Rick Cantelli, P.I. Deadly Liaisons (Rick Cantelli, P.I. Detectives Book 2)

by Bernard Lee DeLeo

  Ken pointed at me. “You don’t tell me what I can or can’t do, Cantelli. I’ll go anywhere I want, when I want!”

  “Not to Casablanca Night, you won’t, cupcake,” Lois told him. “I’m leaving word at the door you need a time out.”

  Ken looked like he was going to launch, but better sense prevailed. That was a good sign. To his credit, he swiveled around, pulled his arm free from Jadie, and marched out. Jadie shrugged.

  “I’m really sorry about that.”

  “We know,” Lois replied, putting an arm around our restaurant partner. “Love is like a pit full of sharpened spikes.”

  Danny, Karen, and Temple had been huddling together, awaiting the outcome. They were smart enough not to get involved. I admit I didn’t see that one coming. Jadie mentioning it was my first clue. Now I owned it for better or worse.

  Danny spoke first a little hesitantly. “How did Ken get into this jealousy thing about you and Rick?”

  Jadie blushed. “He and I were talking about the time Rick shot that mobster who was going to gun us both down in front of his house. Ken asked me what I was doing taking Rick home. I… I hesitated answering. When I told him after a moment that Rick had a lot to drink, and I offered to give him a ride home, he… he didn’t take it well. Since then, he’s been freaking out if he doesn’t know where I’m at every moment.”

  Danny chuckled, shaking his head. “Maybe I should talk to Ken. Hell, if anyone has a reason to ride the Rick jealousy train, it’d be me. Rick says he’s a geezer, and I believe him. Granted, he’s a dangerous one, but he’s still a geezer.”

  We all laughed at that statement, including Jadie.

  “I hope you can work things out, girlfriend,” Karen said.

  “I’m glad Max doesn’t think that way,” Shelly said.

  Wait a minute. “Max doesn’t think that way, because like Jadie, nothing ever happened between us.”

  “I… I know, but if-”

  “But if nothing,” I said, while Lois started cackling in her usual annoying way. She was enjoying this episode of the Cantelli soap opera way too much. “Max, like Ken, has nothing to think about, Shell.”

  “Gee, Rick,” Temple piped up, “it’s a good think Stacy is in prison, or you’d be up to your eyeballs in exes.”

  She ran with a squeal before I could latch onto her ponytail, with Lo going into braying belly laughs. “You’re toast, you little tool! Okay… I’m adjourning this meeting of the blame Cantelli cult. I hope to see all of you at the restaurant.”

  “Rick?”

  I stopped reluctantly at Jadie’s call. The rest of the gang walked by with various expressions of humor and curiosity on their features. Lois made the universal fingers from her eyes to me gesture of she’d be watching my every move from now on. I turned to Jadie. She looked around at the nearly empty workout room before proceeding.

  “What am I going to do?”

  Sorry, but I read and hear all these tales of strong, independent women, but the only one I’ve ever met fitting that description was Lois. See, if guys walk around through life asking that question, we usually get our asses whooped constantly until we stop, or end up living in a cardboard box on the streets. “Let me see, Jadie, if I have this right. You own a highly successful business, and part of a second one. You, by your own words are a kickboxing enthusiast, and Tae-Kwon-Do black belt. You lead a workout class like the Nazi version of Jillian Michaels, but you need a geezer to advise you on how to handle a jealous boyfriend.”

  Jadie didn’t like my tone, my words, or their meaning. Anger is such a polite word for what I saw spread over her face, and tighten her jawline. “Fine! Forget I mentioned it, Cantelli!”

  She turned to walk away, took a few steps while counting on me to stop her with heartfelt apologies for my less than compassionate stand of non-interference. She then stopped, her hands tightening into fists when I didn’t. I began thinking she planned to give me a demo of her kickboxing skills, which I rightly thought should be used on Ken instead. She spun around.

  “You are so annoying! Can’t you for God’s sake think of someone other than yourself for even a moment?!

