Until Now (Not Yet #2)

by Laura Ward

  My heart warmed. “They’re not jealous, but thank you for saying that. I’m perfectly comfortable being different, Damian. But I’m also ready to move on. I’m over this town and this school.” I stood up and gathered my uneaten lunch.

  Damian tossed his apple core on to the tray. “Okay. Stay tough, sis. See you at home.”

  As I walked to the trash to dump the tray, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, resting my back against the brick wall of the school. As soon as I saw Jon’s name, my heart raced in my chest.

  I’d had a crush on Jon Roberts for as long as I could remember. Every fantasy of every love story that I had ever conjured up in my mind involved him. He was a bit shorter than the guys in my family, but at six feet, he still had a couple of inches on me. He was stockier, thicker than any guy I knew. Jon was bulky with muscle. His biceps were so big, I was sure he intimidated everyone else at the gym. I pictured those arms lifting me up into his embrace and closed my eyes.

  There was a reason Belinda and Marley called me names referring to my weight. I looked different than any other girl my age in high school. I wasn’t fat, I knew that. But I was … curvy. Everywhere. My breasts were large, a full D cup. My hips were round and my ass stuck out. Some guys loved it, yelling comments when I was at the mall or out walking down the street.

  I hated it. Why couldn’t I look like Dianna or Delilah or my Mom? They were skinny bean poles, petite with tiny breasts and no butt to mention. They fit in. No parts stuck out like a flashing neon sign. None of them had to hear cat calls or the lewd comments posted on Instagram or Snapchat when I dared to post a picture.

  Part of what fueled my fantasy about Jon was that he was the only guy I knew who looked like he could handle me. His hands were large, and when I pictured him holding me close… I fit. With him.

  But those were only fantasies. Jon was Dean’s best friend. He was also twenty-three. Being that I was still seventeen for another two months, my fantasy had no chance of ever happening. There was also the small fact that he had no clue how I felt about him. Or if he did, he ignored it. He clearly felt nothing but friendship towards me.

  Opening my eyes, I looked down at the phone.

  Jon: Hey. How’s your day going?

  Me: Not great. I’m so done with school.

  Jon: Girls bugging you?

  I had made the colossal mistake of confiding in Jon late last summer about how bad my so-called-friends had gotten. The texts, phone calls, and messages on social media were reaching a frustrating peak. He’d talked with me for hours one night while Dean hooked up with Stephanie in our basement.

  We had sat outside, looking at the stars and I had unloaded on him. Jon sipped his beer and listened to me. Really listened. He was the only non-family member who had ever done that for me.

  He told me that I was special. Pretty. And that he could say that or my parents could say that, but none of that would matter until I believed it about myself. He told me to steel my heart and my head from their comments and focus on the real me. On what I loved to do and who I wanted to be.

  I remembered every second of that conversation because that was when I realized I loved Jon.

  And that he would never, could never feel the same.

  Me: They were. D & D poured soda on their heads. Cooled them off. Ha!

  Jon: Nice. Plans later?

  Me: Nope. Cooking dinner for the fam. Chicken cacciatore, homemade noodles, asparagus with hollandaise sauce. You want some?

  Jon: You had me at the noodles. See you later.

  A little game I played with myself was to guess what food would make Jon come over for dinner. It wasn’t too hard. Since his graduation from IU last month, he’d moved back home. Even though Dean was living in Chicago, getting ready to train with the Bears, Jon still joined us for dinner many nights a week. My parents loved him.

  We all did.

  My love for him just didn’t feel familial or platonic anymore.

  Interestingly, Jon would be in the same predicament as me next year. His plan was to attend law school, but first he needed to save up for a year, working as a law clerk at a downtown law firm before taking his exams and applying to schools.

  An hour later, the final bell rang and I headed out the front doors of the building. Damian and Delilah had texted me that Principal Mahoney was sending them to detention for the soda pop debacle. No one was surprised, but my siblings would take a month of detention to protect me. I wished they didn’t have to.

  I turned right, walking toward town. When I needed to cook, I’d wander around the specialty grocery stores for a few hours, using my babysitting money to buy vinegars and herbs that excited no one in the house but me. I’d call my Mom when I was ready, and she or my Dad would pick me up, helping me cart my edible treasures home.

  I crossed the street, leaving my school day behind me. I walked for a few minutes before entering the parking lot of our local grocery store. A low whistle off to my side startled me. I froze, bracing myself for the comments or jeers.

  “Need help picking out the best asparagus?”

  Leaning against the door to his truck, keys twirling around his finger, was the most delicious sight I’d ever laid eyes on.

  Jon.

  I swallowed, my mouth and throat dry. “Jon?” My voice was squeaky.

  The corner of Jon’s mouth lifted in a grin. He wore black sunglasses, so I couldn’t tell if he rolled his eyes at my nervousness or found it funny. He straightened, walking to me slowly.

