Christmas Caper

by Jennifer Oberth

  That threw me for a moment, until it hit me. Normal Doris would merely state she wasn’t going to tell me and let me spend the next ten minutes trying in vain. But she was actively trying to divert me, so I made a guess. “You’re already falling under Ness’s spell, aren’t you? And it makes you uncomfortable?”

  Her mouth dropped open.

  I was both surprised and gratified, but mostly surprised. “I was right!”

  Her eyes widened. “You guessed?”

  “It’s about time I did it to you, dear sister.” Doris was always guessing at what I was up to, stating it as fact, and my shock that she “knew” confirming it for her. She lorded it over me, how many times I fell for the same trick.

  Doris’s face turned bright red. “Ness is…Ness is a man who…a fine man with good taste.”

  I’d never seen Doris so flustered. I’d never seen Doris flustered at all. It was delightful! However, I took pity on her, knowing that would infuriate her. “Obviously he has good taste, for he chose you.”

  She glared at me, poison in her eyes. It reminded me of what we were meant to do down here while Annie and Copra were stuck upstairs in her room with a dead man. Perhaps I should get Chris or Doug to stand guard outside Annie’s door. It might look suspicious Doris was down here when she should be guarding Annie, or that no one was standing in that hallway. The guard was not only protection from an attacker, but a deterrent from being attacked at all.

  Doris led me farther into the ballroom. It still took my breath away. Jasper had spared no expense in decorating it to within an inch of its life. Golden velvet curtains were tied back by ruby-encrusted ropes that looked like spun gold. Massive windows let in the lights of the oil lamps outside but, somehow, didn’t make the room so cold. Of course, Jasper could afford to let this room dip in temperature since it was meant for dancing. Even so, two fireplaces belched fire, giving off more warmth for the heart than for the air. Red ribbons and bows intermingled with white, green, and sheer lace while popcorn and cranberries were strung along the buffet tables set against the walls, their golden linen tablecloths draping to the floor. Pomanders filling silver three-tiered trays added color and wonderful, heady scents.

  There must have been more food in this house than the rest of Port Bass. Copra had told me Jasper planned to distribute the leftover food to the more unfortunate souls who didn’t have the means to feed themselves.

  Groups danced as the musicians picked up a happy tune. Laughter, shouting, bad singing, and the scuff and clink of shoes added a pleasant cacophony to the lively room.

  “There’s Doug,” I said, pointing to a corner. He was offering a woman in a gauzy pink dress a cup of cider. “Let’s ask him if he knows where Joe is.” We started for Doug but didn’t make it.

  Doris froze in place as a gentle hand clasped hers.

  Barry Ness beamed at her. “My dear.” Ness turned to me, clean-shaven, smelling of spice and mint. A navy-blue waistcoat and matching trousers hugged his brawny frame in flattering ways, the scarlet cravat tied neatly at his neck. “Ella.”

  “Hello, Ness.” I greeted my boss with a tight smile.

  “What are you ladies up to?”

  “I don’t have to answer that,” Doris spoke quickly, as though that was her go-to response. She froze again. This was not typical Doris choosing not to speak; she was actually stunned into silence. It was probably better that way, for I was convinced she’d say something truly embarrassing if allowed to speak further.

  I smiled more openly this time. “Doris is always joking, isn’t she, boss?”

  Ness nodded, though he didn’t look convinced.

  I continued. “We were looking for Joe, in fact. Have you seen him around?”

  Ness kept his eyes on Doris, but spoke to me. “I did see him in here, dancing with some ladies, but that was a half an hour ago.”

  “What ladies?” I asked.

  “Married ones, Ella. Married ladies whose husbands were dancing with other married ladies doing a country dance and the scotch reel, I think.”

  “Oh. Of course.”

  “Would you care to dance?” he asked me.

  How did anyone turn down an offer like that from their boss? “I would love to but maybe a little bit later, if you don’t mind, sir.”

  “Oh good.”

  My eyebrows shot up.

  Ness whipped his head to me, his features contorted. “I meant to say, that’s good. That’s fine. I shall look forward to it.” Turning his full attention on Doris, his face softened into a goofy grin, and he asked her the same question, though it came out more breathy and with a lot more conviction.