  That got me. In seconds I was laughing my ass off. A moment later, I was fending off the irascible Jadie, throwing shots at me with both hands. When she started throwing kicks my way, I began jetting in and smacking her on the face, while blocking her feet and hands. Yeah, I’m not very comfortable with being someone’s punching bag. It only took four or five smacks to get her focused on the fact she hadn’t landed a single blow, and that her face stung on both sides. She stopped, rubbing her face with both hands.

  “Ow! You brute!”

  This time as I laughed at her ridiculous statement, I backed away with my hands up. She didn’t follow with an attack. Jadie started laughing too.

  “You’re lucky you didn’t try that on Lois, kid. You’d be in the hospital. She’s not very good with subtle hints.”

  “Damn, Rick, you’re fast for a geezer. Help me with Ken, and I won’t beat you up anymore.”

  I shook my head. “What the hell can I do other than make the situation worse? You saw the look on his face. He didn’t believe a word we said. I’ve always heard if you hang on too tight, you lose what you care most about. Talk to him. Maybe there’s something in his past causing him to go mental on you. If you love him, it’s worth talking it out. I don’t have a clue whether people change or not, so you’re on your own as to success or failure probabilities.”

  We’d been so long dueling this out, Lois and Temple appeared back in the room. Jadie had been about to say something else when she saw our two cohorts enter the room again. Lois took everything into her harpy head view, and deduced what had happened in an instant. She walked over, smiling at Jadie. Grabbing Jadie’s chin, she tilted her head back and forth.

  “I see your recruiting gig didn’t go well. I feel your pain, partner. Cantelli’s torqued me off to the point I’ve resorted to violence on many occasions. Since I’ve gotten older though, the old softie doesn’t hit back anymore. I see he’s still damn fast.”

  “Really, Lo?” Jadie was impressed with this bit of unexpected information. Me too.

  Lois patted her cheek. “Yeah, we were in a lot more desperate situations than a pissed off boyfriend. Rick was the Navy heavyweight boxing champ. That was erased from his record when I recruited him from the Seals into the CIA. He knows just how much to pull the slap so your face stings, but you don’t wind up with marks.”

  Temple is wide eyed at this new piece of information. “Rick… smacked you around?”

  Lois chortled for a moment, waving a hand at Temple. “No, kid, he didn’t. I’m telling Jadie here that Rick’s gotten on my last nerve more times than I can count. When I was a lot younger, I was the baddest thing on earth in my own head. Rick disobeyed a direct order during our first mission we were on when I was his handler. We got back to the hotel safely, and I decided to get me some. I started reading him the riot act. He kept quiet with that irritating know-it-all grin on his face, because he’d been right about disobeying the order. I smacked him upside the head, only the smack never landed. He batted it away.”

  “He goes, ‘you don’t want to do that, Ms. Madigan’, the prick. Jesus! I was so torqued off about his attitude, the mission, and him warning me, I got busy. I went after the smartass with everything I had: kicks, Krav Maga holds, hand strikes I thought were unstoppable at the time. Rick batted them all away so fast I couldn’t even follow the reflexes he did it with. When he noticed I wasn’t stopping, he began batting them away and slapping me with a quick smack.”

  “It took about twenty of them. Slow learner.” Damn. Even I had forgotten about that initial phase of our partnership. Lo’s my sister by another mother. Yeah, I’ve taken some hits from her since we’ve gotten older, but only because she’d never do permanent damage… at least I don’t think she would.

  Lo laughed, nodding her head. “Yeah, I was. I’ve decided to share this with you
because I see Rick had to educate my partner Jadie. We’re not a couple of old fools waiting for the grave, kids. We may go sooner, rather than later, but we’re not your run of the mill geezers. If Ken is stupid enough to go after Rick in a physical confrontation, Rick’s too old to play games. He’ll kill him. If Ken gets Rick by some miracle, I’ll kill him. Rick’s part of my family. No one messes with family. Rick and I like you two kids a lot. I’m too old to play games anymore, so for you two, be careful what you do and say that gets us very dangerous geezers involved. We’re not dancing bears you trot out at any moment you feel the need. See what I’m saying?”

  Temple’s head was already bobbing up and down. “Sure… Lo… uh, can I still make a few jokes around you killers?”

