Code Name_Redemption

by Natasza Waters

When Montgomery returned to them, his body language was strung taut. “If you folks want a ride back to Canada, I’ll ask the Coast Guard to take you. They’re leaving now.”

  Greg looked to Austen and knew he’d read the lips of the cops, and although the SEAL hid the discontent from his expression, Greg’s gut rolled with unease.

  Montgomery called one of his other officers over. “Please, escort these folks back to Canada.”

  Kayla and Mattie followed the cop, but Greg stopped Austen with a pull on his arm.

  “Don’t ask,” Austen said under his breath.

  “Tell me, or you’re going over the side next, SEAL. These waters are a fuck of a lot colder than San Diego.”

  Austen sighed. He put distance between them and the girls. “Blackney left a note in his quarters.”

  Greg’s blood ran cold. “He’s alive.”

  “The note said, ‘It’s not over, Mattie. It’s in my blood and so are you.’” Austen shook his head. “Could be his way of fucking with her mind. Maybe he did drown.”

  “Do you believe that?” he asked as they strode behind the women. “I’m not living the rest of my life looking over our shoulders.”

  Austen stopped in his tracks and turned with understanding swimming in his eyes. “Then you have one option.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Disappear. And don’t leave any trail to follow. You know how to do that. If I hadn’t have killed the Blood Shark myself, I would have done anything to keep Kayla safe.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning, I would have moved to fucking Alaska to live in a cabin and eat fish for the next sixty years to keep her alive.”

  “Pretty sure Mattie isn’t willing to live in an igloo.”

  “Nope, probably not.” He grinned. “But she’d probably like the United States, and I can pull a lot of strings.”

  Greg was shocked. “Immigrate to the US?”

  “That journalist you’re in love with—”

  “I didn’t say I loved her.”

  Austen chuckled. “Am I wrong?”

  Greg cleared his throat and shot a look into the darkness across the heaving sea.

  Austen slapped him on the back. “Every man falls eventually.”

  “What if she can’t love me,” he said quietly. “There’s a lot of reasons she shouldn’t.”

  The SEAL admiral nodded. “I’ll tell ya one thing for sure. She’s going to hound you or Montgomery until she finds out what was on that paper. When she hears what he wrote, the shadow of fear will always be with her. Question is whether you’ll be there to protect her. I’m offering you both a new start.”

  “I’ll think about it.” He paused, and then said, “Thank you. For coming. For the offer.” He sucked in a deep breath. “And for not ever giving up on Kayla.”

  Austen threw an arm over his shoulder, and they closed the gap they’d opened between them and the girls. “You’re family, remember. Besides, I always wanted you on the teams.”

  “Appreciate it, but my contract is up with the Forces. I’m not signing up again.”

  “Don’t expect you to deploy, but the United States SEALs could use your experience. Whether you can convince Miss Bidault that you’re worth the risk and your days of being a skirt chasing prick is over, is up to you.”

  He glared at Austen and then they both broke into hearty laughter.

  Montgomery escorted them to the bow of the ship with Mattie badgering him the entire way. She’d seen the slip of paper in the evidence bag, but he refused to tell her anything.

  When they reached the bow, three Coast Guard members waited in a zodiak, bobbing on the rough chop of the sea.

  Greg intervened when one of them held out a hand to Mattie. He jumped into the fast craft and helped her and Kayla onto the RHIB, then led them to the bow and sat on the deck. Wedging himself next to a seating platform, he pulled Mattie between the ‘V’ of his legs. Austen did the same and tucked Kayla in front of him, acting as a wind break.

  The Coasties gave them thick blankets to ward off the freezing cold, but even with the wool wraps the girls were popsicles by the time they arrived at Victoria’s waterfront.

  Within minutes, they were at Austen’s rental car and piled inside. As Austen drove down the road, he passed Mattie’s condo.

  She leaned forward and grabbed the front passenger seat. “Stop. You missed my place. Just pull over, I can walk from here.”

