The Virginians

by William Makepeace Thackeray

  CHAPTER XVI. In which Gumbo shows Skill with the Old English Weapon

  Our young Virginian having won these sums of money from his cousin andthe chaplain, was in duty bound to give them a chance of recoveringtheir money, and I am afraid his mamma and other sound moralists wouldscarcely approve of his way of life. He plays at cards a great deal toomuch. Besides the daily whist or quadrille with the ladies, which set insoon after dinner at three o'clock, and lasted until supper-time, thereoccurred games involving the gain or loss of very considerable sums ofmoney, in which all the gentlemen, my lord included, took part. Sincetheir Sunday's conversation, his lordship was more free and confidentialwith his kinsman than he had previously been, betted with him quiteaffably, and engaged him at backgammon and piquet. Mr. William and thepious chaplain liked a little hazard; though this diversion was enjoyedon the sly, and unknown to the ladies of the house, who had exactedrepeated promises from cousin Will that he would not lead the Virginianinto mischief, and that he would himself keep out of it. So Willpromised as much as his aunt or his mother chose to demand from him,gave them his word that he would never play--no, never; and when thefamily retired to rest, Mr. Will would walk over with a dice-box anda rum-bottle to cousin Harry's quarters, where he, and Hal, and hisreverence would sit and play until daylight.

  When Harry gave to Lord Castlewood those flourishing descriptions of thematernal estate in America, he had not wished to mislead his kinsman,or to boast, or to tell falsehoods, for the lad was of a very honest andtruth-telling nature; but, in his life at home, it must be ownedthat the young fellow had had acquaintance with all sorts of queercompany,--horse-jockeys, tavern loungers, gambling and sporting men,of whom a great number were found in his native colony. A landedaristocracy, with a population of negroes to work their fields, andcultivate their tobacco and corn, had little other way of amusementthan in the hunting-field, or over the cards and the punch-bowl. Thehospitality of the province was unbounded: every man's house was hisneighbour's; and the idle gentlefolks rode from one mansion to another,finding in each pretty much the same sport, welcome, and rough plenty.The Virginian squire had often a barefooted valet, and a cobbled saddle;but there was plenty of corn for the horses, and abundance of drink andvenison for the master within the tumble-down fences, and behind thecracked windows of the hall. Harry had slept on many a straw mattress,and engaged in endless jolly night-bouts over claret and punch incracked bowls till morning came, and it was time to follow the hounds.His poor brother was of a much more sober sort, as the lad owned withcontrition. So it is that Nature makes folks; and some love books andtea, and some like Burgundy and a gallop across country. Our youngfellow's tastes were speedily made visible to his friends in England.None of them were partial to the Puritan discipline; nor did they likeHarry the worse for not being the least of a milksop. Manners, you see,were looser a hundred years ago; tongues were vastly more free-and-easy;names were named, and things were done, which we should screech now tohear mentioned. Yes, madam, we are not as our ancestors were. Ought wenot to thank the Fates that have improved our morals so prodigiously,and made us so eminently virtuous?

  So, keeping a shrewd keen eye upon people round about him, and fancying,not incorrectly, that his cousins were disposed to pump him, HarryWarrington had thought fit to keep his own counsel regarding his ownaffairs, and in all games of chance or matters of sport was quite amatch for the three gentlemen into whose company he had fallen. Even inthe noble game of billiards he could hold his own after a few days' playwith his cousins and their revered pastor. His grandfather loved thegame, and had over from Europe one of the very few tables which existedin his Majesty's province of Virginia. Nor, though Mr. Will couldbeat him at the commencement, could he get undue odds out of the younggamester. After their first bet, Harry was on his guard with Mr. Will,and cousin William owned, not without respect, that the American was hismatch in most things, and his better in many. But though Harry played sowell that he could beat the parson, and soon was the equal of Will, whoof course could beat both the girls, how came it, that in the contestswith these, especially with one of them, Mr. Warrington frequentlycame off second? He was profoundly courteous to every being who wore apetticoat; nor has that traditional politeness yet left his country. Allthe women of the Castlewood establishment loved the young gentleman.The grim housekeeper was mollified by him: the fat cook greeted him withblowsy smiles; the ladies'-maids, whether of the French or the Englishnation, smirked and giggled in his behalf; the pretty porter's daughterat the lodge had always a kind word in reply to his. Madame de Bernsteintook note of all these things, and, though she said nothing, watchedcarefully the boy's disposition and behaviour.

