Windflowers

by Tamara McKinley

  Ellie chewed her lip, her thoughts in turmoil. ‘Has he said anything to you?’ she asked finally. ‘Is this your way of telling me he’s leaving?’

  Aurelia sighed deeply. ‘He and I had a long talk this morning, and this is my rather heavy-handed attempt to forewarn you.’ She reached for her pipe. ‘Joe wanted to tell you himself when it was nearer the time, but I felt you should be prepared.’

  Ellie stared back, betrayed. Why hadn’t Joe had the guts to come right out with it and tell her instead of confiding in Aunt Aurelia? Did he think she was still too much of a kid to take it on the chin? She stood up and marched towards the door. ‘I’m going out for some fresh air,’ she snapped.

  The screen door slammed behind her and she glared out from the verandah to the bunk house with her hands rammed into her pockets. She wouldn’t cause a scene. Wouldn’t go rushing over there and beg him to stay regardless of how badly she wanted to. She would show him she was grown up enough to deal with this in a mature and sensible manner and wait for him to come to her.

  ‘Watch ya cock!’ shouted Kelly.

  ‘Shut up,’ Ellie hissed as she tossed a magazine at him and threw herself into a chair. ‘Just shut up and mind your own flaming business.’

  *

  Thanks to the endeavours of the men who’d once worked on Warratah, Kelly had learned a whole new vocabulary since the beginning of the war, and as the afternoon of the following day began to wane, he broke into a screech that made them jump. ‘Bombs away,’ he yelled. ‘Up yer arse, Hitler.’

  ‘Shut up, you dreadful old reprobate,’ commanded Aurelia. ‘How the devil am I supposed to do the accounts with you yelling in my ear?’

  Kelly’s coxcomb lifted as he strutted along his perch. ‘Flak,’ he yelled. ‘Rollocks.’

  Ellie giggled at the ridiculous contortions Kelly was going through. Her mood had lightened since the previous afternoon. A good night’s sleep and a long, solitary ride over the plains had brought her to the conclusion that her aunt was right. Joe would go off to fight his war and she would have to let him. It was a fact of life, as indisputable as the rising of the sun. Just as her love for him should be all-embracing – generous enough to allow him to make his own decisions – it could not be selfish and restrictive, making him resent her. She would wait until he was ready to tell her he was leaving. And find the strength to smile and wish him well regardless of how painful their parting might be.

  ‘Flak,’ squawked Kelley as he marched up and down his perch.

  Ellie burst out laughing despite her sadness. ‘I swear Kelly’s even got Hitler’s swagger. All he needs is a moustache.’

  Aurelia looked at him with a jaundiced eye. ‘I knew it was a mistake to let Jack bring that newsreel out here. We should have shown it in the barn, not on the verandah where old smarty pants could get ideas.’

  ‘Never surrender,’ Kelly yelled in his best imitation Churchill. ‘Flak, flak, flak.’

  Aurelia lifted her eyebrow. ‘Time to put his cover on,’ she said firmly as she got up from her chair and approached the cage. ‘Getting rather too pleased with himself.’

  Kelly grumbled and bashed his water tray with his beak for a few minutes, then realised he wasn’t going to be forgiven so gave up and went to sleep.

  ‘Peace at last,’ sighed Aurelia. ‘I wish I could say the same about the state of the world.’

  Ellie pulled off her boots and wriggled her toes. Then she untied the ribbon in her long hair and shook it free. If only Joe had the courage to talk to me, she thought. I know he wants to, because I can see it in his eyes. Damn this bloody war, she thought impatiently. It was so unfair.

  ‘Ellie. Looks like you’ve got a visitor.’

  Aurelia’s soft voice brought her from her gloomy thoughts. She looked up at the sound of the clip-clop of hoofs on the impacted earth of the homestead yard and gasped. Joe was astride his horse, a manicured and polished Clipper on a leading rein.

  Ellie was hardly aware of getting out of the chair and approaching the top verandah step. Yet she knew her face was radiant as she looked into Joe’s eyes and finally acknowledged the feelings they shared. There was no need for words between them – their understanding came as naturally as breathing.

