by Jahquel J
“I didn’t fucking bust my ass for you to be some stupid hoe. The fuck you were thinking getting in the car with him after you found out he’s HIV positive!” Grape yelled so bad that spit flew from his lips. “Lani, take her to my crib,” he told her and she nodded.
Nudging me, she nodded. “I’ll hit you later. You going to Hazel’s wedding?”
“Bet. Drive safe. Yeah,” I told her and she nodded her head and headed out with Gigi. Gigi looked at me and she was so hurt. It hurt me to do this to her, but she had to know that this wasn’t something to be messed with. There wasn’t no re-do when you got caught up like she did. If Grand was in this situation and it wasn’t us, she would have been murdered too. Rule one in the streets was to never leave witnesses, so she would have been shot in the head in the car. Left for homicide to come and find her and tell the family she had been found dead.
Grape pulled his gun out and it was my time to bounce too. “Nigga, we tired of you running around here trying to get in where you don’t fit.”
“The fuck? Nigga, I didn’t know that was your sister. All I was trying to get was some pussy and I would have got some if you didn’t call me lying about my shipment.” This nigga had to be stupid. I had stuck around for a lot of shit, but this was where I got off this train and headed to the crib to finish sleeping.
“I’m out. Hit me if y’all need something,” I told Yoshon and Grape and dapped them up. As I got to the front door, I heard them going back and forth and then I heard the sound of the silencer going off. Closing the door behind me, I headed to my whip to go home. This wasn’t what Gigi wanted and she had to realize that her brother was trying to save her from this. Nobody wanted to live the street life, but the money was too good, and we all had families to take care of. I knew one thing, next year, I wouldn’t be doing this same thing. I had goals and I was stacking my bread to achieve that shit.
18
Hazel
Oheka Castle, Huntington, New York
I stood in the mirror and admired the Vera Wang dress I wore. My hair was pinned up with a beautiful crown that brought the updo together. My mother picked out everything I had on, down to the shoes. I had no say, not that I wanted anything. Cold feet was normal when you were about to get married. Yet, I was already married and had been for a little while. This was only a ceremony and I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. Everyone came together to make sure that they attended this wedding. After much convincing, I had convinced Denim to allow Yolani to come to the wedding. He wasn’t with it at first but then I explained that I got my friend back and she wanted to be here. I guess he realized that he had won and didn’t have to be so defensive when it came to Yolani.
Standing in front of this mirror, I should have been on cloud nine. No expense had been spared when it came to having this wedding. This should have been the wedding of my dreams and I didn’t feel anything. I wasn’t excited, happy or ready to proclaim vows to the man I was supposed to share the rest of my life with. This morning, I woke up crying and had to calm myself down before my mother came into the room. Still, I knew I had to do what needed to be done for my child. Like Yolani said, it wasn’t about me anymore. At one point, I felt like I made the right decision when it came to marrying Denim. Something in me changed and I needed it to switch back. Instead of this feeling like a wedding, I felt like I was attending my own funeral. This puffy dress was uncomfortable and heavy.
“Knock, Knock,” my mother sang as she walked into the room. “Hazel, you look absolutely stunning right now. I’m so proud to be your mother.” She smiled and kissed me on the cheek.
“Thank you, mama.”
“Everyone is seated and ready for you to come down that aisle. Your husband keeps asking about you, and can’t wait to see you,” she added.
“Does he look good?”
“He does. Tailor is here with Cristal and Cristal is very pregnant,” my mother revealed. “I don’t see a man with her, just her and Tailor,” she informed me.
Denim never mentioned that his baby mother was pregnant. When he brought her up, he never mentioned too much about her. In fact, he didn’t like to talk about her because I would bring up not meeting her.
“Did someone give Tailor her flowers to toss down the aisle?”
“Yes, I did. Alicia called this morning and she’s so sorry she couldn’t make it.” My mother relayed the message. “I don’t know why she moved to California so suddenly. Then she said she and Grand aren’t together anymore. I’ve always stuck by the girl, but now she has a baby without a daddy. She should have done things the way you’re doing them.”