  Who can say how old Lady Maria Esmond was? Books of the Peerage werenot so many in those days as they are in our blessed times, and I cannottell to a few years, or even a lustre or two. When Will used to say shewas five-and-thirty, he was abusive, and, besides, was always givento exaggeration. Maria was Will's half-sister. She and my lord werechildren of the late Lord Castlewood's first wife, a German lady, whom,'tis known, my lord married in the time of Queen Anne's wars. BaronBernstein, who married Maria's Aunt Beatrix, Bishop Tusher's widow, wasalso a German, a Hanoverian nobleman, and relative of the first LadyCastlewood. If my Lady Maria was born under George I., and his MajestyGeorge II. had been thirty years on the throne, how could she beseven-and-twenty, as she told Harry Warrington she was? "I am old,child," she used to say. She used to call Harry "child" when they werealone. "I am a hundred years old. I am seven-and-twenty. I might be yourmother almost." To which Harry would reply, "Your ladyship might be themother of all the cupids, I am sure. You don't look twenty, on my wordyou do Dot!"

  Lady Maria looked any age you liked. She was a fair beauty with adazzling white and red complexion, an abundance of fair hair whichflowed over her shoulders, and beautiful round arms which showed touncommon advantage when she played at billiards with cousin Harry. Whenshe had to stretch across the table to make a stroke, that youth caughtglimpses of a little ankle, a little clocked stocking, and a littleblack satin slipper with a little red heel, which filled him withunutterable rapture, and made him swear that there never was such afoot, ankle, clocked stocking, satin slipper in the world. And yet, oh,you foolish Harry! your mother's foot was ever so much more slender, andhalf an inch shorter, than Lady Maria's. But, somehow, boys do not lookat their mammas' slippers and ankles with rapture.

  No doubt Lady Maria was very kind to Harry when they were alone. Beforeher sister, aunt, stepmother, she made light of him, calling him asimpleton, a chit, and who knows what trivial names? Behind his back,and even before his face, she mimicked his accent, which smackedsomewhat of his province. Harry blushed and corrected the faultyintonation, under his English monitresses. His aunt pronounced that theywould soon make him a pretty fellow.

  Lord Castlewood, we have said, became daily more familiar and friendlywith his guest and relative. Till the crops were off the ground therewas no sporting, except an occasional cock-match at Winchester, and abull-baiting at Hexton Fair. Harry and Will rode off to many jolly fairsand races round about the young Virginian was presented to some of thecounty families--the Henleys of the Grange, the Crawleys of Queen'sCrawley, the Redmaynes of Lionsden, and so forth. The neighbours camein their great heavy coaches, and passed two or three days in countryfashion. More of them would have come, but for the fear all theCastlewood family had of offending Madame de Bernstein. She did not likecountry company; the rustical society and conversation annoyed her. "Weshall be merrier when my aunt leaves us," the young folks owned. "Wehave cause, as you may imagine, for being very civil to her. You knowwhat a favourite she was with our papa? And with reason. She got him hisearldom, being very well indeed at Court at that time with the King andQueen. She commands here naturally, perhaps a little too much. We areall afraid of her: even my elder brother stands in awe of her, and mystepmother is much more obedient to her than she ever was to my papa,whom she ruled with a rod of iron. But Castlewood is me
rrier when ouraunt is not here. At least we have much more company. You will come tous in our gay days, Harry, won't you? Of course you will: this is yourhome, sir. I was so pleased--oh, so pleased--when my brother said heconsidered it was your home!"

  A soft hand is held out after this pretty speech, a pair of very wellpreserved blue eyes look exceedingly friendly. Harry grasps his cousin'shand with ardour. I do not know what privilege of cousinship he wouldnot like to claim, only he is so timid. They call the English selfishand cold. He at first thought his relatives were so: but how mistaken hewas! How kind and affectionate they are, especially the Earl,--anddear, dear Maria! How he wishes he could recall that letter which hehad written to Mrs. Mountain and his mother, in which he hinted that hiswelcome had been a cold one! The Earl his cousin was everything that waskind, had promised to introduce him to London society, and present himat Court, and at White's. He was to consider Castlewood as his Englishhome. He had been most hasty in his judgment regarding his relativesin Hampshire. All this, with many contrite expressions, he wrote in hissecond despatch to Virginia. And he added, for it hath been hintedthat the young gentleman did not spell at this early time with especialaccuracy, "My cousin, the Lady Maria, is a perfect Angle."