  Joe brought the horse and pony to a halt beside the top step of the verandah. His gaze was fixed on Ellie’s face, and after a long silence, he held out the leading rein. ‘Come for a ride?’

  Ellie took the rein and swung on to Clipper’s back. Joe smiled down at her and in silent communion they rode slowly away from the homestead and into the sunset.

  7

  Aurelia was frustrated at having been left behind, but she was wise enough to know her limitations. Her riding days might be over, yet her refusal to be carted about in a trap like a dowager didn’t mean she’d given up on life. She might be old and creaking, but it was far better than the alternative, and dying was not on her agenda.

  She walked across home yard, poked her head into the stables, feed store and cookhouse and realised everyone had gone over to Jarrah for the mob’s return. Feeling dejected and rather lonely, she went back to the verandah and settled into a deep chair. She’d have the devil’s own job to get out of it again, but Ellie and Claire would be back soon.

  She breathed in the scent of warming earth and the roses Ellie had planted many years ago so they trailed up the verandah railings and dripped jewelled colour over the roof. It was very peaceful, with only the hum of flies and the murmur of the women over in the native humpies to break the silence. Yet that silence made her realise how much she missed Kelly and his raucous yell. She grinned and she looked out over the paddocks and outbuildings, her gaze trawling the distance between the two homesteads. Kelly had literally fallen off his perch three years ago. He’d been overexcited about something and had died mid-squawk during a torrent of filthy language. Yet the memory of him was intertwined with so many other memories that his passing had come, not only a shock, but with the sad acknowledgement that one more tie had been broken between present and past. Soon there would be none left.

  She dropped her chin to her chest and let her monocle dangle from its ribbon. Jack had loved Kelly, and the two of them had forged a great friendship – but then what else could she have expected, for they were both beguiling. As the warmth of the day closed in and the mistral breeze wafted along the verandah, Aurelia’s thoughts returned to the past and to the man who had taught her to love again – but who had ultimately broken her heart.

  *

  Jack Withers had been based up on the north coast before the war, and apart from coordinating news over the two-way and delivering the mail and supplies, was Warratah’s only link to the outside world before the emergence of the miracle of radio. They’d had their run-ins over the two-way, and until Alicia’s first visit to Warratah had never met.

  She’d realised on that first encounter what a fascinating man he was; not particularly handsome, but with a twinkle in his eye and a great sense of fun. She was almost fifty-one as their friendship blossomed in the heat and dust of the outback – yet she was aware of how set in her ways she’d become and was wary of his intentions, uncertain of her own.

  Things had come to a head on the night Joe took Ellie for that ride. She’d returned to the accounts after the youngsters left, but couldn’t concentrate. The shadows of war were darkened by the onset of the second drought. The billabongs had dried up until they were just clay-pans, and the rivers were so low even the smallest birds couldn’t wade. The red heart of Australia was gasping again and the stockmen and women had a different battle to the one being fought in Europe.

  Thank goodness Jack’s too old and sensible to rush off and get enlisted, Aurelia smiled to herself. Not that the army would take him. He was well past his prime as far as the forces were concerned, and she prayed it would stay that way. She left the account books open and stared off across home pasture. Jack had been a regular visitor over the past few years and their strange friendship had blossomed t
o the point where they spoke at least twice a week over the two-way radio. Aurelia had made it clear she was not about to become the target for gossip, and had maintained a stiffness during these conversations where they could be overheard by half the population. But when he came out to Warratah all that changed, and she was looking forward to seeing him again at the end of the week.

  She forced herself to snap out of her day-dream. She and Jack were in their fifties and just good friends she told herself sternly. There was nothing for people to gossip about. She pulled her thoughts into order. The accounts needed doing and she was wasting the last of the daylight. Yet she found she still couldn’t concentrate and gave up.

  With a smile of pleasure she remembered the early days of their friendship, when the battle of wills had become a game they’d both enjoyed playing. Yet there had been a subtle change between them during the past few years and she supposed it had all begun when he’d brought Alicia out here before the war. They had found common ground during Alicia’s short, dramatic stay, an understanding that hadn’t faded after her departure. There had been many visits to Warratah since then, and during that time she’d come to realise he admired her sparky spirit and warm generosity. For all her bossy ways, she knew she was a woman after his own heart. A woman who suffered no fools, and who was as straightforward as he and blunt in her opinions.