  “I’d love to.” Doris offered her hand and Ness took it, leading her into a throng of people that parted just enough to swallow them as the old dance ended. Doris didn’t even glance back.

  I was on my own. And completely fine with the turn of events. I finished the journey to Doug, the lady in pink long gone, and he greeted me warmly with a hug and kiss on the cheek. “My, my, Ella. Don’t you still look ravishing?”

  “Yes. Yes, I do. Thank you for mentioning it.”

  He chuckled. “Would you care to dance?”

  “Not really.”

  “Oh. I thought I’d ask. You’re a marvelous dancer.” He leaned in. “Do dance with Chris, won’t you?”

  “Oh, don’t tell me.”

  “He’s a wallflower. Far too shy. He’s sitting over there, hopelessly sad and not dancing.” He pointed to another corner holding half a dozen people not mingling, interacting, or making eye contact with anyone.

  “No one’s asked him?”

  “Ladies don’t do the asking, Ella.”

  We did, we were just subtle about it. “They do after a while. When they’ve had enough wine.”

  “Well, I think one did, but Chris sputtered so much she made a hasty retreat.”

  I smiled at poor Christopher Lanten. Terrified of embarrassing himself in front of a woman, he ensured he made a fool of himself constantly. I thought it rather endearing, and I wasn’t alone, but Chris was too shy to court anyone because he couldn’t speak to unmarried women. Unless they were a suspected killer or victim’s family member, friend, neighbor, or associate. Poor Chris. “I’ll make sure I dance with him before the evening is out.”

  “You’re a kind woman, Ella.”

  “How kind?”

  “Uh-oh.” He fixed green eyes on me, amiable eyes, but suspicious. “You want a favor.”

  “I sure do.”

  “Ask and it shall be yours.”

  “You’re in a grand mood.”

  “To tell you the truth, I’ve had a few drinks. I don’t know what makes them different in Jasper’s mansion, but they taste so good. It’s like drinking nectar of the gods.”

  “Be sure to tell him that. He’ll love it.”

  “I will. “

  “Of course, he’ll be insufferable, but he’ll still love it.”

  He grinned at me. “What’s the favor?”

  “Would you mind guarding Annie again?”

  “Not at all. When?”

  “Right now.”

  He’d been leaning against the wall but stretched to his full height now. “I thought Doris was guarding her.”

  “Doris is dancing with Ness, and it’s a good thing Ness didn’t memorize the schedule like you did.”

  “Well, not memorized. You do realize I’m up again after Doris.”

  “Oh, no I didn’t remember. I’ll ask Chris.”

  “No, don’t do that. I’ll go.”

  “But Chris is standing around, anyway.” I watched him set a punch glass on an end table and make his way out of the ballroom.

  “No, fortune might smile upon him tonight, and the perfect woman will walk up and ask him to dance. They’ll fall madly in love and create a wonderful life and marriage with each other and it’ll all be because I did this favor for him, and they’ll name their first two boys after me.”

  “First two?”

&n
bsp; “Of course. Douglas and Lawrence.”

  His first and middle names. Very cute. “Ah. You’re that much of a good friend, aren’t you?”

  “Of course. Anything else you require, my fair lady?”

  “No, that’ll do for now. Oh, except, if you see Oscar Cryer, would you ask him to come find me? I’m saving another dance for him. He’s very light on his feet.”

  “I will inquire and find him for you—if you haven’t had your dance by the time my third shift is up.”

  “Rubbing it in a little, huh?”

  “Well, if we can’t do that to one another, we’re not really friends, are we?”

  I laughed. “I guess not.”

  “See you later, Ella.”

  “I’ll bring you food soon.”

  “You are a wonder. Joe was lucky to have snatched you up before anyone else could.”

  “You should remind him of that next time you see him. Have you seen him by the way?”

  “He danced for quite a bit then went to play poker with Jasper and then I think he went outside for a smoke with some of the boys.”

  “Of course. Thank you, Doug.”

  “Anytime.”

