Becoming His

by Mariah Dietz

  “Hey, Miller, long time no see. I heard you were up in Alaska. Are you back for the summer?” Pedro greets him as I work to nonchalantly extricate my hand from his.

  Max gives a brief nod. “No, I’m enrolled to start school in San Diego, with Ace,” he says, nodding toward me, but his eyes don’t follow.

  “We were just going to find the others. You want to come?” I ask, trying not to sound hopeful.

  “No, I just came from there. I think I’m going to check out the rest of the excitement, get a drink.” I smile, trying to hide my disappointment.

  As we pass one another, my eyes flash to my hand as I feel his fingers brush against mine causing a spark to run up through my arm. I watch his knuckles touch mine, his index finger traces along the same pattern, catching my pinky before his hand falls. His focus is still trained forward, not looking at me. Watching the space between us grow with each step we both take in opposite directions causes a physical ache in my chest.

  When we find the others, Kendall bounds over to Pedro and I watch the disappointment flood Jameson’s face before she moves to stand beside him again and completes a brief introduction.

  A catchy remix starts to play that has everyone moving. More people have arrived making the dance floor so tightly packed it’s difficult to decipher who you’re really dancing with. I turn to face Abby, and we sing along to the music, laughing, and dancing with Pedro behind us both, until a cute guy begins dancing closer and closer, and I watch as Abby gets pulled to him like the tide.

  It isn’t long before a pretty brunette swoops in and begins running her hands up and down Pedro’s chest, diverting his focus.

  My eyes blink several times and my movement stops at the sight of Landon and Abby making out. I take a couple of breaths before looking for Kendall to see if she’s paying attention, but she and Jameson are engaged in a make out session a few feet away.

  My eyebrows rise as I look between the four of them one last time and then turn with the intention of taking a break.

  “Looking for me, bonita?” Pedro asks, coming up behind me.

  “I thought you traded me in for a brunette?”

  “No, you know me. I’m all about blondes.” He winks and wraps his hand around mine. We begin dancing as a new song blasts through the room. It seems to be getting louder, and with all of the noise and movement, it’s not long before everything fades away, my mind focusing on the beat of the music and my body as it moves with Pedro.

  After a while Kendall and Abby find us, sans the guys, and all three of us dance with Pedro, laughing and having a good time.

  I fan my face and motion that I’m going to head outside. Pedro nods, indicating his interest in joining me. We slowly filter our way through the crowd. We don’t manage to get far before a guy from Pedro’s class encases him in a hug. It’s obvious he’s drunk as he loudly tells Pedro how much he misses him. I nod my head toward the back door, silently informing him that I’ll meet him outside. Pedro’s eyes scrunch with reluctance before he nods and raises a single finger to show he’ll only be a minute.

  My tunnel vision glasses are on, not wanting to see anything but the sky, as I slide through arms and bodies, heading for the dining room that goes out to the backyard. I can see the doors and feel the relief they promise when two large hands grip my hips and pull me backwards. The fingers dig too deep, too rough to be friendly, yet I still expect to see a familiar face as I try to crane my neck around. I stumble slightly as the arms pull me backwards so I’m tightly pressed against a hot, sweaty body reeking of cheap cologne and beer.

  “Hey, baby!” The deep foreign voice growls as he clumsily tries to dance against me. One of his hands bars me to him while the other roughly paws at me. I turn again and catch sight of his dark buzzed hair and large, round head that is completely unfamiliar.

  “I’ve retired for the evening.” I pull away from his sweat-drenched shirt.

  “I’ll retire you,” he slurs with a grin and grips my arm, roughly tugging me forward, making me once again stumble as my chest collides with his. My eyes narrow as I take a closer look at his heavy stature and cocky grin that makes my blood boil.

  Cringing as his hand slides across my jaw, he mumbles something I can’t hear over my own objections and the music. He’s bigger than I am, but he’s also drunk, and I feel repulsed. My palms lie flat against his chest and I shove against him. He grunts and smiles before locking his arms around me.