  Austen’s massive form behind the driver’s seat didn’t flick a muscle when he said, “You’re coming back to LaPierre’s place.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I have to pick-up my car. Wherever it is.”

  Greg brushed his palm across her tense shoulder. “It’s at the police impound lot. I’ll take you to retrieve it tomorrow.” She settled back in the seat, but wouldn’t look at him.

  “I need a shower. I need to write my final article. And I really need a huge glass of wine,” she murmured.

  He chuckled and covered her hand with his. “All available at my place.” For some reason, he couldn’t stop touching her, whether it was to brush her skin or finger a curl of hair from her cheek. Mattie was alive. Safe. He had nothing to worry about, but the tattoo in his heart was like notes in a chorus of unrest. Blackney would go into hiding to lick his wounds of failure. At least for a while. If he swam for safety, he would have stroked toward the closet safe haven, and that was Port Angeles.

  When Austen parked the rental car in Greg’s driveway, Kayla and her husband evacuated quickly. Mattie opened her door. “Un moment s’il vous plait, mademoiselle.” An internal warning shouted they were at an end as far as Mattie was concerned. The case solved, she’d go on with her life as if he’d never been part of it.

  She swiveled on her ass to stare at him. “I hate goodbyes. I’m not good at them.” Her throat flexed as if swallowing thickly.

  They’d shared more drama then most people experience in a lifetime. His conduct on the sailboat angered her, and so it should. Austen had pegged him with the truth calling him a skirt chaser. Mattie thought so too. He could see it in her eyes. Above all else, his spicy Irish girl didn’t want to be placed on a list with his meaningless bedsheet escapades.

  He lingered too long in thought and Mattie offered him a sad smile and left him sitting in a cloud of confusion. He watched the woman who’d shaken his foundation run up the bush-lined walkway and disappear through the front entrance.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  After showers, which Mattie demanded she take alone, Kayla filled their stomachs with a hot meal. Looking at the kitchen clock above the sink, the little copper hand struck ten p.m. Greg nudged Mattie to follow him.

  She barely shook her head. “I’m not staying.”

  Greg’s chest tightened with those three words. Regardless, he wanted to spend a few moments with her alone and she didn’t seem opposed.

  Kayla and Austen read the heavy pall in the room and each picked up a child, then excused themselves.

  Placing a hand on her jiggling knee, Greg wanted to shatter Mattie’s tension. If he didn’t want her to walk out the front door, he needed to come up with a good reason. “Why don’t we go to bed?”

  Mattie turned her beautiful eyes on him. About to seduce her into joining him upstairs, he suddenly stopped. He was doing it again, using sex as a decoy instead of sharing his feelings with words versus actions.

  “Mademoiselle, I wish to talk.”

  She raised a brow. “Now, JTF? I thought the after-party was just getting started. A final session of wild crazy sex. That’s what you want, right?”

  The word final was like a sharpened tip of a dart pricking his future.

  In the car, she’d turned up the volume on her journalistic talents and asked Austen four times during the short drive if he used his lip-reading skills on the ferry when the cop gave Montgomery the slip of paper. Austen replied with the same answer each time, “Wasn’t watching, sorry. Probably something they found in his quarters they n
eed to follow-up on.” Slick, Greg thought. Not exactly a lie, but not the truth either.

  Instead of drawing Mattie upstairs, he clasped her hand and led her to the couch. In order not to be tempted, Greg sat in the plump leather chair across from her. “You didn’t believe I would save you, but I would have gone to the ends of the earth to find you.”

  “I can’t believe I survived. I had my doubts when I was tied to that pipe in the engine room.” She forked her fingers and stared down at them. “But if you think I don’t have faith in you, you’re wrong.” She blinked and nibbled the edge of her top lip. “I have since the day I met you. The first time I spoke with you, I knew you were a good man.” She cleared her throat and nodded. “Like I said, I’m not fond of goodbyes.”

  Warmth swelled in his vacant heart. He leaned forward and shook his head. His pulse beat so hard, knowing he was about to shed the curtain he’d hidden behind all his life. Here and now, he’d place his demons at her feet. She, alone, would be his judge and jury.