  She giggled softly as she thought of the look in his eyes as he sparred with her. She suspected he thought of her as a cuddly armful if only he dared take liberties – the thought didn’t displease her. The sound of his plane making an approach on to the dirt runway snapped her from her thoughts and she hurried down the steps to the utility. Something had to be wrong for him to come early, and her pulse began to race. With Joe’s imminent departure the last thing she needed was bad news.

  The wheels bounced on the hard dirt, the tail dipped and he was down in a cloud of dust. Switching off the engine, he climbed down in to the furnace blast that was Warratah Station.

  ‘I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow,’ she said as she moved away from the utility. ‘Nothing wrong, is there?’

  ‘Just thought I’d bring the mail early,’ he drawled with studied nonchalance. ‘There’s the supplies you wanted in the back as well.’

  Aurelia smiled up at him. He didn’t fool her a bit. ‘Good to see you,’ she said.

  ‘I’ll get the supplies,’ he murmured. The colour rose in his face as he ducked his head and tipped his hat brim low.

  Aurelia watched him lope back to the plane. He had a way of making her feel like a kid again – all hormones and awkwardness – which was ridiculous for a woman of her age and experience of life. They worked together in companionable silence, but she was suspicious of his sly glances and thoughtful expression. There was definitely a hidden agenda behind this unexpected delivery and she knew he would eventually get around to telling her the real purpose of his call – he always did.

  With the supplies stacked in the flat-bed of the utility, he climbed in beside her and they roared back to the homestead. Aurelia knew her driving scared him witless and as he clung on to the seat she wondered how he’d feel if she asked him to teach her to fly. She grinned. By the look on his face he was probably praying she never would. ‘You can open your eyes now,’ she said with alacrity as she slammed on the brakes and killed the engine. ‘We’re here.’

  Jack wisely kept his opinion of women drivers to himself and helped carry the supplies and the sacks of mail in to the homestead. Sally, the native house-maid began to poke and prod through the supplies. ‘Leave all that,’ Aurelia ordered. ‘A cuppa is what we want. And if I find you’ve been helping yourself to the sugar and syrup so you can give it to that no-good lazy Jacky Jack I’ll take the whip to your bottom.’

  Sally’s eyes rounded, then she giggled for she knew Aurelia would never carry out the threat. Yet both women knew where they stood and Sally would get her rations just like everyone else. ‘Me alonga you cuppa,’ she said through her giggles. Her curly eyelashes dipped. ‘G’day Boss,’ she said shyly to Jack.

  Jack nodded in acknowledgement and after asking about Sally’s numerous kids followed Aurelia out to the verandah. ‘Where’s Ellie?’ he asked as he realised they were alone for a change.

  ‘Making plans for her future, I’d say,’ she murmured.

  Jack cocked his head. ‘Sounds ominous,’ he drawled. He took the tobacco pouch from his shirt pocket and began to roll a smoke. ‘I see you’ve put Kelly to bed for the night. No wonder it’s so quiet.’

  Aurelia polished her monocle. He was playing for time, but she wouldn’t let him get away with it any longer. Her gaze was unwavering as she faced him. ‘So why are you really here, Jack?’ she asked flatly.

  She watched impatiently as he took his time to light his smoke before he sat back and stared out over the darkening landscape. ‘I’m thinking of joining up,’ he said finally.

  Aurelia stared at him. She could feel the colour rise and ebb in her cheeks as the shock sent her thoughts into over-drive. Then she laughed. ‘Silly old fool,’ she spluttered. ‘Really, Jack. I wish you wouldn’t tease.’

  He took a deep breath. ‘I might be fifty six, but I’ve got a lot of flying experience behind me. I’m going to offer my services to the RAAF as a trainer.’

  The colour drained from her face and the monocle dangled on its ribbon. ‘You’re serious, aren’t you?’ she said quietly. Her pulse was drumming and she was finding it difficult to breathe.

  He nodded. ‘I can’t sit about doing nothing, Aurelia. I’ve got the experience to teach our young fliers – and hopefully it might keep them alive a bit longer.’