  “What are you doing here?” My fingers tangled in front of me. God, Daisy. Calm down.

  He stood so close that his scent surrounded me. He smelled faintly of a masculine cologne, mixed with soap, and the leather of a football. Leaning forward his lips brushed my cheek and I stopped breathing.

  Oh God. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me.

  He didn’t kiss me.

  “Thought you might like some company. Rough days suck.” Jon wrapped an arm around my shoulder and hugged me to his side as we walked toward the store.

  I nodded, blinking back my hot tears. Why was I crying? Belinda and Marley no longer made me sad. But Jon caring about me? Thinking about me? That caused a torrent of emotions to bubble to the surface.

  Jon stopped walking. He faced me, lifting his sunglasses on top of his head. His warm brown eyes sparkled in the late day sun. “You’re better than them, Daisy. Never forget that. You’re perfect just like you are. Five more days, sunshine. You can make it five more days.”

  Sunshine? A nickname? Swoon.

  I wiped my tears away furiously. “Of course. Five more days.”

  Jon wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. I hesitated for a second. Should I hug him back? Could I hold him close and not let my body push for more? Whatever. I stopped second-guessing myself and hugged him back. I pulled myself into his embrace, burying my face in his neck and breathing him in.

  I could get through five more years of high school with a daily dose of this.

  Jon’s body became rigid and he moved back quickly. I stumbled with him and he held my forearm to keep me balanced.

  “Sorry.” He slipped his glasses back on his face looking to his left and right. “Should we start shopping?”

  My stomach dropped. Too much, Daisy. Too damn much.

  “’Course. Let’s go pick some asparagus, shall we?”

  I turned my attention toward my favorite hobby and forced myself to stop focusing on my favorite guy.

  Good luck asparagus. You’ve got your work cut out for you tonight.

  Acknowledgements

  The first person to thank is my sweet husband who encourages me to fulfill my dreams! Thank you and I love you!

  Thank you to my children for understanding when I need to work or travel. Most importantly, thank you for sharing my love of books and writing. You three are the best and I love you more each day.

  To my wonderful beta readers: Amanda Rounsaville, Bekky Levesque, Dani Fisher, Pat Rosner, Stacey Lynn,
Tamara Debbaut, and Christine Manzari–thank you for allowing me to pick your brains, ask you endless questions and for providing the most helpful feedback.

  I would like to give a special shout out to my cousins Matt Krebs and Meagan Lee. Matt talked me through all the football, agents, drafts, and sports technicalities in the book. Meagan read through an early draft to make sure my Bloomington/IU references were spot on. Thank you both so much!

  After the first drafts of a book are finished, the real work begins. Luckily I have the best team to help me. Working with Amy Donnelly at Alchemy and Words was invigorating! You are an incredible editor. Thank you for your time and care with my story. Thanks to Victory Editing for proofreading. Your attention to detail is awesome. Regina Wamba at Mae I Design found this beautiful image and created the cover. Thank you! The exceptional formatting in the ebook and paperback versions of this book are because of Julie Titus at JT Formatting. She is amazing! Tamara Debbaut is the creative genius behind my marketing artwork and I appreciate her help so much. Finally, I would like to thank Southern Belle Book Productions for planning my cover reveal and book tour.

  While I’m at it, there are a few bloggers who have been instrumental in sharing my books. Thanks to Candy from Prisoners of Print, Erin from Southern Belle, Denise from Shh Mom’s Reading, Gitte and Jenny from TotallyBookedBlog, Jamie and Theresa from Smokin’Hot Reads, Tash from Book Lit Love, Jennifer from Just Me & My Kindle, Jenn from Garden of REden, Stephenee from Nerd Girl Reviews, Alicia from Mean Girls Love Books, and Ethan from One Guy’s Guide to Good Reads.

  Tamara Debbaut there aren’t enough way to say thank you to you! You are there for me with any questions, problems, issues, or ideas I have. Thank you for your talent and friendship!

  Christine, what can I say? Meeting you, writing with you, and traveling with you has been the greatest blessing I’ve received from this journey. You are the most generous and talented lady I know. Thank you for ALWAYS being there for me.

  Finally, to anyone reading this right now–you have made my dreams come true. I’m a writer thanks to you!

  About the Author

  LAURA WARD is the author of UNTIL NOW, NOT YET, and PAST HEAVEN. She is also a co-author of THE PLEDGE, with Christine Manzari. Their second book in that series will be released this June, THE COLOR OF US. She lives in Maryland with her loud and very loving three children and husband. Laura married her college sweetheart and is endlessly grateful for the support he has given her through all their years together, and especially toward her goal of writing books. When not picking up toy trucks, driving to lacrosse practice, or checking spelling homework, Laura is writing or reading romance novels..

  Contact Laura at:

  www.facebook.com/LauraWardAuthor

  Twitter—@laurarosnerward

  Instagram—_Laura_Ward

  Email—laurawardauthor@yahoo.com