Windflowers

by Tamara McKinley

  Ellie pulled a rug over Aurelia who had fallen in to an exhausted sleep on the couch. ‘What did you see?’ she whispered.

  ‘I suddenly realised Claire didn’t look like any of us,’ she said bluntly. ‘She’s tall like dad, and in some lights you can see a certain expression that’s vaguely familiar. But no-one has her eyes, or her colouring – and although you often used to say how she reminded you of Alicia, I could see very little evidence of it from her photographs.’

  Leanne’s thoughts were slow and tangled. ‘I suspect Claire thought she was adopted,’ she said finally. ‘And after examining that photograph I thought the same. But the truth is much uglier, isn’t it?’

  Ellie’s expression was sad as she led the way into the kitchen and began to make a pot of hot strong coffee. ‘I might have known you two girls couldn’t be fooled for long,’ she murmured. ‘You’re both far too intelligent.’ She took her hand and looked into her eyes. ‘I’m sorry about Jarrah,’ she said softly. ‘But don’t make things worse for Claire by blaming her. None of this is her fault.’

  ‘I realise that now,’ replied Leanne as the shaming heat rose in her face. ‘And I wish I hadn’t said all those terrible things to her – or to you. It was unfair and unkind.’

  ‘Yes,’ retorted Ellie. ‘It was. She’s your sister and she’s worth more to you than Jarrah. Try to learn to love her without question – the way she’s tried to love you.’

  The guilt was enormous and Leanne bit her lip, for she knew her mother spoke the truth. She eyed her curiously as she made the coffee. Ellie had always appeared so straightforward, so honest about everything. Yet after last night she was seeing her in a different light. Mum had secrets they wouldn’t never have guessed. A past she’d buried for years that must have tormented her. She couldn’t have carried the burden alone. ‘Does dad know the full story?’

  Ellie glanced at her before looking away. ‘He found out eventually,’ she whispered.

  *

  Aurelia was exhausted by the trauma of the past few hours. She lay snuggled beneath the blanket on the couch, her head pillowed by cushions, dreaming of Jack. Darling Jack, how she’d loved him. Yet he’d broken her heart despite his promises.

  The years together had been good for both of them. Jack had started up his airline, and as its popularity grew he’d had to stay away from Warratah more frequently. That was when Aurelia had asked Ellie to take over the station. Warratah had survived the war and the drought and Ellie’s trucking business and portfolio of shares would ensure their continued growth. Ellie had turned out to be more than a daughter, but the dearest, closest friend she would ever have and she blessed the day she’d arrived on Warratah.

  Sadness crept over her as she realised she was no longer on Warratah. The old homestead would echo with silence, the yards and out-buildings giving off a sense of abandonment beneath the sheltering gums. She wondered how the Jarrah blossom had fared against the wind and the rain. Would the white petals drift like confetti over the red earth of home yard as they always did this time of year? Would the roses and bougainvillea wilt? She breathed deeply. The scent of the roses was returning, so strongly it was as if they were here in the room.

  With a dull ache in her heart she remembered the day Jack had left her. He’d promised to always be there. Had promised they would stay together for ever. Yet the day before his seventy-fifth birthday he wouldn’t wake up. He’d slipped away from her during the night and she hadn’t even noticed. She had been inconsolable. Had wept bitter tears. Tears of remorse. Tears of pain. Then the anguish had turned to anger. How dared he leave her when he knew how much she loved him? What right did he have to his endless sleep while she still battled on into precarious old age? Then finally had come acceptance, and the certain knowledge that one day they would be together again.

  Aurelia was vaguely aware of voices nearby. The voices of people she loved. And she wanted to tell them so. Yet something was drawing her away from Jarrah – away from the voices and the heartache of what had happened tonight, and as she fell deeper into the warm darkness of sleep she smiled. For there was Jack.

  Tall and lean with silver hair, his brown eyes were laughing at some private joke as he looked down at her. And there, perched on his shoulder was Kelly.

  ‘Avast behind,’ the cockatoo shrieked. ‘Up yer gunnels.’

  ‘That ain’t right in front of a lady,’ murmured Jack as he stroked the white feathers.

