The Year of Falling in Love

by Jessica Sorensen

"He's not a player. He's just ..." But I'm not sure what word fits Kyler. Yes, he flirts. Yes, he's had girlfriends. Yes, he talked to me yesterday about how he's hooked up with girls he didn't really know. "He might've in the past, but I know for a fact that he wants to take things slow."

  His gaze bores into mine. "Did he tell you that?"

  I nod. "He said he wanted to take things slow, and I know he was telling the truth because he wouldn't even kiss me on the lips."

  He grinds his teeth. "But he kissed you somewhere else?"

  Crap. "Um... Kinda of... I mean, he kissed me beside my lips..." God, this is so awkward. I should've just lied and said no.

  Kai grows quiet. I can't tell if he's irritated, upset, mad, confused, or what.

  "You want me to finish the story?" he asks quietly.

  I nod, more than relieved to get away from the subject of Kyler almost kissing me. "Yes, I'm dying to hear if she ended up kissing the mom."

  "She tried, but the mom wasn't having any part of it, so she moved on to the dad and the guy holding the party, his friends, their friends, pretty much everyone."

  "Did anyone kiss her back?"

  "A couple of people," he says. "But a lot of them blew her off because she was too drunk."

  "I know this kind of makes me a bad person," I say, "but I like the idea of her getting rejected."

  "It doesn't make you a bad person. In fact, I'm pretty sure you could never be a bad person." He squeezes my hand. "You don't have a bad bone in your body."

  A couple of days ago, I may have agreed with him, but right now, I can't quite convince myself that I am.

  "So, what happened?" I refuse to let myself think about my mom too much; otherwise, I'll drown in the thoughts. "Did she go home alone?"

  He stops in front of the fence but doesn't climb over. "No, she actually went home with me."

  A sudden, crazy, irrational possessiveness overcomes me. Hannah went home with Kai? Hannah's been with Kai? Kai? My friend Kai? No! The idea makes me maddeningly jealous. I don't know why. He's just my friend. But him being with her ... like that ... Ugh. My stomach aches just thinking about it.

  "Not like that," he says, as if reading my mind. "Kyler made me take her home after the guy throwing the party said she was too drunk and being annoying."

  My jealousy simmers down. "Why did he make you take her home?"

  "Because his friends told him to make me," he replies with a shrug. "Because I was the youngest. They did shit like that all the time, and if I argued, they'd make my life a living hell."

  What he says makes me wonder if that's why he went from popular athlete to bad boy stoner. But before I can ask, he leans against the fence and continues on with the story.

  "But, anyway, I took her home like I was supposed to. Only, when I parked the car in the driveway, she wouldn't go inside. I asked her if she needed help and she said yes. Then she tried to kiss me," he says. "When I leaned out of the way, she started to cry then threw up on the floor. She started babbling about what a shitty day she had, how your dad missed one of her cheerleader competitions. Apparently, he said it was because of work, but she found out it was because he secretly went to some art fair you were part of. And that made her so jealous of you."

  "Hannah jealous of me?" I question in doubt. "That doesn't sound like something she'd say or feel."

  "Um, yeah, it does. I mean, think about it. You're talented, sweet, and you're so much stronger than she is. Deep down, I think she always knew you'd turn into the pretty, little butterfly you are now." He dazzles me with a charming grin.

  I roll my eyes, but my heart's doing all sorts of weird things in my chest. "But she has the perfect life. Why be jealous of someone like me?"

  "She doesn't have the perfect life, Isa. She's a fake person who's lived a fake life and feels fake. She admitted that to me, too."

  What he says is making me question everything. All those years of living with Hannah, watching her become popular and get whatever she wanted, and now Kai's trying to say she's jealous of me. It doesn't make any sense. None of what he's telling me makes any sense.

  "The art fair she mentioned," I say. "I remember it, but my dad wasn't there. No one in my family ever went to any of them."

  "She said something about him peeking in on you or something, because Lynn would have freaked out if she knew," he explains, "just like Hannah did."

