My Blue Havyn (Hearts of Hollywood - Christian Romance Novellas)

by Lynnette Bonner

  He hadn’t either, but he was having a hard time keeping his gaze off the beautiful water nymph pressed so close.

  Levi’s lack of response slowly penetrated Havyn’s consciousness. She tore her focus from the storm to encounter his gaze full of all-too-familiar heat, and her traitorous pulse set to hammering as if she liked it. She took a step away, but a gust of wind whipped icy pellets of water across her legs, and on instinct she jolted forward, bumping into him.

  “Careful.” He gripped her shoulders.

  The heat of his palms penetrated her chilled skin with enough force to snag the breath right out of her lungs.

  She swallowed. She couldn’t seem to pull her gaze from his face. It should be against the law for eyes to be so blue. And it was definitely a crime that any man should have such long, thick eyelashes. Damp locks curled onto his forehead, which had been bronzed by the last several days in the sun. She’d always been jealous of how easily he tanned. His face was still the same. But it had more angles and maturity now.

  The creases that had made his smile so famous now etched his stubbled cheeks, and she realized he was grinning. She’d been staring.

  Her face filled with warmth, and she tried to step back once more.

  His hands tightened around her shoulders for just an instant—a sufficient length to stop her and snap her attention back to his face. His gaze swept her features in a quick assessment as his palms rubbed up and down her arms. “Even though there’s only one thing on my mind”—his gaze lingered on her lips, leaving no question as to what he meant—“I’ll be a gentleman. Stay here where it’s dry.”

  With that he turned her shoulders until her back was to him and then pulled her snugly against himself and wrapped one arm across the front of her, resting his hand on her opposite shoulder.

  The wind had picked up now, and she reveled in the warmth of his proximity, but despite it, she couldn’t seem to stop shivering. Slowly his free hand stroked warmth into the length of her arm. Down and up. Down and up. They stood for a long moment just watching the rain, but her nerves couldn’t handle the silence he was apparently contented with. “So…tell me about your new movie.”

  The hitch in the stroking of his fingers was the only indication that he’d heard her. The silence stretched for a long moment. “I’d love to, but how about we discuss why you don’t think we can make this work?”

  Her heart leapt. “This?”

  He leaned to one side and peered down at her, totally ignoring her pretense at not understanding his meaning. “It’s because of your dad, isn’t it?”

  The familiar shaft of anger she felt whenever anyone brought the man up jolted through her. She tried to step away, but his arm tightened around her just enough to hold her in place. Her eyes dropped closed. “Yes, and the fact that you know only emphasizes why you and I can never be together again.”

  “Just because your dad left doesn’t mean all guys will.”

  She gritted her teeth and folded her arms. Like Levi Carter was one to talk. Maybe she should just brave the rain and make a dash for the house. But just then another flash of ragged lightning cracked through the air. She decided to rebut him instead. “At one time, you might have been able to convince me of that, Levi. But it’s a little late for that now, isn’t it?”

  He took hold of her shoulders and gently turned her to face him. Tipping up her chin, he looked deep into her eyes. “I know I left you. But don’t you think our situation is a little different than a father walking out on a little girl and never looking back?”

  She pulled her chin away from the lure of his fingers and studied the rain once more. Was it?

  “I asked you to come with me, if you remember…”

  Her jaw jutted off to one side. Yes, he had. But they’d only been two years into college. He hadn’t even had a place for himself to live, no income yet, and neither of them had been ready for marriage.

  She leveled him with a glare. “I asked you to stay, if you remember…”

  He sighed and looked out over her head, rubbing her shoulders. “You know that’s not fair. If I was to get that first role, I had to go.”

  She swallowed. She really was being a bit stiff-necked about this, but she’d so wanted him to pick her over his career—was that too much to ask? Rolling her lips in, she pressed them together. Maybe it was. He’d wanted both, and she’d tried to force him to choose one or the other. How selfish could she have been? Be? And yet…

  He bent to peer into her face until their eyes met. “I already told you, but I’ll say it again. I tried to call for months, but you never answered.”

  She tore her gaze from his and studied the freckles forming on her forearms from the sun. “My dad called too, at first.”

  She felt him sigh. “That’s not a fair comparison. I quit calling because it was obvious you weren’t going to talk to me. Your dad quit calling because…he was a jerk.”

  She eased out a breath. He did have a point. She’d never know if he might have kept calling if she would ever have answered the calls. He might have even come home sooner. She really wasn’t being fair to him on that count.

  But still her fists clenched so tight that her fingernails cut into her palms. The thought of giving him that much power over her ever again terrified her beyond belief.

  Levi’s knuckle caressed her jawline with slow strokes. “Do you believe me when I tell you I planned to look you up after this trip?”

  One thing Levi had never been was a liar. She nodded.

  “Do you believe me when I say I haven’t been able to go out with any other woman without thinking about how far they fell short of you?”

  A smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth. “I suppose.”

  He bent forward until his forehead rested against hers. “And do you believe me when I say you can trust me and we’ll make it through this? Figure out where we go from here?”

