FallingforSharde_MLU

by Marilyn Lee

  He strolled over to the terrace doors. “How the hell am I ever going to convince her I didn’t sleep with that woman? She is never going to believe me. She’s going to blame me for something that never happened!”

  “Maybe it’s for the best.”

  He swung around to face Ben. “What? How the hell can it be for the best for her to think I slept with another woman the same night I made love to her?”

  “Well, you were looking for a way out of the mess sleeping with her landed you in and now you have it.”

  “What mess? What the fucking hell are you ranting about, Ben? My life is falling apart around me and you’re getting delusional on me? What the fuck makes you think sleeping with her was a mistake?”

  “You know my motto, Jeff, don’t mix business with pleasure. How can sleeping with your second in command, for whom you have no real feelings, be anything but a mistake?”

  “No real feelings? What the hell have you been smoking? You know damn well I care about her.”

  Ben shrugged. “Let’s call it like it is. You two were alone, you were both feeling horny, and you surrendered to your lust. Then, womanlike, instead of recognizing you just needed no-strings-attached sex, she wants to go and imagine you give a fuck about her or her feelings on an emotional level.”

  “What the fuck! I do care about her feelings! How the hell can you think this is just about sex? It was sex with Vanessa.”

  “And with Sharde? What if it’s not just sex? And if it’s not just sex, why didn’t you offer her the reassurance she so clearly needed and wanted from you, Jeff? Why offer the lovely but worthless Vanessa marriage after one weekend and then tell Sharde she’s unreasonable to expect you to do the same with her?”

  He stared at Ben. “Are you implying that I... what the hell are you implying?”

  “I’m implying that it’s time you woke up and realized Sharde is the real deal and act accordingly. Linda and Vanessa were both harpies who were more interested in your cock size and your financial bottom line. Sharde, strange soul that she is, seems to actually care about your big ugly ass. I honestly think if you were a clerk in some corporate mailroom, she’d still be in love with you. We both know the same could not be said for either Linda or Vanessa.

  “If you don’t want to lose Sharde, tell her what she needs to hear. If she wants a commitment, give her one.”

  “She wants to get married and have kids.”

  “And you don’t want either one of those things?”

  “You know damn well I want them both.”

  “Just not with her?”

  “I do want them with her.”

  “Then why the hell did you pick up Sally Bimbo last night?”

  “It was a mistake, but I swear, nothing happened, Ben.”

  He shrugged. “I believe you, but I’m not the one you have to convince. If I were you, I’d go buy several pairs of pads for your knees because you are going to be begging big time. Then, if you’re lucky, she’ll either believe you or not believe you, but decide to forgive you anyway.”

  “For something I haven’t done?”

  Ben laughed. “Don’t get self-righteous, Jeff. You did take her home. That’s going to be an awful big hurdle for you to overcome.”

  He raked a hand through his hair. “You know she won’t talk to me.”

  “She’s hurt. Give her another day or so.”

  “It was her idea.”

  “Jeff, it’s time you grew up and admit you don’t know jack about women.”

  “And you know about women?”

  Ben grinned. “Hey, I’m not the one in deep shit with the only woman I care about.”

  He swallowed slowly. “I care about her more than I thought possible.”

  “I know that.”

  “So where did I go wrong?”

  “If a woman you’ve just done tells you to go see other women after you’ve refused to give her the big C, do not be gullible enough to believe she means it.

  “Give her another day or so and then pour your heart out to her and beg for mercy. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t actually do the other woman. The fact that you took her home is going to matter.”

  “Damn, Ben, I’m screwed!”

  Ben arched a brow. “Big time.”

  * * * * *

  Sharde slept badly Saturday night, woke late on Sunday morning, showered, had two boiled eggs and a cup of coffee, and spent the rest of the day at the shelter.

  She arrived home just after six to find Jeff had called two more times. She erased his messages, hesitated, and then took her phone off the hook. Undressing, she took a long bubble bath. Around nine-thirty when she finally wrapped a towel around her body and made her way to her bedroom, the front door buzzer sounded.

