Always Been You

by Beverley Kendall

  I dismiss the notion with a shake of my head. No, obviously this is just Troy trying to get us back to where we used to be. And boy is he trying hard. He hasn’t been this playful and affectionate toward me in a long time.

  After I finish tossing together the Caesar salad, I join everyone in the living room.

  The two couples are, of course, paired off on the couch. Troy motions me over to the love seat. I go, thinking he’s offering to give up his seat beside Emily. His parents raised him to be a gentleman. There’s no room for a third person to sit. But instead of getting up, he latches onto my wrist and pulls me down onto his lap. I let out a squeal, as if I’d been burned or something equally as horrific.

  “Troy, what are you doing?” I cry out as I try in vain to pull myself off him.

  He easily captures my hands in one of his. “Calm down,” he says chuckling. “I’m not going to bite. You wanted a place to sit? Well you can sit here.”

  Shocked, I look over to see my friends are all grinning, eyes shining with amusement. “What is wrong with you? Come on, Troy, let me up.” The last comes out a distressed wail. By the sheer burn of it, my face has to be fifty-one shades of red.

  Instead of releasing me, he laughs and pulls me back against his chest, wrapping his arm around my waist. He’s wearing taupe cargo shorts and a fitted white t-shirt, leaving delicious swaths of golden, muscled skin bare. He has a beautiful body and right now too much of it is in too intimate contact with mine.

  “There’s nowhere for you to sit,” he states as if me sitting on his lap—in front of our friends—is perfectly normal.

  It isn’t normal. It’s embarrassing. And arousing. And hot.

  Again, I look to my girlfriends, this time for help. Someone needs to back me up on this. I’m terrified that at any minute, my nipples will betray me and then I’m truly sunk. Nipples never lie. Kind of like hard-ons.

  Which gives me an idea. It’s crazy and desperate, and perhaps a little foolhardy, but right now I’m feeling a bit crazy and desperate. As subtly as I can manage, I grind my ass down onto his crotch.

  Troy goes still and his arms tighten around me.

  “Let me go,” I say calmly and do it again.

  “Stop.” His voice is a low growl in my ear.

  No, it’s time for me to get my flirt on. “Is that something in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” I tease, winking over at my friends to include them in on the joke. It was time I turned things around.

  I can’t see Troy’s face but I imagine he’s embarrassed and trying desperately not to show it.

  Gripping my hips, he places his mouth to my ear and asks huskily, “I don’t know, what does it feel like?”

  Scott and Zach burst out laughing. My roommates exchange mirth-filled glances as they cover their smiles with their hands.

  He wasn’t supposed to play along. And he wasn’t supposed to get me more excited.

  “You’re such a goof,” I scold, ignoring sparks of desire zapping my girlie parts. “Now let me up or I’m not feeding you tonight.”

  My laughing threat has the desired effect, getting Troy to release his hold on me. I bolt out of his lap so fast, I’m pretty sure I left skid marks.

  “Hey hey, not so fast.” He grabs my hand as he rises to his feet. “Sit. I’ll grab the stool.”

  I turn back and look up at him, eyeing his wide grin with suspicion. “Are you going to sit on my lap this time?” I wouldn’t put it past him.

  He barks a laugh. “Only if you want me to.”

  I quickly take his seat next to Em before he changes his mind. He in turn snags one of the stools from the counter and plants it right next to me.

  As Scott helps himself to more chips and salsa, his gaze darts between Troy and me. “Are you sure you two aren’t married?”

  “I sure hope not. Colin would probably have a problem with that.” My breezy reply makes light of a comment I’ve heard too many times to count.

  Troy doesn’t offer a reply and his smile seems to freeze in place. Talk of Colin is a conversation killer. I have my work cut out for me.

  Rebecca pipes up. “Speaking of boyfriends. Today, Joe Newton asked if you were seeing anyone. When I told him you were, do you know he still asked me for your number?”

  Liv shakes her head and clicks her tongue in disapproval. “Unbelievable. But then this is Joe, so I can’t say I’m surprised. Obviously he doesn’t understand the meaning of the word boundaries.”