  Lois grabbed the squealing little brat, shaking her and laughing. “See, Rick, this is why we can’t be honest about anything. There’s always a smartass little tool like Strawberry Shortcake here to disrespect us.”

  “I…I get your point, Lo,” Jadie said. “I may have messed up getting involved with Ken. I need to be more careful about everything.” She smiled at Lois. “It only took five for me. Thanks for sharing the stories. They were great.”

  “We’re partners. This Casablanca Night is too good to let go of,” Lois replied. “Between Karen, and the Strawberry Shortcake here, singing with our own Casablanca ‘Sam’ at the piano, these Fridays are golden. We’re making money. We’re enjoying the hell out of it, and I don’t want it to end on some sour note like an event that never happened.”

  Jadie nodded. “I’ll talk to him. If that doesn’t work, we’re through. Thanks.”

  Lois, Temple, and I watched Jadie trudge to the showers. Temple turned on me a moment after Jadie left the room, pointing at me. “You slapped the shit out of Jadie, and you didn’t think to let me watch? Damn you to hell, Rick Cantelli!”

  Oh shit, we lost it over that gem for a time, with Temple giggling at our reactions. Lois bopped her in the back of the head. “Yeah, Pop, this disrespectful yuppie larvae is yours all right. We’ll see you later.”

  “Until then… until then,” I muttered in reply as we separated. Lois surprised me for the first time in a long while. That she thought Jadie and Temple were close enough to us in the heart to give them an admission like our first conflict was a real surprise. Lo sucked up info. She didn’t give it out, especially personal stuff. I’ll admit it sure brought back memories of a bunch of head banging incidents when she and I were younger.

  Lois was intuitive on many levels. You don’t get to be one of the CIA’s top analysts and handlers without skills. We clashed because I had been in combat. She didn’t grasp the concept initially. There is a difference between cloak and dagger black ops and combat. In combat, the soldier is at the mercy of his superiors, whether they’re incompetent idiots or geniuses. In black ops, we have a mission. Our superiors don’t give a fuck about anything but the mission objective, and having a plus next to their names after completion. I always liked that better. Dealing with my handler and partner Lois was not always as cut and dried. Once she found out I would do anything to keep her alive, we bonded through the years like soldiers in a foxhole. That I made her mental at times, and she tried out her hand to hand combat skills on me occasionally went along with the job. Lois and I are family. Fuck with us at your own risk.

  I ran into Danny coming out of the locker room. Danny’s a good guy. He’s one of those people everyone takes for granted, because he never lets anyone down. Lois messes with him because she wanted me to marry Karen and have kids. That point in my life had passed. With Danny, Karen had a real opportunity for more. Danny was passing me as I walked into the locker room. He stopped me.

  “I didn’t piss you off with that remark about Karen, did I?”

  Yep, a stand-up guy, who thinks about everyone else. I grinned and clasped his shoulder. “No way, no how. That was funny, and I’m happy for everything that you and Karen have. Man… don’t lose her like that idiot Ken seems destined to do with Jadie. Karen wants to have your children. She loves you, and you couldn’t do any better for a partner in life, my friend.”

  Danny nodded his head in agreement as I released him. “Do you think Lois will ever let up on me?”

  “Yep, once the kids arrive, Lois will be sold. Will she ever really let up on you… ah… not if she likes you. She and I have been partners for decades, and I’m sure you’ve noticed our interaction.”

  Danny grinned. “Yeah, I have. I learned not to take shit from her in any form.”

  I laughed. “Yep, you got it. Lois preys on the weak like a stalking tiger.”

  “I noticed. See you at the restaurant.” Danny paused. “Hey, Rick, you wouldn’t… you know… ah-”

  I grabbed him. “Danny! Don’t start that shit in your head. Karen is a movie star. You have the perfect disposition to be together with her forever. Don’t let anything poison that. I will never ever touch Karen again! You have my word. I’m no competition to you. A lifetime of kids and events I hope you’ll invite me to lie ahead. Please don’t lose them.”

  Danny and I had a moment. Yeah, I could tell he and I were going to be friends for a long time. “Thanks, Rick.”

