Becoming Bea

by Leslie Gould

  “How dare he!” Molly snarled.

  I turned toward her.

  Her face and neck were red and blotchy. “How could he do that? What a sociopath.” I was surprised Molly knew the word.

  “Don’t tell Bob and Nan,” I said.

  “Of course I’m going to tell them.” She swung her feet onto the floor.

  I took a raggedy breath. “But I’m not done with my story.”

  Molly stopped, turned back toward me, and looked into my eyes. “Okay,” she said, wiping her hand across my brow. “Finish telling me what happened.”

  I did, explaining that Phillip came and Don left with him and I made my way to the house, and then that Hope told me later I’d looked and acted suspicious when she came into the house.

  “Did you tell her what Don did?”

  I shook my head.

  “Why not?”

  “I was embarrassed. I was afraid maybe I had led him on.”

  “Did you?”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t mean to, but looking back I should have discouraged him more. I was just trying to be nice.” I wrapped my arms around myself.

  Molly groaned. “That’s no excuse, whatsoever, for him to act the way he did.”

  I lowered my head back down to the pillow.

  Molly stood and pulled the quilt up around me, tucking it under my chin, and then leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I can wait and talk to Bob with you, once he’s back with the humidifier.”

  I shook my head, unpinning my Kapp and putting it on the table beside me. Then I shook my hair loose. “I just want to sleep. I’m exhausted.”

  “Okay, I’m going to talk with him when he gets back. You sleep for a while, and I’ll come in before I leave.”

  I did want to sleep but really didn’t think I could. But unburdening myself to Molly must have done the trick. Or maybe it was knowing she, with her take-charge personality, was on my side. Whatever it was I think I drifted off before she reached the hall.

  I woke with a start, wondering where I was. The room was dim, as if dusk was falling. A baby cried, and I remembered I was at the Millers’. Down the hall, a door opened and then closed.

  I couldn’t possibly have slept all afternoon. Perhaps the rain had started again, darkening the day. I crawled from my bed and stepped to the window. Dusk had fallen. I redid my bun and then took my Kapp from the bedside table and repinned it.

  A knock fell on my door, and then it opened. Molly stood with a lit lamp in her hand. “Bea?”

  “I’m awake,” I said. “Why did you let me sleep so long?”

  “Because you needed to.” She held something else in her other hand. As she came closer, I saw it was a mug. She handed it to me. “Bob’s been waiting all afternoon to talk with you. He keeps going back between here and the shop.”

  “Oh, dear,” I said, sniffing the liquid in the mug. It was tea. With milk. The way we fixed it at home.

  I sat back down on the bed and drank it.

  “The boys have all gone home,” Molly said. “Bob wants us to go down to his office and talk with him there.”

  “I’d rather not.”

  “You have to, Bea. He’s waiting to talk with Don until after he talks with you.”

  “Doesn’t he believe what you told him?”

  “Of course he does.” Molly stepped toward me. “But he wants to hear it from you.” I sank back down on the bed.

  I wrapped my hands around the mug that had lost all of its warmth. “But it’s still Don’s word against mine?”

  Molly put her hands on her hips. “Not necessarily.”

  “But there’s no way to prove what really happened,” I whispered.

  “Let’s go talk to Bob.” Molly reached for me, taking my forearm, pulling me up from the bed.

  On the way down the hall, I stopped at the nursery door and nudged it open. By the dim light of the lamp in the room, I could see Hope standing at the changing table, Leah in her arms, and Nan in the rocking chair, feeding Kurt. In the corner, the humidifier spouted a mist into the room.

  Nan’s voice was full of concern. “Are you doing all right?” she asked.

  I nodded. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

  “Take your time,” she chirped. Hope didn’t say a thing. She just held Leah and stared at me.

  Molly pulled me to the landing and then on down the stairs. A pot of something simmered on the stove. I’d taken stew meat out to thaw that morning but hadn’t done anything with it. “Who cooked?” I asked.

  “I did.” Molly smiled. “Cate told me where to find everything. I was hoping you’d make the biscuits in a little bit though.”