  I'm not sure what to say. The idea that my dad would go to one of my art fairs seems insane. Even if he did, I'm not sure I care since he did it in secret, still putting me second over Lynn. And like Lynn said earlier, he hates me. If he hated me, why would he secretly go to the art fair, though?

  I shield my eyes from the sun as it peeks through the clouds. "How did you end up getting Hannah into the house?"

  "It was actually really complicated because she kept trying to hit on me again," he says. "No matter what I said, she wouldn't stop. Finally, I had to tell her something that pissed her off enough."

  "What'd you say?"

  For a fleeting second, panic flashes in his eyes. "I'm not even sure ... I can't really remember." He's lying, but before I can say something, he hurries on with the story. "Whatever it was got her to go into the house." He picks at a crack in the fence. "But not until she threatened me first. She said, if I ever told anyone, she'd ruin my reputation. But since my reputation is long gone, I figure her threat is pretty useless now."

  "It's kind of silly that she got so upset," I say. "I've been embarrassed way worse than that."

  "But you're a lot stronger than Hannah," he presses, glancing up at me with those crazy-intense eyes of his. "And Hannah can't handle the idea of people knowing she was rejected. She wants everyone to believe she's perfect, even when she's not."

  "Yeah, I know." I look down at mine and Kai's fingers still interlocked. The touch brings me so much comfort. I just wish I could hold onto the comfort forever. "Thank you, Kai."

  "For what?"

  "For distracting me and getting me to calm down."

  "Anytime." He shifts his weight, straightening his stance. "And now that you're calmed down, I'm going to tell you our solution to this whole stolen folder dilemma."

  I perk up a tiny bit. "You have a solution already?"

  "Of course I have a solution. I'm a badass."

  "Ego Man to the rescue, huh?"

  "Da-da-da-daaaaa," he singsongs, and I snort a laugh. The sound makes him grin with pride. "See? There's my strong girl."

  I smile again, but inside I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, back the freak up. Did he just refer to me as his girl?

  "So, what's the plan? How do we get the folder back?"

  "The plan's pretty simple, but don't let that take away from my awesomeness." He winks at me. "I'm just going to go to Big Doug's and get him to give me a second copy of the info. I have to talk to him, anyway, and get my phone back."

  "Are you sure you should be doing that, though? After what happened last night ... Maybe you should keep some distance from Big Doug. Plus, you're supposed to be taking it easy today." I hate to say it, but it needs to be said. While I want to know everything there is to know about my mom, I don't want Kai doing questionable, perhaps risky stuff just to make that happen.

  "I'll be fine, and I can take it easy and still get this done," he reassures me. When I continue to show my concern, he adds, "I won't do anything crazy. I'll just get my phone and the papers and get out."

  "Can I go with you, so I won't just sit around, worrying?"

  His muscles wind tight. "I'm not sure if that's a great idea."

  "But you let me talk to Big Doug before."

  "Yeah, but that was before ..." He blows out a breath, raking his fingers through his hair. "I just don't want to risk getting you into any trouble."

  "What if me and Indigo go with you and sit in the car?" I suggest. I don't think I could stand sitting around, waiting for him to return, worrying if he's okay while worrying about what kind of information is going to be in the papers. "You n
eed a ride, anyway, right?"

  His mouth sinks into a frown, as if just realizing this. "I guess I do. Fuck. I forgot about that. I need to figure out what to do about my car." He scratches his head. "All right, you can come. But you have to sit in the car."

  "Thanks for everything." Without even thinking, I circle my arms around him and hug him. "You're, like, the best friend ever."

  "I know," he says, slipping his arms around my waist.

  We hug for a second or two before I start to pull away, but his arms tighten and hold me against him.

  "Just one more second," he murmurs, nuzzling his face against the crook of my neck.

  I'm not sure why he needs more time, but I let him have it.

  After he finally lets me go, he hoists himself over the fence and then helps me over.

  As we head back toward the apartment, my thoughts instantly drift back to my mom. I try to picture her sitting in jail, locked away, a terrible person who's done terrible things. It's hard to picture, though, maybe because I don't even know what she looks like. I know nothing about her other than her name is Bella and that she might be a murderer. The idea of that being it--that's all she'll ever be to me--makes me feel sick to my stomach.

