Chasing Daylight

by Carey Heywood

  It wasn’t until I surprised him by coming to his birthday party, after I had told him my parent’s said I couldn’t go, that I caught him in the act.

  Next was in high school when Marcus Kenner, a senior to my freshman stood me up after asking me to prom. Turns out the girl who he actually liked broke up with her boyfriend that day and he decided to take her instead. I could have forgiven him this if he had told me. Instead, I waited—in my pink tulle’d out prom dress after my mom had taken me to the salon to have my hair and makeup done—for him to come.

  I wouldn’t find out until the next Monday when I saw him at school, kissing her.

  Did I learn my lesson after that and swear off boys? Nope, not even a little bit. I went boy crazy after Marcus. This did little to improve my opinion of the opposite sex; if anything, it reinforced it. I wanted attention and got plenty of it. Attention is not affection though.

  It wasn’t until I became roommates with Rachel at Tech and witnessed firsthand her relationship with Alec that I understood the difference. My parents weren’t great role models in the relationship department. I was still in elementary school when they got divorced. My mom is on new husband number three while my dad prefers to leave them before the word girlfriend even enters the picture.

  For every other Thanksgiving or Christmas until I graduated high school, I got to meet his newest ‘friend’ of the month.

  The way Alec treated Rachel right from the start was my first lesson in what actual love from a man should look like. I was there the night they met. I didn’t believe in love at first sight before; that night forever changed my mind. It was a Friday night, the fall of our sophomore year. I dragged Rachel to a frat party so I wouldn’t have to go alone.

  It wasn’t her scene; but she was (and still is) a good friend, so she went. It was at a house off campus and the place was packed. I was in my element, flirting with anyone who looked my way. Rachel on the other hand was doing everything in her power to become invisible. Considering the attention I was attracting, this sucked for her since she was standing with me.

  At the time, (since it was illegal) she didn’t drink. The guys I was good at attracting those days seemed to like it when I got tipsy. Therefore, I was four drinks in when the cops showed. Lucky for us, Alec Magnusson had noticed Rachel and swooped in to save us.

  Since Rachel didn’t actually see him until he made his move to rescue us, she technically fell in love with him ten minutes after he fell for her.

  What I learned from their relationship was a different type of attention. Overnight, Alec, who was one year older than we were, seemed to be everywhere that Rachel was. He wasn’t smothering, just attentive. I realized he was giving her something valuable that none of the guys I had hooked up with over the years had given me, his time. Where a guy might ask me to come over to hang out, Alec would take Rachel to dinner and a movie.

  He’d also text or call her to say goodnight or to let her know he was thinking of her. Having a front row seat to their courtship, it threw me that he wasn’t pushing her to have sex. Alec has always been hot in that boyish way with just enough promise of bad to make your mouth water. Tons of girls on campus threw themselves his way.

  It was as though he didn’t even see those girls; he only had eyes for Rachel. Like any good friend, I warned her not to trust him. I was positive he would show his true colors and break her heart. She was careful with him because of that and he had to work for her love. This didn’t faze him or make him give up. It was hard but he finally won me over the summer before our senior year.

  He was in grad school at that point and talked Rachel and me into sharing his two-bedroom apartment with him. He knew Rachel wouldn’t desert me, and he wanted to live with his girlfriend. His place was a double master, with the living room and kitchen separating the bedrooms. They were having lots of sex at this point, and I didn’t want to hear any of it. There was only the one time I walked in on her going down on him; but in their defense, they thought I was spending the night somewhere else.

  Thankfully, I never caught them doing anything in the living room after that. I wanted what they had. This led me to dating Robert Chase our senior year.

  He was going to be my Alec; I was certain of it. It took him stealing my credit card and booking a cruise for him and another girl he failed to mention he was also banging to correct me of that assumption. At this point Rachel and Alec took over picking guys for me. I spent six months going out on countless blind dates. Every single guy they set me up with had everything going for them. The only problem was I didn’t like any of them.

  Not to be deterred, Alec and Rachel talked me into going on second and third dates with most of them. They were convinced one would stick. Sadly, none of them did. At this point, I started to wonder if something was lacking in me. I blame the psychology class I was taking that semester and the whole nature versus nurture argument we covered.

  Was I the product of my upbringing? Did the unhealthy and frankly, sad relationship of my parents set me up for a life absent of love?

  Rachel and Alec decided to stop shoving guys down my throat at this point so they could focus on my plummeting self-esteem instead. This was when I met Tyler.

  He was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen in real life.

  Like Alec did for Rachel, Tyler Compton and I met when he rescued me. Sure, rescue is probably an over exaggeration of paying for my coffee when I found out the hard way I had forgotten to move my wallet when I switched purses out that morning. I was beyond embarrassed and he was standing in line behind me and swooped in to pay for my drink.

  He was so sweet in the way he paid for it. When he invited me to share a table with him, I couldn’t say no. He was five years older than I was and already out of school. He worked in pharmaceutical sales and wore a dark gray suit, which looked made for him. It looked so good on him it left me wondering what he looked out of his suit as well. His striking blue eyes and clean-cut, dark blond hair only enhanced everything he already had going on. We hit it off right from the start and exchanged numbers before we parted ways.