  ‘Urrrgh,’ muttered Kelly as his yellow coxcomb fanned with mischief.

  Jack laughed. ‘He’s still the same old Kelly,’ he said with affection. Then his gaze drifted closer and Aurelia thought she could smell his favourite cologne.

  ‘Jack?’ she murmured. ‘Where have you been? I’ve missed you.’ The words were a sigh.

  Jack smiled as he held out his hand. ‘I’ve been waiting for you my darlin’,’ he whispered. ‘Come, Aurelia. Let’s take a walk.’

  Aurelia felt the rough warmth and strength in his hand that was so gloriously familiar. She didn’t look back. For this was what she’d been waiting for.

  He smiled down at her and tucked her hand in the crook of his arm. ‘Did I ever tell you how much I love you, darlin’?’

  She nodded, and together they walked joyfully into the bright, warm light.

  *

  Leanne had gone out to supervise the day’s work, leaving Ellie alone in the kitchen. She sipped her coffee. It was strong and black, but did little to invigorate her or lift her spirits. For the sleepless night compounded by the re-telling of the story had bankrupted her of strength and all she really wanted to do now was get into bed and curl up like a child and go to sleep. It was a way of escaping. A way of blocking out the harsh reality of life and the damage she and Charlie had caused. Yet how much more difficult must it be for Claire? The girl would have to come to terms with so many things – few of them pleasant.

  With a sigh she put down her coffee and smeared away the tears. She had to remain strong. Had to live up to the reputation of the Warratah women. For she was a mother – a wife – the one person they would look to for strength and comfort. She couldn’t let them down. Not when they needed her the most.

  As Ellie sat there in the early morning beam of light she suddenly realised Charlie no longer had the power to hurt her. No longer had the strength to overshadow her life. Their secret was out – the consequences the next hurdle to face. She was ready to do battle for those she loved. Ready to vanquish the past and come out of this mess untarnished and unbowed. The women of Warratah would not be defeated.

  Hunger pangs gnawed and she realised none of them had eaten for hours. The girls would be starving when they got back. As she busied herself at the stove, she cocked her head and grinned. Aurelia was making the most dreadful racket. Her snoring was reminiscent of a sty full of pigs and she was amazed she hadn’t woken herself up.

  Minutes later she stilled. The stentorian snores had come to an abrupt halt. Ellie took the frying pan off the hob and listened. The silence was ominous. She raced into the sitting room and fell to her knees beside the couch. ‘Aurelia?’ her tone was sharp, filled with anxiety.

  Aurelia lay still beneath the rug, her hand lying at her side, the palm open as if she was reaching for something. There was a smile on her face of such sweet contentment Ellie knew she’d gone. Aurelia had seen her through the worst of it. Had stayed long enough to give the support and love she’d always given. Now she’d had enough. Jack had called her to him and she must have gone willingly.

  Ellie’s tears coursed unheeded down her face as she took the hand and kissed it before tucking it beneath the rug. She rested her head on the still shoulder and closed her eyes. Aurelia had been mother and father to her, had loved her without question and guided her into maturity. There would never be anyone like her again and after the trauma of the night this was all too much. ‘You don’t need me to tell you how much we all love you,’ she sobbed. ‘But I want to thank you. Thank you for always being there.
Thank you for loving me and my family. Thank you for just being you.’

  Ellie knelt by the couch as the tears flowed. The old homestead at Warratah would seem so empty and lifeless now she’d gone – for Aurelia and Jack had figured large in everything that had happened there. They had been her rock – her protection against all ills – her solace and her haven when times had become almost too hard to bear.

  *

  Ellie sat on the floor of Jack’s plane her whole being fixed on the man who lay next to her as they touched down and came to a halt beside the waiting ambulance. He was so still, so pale, so thin. Yet a meagre throb of life pulsed at his throat and she willed it to remain. Joe had come back to her. Joe had kept his promise. Surely fate wouldn’t be so cruel as to snatch him away again?

  Jack clambered over the stretcher and unfastened the door. The furnace blast of Darwin’s humidity was almost suffocating after the dry heat of the cabin and as she helped Snowy lift out the stretcher her clothes clung damply to her skin, the sweat stinging her tear-swollen eyes.