  “I don’t want to say goodbye, but I need to be honest with you.” He inhaled deeply, and then stared into her questioning eyes. “I’m…I am…like my brother. More than I want to admit. That—I’ve ever admitted to anyone.” Her expression remained blank, so he continued. “I joined the Forces for a reason. My deployments gave me an excuse. A controlled environment to release my rage, but sometimes it wasn’t enough.” He licked his dry lips. “The last thing I want to do is scare you away from me, but violent, dark thoughts, they’re in here.” He tapped his temple. “It’s inside me, just like an addiction remains inside of an addict. I don’t know where it comes from, maybe the same place as my father or my brother.” He bowed his head.

  Mattie slowly slid from the couch and knelt at his feet, placing a hand on each of his knees. “Blackney said something similar to me on the ship.” She swallowed heavily. “But I’ve never seen you lose your temper. In fact, you’re just the opposite. You always seem in control. Strong.”

  “I’ve always used sex and violence as a release. Somewhere along the way they melded together.” He swept a strand of hair from her shoulder, then palmed her cheek. He never wanted to hurt her. Couldn’t imagine laying a hand in anger on her like his father had done so many times to his mother. “I don’t know any other way to vent the anger.” He nodded. “That’s what it is. A cold, vicious anger.”

  “Is this why you thought you could never commit to a woman? I mean, you did with Kayla, but it was a fractured relationship.”

  “She tested my patience many times,” he admitted. “But I felt responsible for her. With you, I’m different. I know the aggression lingers inside me and that’s what scares me. I could become my brother, or worse. Maybe even Blackney. I’ve shared my bed with many women. Diana was my attempt to be normal. Still—I couldn’t commit to her, and I used the Dark Angel to vent.”

  Mattie curled her hands over his. “I’m not scared of you. And I don’t believe for one second you could become a killer.”

  “What if I lose my temper one day? Lose control. This darkness, it doesn’t stop for love or compassion. It has none. I make sure I never drink to the point of drunk like my old man.” He held his breath. Every word must surely be pushing Mattie farther away. “In the past, I used the club to feed my urges.” He squinted at her. “Isn’t that what Blackney did?”

  “Have you ever lost control, even in the club?”

  “No,” he said quietly.

  “Have you ever wanted to hurt me?”

  “No.”

  “Even for an instant?”

  He shook his head. “Not hurt, but…” He inhaled deeply. His needs were sated each time Mattie lay in his arms without the accessories of an S&M club. “No, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Your darkness isn’t an entity waiting in the corner of your mind for its chance to pounce.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “It’s your choice, Greg. But if you think it’s safer for the people you love, not to love them too much, then that’s what you need to do.”

  Threading his fingers through her hair, he wrapped his palm around the back of her neck. “I needed you to know the truth.” He closed his eyes, ashamed and afraid. “My brother and I had a bad start in life. But I know that redemption comes with revealing the truth to someone you trust.” He opened his eyes and stared with his weakness bared to her, deep into her gaze. “I trust you.”

  A little smile perched on her lips. “I hope you realize what an incredible man you are. Even if you and I are just a short-lived affair, I’m honored you chose me for a while.”

  The words tumbled off his tongue. “Short-lived affair? Are you blind?”

  “I’m not blind. I’m just a sucker for green eyes and seeing you naked.”

  He chuckled. “Mattie, you’re an amazing woman.”

  “Probably. I mean, who would fall for a guy when you never know whether he’s working late or sneaking off to give some blonde bimbo a few good lashes on her ass?”

  As she tickled his ear, he shook his head. “Think we better steer away from this conversation. Even under the circumstances, you’re causing a reaction.”

  She squeezed his hands as if she was going to leave him.

  “Mattie, it’s been a long road for me. But I don’t feel lost anymore. Not since I met you.”

  “I’ll remember that when you leave on your next deployment and all I have are naughty emails.”

  “My term in the Canadian Forces is over.” He took a deep breath. How could he convince her to give up what she loved? Walk away from her dreams without revealing what was on the note?