  She walked over to the console and looked at her video caller ID. Jefferson stood in the lobby in front of the camera, holding a bouquet of flowers. If he thought flowers would make up for his having slept with another woman the first time they had an argument, he was nuts.

  Ignoring the ache in her chest, she left him standing there and went back into the bathroom. She closed the door and turned on the radio. She had eaten her heart out for Jefferson Calder for the last time.

  She found another message waiting when she emerged from the bathroom an hour later.

  She pushed the playback button. “Sharde, I know you’re upset, but we need to talk. Please pick up. Just talk to me. Please. After we talk, if you want me to go, I will, but please just give me a chance to explain.”

  She erased the message, tossed a salad, turned off her ringer, and went to bed.

  * * * * *

  On Monday morning, Jefferson arrived at work and found his world had crashed down around him. He had felt bad when he lost the defense contract after months of long hours and hard work. His heart had ached when first Linda and then Vanessa cheated on him. As he stared at Sharde’s resignation lying on the center of his desk, he felt sick and afraid.

  He raked his hands through his hair, panic and desperation eating at him. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath. This could not be happening. He should not feel as if his heart was being ripped out of his body. For that to happen he would have to love her. And he didn’t.

  He felt an undeniable need to be with her. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted another woman. The sex between them was explosive and consuming. And he was even finally ready to propose if she’d only give him a chance to atone for his dumb mistake. His feelings for her ran deeply enough to risk marriage again. But he did not love her.

  No? Then why the hell do you feel as if your heart is not only breaking, but cracking into pieces so tiny you’ll never be able to recover or love another woman?

  He had tried to apologize but she was determined not to forgive him. What the hell was he supposed to do if she wouldn’t talk to him or see him? He stiffened. She had the power to refuse to see him outside of work, but not here.

  He rose and stalked down the long corridor separating their offices, knocked on her door, waited a second, opened the door, and entered.

  She sat at her desk, pouring over what he recognized as application folders. She didn’t look up. “Look, I’m busy right now. I need to get these employment applications done. Come back this afternoon, please.”

  He closed the door and leaned against it. “They can wait. We need to talk.”

  She stiffened and looked up at him, a weary look in her eyes. “There’s nothing to talk about, Jefferson. I gave you your options, you made your choice, and now it’s time for both of us to move on.”

  He sighed and spread his hands wide, feeling helpless. “I know you called my house and I know a woman answered, but nothing happened between us, Sharde. Nothing.”

  “Oh. I see. You took her home for companionship.”

  “I was hurt, angry, and horny. I took her home to fuck her,” he said bluntly. “But I didn’t...” He sighed. “I... couldn’t.”

  She shook her head. “You know what, Jefferso
n? It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I want more from a relationship than you want to give. It’s time for me to move on and find a man who’s not afraid to entrust his heart to me.”

  “You want a proposal? Fine. Marry me.”

  She shook her head again. “If you had offered that meaningless proposal last week, I would have said yes. But I finally have my priorities straight. I want you sexually, but I don’t need you anymore.” She lifted her chin. “So please just let it go, Jefferson.”

  He swallowed rapidly, several times. He closed his eyes briefly, an ache inside him that threatened to overwhelm him. “I did not sleep with her. I swear I didn’t.”

  “All that matters is that you took her home to sleep with her! It doesn’t matter why or even if you did. We have one argument and you immediately go pick up some long-legged blonde and spend the night with her.”

  “She wasn’t a blonde, but you don’t care, do you? Because you are hell-bent on being a self-righteous, unforgiving bitch, aren’t you? Never mind you were the one who goaded me into the whole damn mess in the first place! You know damn well when we went to your place another woman was the last thing on my mind.”

  Her lips trembled and heart eyes shot angry sparks at him. “You betray me and then have the nerve to call me a bitch?! And don’t you dare try to blame me! I didn’t go pick up a man and take him home with me.” She snatched up the application folders and tossed them at him. “Leave me alone!”