  ‘You gotta let him go, luv,’ said Jack softly as the doors were slammed and the ambulance raced down the dirt road to the hospital. ‘They’ll know what to do, and we’ll only get in the way.’

  She nodded, knowing he was right, yet wishing she was at Joe’s side as the cloud of dust trailed the racing ambulance. They would already be working on him, fighting for his life – their knowledge and skill so very much more important to Joe than her anxious, tearful presence.

  The heat battered them as they walked down that long road to the white bungalow nestled in an oasis of palm trees and lush ferns. The sweat rolled down her back, plastering her shirt to her skin as she focused on the hectic activity following the ambulance’s arrival.

  ‘He’ll be right,’ muttered Snowy as he loped alongside her. ‘They know what they’re doing here – and I should know – been here long enough, me and Joe.’

  Ellie stared up at him. ‘You were here? And you didn’t let me know?’

  Snowy glanced across to Jack then down at his feet as they climbed the verandah steps and pushed through the screen door. ‘It was touch and go,’ he murmured. ‘I didn’t want to raise your hopes. Joe was fair crook.’

  ‘He was well enough for you to drive him all the way to Warratah,’ she snapped. ‘Why didn’t you warn me?’ Her face crumpled as shock took hold. ‘I thought he was dead. I finally believed he was never coming home.’ She lifted her tear-stained face to him. ‘Can you imagine how I felt when he just appeared like that?’

  Jack’s arm went round her shoulders as she collapsed against his chest. ‘It was my fault,’ he murmured. ‘I knew Joe was coming home, but I had no idea of what had been going on back at Warratah and thought I had time to prepare you.’ He fell silent for a long moment. ‘Joe wanted me to tell you face to face – not over the two-way radio or by letter. He knew what a jolt it would be.’

  ‘G’day, Jack.’ The voice drew Ellie from his embrace and she smeared away the tears. She had to be strong. Had to be prepared for yet another devastating blow. Yet she was almost bankrupt of spirit – at her lowest ebb.

  The doctor was elderly, with a shock of white hair and steel glasses perched on the end of his nose. ‘He’s in poor shape, Jack. What the hell happened?’

  ‘Got in a fight,’ said Jack quickly before Ellie could speak. ‘What’s the damage?’

  His mouth formed a tight line of disgust. ‘Had no bloody business getting into fights. Ended up with a fractured skull,’ he replied flatly. ‘There’s the possibility of an internal bleed so I’m taking him straight into theatre.’

  ‘But he’ll be right, won’t he?’ asked Ellie fearfully.

  Grey eyes regarded her solemnly, the face creased with concern. ‘He’s been through worse,’ he said softly. ‘But coming on top of everything else, this isn’t good news. Don’t expect too much. We do our best here, but miracles don’t come easy.’ He turned on his heel, slammed through the swing doors and was gone.

  Ellie followed Snowy and Jack to the verandah. A mistral breeze wafted along the dusty floorboards, the cool green shadows of the surrounding bush and the cries of the colourful birds making it a pleasant place to sit after the searing heat. Yet Ellie was restless, unable to put her mind to anything but what was happening in the operating room. She paced the verandah, stared out at the broad dirt road that lead into town, watched the bright birds flit amongst the ferns and tried not to think about what she would do if the worst happened and she lost him again.

  ‘Aurelia and yer Mum will be here soon,’ said Jack from the depths of the cane chair he was sprawled in. ‘Head stockman’s bringing them up.’

  Ellie nodded and resumed her pacing, arms tightly folded around her waist, boots tapping out a rhythm on the bare boards. She didn’t care if the whole of Queensland turned up. She was an island. Nothing could touch her – nothing could thaw the ice around her heart – or wipe away the images of what had happened today.

  She finally stopped pacing, her hands deep in her moleskin trousers, her thoughts clear. There were questions she needed answering. She crossed the verandah and stood squarely before Jack. ‘How long have you known Joe was alive?’

  ‘About a week,’ he replied as he dry scrubbed his face with his hands. ‘I bumped into Snowy here in Darwin and he told me. I meant to get back sooner, but I needed a spare part for the plane and had to wait around for it to be trained up from Sydney.’