  I watched Doug flit through the unruly crowd to stand his post dutifully outside Annie’s door. He never asked me why Doris wasn’t doing it, why I was asking on her behalf, or why Annie had seemingly been left unguarded. He was a good man. You could tell a lot about a man by the friends he kept. Doug and Joe and Chris were the best of friends and all were fine men. Drove me to distraction much of the time, but they were well worth it.

  I made my way to the front hall and peeked out the window by the door before venturing out sans winter gear. Tugging on my black cashmere shawl, I held it tight against me. It wasn’t so cold I couldn’t stand it for the moment or two it would take to attract my husband’s attention and apprise him of this new development.

  My breath immediately fogged the air around me. It wasn’t as warm outside as I’d hoped. Hearing rollicking laughter, I followed the sound and discovered my husband, standing in a group of six men—one of them Chris—all smoking and drinking and being as loud as they could. Was there a contest? As I approached, they settled down. After the first whistle, Chris jabbed Webster in the gut and said, “Shut your trap, that’s our Ella.”

  Webster had enough tact to look chagrined, offering a crooked grin in apology.

  I smiled at each man in turn, unable to keep from shivering. Naturally, I had six oversized coats to choose from. I took Joe’s and beckoned him to escort me. That brought many more whistles and, this time, lots of raucous laughter.

  “You make me look good, Ella,” Joe said.

  Or at least, I think that’s what he said. He may have said something along the lines of “Your mar me lou goo,” and he butchered my name so badly it was just an assumption on my part. “Joe, I have something important to talk to you about.”

  “That’s wonerfer, Harley!”

  I didn’t need to, but I caught a whiff of strong whiskey coming from his breath. Only it wasn’t his breath so much as the pores of his skin. “You’re drunk, Joe.”

  “Don’t be Sally. I’m sh-o in love, I could sing!”

  Making good on his word, he bellowed out a tune I barely recognized as Deck the Halls. A drunk Joe was a happy Joe, but a rather unhelpful Joe. It wasn’t often he imbibed, and even rarer he got drunk. But when he did, he became a sodden, happy, singing, sleepy, useless man.

  “Joe, I…uh…” There was no point in continuing my thought.

  “Oh, Harley, Harney, Har…”

  “Honey?”

  “Yes! Oh, yer so…” he trailed off and dropped his head on my shoulder, gently snoring in my ear.

  “Joe? Hey, Joe?” I shook his arm, but he simply snuggled deeper into the crook of my neck. I took a deep breath and yelled out, “Chris?”

  Chris came up to us, in a bit of a stupor himself, and paused to take in the scene. It took a lot longer than it should have.

  “Could you lend me a hand?”

  “Oh-oh, yes, Ella, of course.” He came over, grabbed Joe by the shoulders, and dragged him off me. “Get a hold of yourself, Joe.”

  Joe came to life again, continuing to sing from where he left off. Or, I assume from where he left off of the last time he sang O Tannenbaum.

  “Thank you, Chris.”

  “Of course, Ella.” He stared at me without blinking, the whites of his eyes more red than usual. “Did you need something? From Joe?”

  “I did.”

  “Can I help?” He wavered with Joe.

  I smiled. “No, Chris. Have a merry Christmas. And save a dance for me.”

  He blushed. How his cheeks weren’t already red from the winter air and the alcohol, I didn’t know. “You’re very kind, Mrs. Westin.”

  I smirked. “I’m no such thing. If you don’t save a dance for me, I’ll be very upset.”

  He shook his head.

  “I might even take back your Christmas present.” That got him. He straightened, adopting a serious look.

  I took my leave, entering the house quickly, hoping to warm up as fast. I couldn’t get Jasper alone for even a few seconds, so he was off the list of potential helpers. Joe was three sheets to the wind. He barely knew who I was; he’d be of no help. Annie was locked in her room, guarded by Doug, and Copra was involved—even if only peripherally—with the murder.

  That left Doris. And she was dancing with my boss. I wondered if I could sneak back upstairs, leaving Doris behind in the ballroom, when she sauntered up to me, the tiniest hint of urgency adorning her otherwise passive face. “What have you?” I asked.