  “C’mon, what did he do that was so wrong?”

  All eyes snap to Troy.

  I stare at him, appalled. “Are you serious?”

  He looks at me as if he doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t have a problem with what he said. “It’s not like you’ve been going out with the guy that long.”

  I cross my legs and angle my body toward him. “What difference does how long we’ve been going out have to do with a guy asking me out knowing I’m already seeing someone?”

  Troy’s eyes roll heavenward. “God, April, you’re not married to the guy. You’re dating. And if some other guy happens to come along…”

  Now I’m indignant. “That’s the kind of person you think I am? That I’d even consider a guy like that? Someone who’d knowingly try to break up a relationship?”

  “All he’s doing is giving it a shot. What has he got to lose?” Troy glances over at Zach. “Pearson, tell me I’m wrong.”

  Lips pursed, Liv pulls back from her boyfriend’s arms and directs a pointed stare at him. “Yes, Zach, do tell. I’m dying to hear this.”

  Zach sputters, looking like a cornered animal. “Christ man, what do you want me to say? I’ve never gone after anyone’s girl. But I do understand what he’s saying.”

  Liv’s gaze sharpens on him and I give him the evil eye. “Of course you do. You’re a guy.”

  Like the master debater he could have been in high school if not for football, Troy continues to press his point. “Okay, let me put it to you this way.” Leaning forward, his forearms on his thighs, he directs his attention to his bros. “Say Bec or Liv were both going out with other guys when you fell for them, would you have let a boyfriend stand in your way, or would you have gone ahead and made a play for them anyway?”

  “Hey, that’s not a fair example,” I protest and again, look to my friends for support. But it’s clear my roommates’ initial disapproval has been usurped by the too close to home scenario Troy put out there. Even Em looks like she’s vacillating.

  “You can’t ask them that,” I say before Zach or Scott have a chance to answer. “That’s like asking them if they want to get laid any time in the near future. Of course they’re going to say they’d have moved Mount Olympus in order to be with them.”

  Troy looks at me, his expression all wide-eyed innocence. “What? My question is completely relevant.”

  I glare at him. He thinks he’s so damn clever. “Okay, so what you’re saying is that it would be okay for you to make a play for Liv or Becca?”

  Twin creases appear on Scott’s and Zach’s forehead. “Yeah, not so nice when the situation is reversed, is it?” I say smugly. Now I want to see Troy talk his way out of this.

  However, Troy is unfazed. “Yeah, if Zach and Scott weren’t my friends. I’m not going to try to get with my friends’ girlfriends. That’s a douchebag move.”

  His friends acknowledge his loyalty with nods of approval. I could smack them all upside their heads.

  “So it’s okay if the guy’s not your friend?” I ask, folding my arms across my chest.

  “Well, yeah,” he says as if there’s nothing remotely underhanded about that.

  Exasperated, I shake my head. “You’re a trip.”

  “Why?”

  “Why?” I stare at him in disbelief. “Because that’s wrong on so many levels.”

  “Why is it wrong?”

  When I throw up my hands at the sheer futility of trying to make him see sense, his expression sobers. “Seriously, why is it wrong?”<
br />
  Does he really want me to answer that?

  “Because you’re talking about going after someone who’s in a relationship with someone else.” I can’t even believe we’re having this conversation. There are some things that just aren’t up for debate. There’s right and there’s wrong. What he’s talking about is wrong, no shades of gray in the mix.

  “Yeah but if the relationship is solid, then the guy won’t have anything to worry about, am I right?”

  Ass. I so hate when he tries to inject a bit of logic into his arguments.

  “Right, but—”

  “And if she’s not interested, she can just tell him to get lost and he’s gone. I’m sure he’s not some crazy stalker. He won’t be boiling rabbits or doing any crazy shit like that.”

  “Yeah but—”

  “Let me put it to you this way—”

  This interrupting me thing is really getting annoying.

