Stars On Fire

by E. L. Todd

  “Well, it’s not weak. You have every right to be upset. If our positions were reversed, I would have the exact same reaction. Anyone would. If you think crying makes him the winner, that’s not true. Let it out, feel the pain, and then move on. You can’t move on until you feel it.”

  “How do you know about this stuff?”

  He shrugged. “I was three when my father died. I don’t remember him at all, I was too young when he left. But I got to know him through his pictures, through his old interviews, from what everyone says about him in the control center. And when I hear about how exceptional he was as a man, an astronaut, and an engineer… I’m devastated that I never knew him. I’m devastated that he never got off the ground before he died. There are nights when that haunts me…and I get pretty low. I’ve never had my heart broken by a woman, but I’ve definitely had my heart broken. Every time I launch, I feel like shit for hurting my family, for knowing there’s a good chance I may never come back. Heartbreak is something I deal with on a daily basis. I’ve never been betrayed the way you have, but I’ve got my baggage too.”

  “But you don’t cry…”

  “What makes you think I don’t?”

  “You do…?” He seemed too manly to have such intense emotions. He seemed too brave to break down like that.

  “I have before. The guys in the control center found this old video where my mother brought me to the Space Center. My father was in his NASA jacket, and he held me in front of the rocket he was going to launch in. He smiled at me like I was his whole world. He kissed me on the head and held me like he never wanted to let me go. When I saw that…I cried. That was the last time I was with my father before he died. It’s the only evidence I have that he loved me, that leaving wasn’t easy. I’ve only seen it once because it’s too hard to watch.”

  My eyes watered thinking about it, imagining how that video looked. “I’m sorry…”

  “And I’m sorry for what just happened to you.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, still feeling the hurt from Cameron, but also feeling a little better after talking to Neil. Knowing other people had their own pain made me feel less alone. But nothing could erase the ache I felt. Nothing could numb the overwhelming feeling of abandonment that pounded in my veins. “He’s having a baby… I had no idea.”

  Neil stood close to me, his eyes filled with profound sympathy.

  “I wanted a family as much as he did. I was devastated when I found out I couldn’t have children. Seeing her…makes me realize he was sleeping with someone else before we got divorced. The second the doctor told us we couldn’t have children naturally, he jumped ship and found someone else. He stopped respecting our marriage because I was useless to him. He knocked up someone else when he probably hardly knew her. I just feel… I really do feel like I got hit by a train.”

  He nodded slightly. “I thought about punching him in the face, but it was more important to get you out of there.”

  “That would have been a terrible idea. Someone would have gotten it on camera, and it would have been all over the news…making you look like a jerk.”

  “You think I care?”

  “You just told me you want to inspire people.”

  “And if they knew why I punched some asshole in the face, they would be inspired.”

  I smiled slightly, touched that Neil was protective of me.

  “How about we go out and get a few Slurpees? Then we can watch a movie and go to bed.”

  “That does sound better than crying in bed all night…”

  “You can still do that. I’ll hold you until you’re done.”

  “Because you want to get laid when I’m finished?” I teased, trying to break the solemn mood.

  He didn’t crack a smile. “No. I just want to be there for you…because you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

  IT WAS JUST Kyle and me in the lab, so we had all the privacy in the world. Two other technicians went on break, so we had the place to ourselves. I just ran the centrifuge, and now I was recording data into the computer.

  Kyle came to my side, wearing a collared shirt and slacks under his white coat. “What’s bothering you?”

  “Why do you think anything is bothering me?”

  “You haven’t made eye contact with me all day…and you aren’t making eye contact with me now.”

  Neil made me feel a lot better, but I knew I would have to tell Kyle and Stacy what happened. And just the thought was enough to make me feel like shit all over again. Watching Cameron have dinner with his baby’s mama was agonizing…talking about it was just as bad. “I had a terrible night last night.”

  “You dumped Neil?”

  “No…I can’t dump someone who’s just a friend.”

  Kyle leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. He had dark hair that was slightly curly when he didn’t style it. His five-o’clock shadow was thick like he’d skipped the shave for a couple of days. “Then what happened?”

  “Neil and I went to dinner last night…and Cameron was there.”

  “Did Neil stab him with a steak knife?”

  “No. Cameron wasn’t alone. He was with a woman…”

  “A woman who will never be as beautiful as you.” He was a man of few words, but he could be so sweet and supportive.

  “She was pregnant…”

  He dropped his indifferent attitude, and his eyes contracted on my face. “Jesus Christ…are you serious?”

  I nodded.

  “Maybe it was just a friend—”

  “It wasn’t.”

  He bowed his head and sighed, his cheeks puffing with the breath he sucked in through his teeth. “What a fucking asshole.”

  I shrugged. “It was a shock at the time. Neil calmed me down.”

  “Why should you be calm? You should have smashed a glass over his head.”

  “Maybe…but all I wanted to do was get out of there.”

  “Man, I really hate that guy.” He straightened once more and gave me a pained look, like he wished he could take all problems away. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “No…it’ll just take time to get over this.”