  She grasped my arm and whispered urgently in my ear. “I think we should speak to Seth Cryer.”

  The dead man’s brother. “He’s here, too?”

  Doris nodded. “Dad invited him when he found out Seth came back.”

  “But I thought Seth Cryer was out of town until the end of the year.”

  Doris nodded. “That’s the only reason Dad didn’t invite him in the first place. But—and I don’t know what exactly—some business deal went sour, and Seth came back to town to straighten it out.”

  I looked Doris up and down. “You don’t know exactly? You?”

  “I tend to pay attention to things that interest me, Ella. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t know everything that goes on in this town.”

  “Only everything that might put you in a compromising position,” I muttered. “Say, like, getting caught stealing a priceless artifact from the Port Bass Museum?”

  “I wasn’t near that museum at that particular time.”

  “That particular time, which happened to be when your government agent brother and sister-in-law were on their honeymoon?”

  “Some remarkably intelligent thief picked their time wisely. That had nothing to do with me.”

  “The only reason I didn’t go after you, dearest sister, is because you put it back.”

  “I had nothing to do with its acquisition, subsequent use in a crime, or its return. And you can’t prove otherwise or Dad wouldn’t have invited you to his party, since the only thing that could remove you from his good graces would be to put his only daughter in jail.”

  “You’re not his only daughter anymore.”

  “Ah, that’s true. But I am his most beloved daughter, if only because I have seniority.”

  “Which you will use to your full advantage.”

  “But of course.” She waved a dismissive hand. “Besides, everything we’re discussing—as fiction though it may be—might become beside the point.”

  “How’s that?”

  “Well, I…” She glanced back into the ballroom, her face flushing the tiniest bit. “I might enjoy the fruits of my labors from now on.” She focused back on me. “Having a brother who works for the government catching criminals, and a new sister who investigates all sorts of crimes…well, if Dad can retire, then so can I.”

  As my stomach churned, Dor
is smiled brightly. Jasper was retired like I was a raving lunatic. Though, if I spent enough time in this house, I might well become one. I opened my mouth to ascertain how serious she was about Ness when she cut me off.

  “Anyway, dear, back to Seth Cryer. I have it on good authority he was meant to bring Oscar here tonight.”

  I got excited despite the fact Oscar was found in Stoker’s mansion. “Did he?”

  “Well, I don’t know. I was eavesdropping, and you can’t really ask clarifying questions when you’re pretending to get some fruitcake.”

  No, of course you couldn’t. We entered the ballroom once again; the sights, sounds, and smells still managing to steal breath from my body. I was stunned to remember this was my house. My home. Doris tugged on my arm, steering me toward the golden buffet tables and straight into Seth Cryer’s path.

  “Ah, Miss Westin! How nice of your father to invite me at the last minute. I hope I haven’t put any of you out.”

  “Oh, it was no inconvenience, Mr. Cryer.” Doris flashed a brilliant smile. “As you can well imagine, we have more food than could feed an army.”

  Seth Cryer laughed heartily and nodded toward the decorated tables. Black hair shone in the firelight, framing his craggy face, a face that seemed perpetually happy. Simple glasses set in a metal frame did not hide sharp, blue eyes. His build was similar to his brother’s, slender and tall, but Seth had a few inches on Oscar. The coffee-colored waistcoat and trousers Seth wore were dark but highlighted with a festive burgundy tie, and his shoes were shiny and clean. If he’d killed his brother then dragged the body through mud and earth, he’d cleaned his shoes well. But could he clean his trousers of dirt? Did he commit murder then change into his finery before coming to the party?

  Seth grinned at me and reached for my hand to kiss the back of it. “Mrs. Westin. Congratulations again on your recent nuptials. I hope you and Joe are as happy as Annabelle and I were.”

  Annabelle, his wife who died many years ago. From everything I’d heard, they were very much in love, and he was a broken man after her passing. “Thank you, Mr. Cryer,” I said genuinely. “I hope you aren’t too distraught over cutting your trip short.”

  “Not at all. Work and money are important, however family is more so.”