  Please, please, let there be something good inside those papers.

  Chapter 14

  Kai

  I was getting worried about Isa. She looked so pale, so out of breath, like she was about to faint. It made me feel like maybe I screwed up by telling her about her mom. After I took her for a walk and distracted her with the story about Hannah, though, she managed to calm herself down a bit. I shouldn't be that surprised. She's always been tough like that. She's been through so much in her life and has managed not to let it drag her down.

  I'm glad I could help her. Still, when she asked me what I said to Hannah to get her into the house, I almost had a panic attack myself. For a second, I damn near lost my mind and almost actually told her. Thank God I managed to mentally smack some sense into myself and keep my mouth shut. Maybe I'll tell her one day, but definitely not today. She's already had enough piled on her plate for one day and doesn't need me dumping my feelings onto her.

  "I'm not sure I'm a fan of this idea," Isa's grandma says after we return to the parking lot and Isa tells her our plan to drive over to Big Doug's and get another copy of the papers. "After the morning you've had ... I'd rather you stay home, at least for the day."

  Isa shuffles up onto the curb beside her. "Grandma, this is really important. What if there's something in those papers that could," she bites at her thumbnail, "like, prove she's innocent."

  Her grandma sighs and places a hand on Isa's shoulder. "Hon, I highly doubt that's what's going to be in those papers. If there were something like that lying around, I'm sure she wouldn't be in jail."

  "So, you think she's guilty?" Isa asks, her voice cracking.

  "No, that's not what I'm saying." She gives Isa's shoulder a squeeze. "Why don't we avoid jumping to any conclusions until we have the facts?"

  "That's what she's trying to do," Indigo chimes in then cups her hands around her mouth to light another cigarette.

  "I understand that," their grandma replies through gritted teeth. "But I don't think wandering off to some guy's house to get a few papers about the case is the best idea right now, especially when I know nothing about this young man or how he managed to get this information about Isa's mom." Her eyes land on me as if waiting for an explanation.

  "He's a friend of mine," I say, knowing I need to be vague. Big Doug has made it clear from the day I met him that he doesn't want a lot of people knowing very much about him. "And he's really good with computers."

  "Is he a hacker?" their grandma asks with distrust written all over her face.

  "You know what a hacker is?" I ask, shocked.

  Indigo starts hacking on cigarette smoke. "Holy shit, Kai. Now you've gone and done it. You just pissed her off."

  Their grandma's eyes narrow, first at Indigo then at me. "Yes, I know what a hacker is. I may be old, but I'm not stupid."

  I make an apologetic face. "Sorry. I just thought--"

  "You thought, because I'm old, I don't know stuff." Their grandma faces me with her arms crossed, her expression firm. "But I know a lot, like if your friend did somehow get ahold of records about the case, he probably obtained them illegally."

  "I'm not sure if they were records about the case." I'm uncertain what else to say because, honestly, knowing Big Doug, they could've been records about the case. "The stuff he found before wasn't illegal. They were public records."

  Their grandma's forehead furrows. "The stuff he found before?"

  "A couple of days ago, when he broke the news to me that Isa's mom was ..." I trail off, glancing at Isa. Her arms are wrapped around herself, her head tucked down. "All the information he gave me then was all information you can find on the internet."

  "But how did he even find out her last name?" Isa peers up at me, the sadness in her eyes nearly swallowing me whole.

  "That might've not been done legally," I admit. "I honestly don't know his exact process. I'm just sort of the messenger."

  Isa stuffs her hands into the pocket of my jacket she's wearing. "What is it?" she asks so softly I barely hear her. "Her last name, I mean."

  "Bella Larose." I curl my fingers inward to stop myself from touching her again, knowing right now might not be the best time for that.

  Isa stares off into the distance. "It's pretty ... too pretty, I guess."

  I'm unsure what she means exactly, but something about what she says triggers a nerve with her grandma.

  "All right, you can go, but on one condition. Indigo goes with you, and you two sit in the car while he," she aims a finger at me while looking at Isa, "runs in. I don't want you getting into trouble at all. It's too risky right now with this stuff going on with your parents. They're still your legal guardians, and the last thing we need is for you to get arrested or something. We need to be on our best behavior." She flicks a glance in Indigo's direction and mine. "All of us."