  "Ille praeter omnes angulus ridet," muttered little Mr. Dempster, athome in Virginia.

  "The child can't be falling in love with his angle, as he calls her!"cries out Mountain.

  "Pooh, pooh! my niece Maria is forty!" says Madam Esmond. "I perfectlywell recollect her when I was at home--a great, gawky, carroty creature,with a foot like a pair of bellows." Where is truth, forsooth, and whoknoweth it? Is Beauty beautiful, or is it only our eyes that make itso? Does Venus squint? Has she got a splay-foot, red hair, and a crookedback? Anoint my eyes, good Fairy Puck, so that I may ever consider theBeloved Object a paragon! Above all, keep on anointing my mistress'sdainty peepers with the very strongest ointment, so that my noddle mayever appear lovely to her, and that she may continue to crown my honestears with fresh roses!

  Now, not only was Harry Warrington a favourite with some in thedrawing-room, and all the ladies of the servants'-hall, but, like masterlike man, his valet Gumbo was very much admired and respected by verymany of the domestic circle. Gumbo had a hundred accomplishments. Hewas famous as a fisherman, huntsman, blacksmith. He could dress hairbeautifully, and improved himself in the art under my lord's own Swissgentleman. He was great at cooking many of his Virginian dishes, andlearned many new culinary secrets from my lord's French man. We haveheard how exquisitely and melodiously he sang at church; and he sang notonly sacred but secular music, often inventing airs and composing rudewords after the habit of his people. He played the fiddle so charmingly,that he set all the girls dancing in Castlewood Hall, and was everwelcome to a gratis mug of ale at the Three Castles in the village, ifhe would but bring his fiddle with him. He was good-natured and lovedto play for the village children: so that Mr. Warrington's negro was auniversal favourite in all the Castlewood domain.

  Now it was not difficult for the servants'-hall folks to perceive thatMr. Gumbo was a liar, which fact was undoubted in spite of all his goodqualities. For instance, that day at church, when he pretended to readout of Molly's psalm-book, he sang quite other words than those whichwere down in the book, of which he could not decipher a syllable. Andhe pretended to understand music, whereupon the Swiss valet brought himsome, and Master Gumbo turned the page upside down. These instances oflong-bow practice daily occurred, and were patent to all the Castlewoodhousehold. They knew Gumbo was a liar, perhaps not thinking the worseof him for this weakness; but they did not know how great a liar hewas, and believed him much more than they had any reason for doing, andbecause, I suppose, they liked to believe him.

  Whatever might be his feelings of wonder and envy on first viewing thesplendour and comforts of Castlewood, Mr. Gumbo kept his sentimentsto himself, and examined the place, park, appointments, stables, verycoolly. The horses, he said, were very well, what there were of them;but at Castlewood in Virginia they had six times as many, and letme see, fourteen eighteen grooms to look after them. Madam Esmond'scarriages were much finer than my lord's,--great deal more gold on thepanels. As for her gardens, they covered acres, and they grew every kindof flower and fruit under the sun. Pineapples and peaches? Pineapplesand peaches were so common, they were given to pigs in his country. Theyhad twenty forty gardeners, not white gardeners, all black gentlemen,like hisself. In the house were twenty forty gentlemen inlivery, besides women-servants--never could remember howmany women-servants,--dere were so many: tink dere were fiftywomen-servants--all Madam Esmond's property, and worth ever so manyhundred pieces of eight apiece. How much was a piece of eight? Biggerthan a guinea, a piece of eight was. Tink, Madam Esmond have twentythirty thousand guineas a year,--have whole rooms full of gold andplate. Came to England in one of her ships; have ever so many ships,Gumbo can't count how many ships; and estates, covered all over withtobacco and negroes, and reaching out for a week's journey. Was MasterHarry heir to all this property? Of course, now Master George was killedand scalped by the Indians. Gumbo had killed ever so many Indians, andtried to save Master George, but he was Master Harry's boy,--and MasterHarry was as rich,--oh, as rich as ever he like. He wore black now,because Master George was dead; but you should see his chests full ofgold clothes, and lace, and jewels at Bristol. Of course, MasterHarry was the richest man in all Virginia, and might have twenty sixtyservants; only he liked travelling with one best, and that one, it needscarcely be said, was Gumbo.