Alicia called me and told me everything. She told me how she’s HIV positive and had been for a while. She also told me how Grand was abusive and she had lost her last baby. I prayed with her and told her that I loved and supported her. She didn’t want to tell my mother because she knew how she would be. For so long, my mother praised Alicia because she did everything right – according to her. I was the black sheep who chose to be with a woman and not follow the path that she wanted for me. Alicia’s path was with any and every nigga that could take care of her, and my mother praised her for it. Now that Alicia was pregnant and wasn’t with her baby’s daddy, she was upset and talking down on her. I was the one who was doing good by her so I was worthy of the praise at the moment.
“You told her that I love her?”
“I told her. I also told her she needed to go make it right with her man. That baby deserves to be with both its mother and father. It don’t matter what you’re going through, you make it work. You think me and your father are always happy? We’ve been going through it for years and still making it work.”
“Mama, you both deserve to be happy. I’m grown so you can’t use the excuse that you are staying together for the kids. I’m grown and Alicia is grown too.”
“My mama said that me marrying your father wasn’t a good thing. She didn’t support it and told me it wouldn’t last a year. I refuse to allow her to be right about my marriage. We made vows and I don’t take those lightly.”
“It’s been years, mama. Nanny has dementia and her memory goes in and out.” My mother cared too much what others thought. Her marriage was in the dump and she didn’t care, she was going to hold onto her marriage just to prove everyone wrong. The only people she was hurting were her and my father.
“My sisters and cousins. Baby, you hold onto your marriage and fight. That’s what I’m going to do until the good Lord calls us both home.” She kissed me on the cheek. “Don’t worry about me or your father. It’s about you and your husband today.” She kissed me again on the cheek and closed the door behind her.
I stood in the mirror and the tears fell down my cheeks. I loved my mother and thanked her for the speech she just gave me. She told me things that she didn’t even know she told me. It gave me the courage to call this wedding off and end this marriage that I was stuck in. Hearing how she admitted that she or my father weren’t happy and still stayed together, told me everything I needed to know. Sending out a text, I placed my phone down on the table and played with my hands. What was I supposed to do? Go out there and scream I’m unhappy and want to end the marriage? Or did I just go through with the wedding and tell him after it was all said and done. We had booked a honeymoon to Fiji soon after the wedding. A lot was involved in this and I didn’t know what to do.
“What you mean you can’t do this?” Yolani quickly came into the room and closed the door behind her. Her braids were neatly braided in two French braids. She wore a pair of cream pants, blue button up shirt and a red vest over it. She finished the outfit off with a pair of Ferragamo loafers.
“I can’t do this, Yolani. I’ve tried to convince myself that this was what was best for me and the baby, but I don’t love Denim. I love and want to be with you. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
She touched my hands and pulled me close to her. “Haze, you got a bunch of people out there ready to see you walk down the aisle. D
enim already been crying and that man loves you. He can give you the life you deserve. I’m a recovering coke head and I’m picking up the pieces of my life. You don’t deserve what I can give you.”
“You can give me love. Yes, you have a bunch of shit to work on, and I want to be there for you. When I said our fake vows, I meant them. Spending all this time with you has made me realize that I’m in love with you and never stopped loving you. I married Denim out of fear. We ended and I was afraid of being alone and pregnant.”
She pulled me into her arms and kissed me on the lips. “Haze, I love the shit out of you. I know I haven’t showed you, but I love you more than life. You’ve been there for me when no one was there and I pushed you to the side. Even after, you still came and supported me with getting clean.”
I struggled to get down on one knee and Yolani backed up and looked at me funny as hell. “Will you marry me, Yolani Santana. I mean, really marry me.”
“Shit, I thought you would never ask,” she helped me off the floor and kissed me on the lips. “I’m gonna do it right this time, babe. I promise the street shit is done. I’m going to make you and the baby a priority,” she promised me.