  I'm not sure why I'm included in their family decisions, but I find myself nodding in agreement. The last thing I want to do is get Isa in trouble because of something I did. I just wish I wasn't in so much trouble already.

  "Maybe Kai should just borrow the car and drive himself." Their grandma grows wary again.

  Isa shakes her head. "He can't drive. Doctor's orders, remember?"

  "Shit, I forgot about that." Their grandma's narrowed gaze lands on me. "You'll make sure she stays in the car?"

  I draw an X across my chest. "I swear she won't go anywhere else."

  "I'm not a child," Isa tells her grandma. "If I said I won't go in, then I won't."

  "Just like the time when you and Indigo promised me a thousand times that you could handle getting back to the hotel before midnight," she replies with an arch of her brows.

  Isa pulls a guilty face. "Um, I think that was the night my watch broke, maybe."

  "Hey, it's not our fault you didn't know five o'clock was the new midnight," Indigo interrupts, a circle of smoke surrounding her face.

  Their grandma heaves a sigh. "Please just hurry. The quicker we get this done, the faster I can relax. While you're gone, I'll talk to my police friend and see if he can tell us anything. I'm also going to ask him about the break-in to see if he thinks I should report it." She tosses a set of keys to Indigo. "Take my other car, just in case he needs to look at this one for some reason."

  "You could also find out if he has access to the security cameras," I say, bending down to tie my shoelace. "It might be nice to find out who broke into your car."

  Their grandma opens her mouth to say something to me but then decides against it and turns to Isa. "Be careful," she warns before walking away.

  "I hate that she's stressed," Isa mutters when her grandma is out of earshot. "It's too unhealthy for her."

  "It's unhealthy for you, too." I stand up straight and step up on the curb
beside her. "You need to try to relax."

  She only seems to stiffen more. "I can try, but I don't think it's going to happen, not until I know for sure ... And even then, I might not be able to ... depending on how this all turns out."

  Indigo flicks her cigarette onto the ground and stomps her boot on top of it. "You want to know what I think?"

  Isa glances at her. "I guess so."

  She links arms with Isa. "I think that, no matter what happens, you'll eventually be okay again."

  "I don't know about that," Isa says. "It doesn't feel like things will ever be the same again."

  "They won't ever be the same," Indigo replies. "But that out-of-control, nothing-makes-sense-anymore feeling you have right now will fade."

  "How do you know that's how I'm feeling?" Isa asks. "It's, like, dead-on."

  "We've all had it at one time or another."

  "There's more to it than that. You have a story." Isa eyeballs her cousin. "I can tell."

  "Now's not the time for my stories." Indigo jumps off the curb and marches for a car parked in the space across from us. "Right now, we're going to focus on finding out what the hell was in that folder."

  I follow them, crossing my fingers Big Doug won't make it a pain in the ass to get another copy. I don't think there should be a problem, but sometimes, he gets weird about stuff for no reason.

  Once we get into the car, Indigo backs up out of the parking spaces and drives toward the exit of the apartment complex. When we're about to pull out onto the street, Indigo asks me where to go. I tell her to turn right and keep driving for a while. I'll let her know when to make the next turn. Then I sit back and attempt to relax, but with my head pounding and my worry for Isa increasing, it's pretty much impossible.

  I want to comfort Isa or at least try to distract her, but I'm sitting in the backseat, and she's in the passenger seat. She hasn't looked at me or Indigo since we got into the car. I know what that quiet means. It means she's silently drowning in her own worries. I've done it enough times that I get it. The only way to stop it is a distraction.

  I slide forward in the seat. "I have this idea."

  Indigo meets my gaze in the rearview mirror. "Do I even dare ask?"

  I rest my arms on the console. "My ideas are always awesome."

  "I don't know about that," she says. "Last night, you tried to convince us to hike up a mountain. You said it would be so awesome doing it in the dark because we wouldn't know where we were, which didn't really make any sense. But when Isa asked you why that'd be fun, you said 'because dangerous stuff is fun.' "