  I pointed at him. “You know of course I will demand you share a couple of Bushmills with me to cement our understanding sometime, right?”

  Danny chuckled and nodded. “I look forward to it, Rick.”

  I watched him stride out of the locker room, happy that I knew at least one man who cared more about what he had than some past bullshit. This philosophy stuff sucks. It’s nice to make connections though, especially with good guys. We’re of a different generation, so Danny has monkeys on his back I shed long ago. That he can imagine the ones I’ve picked up since then while dealing with his own makes him aces with me. The feel good moment in Cantelli world ended abruptly, as I reached my locker. Ken Arlington busted into the locker room like the Hulk in an Avenger’s movie. As I faced him, I couldn’t help thinking about the group sing I’d miss at the restaurant after I killed this idiot.

  “It’s just you and me now, Cantelli! You don’t have the girls fronting you!”

  I didn’t bother to say anything. I stepped around the bench in front of the locker, and got ready. I couldn’t think of anything to say that sounded in my head any better than what I had already said. What’s the use anyway? I could take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’. I was way too old to spar with dipshit. I decided to wait quietly while he amped up to do whatever the hell it was he wanted to do.”

  Ken stalked over to me, getting into his Bruce Lee stance, his hands flowing around like butterflies in the Hollywood version of a martial arts ‘get it on’ scene. I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. Ken arrives with death in his demeanor, his heart hardened to kill. Oh my God… it was just too much. Of course my laughing screwed me in terms of situational discourse. Ken let out one of those verbal exclamations of a death stroke, and launched a very impressive side kick to my nether regions. I stepped inside of it, and landed a right cross on the button with him coming into it. He dropped unconscious to the floor. After a few seconds, he started snoring, so I went in to take my shower.

  I took a quick one, and returned to my locker with the still snoring Ken on the locker room floor. I knew with the workouts and everything taking place in Jadie’s gym, sooner rather than later, someone would be in to use the facilities. I dragged Ken over, and put him slumped on the spot in front of my locker. While I was dressing, numerous gym customers came in to either dress to workout, or shower to leave. I kept making shushing sounds at my compatriots, indicating the slumped over Ken on the bench. “Too much to drink.”

  When I finished getting dressed, I took a bottled water out of my bag, and wet a towel with it. I patted his face until Ken began going through the groaning stages of arriving at a somewhat coherent state. My hand hurt appropriately after delivering a blow I should have had a glove on to administer. I was not in the best of moods.

  “Hello, Ken
? Ken… darling? This is your wake up call. Hello?”

  Ken snorted a few times, his head oscillating slightly as I held him.

  He focused finally on my grinning face. I waved a hand in there to see if his eyes moved with outside stimuli. They did. “Can… Cantelli?”

  “Yep, It’s me. Look. I should kill you. Only because I can’t envision you with enough sense to win Jadie back, I have thought of snapping your neck and taking you out into some desert setting, where you would be lost for all time. I’m old. I’ll give you a second chance. Become a man that can be respected and counted on. It doesn’t take a hero. It takes a man who can do the simple things of life – love a woman who loves him, turn her loose to be anything she wants to be, and don’t ever cross my path like this again. Are we clear?”

  Ken floundered around, his brain late to the game. His eyes met mine finally with comprehension. “You… you never did sleep with Jadie?”

  I met his gaze without blinking or smiling, which was a temptation, because I am not a saint. I thought of putting the doubt in his idiot head. “I never did, Ken. You have a wonderful woman you’ll have to win over again. Here’s the way you do it – you stay strong, you never question where she’s been, what she’s done, or what she wants. Jadie is special. That she sees something in you that attracts her is special. No one will know of our exchange here if you don’t press it. If you do… I will kill you. Do you understand that?”

  Ken nodded. His hands clenched into fists as he sat there. “I am an idiot. I love Jadie! I…I can’t think of anything but her.”

  Okay… shit… maybe I should kill him. Perspective! “Listen, Ken, you’re missing perspective. Unless you plan on holding Jadie as a slave, what possible outcome do you expect from treating her like one?”

  Ken ran his hands over his head, maneuvered back, and felt the button I had hit. “Damn, Rick, you can hit.”