  ‘I thought all the air force volunteers were being sent to Canada to join the Empire Air Training Scheme?’

  ‘Most of ‘em,’ he admitted. ‘But there’s a training base starting up here.’

  Aurelia’s thoughts raced. Yet she remained silent as Sally brought the tea and biscuits out on to the verandah, her bare feet making hardly a sound on the wooden floor. She put down the tin tray with a clatter, her wide, curious gaze darting from Aurelia to Jack before she reluctantly backed away and returned to the house where Aurelia knew she could comfortably eavesdrop from behind the door. ‘So you won’t actually be doing any fighting?’ Aurelia demanded.

  ‘Shouldn’t think so,’ he replied. ‘Bit long in the tooth now unfortunately, and my reactions are too slow to be of much use in a dogfight.’

  Aurelia expelled a long sigh of relief. ‘Thank goodness for that.’

  Jack stubbed out his smoke with the heel of his boot. He looked into her face, his expression serious. ‘Does it matter that much to you if I don’t fight, Aurelia?’ he asked.

  ‘It matters very much,’ she replied, refusing to look at him. ‘Very much indeed.’ She saw him hesitate, then he took her hand and she felt his strong fingers trace the palm as he captured her gaze. Time had been suspended, and she couldn’t have looked away if she’d tried.

  ‘Do you care for me, Aurelia?’ His tone was tentative, and she could feel the tremor in his fingers as he waited for her reply.

  She looked back at him, her gaze steady on his rugged face. She had to be careful. This was getting too personal – too dangerous – and she didn’t want to say the wrong thing. ‘Of course I care,’ she said firmly. ‘I regard you as my closest, dearest friend.’

  His thumb ran along her knuckles as she became mesmerised by his eyes. ‘You’re more than a friend to me, Aurelia,’ he said finally. ‘And I was hoping you felt the same.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Will you marry me, Aurelia?’ He fell silent, as if afraid he’d said too much. Afraid she would reject him.

  Then Aurelia did something she thought she would never do. She lifted his hand and kissed it. ‘Oh, Jack,’ she sighed. ‘It’s too late for us – much too late. The war’s making fools of us all, and we must see this moment for what it really is.’

  ‘And what is it, Aurelia?’ he asked softly.

  She let go of
his hand and busied herself with pouring the tea. ‘It’s this bloody war,’ she said sharply. ‘People are falling in love and making promises and plans they would never have made in peace time. Look at Ellie and Joe. It’s a prime example.’

  Jack frowned, and Aurelia realised he had no idea what she was talking about.

  ‘I’ve been in love with you since the first time I saw you,’ he said forcefully. ‘I want us to be married. And I think I’m old enough to know my own mind, Aurelia, so don’t fob me off with excuses.’ He glared out into the darkness. ‘Now I’ve burned all my damn bridges,’ he muttered.

  Aurelia sat back in stunned silence.

  His brown eyes sought her again. ‘If you reject me now, Aurelia, then I’ll just have to find another way to make you change your bloody mind.’

  She was startled by the fierceness in him. This was a passionate side to Jack she’d never seen before – and although she rather liked this forcefulness, she was unsure of how to react. Her emotions were in turmoil for she hadn’t realised he felt so strongly.

  Aurelia clattered china. She handed him the cup, but when he refused to take it, she placed it on the table between them. ‘I had no idea,’ she began. Then she stood up, squared her shoulders and looked him in the eye. ‘My feelings for you are deeper than I’d thought possible,’ she said in a rush. ‘But this is not the time to let them get out of hand and run head-long into something we might both regret. There’s a war on. We must remain sensible.’

  Jack tried to break in, but she talked over his objections. ‘I know you better than you think, Jack Withers,’ she said sternly. ‘Once you’re in that damn uniform you’ll be champing at the bit to get stuck into the real fighting. And I refuse to live my life waiting for the dreaded telegram. I’ve enough trouble trying to keep Warratah going without having to worry over you.’ Her chest rose and fell and she angrily brushed the tears away. ‘I’ve already lost one man,’ she said flatly. ‘I don’t think I could face losing another.’