  This story was not invented at once, but gradually elicited from Mr.Gumbo, who might have uttered some trifling contradictions during theprogress of the narrative, but by the time he had told his tale twice orthrice in the servants'-hall or the butler's private apartment, hewas pretty perfect and consistent in his part, and knew accurately thenumber of slaves Madam Esmond kept, and the amount of income which sheenjoyed. The truth is, that as four or five blacks are required to dothe work of one white man, the domestics in American establishmentsare much more numerous than in ours; and, like the houses of most otherVirginian landed proprietors, Madam Esmond's mansion and stables swarmedwith negroes.

  Mr. Gumbo's account of his mistress's wealth and splendour was carriedto my lord by his lordship's man, and to Madame de Bernstein and myladies by their respective waiting-women, and, we may be sure, lostnothing in the telling. A young gentleman in England is not theless liked because he is reputed to be the heir to vast wealth andpossessions; when Lady Castlewood came to hear of Harry's prodigiousexpectations, she repented of her first cool reception of him, and ofhaving pinched her daughter's arm till it was black-and-blue for havingbeen extended towards the youth in too friendly a manner. Was it toolate to have him back into those fair arms? Lady Fanny was welcome totry, and resumed the dancing-lessons. The Countess would play the musicwith all her heart. But, how provoking! that odious, sentimental Mariawould always insist upon being in the room; and, as sure as Fanny walkedin the gardens or the park, so sure would her sister come trailing afterher. As for Madame de Bernstein, she laughed, and was amused at thestories of the prodigious fortune of her Virginian relatives. She knewher half-sister's man of business in London, and very likely was awareof the real state of Madame Esmond's money matters; but she did notcontradict the rumours which Gumbo and his fellow-servants had setafloat; and was not a little diverted by the effect which these reportshad upon the behaviour of the Castlewood family towards their youngkinsman.

  "Hang him! Is he so rich, Molly?" said my lord to his elder sister."Then good-bye to our chances with your aunt. The Baroness will be sureto leave him all her money to spite us, and because he doesn't wantit. Nevertheless, the lad is a good lad enough, and it is not his faultbeing rich, you know."

  "He is very simple and modest in his habits for one so wealthy," remarksMaria.

  "Rich people often are so," says my lord. "If I were rich, I often thinkI would be the greatest miser, and live in rags and on a crust. Dependon it there is no
pleasure so enduring as money-getting. It grows onyou, and increases with old age. But because I am as poor as Lazarus, Idress in purple and fine linen, and fare sumptuously every day."

  Maria went to the book-room and got the History of Virginia, by R. B.Gent--and read therein what an admirable climate it was, and how allkinds of fruit and corn grew in that province, and what noble riverswere those of Potomac and Rappahannoc, abounding in all sorts of fish.And she wondered whether the climate would agree with her, and whetherher aunt would like her? And Harry was sure his mother would adoreher, so would Mountain. And when he was asked about the number of hismother's servants, he said, they certainly had more servants than areseen in England--he did not know how many. But the negroes did not donear as much work as English servants did hence the necessity of keepingso great a number. As for some others of Gumbo's details which werebrought to him, he laughed and said the boy was wonderful as a romancer,and in telling such stories he supposed was trying to speak out for thehonour of the family.