  He tilted his head to one side to avoid the folders.

  She bolted to her feet and rushed across the room to hit her fists against his shoulders. “I spent nine long, miserable years wanting you! Nine years, Jeff. I stood by and watched you eat your heart out for Linda and then Vanessa. Finally I get my turn. We have one argument and the first thing you do is take another woman to bed!”

  He allowed her to hit him, only turning his head slightly when she came too close to his face. “I did not sleep with her.” He cupped his hands around her face and stared down at her. “I swear I didn’t.”

  “But you took her home. What happened? Were you too drunk to perform?”

  He flushed. “I don’t get that drunk.”

  She jerked away from him, bent, and began picking up the application folders. When he stopped to help her, she slapped his hand away. “Just please get out and leave me alone, Jefferson. You’ve finally cured me of my addiction to you. I don’t want or need anything from you. I am willing to stay for a few weeks until new system analysts are hired, then I am leaving. Darbi is quite capable of handling all my responsibilities.”

  “I didn’t come here to discuss Darbi.”

  “I don’t give a flying fuck why you came here! If you don’t leave me alone, I will walk out right now and not look back.”

  “You think I care about anything right now except making things right with you?”

  “You can’t make them right! I’ve finally seen the light. You were never worth my time or the many heartaches I suffered on your behalf. There is nothing you can say or do to make me change my mind. Just leave me alone. Please, Jeff.”

  He sucked in a deep breath. His knees shook and his chest ached. His heart shattered. Standing there looking down into her hostile gaze, he knew his foolish mistake had cost him a woman he had loved without even knowing it.

  “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “You did, but it’s the best thing you could have done for me because I am finally free of my need and desire for you.” She hit a fist against his shoulder. “Please, Jefferson. Just leave me alone.”

  He heard pain in her voice, saw anguish in her eyes. Fighting back the desire to sweep her up into his arms and hold her until she stopped hurting, he turned and left the office.

  He heard what sounded like a sob but kept walking. She was not in the mood to consider forgiveness or to hear anything he had to say. She certainly didn’t want to accept comfort from him. He had hurt her. She would need time to heal and rage at him.

  He would wait and bide his time. He wasn’t going to let her slip through his fingers without one hell of a fight.

  Chapter Eight

  Four weeks later, Sharde received a call that both surprised and intrigued her. Two nights later, she had dinner at an exclusive restaurant with Clayton Frazier of Fra-Tech, Inc. He wore a tailor-made suit that complimented his athletic six-foot-six frame and highlighted his piecing sea-green eyes. Dark hair, silvering at the temples, contrasted nicely with skin tanned a mouth-watering honey bronze by the tropical sun. He nearly took her breath away.

  It must be nice to have parents who owned their own South Sea island, where he clearly spent a lot of time. If she weren’t so in love with Jeff, just looking at Clayton Frazier would send her lust meter off the scale.

  As it was, it was difficult not to lick her lips every time she looked into those amazing eyes. Now that she’d met him, she could understand how Vanessa had rapidly fallen into lust with him. There was something so... completely sensual and sexy about the man, she couldn’t imagine any woman not wanting to drop her drawers and engage in hot monkey sex, given the least sign of encouragement from him.

  Not that she was under any illusions as to why he’d asked her out to dinner. Although it was flattering to be wined and dined by a man so handsome other women gaped in obvious envy, it was time she made her position clear.

  “Mr. Frazier–”

  “Clay or Clayton, please.”

  His warm, deep voice, combined with his stunning good looks, sent a chill of pure, unadulterated lust through her every time he spoke. It didn’t matter what he said or how he said it. Holy hell, but the man was sexiness personified.

  She resisted the urge to moisten her lips. “Clayton, this has been a lovely evening, but the answer is still no.”