  “Sure,” I said as we grabbed our capes on the way through the mudroom. “Did you take care of the babies too?”

  “Jah,” she said. “I did. I walked Asher up and down the sunroom while I talked with Cate.”

  I smiled.

  A light drizzle fell as we hurried across the yard toward the shop. As we neared the outside door, Pete came out. “Bob’s in his office,” he said. I felt certain he knew what was going on too. He held the door for us, and I followed Molly inside and down the hall.

  Bob must have heard us, because he met us at his door. “Let’s go down to the break room,” he said, “where we can sit at the table.”

  It hadn’t been that long ago that Hope and I had served the boys cookies and milk in the room. So much had happened in the last couple of weeks.

  Bob stood to the side and let us enter first. Even though there was solar electricity in the building, the light in the room was a propane lamp. He lit it quickly, directing us to the chairs. Molly and I sat on either side of the head of the table, leaving that place for Bob, but he told me to sit at the head. “Next to your sister,” he said.

  Once we were all in our places, Bob said Molly had told him what happened but he wanted to hear it from me. I went through the whole thing again, my voice growing tight as I struggled through the story.

  “Do you think Don has a girlfriend?” Bob asked. “Or do you think he was using her as an excuse to win your trust?”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t know this at the time, but it doesn’t sound like he mentioned her to anyone but me.” I hesitated and then said, “And as we stood in the parking lot, he implied that I was the ‘girlfriend’—that he hoped I’d come around and choose him.”

  Bob shook his head. “He had a sick way of attempting to win you over.”

  I didn’t answer.

  “But he used the idea of a girlfriend to convince you to go with him, to imply he was safe.” Bob patted the tabletop with the tips of his fingers. “Don seemed jealous of the Youngie here. I tried to talk with him about it once, but he became defensive.”

  I hadn’t thought about Don being jealous. That was preached against, of course, but it was also human nature.

  “I talked with him once about my first wife dying. And about how I had to choose to trust God and live the life he’d given me.” Bob sighed. “But Don said my story didn’t count. I was happily married again and blessed with a second family.”

  He certainly had been, but with a time lapse of over twenty years. Bob had waited a long time.

  “I’ll talk with Don in the morning,” Bob said. “And then I’ll deal with Ben.”

  “It really is their word against mine,” I answered, repeating what I’d said to Molly before.

  “Jah, I realize that.” Bob leaned forward, his voice sympathetic. “But I believe you, Bea Zook. You’ve never given me a reason not to. I can’t tolerate anyone working for me mistreating a woman. We’ll take this a step at a time. But you have my full support.”

  My eyes welled with tears as he stood, and we followed him down the hall, me blinking until my eyes no longer blurred.

  “A letter came for Hope,” he said and then stepped into his office to retrieve it. “I think it’s from her bishop.” Again his tone was sympathetic. “Would you give it to her?”

  I took the letter fro
m him, wondering why he didn’t deliver it himself. But maybe it was his way of keeping me in the loop. Hope might not share anything about the letter with me. It would be easier, in light of the fact that I wouldn’t be getting married at all, to know if she would be soon.

  I started to follow Molly down the hall—until she stopped abruptly. She turned back around and, looking past me, said, “Bob?”

  He stepped back out of his office.

  She stepped in front of me and asked, “Do we know for sure Don was married before?”

  I gasped. Bob raised his eyebrows.

  “Think about it,” Molly said. “If he lied about having a girlfriend, maybe he lied about being married.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Bob said. “I guess I assumed his family would have gone to the wedding. And he does have a beard.” He looked from Molly to me. We both shrugged. I’d never heard about the Eichers going to Ohio for anything. Then again, I would have been too young to notice, and even if I hadn’t been, I didn’t keep track of those things. But Molly did.

  The next morning, as I cleaned up the breakfast dishes, my hands submerged in the soapy water, I couldn’t help but glance out the kitchen window, over and over. I knew Bob would talk to Don first thing. I also knew there was no way I would know what Don’s response was, unless Bob told me. Or so I thought.