  “Yeah…” He nodded his head slowly. “It’ll take a long time.”

  “THIS IS what I’m gonna do.” We were in the middle of a restaurant, but Stacy was losing her shit like a psychopath who couldn’t keep her emotions in check. She slammed her hand on the table, making her glass of water shake with the strike. “I’m gonna pull up to his house like a fucking gangster and throw bricks through every single window. I’m gonna break down that door and rip that house apart piece by piece. Then when he runs outside, I’m gonna smack his face with a damn shovel. And then—”

  “Stacy, chill.”

  “I will not chill. I’m gonna take that fucker out.”

  I knew she was really pissed when she started talking like she was in the mafia. It rarely happened, and when it did, she went crazy. It was entertaining to an extent, but not when we were in public. “He’s not worth it. What’s done is done.”

  “No. He deserves an ass-kicking.”

  “I believe in karma—and it’ll come back for him. One day, he’ll get hurt or sick, and then she’ll ditch him. That’s how the world works.”

  “Or we could make our own karma, and I could run him over with my car.”

  Damn, she wasn’t going to let this go. “Neil took me home…and made me feel so much better. I was so low, and he somehow picked me up. I don’t understand how he does it.”

  The mention of her brother-in-law curbed her anger a little. “It’s hard to imagine Neil being that way. I hardly see him, and when I do, he’s usually a womanizer. He’s just so distant all the time that it’s hard to imagine someone having an emotional relationship with him.”

  “I’m sure he has an emotional relationship with Vic.”

  She shrugged. “It’s not like men have deep conversations.”

  “I’m sure Neil and I hav
e a different relationship than he does with other women. He says those relationships are purely physical, but we’re actually friends, so it’s different. And when he leaves and returns…we’ll only be friends.”

  Stacy studied my face. “That makes you sad. I can tell.”

  “Of course it does. Neil is the best sex I’ve ever had. It’ll be hard to let that go.”

  “Best you’ve ever had?” she asked in surprise. “Wow, it must run in the family.”

  I chuckled. “Yeah, maybe.”

  “So, what’s he like? What’s so good about it?”

  I shrugged and didn’t divulge any details.

  “Oh, come on. You don’t have to describe what he looks like naked or anything.”

  “Alright…but he does look good naked.”

  “No surprise there. He’s ripped.”

  He had such a hard chest, a tight stomach, and those sexy V lines that fit men sometimes had. “He’s such a good kisser. He starts off slow, like he’s taking his time. And then he picks up the pace, glides his fingers through my hair, and kisses me like I’m the only woman he wants. And then we’re together…he’s just so good. Sometimes he’s slow and easy, and sometimes he’s like a sailor on leave. It’s never the same thing twice. And it’s always sooo good. I’m gonna miss him.”

  “Well, if you really like him, why do you have to stop?”

  “Because that’s not what we agreed on. I don’t want to be another woman he dumps and forgets about. I want him to stay in my life. The best way to do that is to stay friends.”

  “But won’t you always have feelings for him?”

  “Not necessarily. I’ll always be attracted to him, but I’ll eventually be in a relationship with someone new, so those feelings will fade.” Neil would always be a bachelor, going from woman to woman when he was on Earth, and then venturing back to the stars where he belonged. He would never belong to a woman…especially not me. “Besides, it would be really difficult to love a man who’s so far away.”

  “Yeah.” Now that the subject had been changed, she calmed down. “I’m sure there’s a better guy around here…someone who intends to stay on Earth. Someone who could still be a friend to you…and so much more.”

  I laughed because it seemed ridiculous. “Maybe someday…but not anytime soon.”

  15

  NEIL

  CHARLOTTE BROUGHT HER STUFF OVER, placing all her boxes and bags in the spare bedroom down the hall. All of her furniture had been put in storage, along with her dishes and other big items.

  I was leaving in a few days and working long hours to prepare for the mission. We would be living together in the meantime, but since I was so busy, it probably wouldn’t feel that way.

  “Are you sure about this?” Charlotte opened the back door and let Torpedo outside. “There’s still time to back out.”

  “You’ve already given up your apartment.”

  “I can always move in with Stacy.”

  “No. I want you here.”

  She smiled and shut the door. “How was work?”

  “Exhausting. I have to go back tonight.”

  “You do?” She walked up to me, looking so hot in those little shorts. With her arms crossed over her chest and her tits pressed together, she looked at me with those beautiful eyes. “Please tell me you won’t be gone all night.”

  It was sexy having a woman waiting for me at home. I never let anyone stay here when I wasn’t around, but now a naked woman would be in my bed…lonely without me. She gave me an incentive to get shit done quickly at work. “I’ll be home really late. Probably not until two.”

  “You’ve done missions before. Why are they making you do so much work now?”

  “Because there’s so much work that goes into it. We want to make sure there are no mistakes.”

  “Yeah…”

  I’d just walked in the door and I wanted to shower, but I’d rather take off those cute shorts and fuck her on the dining table. She lit up my day every time I saw her, made me forget about the stresses weighing me down. She invigorated me with a shot of energy that had the power of rocket fuel.