With tears in my eyes, I nodded my head. “Really?”
“Dead ass. You’re giving me a second chance and not too many people get too many of those. I want to show you and your family that I’m serious about you… and us. I want this to work and I’m going to make sure I put my best foot forward to make sure that it does.”
“Baby, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear from you.” I kissed her on the lips. “Can you help me out of this dress?”
Yolani helped me out the dress and I slipped into my velour sweat suit that had bride across the butt of the pants. I slipped on my sneakers and we headed downstairs. We had got off the elevator when Yolani pulled me down the hall and put her hand across my mouth.
“Why the fuck would you show up to my wedding? You were supposed to drop Tailor off to my mother, not show up.”
“I can’t come and see you get married to your wife for the second time? You love to hide me and act like what we have doesn’t exist.”
“Cristal, why the fuck are you wanting to do this now?”
“Because I’m tired of being hidden from your wife. I bet she doesn’t know that house you promised her, I’m living in with our daughter.”
Cristal and Denim were in a heated argument further down the hall. “You getting pregnant with the second baby was an accident. You know we were both drunk and the shit happened.”
“You fucking me and spending time with me when you’re supposed to be handling business is an accident too? How about that wedding band that your brother is holding? She know you got it resized because it was originally my ring?”
“Shut the fuck up. You know I love you and my family and want to make it work. Hazel is pregnant and doesn’t need this stress,” he tried to quiet her down.
“Denim, you need to quiet your whore. She’s being loud and she shouldn’t even be here.” I heard my mother’s voice. “You told me about this situation and I thought you handled it.”
“Are you fucking serious? Your mother knew all about this? Yo, your moms takes the cake, babe,” Yolani turned to talk to me and I was already walking down the hall and taking off my engagement ring.
When they saw me, they all put on a fake ass smile and tried to greet me with pleasantries. “Baby girl, where is your dress?” my mother gasped.
“The same place your fake ass should be, in the trash. How the fuck could you? I expect this from anyone else, but not my mother. You’re supposed to protect me and you knew about this?”
“Hazel, don’t act like you’re a stranger to this. Yolan… what the fuck is she doing here?” my mother didn’t finish her sentence because Yolani swaggered down the hall.
“I’ll get the whip ready,” she whispered and continued out of the hall.
“Take your ring, this wedding and kiss my ass. I thought you were different and really loved me. Instead, you were busy trying to make two families work. That was the reason you never wanted me to meet your baby mother. You were still fucking this bitch and didn’t want me to find out.”
“Baby, it happened onc—”
“Save the lies because I don’t care. I’ll have my lawyer drop the papers off to you, please do us both a favor and sign them. Mama, I wish I could say I was surprised, but you’re known for doing things to get your way. You wanted this wedding, so now you go inside and tell everyone why there won’t be a wedding going on here today.” I grabbed Denim’s hand and placed my ring in the palm of his hand.
Walking out of the wedding venue, I felt like bricks had been lifted when I walked down the stairs towards Yolani in her Bentley. She held the door open for me. Before I got in, she kissed me on the lips.
“You good?”
“I’ve never been better,” I smiled and got into the car. As I drove away from the castle that I was supposed to have my happily ever after in, I felt so at peace. I was taught that Prince Charming was perfect and the older I got, I realized that Prince Charming wasn’t perfect. We’re flawed, but we’re still perfect for each other. When Beyoncé said, we went through hell with heaven on our side. This beach ain’t always been a paradise; I felt that with my soul.
“I gotta get you a bigger ring than that nigga’s ring,” Yolani said.
“Yeah, you fucked up the first ring, so we gotta get remarried,” I quoted Beyoncé and we both laughed.
“Ight Bey. I’m not Jay, so I’m not changing our coast or nothing like that.” She grabbed my hand and held my hand as we drove away.
Epilogue
Golden
Denarau Island, Fiji Islands
4 Months Later…
“I now present you as husband and wife,” The officiant on the resort announced and everyone cheered.