  As I dipped a plate into the burning-hot rinse water, my head up and looking out the window, Don came storming out the shop door. I expected Bob—or someone—to come after him, but no one did. He headed around the outside of the shop to the display room, stopping in line with the house and turning toward the window. I ducked my head down, concentrating on the dishes again.

  “Please don’t let him come to the house,” I prayed.

  “What did you say?” It was Hope. I thought she was upstairs helping with the babies. I hadn’t even realized I’d said it out loud. I kept my eyes downcast.

  She stepped toward the sink, placing three bottles on the counter, and then looked out the window.

  “What’s Don doing?” she asked.

  “I have no idea.” I dipped another plate in the rinse water and then put it on the rack.

  “He’s staring this way. I think he sees me,” she said.

  “Don’t make eye contact with him.” I scrubbed another plate, still stooped over.

  “Why?” She leaned forward and then quickly stepped back. “Oh, dear,” she said. “Now he’s coming this way.”

  I wanted to flee upstairs but I didn’t think that would be fair to leave Hope to deal with Don alone. I pulled my hands out of the dishwater and grabbed a dish towel. “Let’s both go upstairs,” I said, dropping the towel on the counter.

  “Wait,” she said. “Bob’s coming out of the shop.”

  I groaned. “Come on.” I grabbed her hand. “Believe me, we don’t want to stick around for what’s next.”

  “What’s going on?” She pulled away from me and stepped back to the sink.

  “Bob talked with Don this morning, and it looks like Don is upset.”

  “Uh oh,” Hope said, still staring out the window.

  I couldn’t help myself. I stepped to her side.

  Bob and Don stood face-to-face. Bob pointed to the lane and said something to Don, who turned toward the window and yelled, “Bea, come out here!”

  Bob stepped between Don and the window, blocking his view of us. I held my breath. Finally Don turned and headed toward the lane. He was out of our sight in a few steps, but Bob didn’t budge. I assumed he was watching Don until he knew for sure he’d left.

  “Here he comes,” Hope said.

  At first I thought she meant Don. I bristled, but then I realized Bob was marching toward the house. We scurried away from the window.

  “Bea,” he called as he came through the door.

  “Right here,” I answered, moving toward the table.

  “I tried to talk with Don,” he said, his hat in his hand, “but he—” He stopped when he saw Hope. “I’m sorry,” he said, turning toward me. “I thought you were alone.”

  “It’s all right.” I glanced toward Hope and then back to Bob. “Go on.”

  Bob seemed to understand that I didn’t mind if Hope heard and said, “Don got defensive and then quit, just like that. After he stormed out I was afraid he might come over to confront you, which it appears he planned to do.”

  “Denki,” I said.

  “I’m glad you came forward with this. Obviously Don has something to hide, or he wouldn’t have reacted the way he did.” Bob put his hat back on his head. “I’ll be back at dinnertime. If you need me sooner, send Hope out to the shop.” He smiled then, kindly, and left.

  “Bea,” Hope said, “what was that all about?”

  “Come dry the dishes.” I headed back to the sink. “I should have told you that night, but I was afraid to.”

  When I finished my story, she said, “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

  “I do,” I said, as sincere as I’d ever been. “So you believe me?”

  She nodded.

  “Do you think the others will?”

  Her face fell.

  “Jah,” I said. “I don’t think so either.”

  Chapter

  19

  After we’d finished up the kitchen and were ready to go upstairs, Hope pulled the envelope from her pocket that I’d given her the night before.

  “It’s from my bishop,” she said.

  I nodded. I’d gathered that.

  “He’s already sent a letter to the bishop here. He approves of the marriage.”

  I hugged her, feeling genuine happiness for both Hope and Martin. “What about your Dat?” I asked. “Have you heard from him?”

  She shook her head, looking downcast.

  “Maybe his letter will come today,” I said, giving her a hug, thankful that the rift between us had been mended.

  Later, as I fixed the noon meal, peeling potatoes at the sink, I sensed someone watching me. I looked toward the shop, wondering if perhaps Ben might be staring at the house. Perhaps he was working up the nerve to come apologize.