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, sensing his unrest.

  “I’m going to start again. Sell everything and move to the United States. Austen offered me employment, but not a job that will have me shipping out for seven months.”

  “Oh,” she said wistfully. “I see.”

  He gripped her around the waist and pulled her onto his lap. “Non, Mademoiselle, you don’t. Because I’ll only go if you come with me.” Her eyes sprang wide with surprise. “I know I’m asking too much, but I’m asking because I love you.”

  Mattie wiggled off his lap and backed up, her expression blank. “You…you love me?” She stepped all the way back to where the carpet met the kitchen tiles, distancing herself. “I don’t believe you.”

  He couldn’t maintain the relaxed billionaire slouch and sat up straight. “Yes, you do. You’ve got a case of cold feet. And I understand. We’ve known each other for two months, most of it on the trail of a serial killer.”

  Her eyes narrowed and she pointed her finger at him. “You’re a manwhore. Manwhores don’t fall in love. You said it yourself. And they certainly don’t fall in love with women who look like me.”

  Anger bristled in the base of his neck. “Who look like you? You say this as if you’re unattractive. Don’t put yourself down in my presence!” He thrust to his feet and hovered over her. “If I had my way, there would already be a ring on your finger and I’d have you tied to my bed, panting and begging for release.”

  Her eyes rounded. She swallowed thickly, staring up at him. Mattie’s chest rose and fell with shallow breaths, and his heaved just as hard. The pounding of his pulse warned if she refused him, if he couldn’t see her every day for the rest of his days, he’d lose the only chance he’d have to be happy.

  “A ring?” she squeaked, cleared her throat and tried again. “As in—”

  “As in,”—he embraced her hands and drew her closer, kissing her knuckle—“a life together. Our life. A new adventure. Come with me.” He grinned and with one finger, gently lifted her chin to close the gaping space of her mouth with his.

  Of all the choices he’d made, this was no mistake, and his heart agreed. “Let’s ship our possessions, then get on my bike and ride south. Follow the coast. A couple days in Napa. Detour to Arizona to meet your parents. You and me. Eventually, we’ll reach San Diego and a new life.”

  She hadn’t answe
red, but a sweet smile creased her lips. “You really want this.”

  As a JTF operator, failure was not an option. Without Mattie, he would feel empty, like a piece of his life was missing.

  Mattie’s grin spread into a beautiful smile.

  “Is that a yes or a no?”

  Their timing was fucking horrible, and Greg’s guts turned over twice when Austen and Kayla entered the room.

  * * * *

  Thane eyed Mattie and Greg, their arms wound around each other. It wasn’t that long ago Kayla and he were like them. Oblivious to the whole world when they were within grabbing distance.

  With their heads tucked together, Mattie and Greg spoke quietly to each other, but not quiet enough that Thane couldn’t hear them.

  Greg stroked Mattie’s hand when he said, “You know in the JTF, I learned to make quick decisions based on facts and instinct.”

  Mattie pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I do the same thing in my profession.”

  Thane concealed a grin as he watched Greg kiss her, lingering on her lips to convey by touch, how much he desired her.

  “At our age, we know being impetuous isn’t good.”

  “Uh-huh,” she said, smiling at him.

  “Considering the future and what’s best for us, isn’t exactly jumping into things.”

  “No,” Mattie said, her voice breathy. “Like, say—discussing issues about family and living arrangements and…”

  “Anniversaries,” Greg finished for her.

  “Like those.”

  “So, would I sound irresponsible if I said I know where I want our future to go? I think it should start by you and me making a big move. Your roommate is getting married. It makes sense,” he said.

  “Total sense,” she agreed, grinning.

  “As in, very soon.”

  “As in maybe we should go find some boxes?”

  “And hire a truck to ship our belongings.”

  Thane rolled his eyes and whispered to Sloane, “Mommy and I were never that sappy.”

  Greg coughed, but Thane swore he heard “bullshit” come out at the same time.

  Kayla entered the room and clapped her hands. “I got Adam to sleep. So, what’re we doing?”