Me and Yoshon turned around and shared a kiss again. I was officially married to the man of my dreams. The road to finding happiness wasn’t easy and it took a lot of work. When I least expected it, love came pushing its way into my life and didn’t care if I was ready for it or not. Everyone flew out to see us get married. I thought we were going on a summer vacation and had no clue that I was getting married. Hazel had told me she had tickets to Fiji that Denim didn’t cancel after their divorce and she and Yolani were going. Not thinking anything, I told Yoshon we should go. So, we packed up the kids and Bacon and got on the jet. It was still surreal that we traveled places on a jet.
Pit Pat wiped away tears as she held onto Yaya, who was now clapping her hands and spitting her infamous spit bubbles. Gyan was clapping and waving at me and Yoshon. He and Yoshon had a conversation before we came and he wanted to start calling him pops. Yoshon held it together and then lost his cool when he came back into our bedroom. Besides when Yaya was born, I hadn’t seen him cry that way. My son was starting private school next year and he was so happy. He made friends with the children in our gated community, so he wasn’t always home. He was happy and healthy. That was all I could ask for. God had looked out for us and now we were finally getting blessed. Sometimes I would question what path he was taking me down and now I knew that I shouldn’t have questioned him. He was taking me down that road to lead me to Yoshon Santana.
Yolani smiled and winked at me as we walked down the aisle. Man, I was so happy that she was my sister in law. Shit was shaky when her ass tried to get me arrested, but since she had been clean, she stepped up. She and Hazel weren’t married because Yolani wanted to give her the wedding of her dreams after she had the baby. Me and Yolani worked hand in hand at making sure the family businesses were running smoothly. Me and her were in the process of opening up another salon for Hazel. It was supposed to be a push present for Hazel and we were keeping it a secret. She had sold her house and moved into the same community that me and Yoshon lived in. She lived a few houses down and she and Hazel were preparing for the baby. Yolani was truly happy and I was happy for her. She didn’
t change her mind on having a relationship with her son and we all respected that. Big Ben was always at her and Hazel’s house eating their food. Their friendship had gotten stronger and now he was messing with Gianna. Grape wasn’t happy that his sister was dating, but he was glad that Big Ben wasn’t some slimeball nigga and knew how to treat a woman. He was always on her about school and didn’t fuck around when it came to her getting that education.
Grape and Mo were still going strong. He had moved her and the kids into his new condo and they were so happy. Grape couldn’t have kids and he loved Mo’s kids. Grape had been having jewelers come to our house so I knew he was about to pop the question real soon. I couldn’t wait for Grape to have the happiness that he truly deserved. He put up with so much and dropped everything for us that it was about time that he finally got the happiness he deserved.
Hazel was carrying a little girl and she was naming her Sapphire. We couldn’t wait until she had her because she was either angry or hungry and we couldn’t take much more of the mood swings. Hazel and her mother still didn’t talk and she never wanted to touch on the hurt she felt because of her mother. She and her father’s relationship was more than close. He found out what his wife did and filed for divorce. Stacy wasn’t letting him go that easy and was prolonging with signing the documents. Hazel didn’t want anything to do with her mother and refused to speak to her. Shit, I could see why she was so mad. Her mother knew about her husband cheating and having another child and didn’t tell her daughter. That was girl code and she broke that by hiding that from her daughter. She was so worried about trying to have a picture perfect life, that she ruined her relationship with her daughter and granddaughter.
Alicia was having a little boy and was doing good. She and Jean weren’t together, but he was stepping in as the father of the child. She had her own condo and was working in his gym. She called Hazel every week to update her on the pregnancy and catch up. She was so happy that Hazel decided to break free and do what she wanted instead of listening to her mother. Hazel was so happy and I could see it on her face. She was glad that she decided to go with her gut and true feelings. She and Yolani’s relationship went through hell and back but they still were able to find the love they had and keep it.