  “Wouldn’t you rather know sooner than later that the guy you’re with is not the guy for you? What if the other guy is the one you should be with? You want to be with? Wouldn’t you rather know it now?”

  Suddenly, the room is silent and I wonder if he’s talking theoretically anymore.

  “So what you’re saying is that you don’t respect the boundaries of relationships. What if they’re engaged or married? Where exactly do you draw the line?”

  He scowls. “I respect it plenty.”

  “How can you say that after what you just said?”

  “You act like I’m condoning cheating. This isn’t about that.” He sounds highly insulted.

  I level him with a stare I hope has as chilling effect as I mean it to. “Aren't you?”

  “Hell no. I'm just saying that if —”

  “Uh huh, what exactly are you saying?”

  “Don’t interrupt me and I’ll get to it,” he gripes.

  “Annoying, isn’t it?” I say with a supercilious lift of my eyebrow. Then I zip my lips, which he correctly takes as his cue to continue.

  “When I’m with a girl, she can’t be into anyone else.”

  “Yeah, but you just said you wouldn’t rule out trying to get with a girl who’s in a relationship.”

  He nods. “I said it wouldn’t stop me from going after her if I really cared about her and if I actually thought I had a shot. Not all relationships are meant to be forever, you know.”

  “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you’re the one who needs to prematurely end it.”

  “I couldn’t.”

  My brows furrow. I wait for more but that’s all he gives me. “Couldn’t what?”

  “I couldn’t be the reason they broke up. Not if things were solid between them.”

  I want to disagree even though I know he’s right. I want to scream at him and tell him to stop fucking with my brain. Stop screwing with my heart. I want to throw caution to the damn wind and ask him straight out if he’s talking about us.

  But I don’t. I can’t. I’m too scared. Too uncertain of the answer. Instead I tilt my head slightly to the side and ask, “Are you telling me I should go out with Joe?”

  Zach and Scott snort a laugh. My girlfriends giggle in solidarity.

  Troy stares at me as if I’m nuts. Certifiable. “Hell the fuck no.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Friday

  With stress of three of my five final exams behind me (the hardest ones), I think tonight might actually be the night I give it up to my boyfriend.

  Don’t cue the hooting and hollering just yet, I’m still in the wait-and-see stage, waiting for my body to get as excited at the prospect as my head knows it should.

  As for things between me and Troy? Things are…weird. For the lack of a better word. I’m not sure how to take him anymore. Sometimes I see shades of the old Troy, my best friend. And then he’ll do or say something that totally disarms me, like the way he acted Wednesday night. But come Thursday, he was treating me with the same easy amiability as he does Liv and Rebecca, which was enough to help me refocus my attention on my boyfriend.

  And so here I am with Colin, contemplating taking this huge step in our relationship.

  Colin surveys my apartment and I can tell by the way he stares down the hall where the bedrooms are located, that he’s hoping the night will end with us in mine.

  “Make yourself comfortable.” I gesture toward the buff couch and matching honeycomb-pattern love seat in the living room. “The remote is on the tray beside the TV.”

  As I turn to make my way to the kitchen, Colin captures my hand and draws me slowly into his arms. “What are we watching?” He has that look in his eyes that says he’s more interested in getting me naked tonight.

  “I don’t know.” I make my tone airy light to tamp down the sexual energy rolling off him, and loosely hook my arms around his shoulders. My two-inch wedge sandals put us almost eye to eye. “What do you want to watch?”

  A dark-blond eyebrow goes up as his gaze drops to my mouth. “Is porn an option?”

  “You’re such a perv,” I chide with a laugh.

  Maybe a movie in isn’t such a good idea. The last thing I want to do is to get his hopes too high. Tonight may not in fact be The Night. I’m hoping my enthusiasm will grow.

  His hazel eyes lift back to mine. “Spoilsport,” he says but he doesn’t sound put out.

  I step out from the circle of his arms. “I’m willing to watch anything but porn. The pizza should be here in a bit, and I’m going to make the popcorn. Unless you’d rather have pretzels and chips?” I toss over my shoulder as I cross the short distance into the kitchen.

