, Shaw,” he whispered.
The words rasped across her already frazzled nerves.
”What do you want?” she asked, desperate for it to still be her.
But only if he could keep believing in them, no matter how messy and imperfect and impossible being together might become. She wanted to hear him say the same forever things he had when they’d made love. But only if he was really going to stay for good this time, long after the last of their business together was over. And she didn’t know if she could even believe promises like that from him again. So she kissed him instead. Her mouth closed over his, demanding, craving him.
She was suddenly more terrified of letting this moment go than she was of her stalker. Cole made her need in ways no one else ever would. Even if it was for the last time, she wanted the rush of him holding her body tight, until there was no longer any her, any him. There was only them.
The intimacy of it, of this one reckless kiss, might haunt her forever, but she wasn’t giving it up.
“Cole…,” she murmured against his lips.
“Damn it.” He growled as he took over the kiss, flooding her with his own desire, overwhelming her and challenging her, driving her to be strong and weak and dependent and demanding. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Shaw. Are you sure you want this?”
“Don’t stop,” she said, knowing she might regret her choice later, when she was once again safe, but alone. “Please, kiss me.”
…
“Shaw,” Cole said, as he took her mouth again.
Everything.
He put everything into the feel of her lips beneath his. She was alive in his embrace, craving him while he sated himself in the feel of her. She was every decent moment of his past, come to life one last time like a promise in his arms. And he had to let her go. He had to stay focused on what they had to do next.
“I’m sorry, too,” he whispered against her temple, her neck, the delicate skin along the underside of her jaw. “I know I’ve made this impossible, and that you need more time to figure out what you want…”
“But we have a job to do.” Her fingers clenched in his hair, bringing his head up until he was drowning in the determined smile she gave him. It didn’t quite mask the pain and confusion still swirling in her gaze. “So, let’s get down to business.”
He kissed her, gently this time. It was a good-bye kiss, quite possibly, if they didn’t find some way at the end of this to hold onto what he’d once been so determined to walk away from. The tear trickling down her cheek told him she knew it, too.
“We don’t have much time,” he said.
She nodded, launching into a hug that took away the hurt for the few seconds he held her. Then she was gone. From the coffee table, she picked up the wireless digital recording device he’d shown her while they’d discussed their plans.
“How do I wear this?” she asked.
Cole stood with the body tape he’d grabbed from his kit. “Lift the hem of your sweatshirt.”
When she did, he went to work. Keeping his touch professional, he taped the tiny unit to the Kevlar vest he’d had her strap on beneath her roomy clothes. The built-in mic would catch every word spoken within a thirty-foot radius, while its GPS tracking device kept him homed in to her location. Her shirt fell back, and that was that.
There was nothing else to do but place his next call to Dawson, then watch Shaw plunge headfirst into danger. But she’d be taking the lead. The outcome of this assignment was in her hands from now on, and she needed to know she had his complete confidence.
“You ready for this?” he asked.
“Do I have a choice?”
“You can wait him out.” Cole knew it would be a mistake, but this was her call. It always should have been. Pushing her for more than she was capable of tonight was the best way to get one or both of them killed. “It’s possible your memory will come back and you can give the U.S. Attorney enough to exonerate you without us capturing this bastard.”
“What are the chances that’s going to happen? I can’t remember, Cole. My mind’s trying to tell me something with my dreams, but I don’t know what it is. You’re there. The fire from the barn. The conference room. A bunch of men I’ve never met and some freak who’s enjoying scaring me. Lots of chatter that I can’t piece together. Something about scars and the past. It’s too weird. I have no idea what any of it means.”
“Then stop trying.” Cole hated that he hadn’t done enough to prevent this crazy scheme from being her onl
y chance. “The answers will be there when you need them most. You trusted me when there was no earthly reason to. You’re trusting me now, even though I lied to you. You found the audio surveillance device back at the house with nothing but your intuition. You’re smart, and you’re a survivor, and you’ll fight your way through this, like you have everything else in your life. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Trust me to help you nail this guy before he takes even more from you.”
“I do trust you,” she said. Anxiety had crept back into her features. But she gave him her brightest smile, proving all over again how much grit and courage his partner truly had.
They were out of time. Once he called Dawson, the team would floor it, sirens and lights to the max. Cole gave them an hour tops, not two, before they broke the county line. With a final soft kiss, he picked up his phone and speed-dialed, switching the call to speaker so Shaw could hear every word. He went through the clearance procedure.
“Dawson,” the chief inspector finally said.
“Shaw’s gotten away from me,” Cole said. “I’m tracking her on foot.”
“Gotten away how? You mean to tell me you can’t secure one injured female without fucking up? You said you had things under control. What’s going on, Marinos? This isn’t like you.”
“Unless you hear from me again, we’ll both be on the grounds when you arrive. Assume her stalker is armed and dangerous.”
“If I find out you’re running your own agenda, I’ll have your badge. Don’t go pissing on my task force. The team will be there in under an hour. If I get a chopper in the air, I’ll be there in thirty.”
“Roger,” Cole said. “Marinos out.”
He punched the call closed.
“Well.” Shaw’s smile was part admiration, part humor, with maybe a sprinkle of respect. “You don’t mess around when it comes to getting what you want.”
“I don’t mess around when it comes to taking care of what’s most important to me.”
“Your job?”
“Not anymore,” he said, wondering what the admission would cost him if she walked away after his assignment was over. He was risking everything, trusting that she’d still want him, once they’d freed her from her stalker. “Not even close.”
Her Forgotten Betrayal Page 19