  Reminiscent of the way Alec texted Rachel to let her know she was on his mind, Tyler texted me. I was giddy in like with him.

  I was certain it was serendipity, fate, kismet; we were clearly meant to be together.

  One week after our impromptu coffee date, he took me to see a movie and let me pick which one. That was also the first time he kissed me. Our first kiss was so life altering I was certain it was my last first kiss.

  After meeting him, Rachel and Alec were thrilled for me and our next date was a double date with them. Tyler was the star that night. I sat, tucked into his side, with his arm draped around my shoulders as he continued to win me over. The next day, when Rachel pointed out that he monopolized the conversation, I defended him. Of course, he had to talk more than any of us; we already knew each other, and he needed to catch us up about him.

  There was no persuading me that he was anything short of perfect. At the time, I even wondered if Rachel was trying to make my relationship fail because she was jealous of what Tyler and I had. It was a month into our relationship that we made love for the first time.

  He was the best lover I had ever had. He had his own apartment and preferred that I stay there versus him spending the night at the place I still shared with Rachel and Alec. It made sense; his place was nicer than mine was. I was a college student, on a shoestring budget. The furniture we had was all second hand stuff we got from kids who graduated and local thrift stores. If memory serves, we found our coffee table next to a dumpster.

  Rachel and I both got off on repurposing stuff, so in my opinion our place was super cute in a shabby chic kind of way. Tyler’s style was high end with a bend toward modern. His sofa set was black leather; his coffee table was steel with a glass top. He purchased art from galleries, whereas we bought frames from the dollar store and hung up pictures we cut out of old calendars.

  He loved to take me shopping. I would
have been crazy not to enjoy it. Sure, the stuff he bought me wasn’t exactly what I would have picked for myself. I didn’t argue though. Before him, I mainly lived in yoga pants and sweatshirts. He was older than I was, so of course, he had a better understanding of what women wore after college. I was grateful.

  I saw Rachel and Alec less and less. It wasn’t on purpose. Tyler was a busy man and always had something going on. I was still paying rent but hadn’t been to the apartment in ages when we had our first fight.

  Tyler tended to primp before we went out. It didn’t bother me that he took care of himself. I thought it was funny that it took him longer to get ready than me. It was endearing. We were late to a dinner party one night because of it and the host had made a joke at my expense, asking if we were late because Tyler couldn’t drag me away from the mirror. I wrapped my arms around Tyler’s waist, smiling up at my handsome boyfriend, as I told them all it was the other way around, that Tyler was the mirror hog in our relationship.

  He laughed with everyone else, lifting his hand to stroke my cheek gently. He backhanded that cheek once we were home.

  I want to say I left him that night.

  I didn’t.

  Sure, I’d dated some assholes in the past but none of them had ever hit me. I blamed myself. It was my fault for making fun of him at the party. I embarrassed him in front of his friends. He needed to teach me a lesson, so I would never do anything that stupid again.

  I missed a week of classes waiting for the bruising to go away enough I could cover it with makeup. We both apologized. He had been drinking.

  He said it would never happen again.

  For one entire year, it didn’t.

  During that time, Rachel and I both graduated. I officially moved in with Tyler. I had no plans for graduate school and managed to land an entry-level job with a local ad agency. I was a glorified coffee gopher and a receptionist. Neither Rachel nor Alec were done with school. Alec still had a few years to go to complete his degree to become a veterinarian, and Rachel was in graduate school to obtain her masters in human resources.

  I sometimes went weeks without seeing them. My next fight with Tyler happened when I missed a couple of calls from Alec. Tyler was more organized than I was and would charge my cell phone every night for me. It was an excuse for him to scroll through all my calls and messages. He became convinced Alec was trying to get in my pants.

  I could say nothing to make him believe otherwise. He forbade me to call Alec back. So he wouldn’t find out, I used the phone at work to call Alec the next day. He had called to see if I would help him plan how he was going to propose to Rachel. Of course, I agreed. I was over the moon for them. I figured, considering what the call was about, it would be safe to tell Tyler that night.

  That was the first time I went to the hospital because of something he did to me.

  He broke my arm.

  I told them I fell down the stairs.

  I want to say I pressed charges.

  I didn’t.

  Again, it was my fault. It doesn’t matter why Alec was calling me; I was not supposed to call him back. With Tyler watching, I had to call Alec and explain I was too busy to help him plan his proposal to Rachel.

  Alec is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. He asked me point blank if Tyler was the reason, I couldn’t help him. I lied, made something up about being super busy at work. I thought he bought it, until Rachel started calling.

  She wanted to meet up for drinks, or coffee, or a movie. Each day I made an excuse as to why I couldn’t go. She finally gave up calling and ambushed me at work. The moment she saw my cast she knew. I told her the same thing I told the doctor at the hospital, that I fell. She didn’t buy it for one second.

  That was the first time she tried to talk me into moving back in with them.

  I want to say I left him then.

  I didn’t.