  She turned to the Aborigine who was leaning against the verandah rail post. ‘You could have written,’ she said flatly. ‘Could even have sent the priest. Why didn’t you?’

  His amber eyes looked down at her, the caramel coloured face lined with defeat and weariness. ‘Remember me telling you the Dreamtime story about the sick spirit and how it has to travel like a pilgrim until it finds peace?’ He acknowledged her nod with one of his own. ‘Joe’s spirit was dying, his pilgrim soul was floating in the darkness between life and death, waiting for someone from the Land of Perfection to come and rescue him. The spirits were singing him, Ellie. Calling him to rest. He had to choose which path to take. Had to decide if he was ready to listen to their song.’

  ‘Don’t give me that bullshit,’ she snapped. ‘Dreamtime fairy tales are all very well, but Joe needed me and I needed him. You had no right to keep this from me.’

  Snowy’s amber eyes closed and his nostrils quivered as he took a trembling breath. ‘The song he heard was from you, Ellie. Your belief that he would keep his promise to return home was all that kept him going in the camp. He didn’t want you to see him as he was when he came back – he wanted to be whole again.’ His gaze rested on her, stilling her, holding her there on the verandah. ‘He didn’t know he’d been classed as missing presumed dead until long after we’d been liberated. He understood what it would mean to you if he suddenly just appeared out of the blue. It was his decision to keep the news from you until he was well enough to find a way of telling you.’

  He spent a moment rolling a smoke, and when he’d lit it he inhaled deeply. The shadows of his experience on the Burma railway darkened his eyes and etched deep lines either side of the broad nose and mouth. ‘Me and Joe came out of that hell-hole barely alive. We were skeletons, our flesh eaten away by starvation, dysentery and malaria. We were ghosts of men. Naked and stripped of all humanity, we had become nothing. Yet the need to survive is the most powerful weapon a man can have. Even if he’s become less than the crawling ant, that will to survive remains his strength. That pulled us through.’

  Snowy moved away from the verandah post and took her hands. The skin was calloused and rough on his fingers and palms, the scars tracing white lightning strikes deep into the brown flesh. ‘You thought he was dead – and to all intents and purposes he was,’ he said softly. ‘Joe didn’t want you to see him like that. Didn’t want to raise your hopes to have them dashed again in a second mourning. He loves you too much.’

  Ellie sank into a chair and with a tremor of some
thing akin to horror she realised Joe’s wisdom in keeping his return secret. Yet fate had decided to twist the knife – to punish them both once more before she decided which way things would turn out. And Ellie could do nothing about it but keep singing the song of hope – the song Joe had heard against the backdrop of a distant jungle – the song that had brought him home.

  She regarded Snowy for a long moment, trying to imagine what they had gone through and the strength and courage it must have taken to survive such brutality. She noticed how thin he still was, how grey the halo of brown, tangled hair had become – and how aged his eyes were. They were the eyes of a man who had seen things no man should see. Eyes of a man who had witnessed what hell was like and who would carry that image with him until the earth sung him to his final sleep.

  The others arrived in the cold, clear darkness of the outback winter night and they gathered in the tiny waiting room that had been built as an extension to the hospital bungalow. Joe had been in theatre for over five hours, and there was still no word. Aurelia had brought a hamper of food and four thermos flasks of hot, sweet tea to keep up their spirits. The cold chicken and mutton was passed round with chunks of damper bread liberally spread with thick chutney and they ate in silence.

  ‘You must eat,’ she said softly to Ellie. ‘It’s not good for you or the baby if you starve yourself and you need something inside you to ward off the shock of everything that’s happened today.’

  Ellie came out of her trance-like state, her eyes wide in horror as she looked at her aunt. She’d forgotten about the baby. Forgotten what it would mean to any future she might have with Joe once he discovered the consequences of Charlie’s rape. Charlie’s name reverberated in her head, bringing back the awful clarity of her situation. Then she became aware of four pairs of eyes regarding her with concern and felt the blood drain from her face as she realised she could never expect Joe to take on his own twin’s bastard.