  I can feel Colin’s eyes on me before he lowers himself onto the couch.

  “What kind of chips?” he asks.

  “Ripple barbeque or sour cream and onion.”

  “Barbeque.”

  We’d originally made plans to go to Zenith’s tonight but Colin called an hour ago and asked if I wouldn’t mind staying in and watching a movie here. Since we always go out and rarely have much time where it’s just us, I couldn’t bring myself to kick up a fuss after I’d canceled on him last weekend, even though I’d already picked out a kickass outfit for the club. I’d had to settle for my favorite white jeans and a light-green tank top.

  While I’m busy getting everything together, sounds of the TV fill the apartment.

  “What do you want to drink?” I ask.

  “Beer if you have any.”

  “Heineken or Corona?” The only reason we have it is because that’s what Zach and Troy prefer. Scott’s the Corona man.

  “Light?” He looks over at me, his expression hopeful.

  I suppress a smile and try to keep the amusement from my voice. “Nope, just regular.” If the guys heard him, they’d flay him alive. To them, light beer is a travesty. Troy had said you might as well be drinking watered-down piss. As far as I’m concerned, beer itself is the travesty.

  “I’ll have the Corona then,” he replies, and then asks, “Are we getting something On-Demand?”

  “Yeah. See if there’s anything good under New Releases.”

  The rattling of the door gives me a start. I dash into the hall, expecting to see one of my two roommates returning home—for what reason, I don’t know.

  My heart thunders at the sight of Troy. He’s in the same t-shirt and jeans that’d he been wearing when I saw him earlier.

  Upon seeing me, he freezes. Brow furrowed, he glances around. “What are you doing here?”

  “I live here. What’s your excuse?”

  “I brought these up for Liv and Rebecca for tomorrow,” he says, reaching out into the hall and returning with a handful of, what appeared to be, flattened, corrugated moving boxes. He places the bundle against the wall and closes the door behind him.

  Right. Next week is moving time.

  Before I can say another word, a knock sounds on the door. Troy looks at me, eyebrow raised. “You expecting someone?” Without waiting for an answer, he looks through the peephole. He turns b
ack to me and asks, “You expecting pizza?”

  That sets me in motion. “Let him in, while I get the money.” I rush and grab my wallet out of my purse, hastily extracting twenty dollars.

  By the time I return, the delivery guy is gone and Troy is holding the box containing my large pepperoni, mushroom and sausage pizza.

  I halt mid-stride, the twenty-dollar bill clutched between my fingers. “Wait. Did you pay him?”

  His mouth curls up in the kind of slow, lazy smile that reminds me that I’m a heterosexual female in the sexual prime of my life—in case I’ve somehow forgetten. “That’s the only way he’d give me the pizza.”

  “Troy, you shouldn’t have.” Wait till he finds out I’m not alone.

  “Was that the pizza, babe?”

  I knew it was just a matter of time before Colin came to find out what’s going on. When he sees Troy, his eyes narrow and barely concealed annoyance darkens his expression. The next thing I know, he’s crowding me, his chest to my back and his arm around my waist like he’s staking his claim.

  Troy’s jaw tightens at the gesture but other than that, his expression gives nothing away.

  “Johnson.”

  “Ridgefield.”

  “Troy stopped by to drop off some stuff.” I point at the stack of boxes.

  Colin’s gaze flicks to the boxes and then back to Troy. “And deliver the pizza?”

  I emit a weak, self-conscious laugh. This is more uncomfortable than squeezing my feet into a pair of stilettos two sizes too small.

  “No. He just left.”

  Colin pulls me tighter against him and brushes a kiss against my forehead. It’s not like he hasn’t done this before, but in front of Troy, it doesn’t feel right. Too possessive, which makes the whole situation super uncomfortable.

  “Here, Troy. I’ll take that.”

  When he hands it over, I sneak the money into his hand. Troy doesn’t blink an eye, simply places it on top of the box. “My treat.” His tone is unyielding.

  Watching the exchange, Colin frowns. “Babe, I told you I would take care of it.”