  I was so sure that as long as I did nothing to anger him, our relationship was perfect. From the outside looking in that’s what it looked like. I liked that Tyler was possessive of me, and I was just as possessive of him. I saw the way women looked at him, wanting what was mine. Many people had bad tempers; how could I punish him for losing his a couple of times? By this point, we had been together for over three years.

  I did my best to anticipate his needs. As long as he was happy, we were happy. Somehow, though, it became impossible to keep him that way. I could do nothing right. I wore the wrong clothes, and I started putting on a few extra pounds. He began pointing out women he would rather fuck every time we were out. A couple of times they’d hear him and more than one woman flirted with him right in front of me. He wielded his looks like a weapon.

  So much for the solidarity in the sisterhood of womendom. One night he went as far as to ask one woman if she could teach me how to suck his cock; just looking at her lips, he was positive she could show me a few things. It pains me to say she hesitated. I can only guess that the look of horror on my face was what stopped her from sucking him off.

  Her refusal didn’t faze him. Once she left, he told me a lab tech at one of the offices he went to each month sucked him off like a champ each time he saw her. He promised to take a video of it next time so I could learn from it. I chose not to believe him. I preferred to hope he was lying; and while his words hurt me, it was better than him putting his hands on me.

  Our next fight came when we received Rachel and Alec’s save the date. Tyler still believed Alec was using Rachel as a shield to disguise his true feelings for me. Having witnessed their relationship from day one, I made the mistake of laughing at this idea.

  This was the second time I went to the hospital because of something Tyler did to me.

  I want to say I pressed charges.

  I didn’t.

  Even the nurse didn’t believe me when I told her I fell down the stairs again. I had two cracked ribs, a split lip, a black eye, and a concussion. They kept me overnight. Rachel, still on her mission to wear me down, found out I was at the hospital from one of my co-workers.

  When she came to my room and saw me, she broke down in tears. Seeing myself through her eyes is what finally convinced me to leave Tyler. Alec came to pick up my keys and, with a few of his friends, made quick work of moving me out of Tyler’s place.

  Rachel got me a new phone and Alec ran interference when Tyler tried to see me at their place. I did not leave the apartment unless it was to go to work. This seemed to work and we all thought Tyler had given up. I helped Rachel plan her wedding and together, we all fell into a new normal.

  Alec had gotten a job at a veterinarian’s office in North Carolina. It was close to his family. He moved down first but would come up every weekend to be with Rachel. The wedding was going to be that summer and Rachel was going to move down after it. This is when her campaign began for me to move down with them. Seriously, what friend doesn’t want to move in with some newlyweds and watch them enjoy wedded bliss?

  This girl right here.

  I knew I couldn’t stay in Virginia though, not after they left. Sure, I had a decent job; but after they moved, I’d be friendless living in the same town as Tyler. While moving with them had its pros, there was no way I was going to live with them. In addition, the job market down there didn’t look that great. I needed a fresh start and started considering moving out west. It sucked that Rachel burst into tears every time I mentioned moving to Utah or Montana.

  It was around this time Alec came up with the idea of going into business for himself. Rachel worked as a groomer to make money through school and pitched the idea of adding grooming and boarding services to the Critter Haven and Spa. Alec was on board because he thought it was a great idea, and he’d never say no to Rachel if it was something she truly wanted to do. After she convinced him, she focused on me, and her brilliant plan for me to handle the boarding part of the business.

  Once she explained I’d live in my own apartment on site so I’d be there overnight for the animals, she sold me.
Rachel and I moved down right after their wedding. I had their place to myself while they were on their honeymoon. It got cramped after that. As much as I loved them, I stuck to my room until I was able to move into the building Alec leased for the hospital.

  This is my fresh start; and Rachel knows more than anyone else that I have no interest in some fairy tale prince ever sweeping me off my feet. I’m over believing in things like serendipity. I’m not fate’s bitch anymore. I’ll decide my own future, thank you very much.

  I followed her today.

  It may not be my proudest moment; but truthfully, I don’t care. It’s been two weeks since I met her and I still can’t get her out of my head. The Critter Haven and Spa is five miles from Gramercy Square. I’m drawn to it and am becoming a regular at the pizza place next door since it gives me my best shot at seeing her again.

  I’ve seen her four times since that night.

  The first time I saw her, she was walking next to the blonde, the girlfriend or wife of the vet who saved Zeus. They were both carrying trash bags out to the dumpster their building shared with the pizza place. The table I sit at gives a narrow view of the parking lot behind. Her laugh was what caught my attention and made me look that way.

  It was overcast when I saw her. She wore a gray tee and cut off shorts, her long legs bare, and a pair of chucks on her feet. Her brown hair was piled on top of her head; and even carrying trash, she was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen.

  They turned and walked back toward the Critter Haven and Spa. A couple of minutes later, a green Jeep pulled out from behind that building, turned out onto Gannon, and then was gone.

  The second time I saw her I was walking Zeus. Walking a dog down a busy road toward a city instead of on all the green spots around Gramercy Square wasn’t logical. It was her pull, an excuse possibly to see her again, hear her laugh, or say something. It was late. The pizza place was minutes away from closing and I had already had lunch there earlier that day so I decided against going again.