  A small smile pulled at the corners of his full-lipped mouth. “Even if I promise that if you come to work for Fra-Tech I would never want or expect you to divulge any information detrimental to Calder? I know your relationship went beyond business and I would–”

  She caught her breath and leaned forward. “What? What makes you think that?”

  His gaze swept over her face. “How could he possibly resist getting to know you better after working with you for so long?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean he’s a normal man and you’re an attractive woman and you’re both unattached.”

  Gazing into his eyes, she saw no evidence of guile. Hot damn, the hottest hunk she’d ever met thought she was attractive. But then, judging by the hunger she’d felt when Jeff made love to her, Jeff had thought so as well. “My relationship with Mr. Calder has no bearing on my decision to decline your offer to work at Fra-Tech, Clayton.”

  “I see.” He sipped his coffee. “If you should change your mind, there will always be a place for you at Fra-Tech.”

  She smiled, warmed by his sincerity. “Thank you.”

  “Now that we have business out of the way, let’s get personal.”

  Her heart raced. “In what way?”

  “Judging by the furious look on Calder’s face, I’m assuming you’re no longer seeing him, so–”

  “I was never seeing him.”

  He arched a brow. “Weren’t you?”

  “No!” You could hardly call what they’d shared dating. She blinked at him. “On his face? What do you mean? When did you see him?”

  “Now.” His gaze narrowed. “He’s sitting across the room. If you look over your right shoulder, you’ll see him glaring in this direction.”

  A wave of heat rushed up her neck and into her face as she half turned. Several tables away Jeff sat at a table, facing her back. A broad-shouldered man with short, honey-blond hair she recognized as Ben shared Jeff’s table.

  She met the cold, accusing look in Jeff’s eyes briefly before turning to face Clayton again. The desire to rush over to Jeff’s table and assure him that she would never do or say anything to hurt Calder Technologies financially was dif
ficult to overcome. But if he didn’t know that without being told, a thousand assurances from her wouldn’t make any difference.

  “That’s the face of a jealous lover if ever I’ve seen one, and I’ve seen more than my share.”

  With looks and charisma like his, she was certain he had. She shrugged. “He has no reason to be jealous.”

  He arched a brow. “Why so sure? I didn’t ask you out entirely for business reasons.”

  She swallowed quickly. “You didn’t?”

  “Not entirely, no. Now that business has been dealt with let’s get personal. I’d like to see you again in a strictly social setting.”

  She looked in his eyes and was almost tempted. If anyone could help her shake her hunger for Jeff, Clayton certainly could. The thought of lying in bed with him, having him fuck her senseless, nearly made her melt. But no matter how sexually appealing she found him, he was the man for whom Vanessa had left Jeff. For her to start even a strictly sexual relationship with him after rejecting Jeff’s efforts to reconcile would be extremely painful for Jeff.

  And despite her best efforts, she was still too much in love with him to want to deliver such a blow to his ego. “That’s a tempting proposition, Clayton, but–”

  “Excuse the interruption, but this is a surprise, Sharde.”

  She glanced up. Ben, a question in his gaze, his voice cool, paused at their table. Jeff stalked past the table without glancing their way.

  “Ben. Long time no see.” She forced a smile and glanced at Clayton, who seemed completely at ease. “Clayton, this is Benton Savage. Ben, this is Clayton Frazier.”

  Clayton rose with a smile and she watched as they shook hands.

  Ben looked at Clayton. “Would it be too much trouble to ask to speak to Sharde alone for a few moments?”

  Clayton’s smiled vanished. “I don’t usually go off and leave my date alone with other men.”

  “I can sympathize, but Sharde and I are old friends.”

  Clayton turned to study her face. “Sharde?”

  Although she had no desire to be left alone with Ben, the look in his gaze hinted that he was determined. She glanced at Clayton and noted a similar determination to ensure that it only happened if she wanted it to. Knowing Ben was not above making a scene on Jefferson’s behalf, she nodded. “Would you excuse us for a few moments, Clayton?”