  A wave of longing washed over her. If only she could! But she didn’t know the answer to that one. Instead of replying, she sighed and relaxed into him, tucking her head into the all-too-familiar spot just below his chin.

  If life’s pain hadn’t taught her so utterly well the consequences of complete trust, she would have gladly given hers to him in that moment. But she couldn’t let the emotion of the moment make her decision for her. She closed her eyes. God, I need a little help here.

  No answer came.

  “I don’t know, Levi.” She eased out a breath. “I still need time. We have to take things slow.”

  She felt a release of tension in his chest, and his hand trembled as it stroked the length of her hair. A long moment of silence stretched, and when he finally spoke, his voice was so raspy she could barely make out his words. “Slow. I can deal with that.”

  When Havyn pointed out that they were both drenched already, and they might as well make a run for the house where they could both take a hot shower and get into dry clothes, Levi agreed. Since it was uphill to the house from the shack and would be faster to run than try to ride, they pulled both bikes into the meager shelter and left them there.

  After a seemingly-forever, cold run, they clattered onto the porch, laughing and shaking water from every extremity.

  Chelsea dashed out the front door and yanked Havyn into an embrace. “I was so worried about you guys! The rain is coming down in sheets!”

  “Tell me about it!” Havyn grinned and pushed her back. “You’re getting soaked.”

  “Not as soaked as you two are!” Chelsea’s glance bounced between them and then settled on Levi. As Havyn bent to untie her shoes, Chelsea quirked an eyebrow at him.

  He couldn’t help a grin. Ever the matchmaker Chelsea wanted to know what had happened between them while they were out there. He gave her a subtle shake of his head.

  She squinched up her nose and pantomimed a snap of her fingers.

  Havyn stood and must have realized some silent communication had been taking place because she looked from Chelsea to him with a quizzical
expression.

  He hid his smile under the pretense of swiping water from his face. At least someone was on his side.

  Before Havyn could question them, Rayne stepped through the door with towels and handed one to each of them.

  Havyn’s brows rose, but she took hers with a smile. “Thanks, Rayne.”

  Rayne shrugged. “Sure.” There was a glimmer of kindness in her eyes.

  Levi scrubbed the towel over his head as thankfulness coursed through him. It looked like Havyn’s attempts at friendship were not in vain. Hardly anyone knew Rayne’s story. She’d spilled it to him one night after a very long day of work. And he didn’t think she’d told too many people.

  A father she could never please and who had abused her in more ways than one. A mother who removed herself from the picture when Rayne was only ten. A brother who was a drug addict. None of them had ever believed in her. It was no wonder she held everyone at arm’s length and yet at the same time threw herself at guys in all the wrong ways. She was simply searching for something, or someone, to fill the void in her life.

  Havyn had no idea what a big gesture of friendship Rayne had just offered her with such a simple act.

  As Havyn dried off and chatted animatedly with Chelsea and Rayne about how the storm had caught them, he watched her. She had a ready smile for both women and reached out to include Rayne with a friendly touch more than once.

  I love her.

  He’d known it. But in that moment it washed over him with such force that he literally jolted.

  Havyn glanced over. “You okay?”

  He wanted nothing more than to grab her hand and take her back to the little shack where they could be alone, just the two of them, and he could convince her they were meant for each other. Instead, he slung his towel over one shoulder and toed off his shoes. “Yeah. I’ll just hit the shower first since it looks like you’re going to be out here yammering for a while?” He softened the words with a wink and enjoyed the pink that tinged her cheeks.

  “Sure.” She shrugged.

  Snagging his shoes he hurried into the house before he did something stupid to jeopardize things.

  Slow, she’d said.

  He sighed. The rest of this trip might just be a new experience in torture.

  Two days later, Havyn stood out on the front lawn once again studying the host of stars overhead. Each night the generator went off at nine o’clock. And she was drawn by the total and complete darkness to study the stars that shimmered by the myriads against the velvet black sky. She wasn’t really into astronomy and didn’t know the names or even recognize most of the constellations, but just the wonder of the tiny white lights filled her with awe.

  She wrapped her palms around the mug of tea Esther had made for her and inhaled the steam, closing her eyes to take in the night sounds. Cicadas and crickets serenaded the night to the accompaniment of a gentle breeze rustling through the hibiscus hedge.

  Behind her, footsteps sounded, and she turned. Levi strode toward her, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans.

  She returned her gaze to the sky. “It never ceases to amaze me how beautiful it is.”

  “Absolutely.”

  There was a husky quality to his voice that made her glance at him. His focus remained on her, and he let it wander the angles of her face until it paused at her mouth.

  Her tongue darted out of its own accord to moisten her lips.

  A gentle smile emphasized the indentation of one of his dimples, and he offered a slow wink.

  Waves of heat cascaded through her. But she was determined to look casual, so she lifted her mug, intent on a demure sip as she inhaled a calming breath. In an instant she was reduced to gasping and coughing.

  Calmly Levi took the cup from her, tossed the contents, and dropped the mug at their feet.

  “Hey,” she sputtered between several coughs, “I was d-drinking that.”

  He chuckled. “Apparently you were inhaling it.” He grabbed both her arms and pushed them above her head, which brought them face to face and gave her a whole other reason to struggle for breath. He held her arms there, and she did her best to direct her coughing into his shoulder and not his face.