  She continued to watch me with a note of sadness in her eyes, obviously thinking about my departure. She knew this would happen, knew this moment was fast-approaching, but now that it was here, it weighed her down.

  It weighed me down too.

  She moved into me and rose on her tiptoes so our lips were closer together. Her hands used my biceps for balance, and she pressed a soft kiss to my lips. It was simple and affectionate, not the passionate embrace we usually shared during sex. She pulled away and let her left hand slide past my chest as she kept walking. Her footsteps sounded on the hardwood floor as she headed down the hallway to the bedroom.

  It only took me a few seconds to turn around and follow her.

  She was naked on the bed when I walked inside, her shorts and panties on the floor. Her top hung over the edge of my dresser. She lay on her side on the bed, her hips narrowing into her tiny waist before her large tits came into view. The side of her head was propped up by her palm, and she kicked her legs slightly as she stared at me.

  I pulled my shirt over my head and kicked off the rest of my clothes. When I was down to my pure nakedness, I walked to the bed and joined her. My skin brushed against the soft sheets, and the scent of her perfume surrounded me like a heavenly cloud. I lay beside her, her legs hiked over mine with our bodies pressed together. My heart was pounding in my chest in anticipation, but I didn’t kiss her. I chose to stare at her instead, to commit this moment to memory so I could think about it when I was in space. My mission would be lonely, even with two other guys in the crew. It was always lonely…but it had never bothered me until now.

  “I have a secret…”

  She’d never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment. With her hair over one shoulder, her eyes reflecting the light from the hallway, her soft skin so damn smooth, she seemed like a fantasy I’d made up in my head. Could a woman really be that beautiful? Or did she just seem gorgeous because I was about to depart from this planet for a long time? “What’s your secret?”

  “I’m going to really miss you.” Her hand glided over my chest, her fingertips tracing the strength of both of my pecs before she moved down to my chiseled abs. Her eyes studied her movements before she lifted her gaze to meet my eyes once again. “You’re a good man, Neil. You’re kind, compassionate, good…and I’m glad you’re my friend.”

  She didn’t feel like my friend in that moment. She felt like something so much more. “I’ll miss you too, Slurpee.”

  “Torpedo will too.”

  “At least he has my wallet.”

  Her beautiful lips rose into a smile. “Yeah…”

  When I returned to Earth, Charlotte and I would only be friends. I wouldn’t be able to touch her this way, to glide my hand up her thigh and squeeze her perky ass. I wouldn’t be able to kiss those soft lips, to taste that sweet pussy. She would be untouchable. Three months from now, she might even be in a relationship. Kyle might make his move and finally get what he wanted.

  The thought disappointed me, made me jealous, even made me sad. But there was no future for us. I would always be dedicated to something else, to something bigger than a relationship. After everything she’d been through, she deserved the best…she deserved a man who would always be there.

  Kyle seemed to be that man.

  Her fingers continued to roam over my body, her eyes watching her movements. “So, you leave on Tuesday…”

  “Yeah.”

  “I hope you don’t have plans this weekend.”

  If my job weren’t so important, I would just blow it off. Why would I want to leave when I had this drop-dead gorgeous woman right beside me? I wouldn’t be sleeping much this weekend, balancing Charlotte with my professional obligations. I should be spending time with my family, but they were somewhat shunning me for leaving so soon after I just got back. All my free time would be spent with her,
buried between her slender thighs. “Yes…I have plans with you.”

  I STOPPED by to have a beer with Vic after work.

  He was in a sour mood, not bothering to hide his annoyance that I was departing so soon after I’d returned to Earth. He ignored his beer, which was a big sign that he was ticked. He normally downed booze like it was water when he was in a good mood. With both arms on the table and a hostile expression in his eyes, he looked annoyed just to sit there with me.

  If I’d known he was going to be an asshole, I would have just stayed home with Charlotte.

  “So…you leave tomorrow?”

  “Yeah…bright and early.”

  He hadn’t blinked in nearly a minute. “Why are you so leaving so soon?”

  “I need to fix the rover system. There’s something wrong with it that requires a manual override.”

  “And someone else on site can’t do it?”

  “You think the brightest minds in the world didn’t think of that?” I asked sarcastically.

  He narrowed his eyes.

  I drank my beer. “I’m the only engineer qualified to do it. We just had an engineer there, but he recently returned to Earth. Bad timing.”

  He sighed in annoyance.

  “Vic, this is how it is. Accept it.”

  “You’ve been home for like a month.”

  “I know. They don’t normally send astronauts back so soon, but this is a special circumstance.”

  “Of course…only Commander Neil Crimson can solve all the problems…” His tone was filled with sarcasm and bitterness, and he couldn’t contain his anger. “You’re a fucking superhero.”

  Jesus. “Vic…you need to calm down.”

  “Calm down?” he asked incredulously. “You’re up there so much, why do you even bother coming back? Do you hate your family so much that you never want to be on Earth?”

  “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

  “Stacy and I are starting a family. You’re going to miss all of that.”

  “I’m only going to be done three months, Vic.”