  So Harry was modest as well as rich! His denials only served to confirmhis relatives' opinion regarding his splendid expectations. More andmore the Countess and the ladies were friendly and affectionate withhim. More and more Mr. Will betted with him, and wanted to sell himbargains. Harry's simple dress and equipage only served to confirm hisfriends' idea of his wealth. To see a young man of his rank and meanswith but one servant, and without horses or a carriage of his own--whatmodesty! When he went to London he would cut a better figure? Of coursehe would. Castlewood would introduce him to the best society in thecapital, and he would appear as he ought to appear at St. James's. Noman could be more pleasant, wicked, lively, obsequious than the worthychaplain, Mr. Sampson. How proud he would be if he could show his youngfriend a little of London life!--if he could warn rogues off him, andkeep him out of the way of harm! Mr. Sampson was very kind: everybodywas very kind. Harry liked quite well the respect that was paid to him.As Madam Esmond's son he thought perhaps it was his due: and took forgranted that he was the personage which his family imagined him to be.How should he know better, who had never as yet seen any place but hisown province, and why should he not respect his own condition when otherpeople respected it so? So all the little knot of people at CastlewoodHouse, and from these the people in Castlewood village, and from thencethe people in the whole county, chose to imagine that Mr. Harry EsmondWarrington was the heir of immense wealth, and a gentleman of verygreat importance, because his negro valet told lies about him in theservants'-hall.

  Harry's aunt, Madame de Bernstein, after a week or two, began to tire ofCastlewood and the inhabitants of that mansion, and the neighbours whocame to visit them. This clever woman tired of most things and peoplesooner or later. So she took to nodding and sleeping over the chaplain'sstories, and to doze at her whist and over her dinner, and to be verysnappish and sarcastic in her conversation with her Esmond nephews andnieces, hitting out blows at my lord and his brother the jockey, and myladies, widowed and unmarried, who winced under her scornful remarks,and bore them as they best might. The cook, whom she had so praised onfirst coming, now gave her no satisfaction; the wine was corked; thehouse was damp, dreary, and full of draughts; the doors would not shut,and the chimneys were smoky. She began to think the Tunbridge waterswere very necessary for her, and ordered the doctor, who came to herfrom the neighbouring town of Hexton, to order those waters for herbenefit.

  "I wish to heaven she would go!" growled my lord, who was the mostindependent member of his family. "She may go to Tunbridge, or she maygo to Bath, or she may go to Jericho, for me."

  "Shall Fanny and I come with you to Tunbridge, dear Baroness?" askedLady Castlewood of her sister-in-law.

  "Not for worlds, my dear! The doctor orders me absolute quiet, and ifyou came I should have the knocker going all day, and Fanny's loverswould never be out of the house," answered the Baroness, who was quiteweary of Lady Castlewood's company.

  "I wish I could be of any service to my aunt!" said the sentimental LadyMaria, demurely.

  "My good child, what can you do for me? You cannot play piquet so wellas my maid, and I have heard all your songs till I am perfectly tired ofthem! One of the gentlemen might go with me: at least make the journey,and see me safe from highwaymen."

  "I'm sure, ma'am, I shall be glad to ride with you," said Mr. Will.

  "Oh, not you! I don't want you, William," cried the young man'saunt. "Why do not you offer, and where are your American manners, youungracious Harry Warrington? Don't swear, Will, Harry is much bettercompany than you are, and much better ton too, sir."

  "Tong, indeed! Confound his tong," growled envious Will to himself.

  "I dare say I shall be tired of him, as I am of other folks," continuedthe Baroness. "I have scarcely seen Harry at all in these last days. Youshall ride with me to Tunbridge, Harry!"

  At this direct appeal, and to no one's wonder more than that of hisaunt, Mr. Harry Warrington blushed, and hemmed and ha'd and at lengthsaid, "I have promised my cousin Castlewood to go over to Hexton PettySessions with him to-morrow. He thinks I should see how the Courts hereare conducted--and--and--the partridge-shooting will soon begin, andI have promised to be here for that, ma'am." Saying which words, HarryWarrington looked as red as a poppy, whilst Lady Maria held her meekface downwards, and nimbly plied her needle.

  "You actually refuse to go with me to Tunbridge Wells?" called outMadame Bernstein, her eyes lightening, and her face flushing up withanger, too.

  "Not to ride with you, ma'am; that I will do with all my heart; but tostay there--I have promised..."

  "Enough, enough, sir! I can go alone, and don't want your escort," criedthe irate old lady, and rustled out of the room.

  The Castlewood family looked at each other with wonder. Will whistled.Lady Castlewood glanced at Fanny, as much as to say, His chance is over.Lady Maria never lifted up her eyes from her tambour-frame.