  “Breathe, Havyn. Just breathe,” he comforted. His hands slid down the length of her arms, past her shoulders, over her back, and then up to her shoulders again, where he paused to massage little circles.

  It was only a moment until her coughing subsided. But breathing was another matter altogether. Her forehead was buried against his chest, and her arms naturally relaxed around his shoulders.

  “Havyn.” Her name emerged on a raspy whisper as his hands settled into the small of her back and he tucked her even closer. “I’m trying to do as you asked and give you time. Just tell me to take a hike and I will.” He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled slowly.

  She held her breath. What should she do? Forget that. What she should do and what she wanted to do were two entirely different things. For the past two days he had kept his distance, bided his time, and let her have her space, while still doing nice little things like bringing coffee to her room the minute he heard her stirring each morning and the picnic lunch they’d shared under the shade of the jacaranda tree out at the village today.

  She closed her eyes. She should pull away. But this was the touch she’d been craving for the past four years. The man she’d been craving. Slowly she lifted her face and looked up at him.

  A light of desire sparked in his eyes. He leaned forward, but instead of kissing her, he merely pressed his stubbled cheek to hers. “I’ve missed you so much.” His breath wafted warmth across her ear. “I didn’t know how much until I saw you again.”

  What could she say in response? She’d missed him too. Terribly. But… “Levi, I don’t—”

  “I know.” He pulled back just enough to cup her face in both his hands. “You said you wanted time. We’ll take it slow.” His hands slid to hold her like a ballroom dancer. “A little slow dancing…” He spun her in a languid waltz. After only a moment he used the momentum of a twirl to pull her up against him, threaded his fingers into her hair, and pushed it back from her face. His gaze roved her features from the circumference of her hairline to the place where her lips had parted in search of elusive oxygen. He leaned forward. “A little slow kissing…?” He met her gaze, one eyebrow quirked in question. His lips hovered just above hers as he waited for a response.

  Her pulse pounded in her ears, and before she knew what she was doing she’d given him a little nod.

  He didn’t give her more than a heartbeat to change her mind before his lips settled over hers like the silken caress of sun-heated satin.

  Warm and gentle and searching, his lips teased and tempted, and with a little groan of surrender she gave in and kissed him back. The kiss was like coming home. Everything felt…complete in that moment.

  A low rumble escaped his chest as his lips tugged at hers, and he unhurriedly increased the fervency of the kiss.

  Her fingers slid into the hair at his nape, relishing the feel of its softness juxtaposed to the prickle of stubble along his neck.

  His hands cupped her face as though at once to keep her safe and to keep her from escaping. His thumbs caressed short strokes over her cheekbones that sent a rush of hunger coiling through her.

  The need to be closer to him propelled her forward. She stood on tiptoe and pulled his head down, opening her mouth and offering more of herself to him.

  With a low groan he snatched his hands off her face and thrust them behind his back. He started to pull away.

  Disappointment coiled through her, and she leaned after him, wanting, needing, more. He gave in and kissed her again, but kept his hands clasped behind himself and purposely slowed the kiss until only his forehead rested against hers.

  Heart thundering in her chest, and doing her best to suppress her rapid breathing, she peered up at him as she rolled her lips in and pressed them together. He met her gaze from contented half-lidded
eyes.

  He cleared his throat and offered a husky “Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to be quite so…amazing.” A sheepish grin appeared before he gave her another quick peck, then eased back.

  Reaching up, he slowly disengaged her arms from behind his neck and laced his fingers through hers as he clasped their hands between them.

  For one long moment everything remained warm, and hazy, and pleasant. She felt relaxed and free.

  Then her focus honed in on the still-broken window just beside them.

  They’d had to place an order with a company in Lilongwe, and the glass wouldn’t be ready for another couple days. Even in the moonlight the web of fissures was visible through the clear tape.

  With a start, she realized just how quickly he had infiltrated her defenses. Her hands eased from his and fisted into tight knots. She stepped back, tucking her fists into her armpits till she could figure out what to say. Words refused to form from the muddled confusion of her thoughts.

  Years ago, after Daddy had left, on Sunday afternoons she and Mama always stood at the sink doing dishes together. She’d never forget till her dying breath a day during her junior year of high school when Levi had come over to play catch in the backyard. Mama had nodded her permission, but before Havyn could run off, she’d laid a soapy hand on her arm. Her eyes had been sincere and full of pain. “I hope I’m wrong, Havyn Marie, but one day if you don’t guard your heart, that boy is going to trample all over it and leave the rest of us to pick up the pieces.”

  “Oh, Mama,” she’d protested.

  Now she sighed as she looked up into Levi’s magnetic blue eyes. It had taken him three more years, but he’d finally gotten around to doing just what Mama said he would. Mama had used the word “heart.” Gran would have said “window.” Either way, he’d shattered it but good and the result was the same.

  That was her moment of clarity. She would never subject herself to that pain again. Her hand trembled when she laid it on his arm and looked up at him. “Levi, I just…things are too messed up for us ever to go back. I’m sorry.”