  I sighed. I was thinking too highly of myself. Then I had the horrible thought that perhaps Don had gone up on the hill, where he could see the house.

  I doubted he could see through the kitchen window though. I just wouldn’t go outside. That would save me the embarrassment of seeing Ben or Don.

  That afternoon Nan asked Hope to sort the laundry in the basement so we’d have a start on it the next morning. Then she asked me to help her bathe the babies. In a normal household, with one baby, I guessed the chore was done in the morning or before bed. In the Miller household it was done whenever we could fit it in.

  I stoked the fire in the wood stove and then set up the row of tubs on the kitchen table, filling two of them at the kitchen sink, as Nan brought the babies down the stairs one at a time, leaving each in the playpen as she returned upstairs for the next one. Leah’s congestion was much better. The humidifier had done the trick.

  When all three were down, I spread towels on the table. Nan picked up Leah and I picked up Asher, because Kurt was the one fussing the least, and we began undressing them.

  “I’m going to say this quickly, before Hope comes back up.” Nan’s voice was low. “If you want to go home, I completely understand. I don’t want to make an awkward situation worse for you.”

  My stomach sank. “Oh, no,” I said. “That’s the last thing I want to do.”

  “Are you sure?” Nan lifted Leah into the tub.

  I swallowed hard and nodded.

  “All right,” Nan said. “Just let me know if you change your mind.” Nan smiled down at Leah, tickling her under the chin, saying as she did, “Bob is going to leave a message for your Mamm this morning and invite her to come over for supper.”

  “Oh,” was all I could say to that. No doubt Molly had already told Mamm everything anyway, but I hated to think of her worrying about me.

  Hope’s
footsteps fell on the stairs. “Laundry’s sorted,” she said as she pushed the basement door open.

  Nan smiled at her. “Go ahead and fill the third tub and then bathe Kurt.”

  Hope complied. As we worked, I heard Cate in the hall. I surmised she was on her way to the bathroom. It was the only time she was allowed out of bed. But she kept coming to the kitchen, wearing her bathrobe and slippers.

  “Are you all right?” Nan asked.

  “No,” Cate said, sitting down at the end of the table. “I’m on my way to going crazy.”

  Nan smiled at her stepdaughter and then nodded at the chair next to the one she sat on. “If you plan on taking a little detour,” Nan said, “at least put your feet up.”

  I didn’t think she should. I thought she should go back to bed immediately, but if Nan didn’t seem too alarmed, I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything.

  Cate did prop up her feet. Her belly looked even bigger, but maybe it was the angle and the fact her robe was tied above her waist. She reached out and touched Kurt’s hand as Hope undressed him.

  “You’ll have one of these soon,” Nan said.

  Cate’s eyes teared up, and then she said, “Don’t mind me. I’m just feeling emotional. A few years ago I would have thought a couple of weeks in bed with nothing to do but read would be a Drohm.” She swiped at her eyes. “But not anymore.”

  “Sit with us while we bathe the babies,” Nan said. “It will do you good.”

  Once we were done, Cate returned to her room and we took the babies upstairs. All three were relaxed and ready to nap.

  Nan said she was going to nap too and asked Hope to work on cleaning out the garden while I fixed supper.

  It was about time for the boys’ break, and it wasn’t raining, so it was perfect timing for Hope to be outside. Once we were down in the kitchen, Hope went to the mudroom and pulled on boots. I stood in the doorway. “Don’t say anything about me to any of them,” I said.

  “Even if they ask?”

  I nodded.

  “I won’t,” she said, swinging her cape over her shoulders.

  I tried to stay away from the window as I scrubbed carrots and then turnips, but I couldn’t help but glance up now and then. At first the boys gathered around the picnic table, but then Martin drifted over to the garden. Soon Mervin and Ben joined Martin in helping Hope, while Phillip stayed put. Either Mervin or Martin said something funny, because they all laughed, except for Ben. He stood with his arms crossed, and then headed back toward the shop.