  “Stop! Let me go.” I try to sound tougher and braver than I feel. I push against his shoulders again and he barely budges. His eyes slowly look down stopping at my chest; my body is pressed too close to his to see any further. I watch his mouth curl, but it looks like a sneer, making my stomach turn violently.

  I suddenly hate my dress and the fact that it accentuates my body. As I struggle against him, my mind races to recall self-defense moves.

  Strong hands suddenly grip the top of my arms and pull me backwards with an aggressive tug that has me stumbling to catch my balance. My eyes widen in shock as I see Max hurling himself at my assailant. Even over the raucous noise around us, I clearly hear the sickening pop as Max’s fist connects with the guy’s jaw and knocks him to the ground.

  He stands up much quicker than I expect. Watching that hit and hearing the sound it made, I was afraid Max had seriously injured him. Before I can finish processing what’s about to happen, he lunges at Max, shockingly fast for a guy his size, and two others follow suit, grabbing for Max’s arms.

  “Max!” I scream in horror as one of them works to restrain his right arm.

  The hands that hold me fall, and Jameson charges toward them, landing a punch on one of the guy’s back, near his kidney. My eyes divert back to Max as another swings and connects his fist with Max’s stomach. I feel myself slouch as if I was the one hit. Max doesn’t seem to flinch as he drives his fist into the guy’s stomach in return.

  I’m frozen, unsure of what to do. Growing up with four sisters, fist fighting is still quite foreign to me. If I’m ever at a party where a fight breaks out, I take that as my cue to leave.

  One of the guys grabs Max’s arm again and pins it to his back. The stranger struggles to maintain his grip and reaches for his other arm. I watch as Max tries to shove him off, spewing curse words and threats before hitting him in the face with the back of his head. Amazingly, the guy doesn’t release his grip, even as his nose bleeds. The guy that had initially grabbed me, stalks over to Max, and the stranger behind him pulls tighter on his arms. I know from watching too many fight scenes in movies what’s going to happen next.

  I don’t hesitate. I launch myself forward, creating a barrier between him and Max. Adrenaline courses through me as I try to focus on Caulder’s voice, calm and clear in my head. “Just knee them in the balls. They’ll drop to their knees, and then run.”

  “Ace!” Max yells from behind me. “Get the hell away from here!”

  But I can’t. My shoes feel like they’re cemented to the ground. Not from fear, but from the unexplainable need to protect him. The guy in front of me rotates his upper body, and I square my shoulders, reaching out to grip his, as Pedro flies in front of me tackling him to the ground. Within seconds he’s straddling the guy and waling on his face.

  I whip my head around to ensure that Max is fine; he looks possessed. Landon appears next, and I see him punch the guy that has been holding Max’s arms. Blood now pours from both his nose and his mouth. My eyes don’t know where to focus as punches and threats are exchanged.

  “Get her out of here!” Max yells, shoving me toward Landon. Landon nods and grabs my waist, lifting me over his shoulder before I can object. He carries me a few feet back before depositing me on my feet.

  “Landon, someone’s going to get hurt!” I yell, trying to shove my way around him.

  “What in the hell?” Kendall shrieks. I turn as she grabs my face with both hands and looks me up and down, but I repeatedly tell her that I’m fine.

  “What happened?”
she asks, her eyes following mine, though I’m sure hers find Jameson as mine lock on Max. I watch as his fist repeatedly connects with the guy that originally grabbed me. The guy’s face is bleeding and already starting to swell, yet Max isn’t slowing down.

  “Landon does someone need to stop him?” Abby asks.

  “Let’s go. Cops are probably going to show up,” Landon says, grabbing one of Jameson’s arms. Jameson straightens himself out, and they both walk to Max. Each of them grab an arm and pull him back. Pedro gives a final blow to a guy, and then he too goes to help them pull Max away, but it’s like he’s on autopilot.

  “Max!” I yell, stepping closer now that no one is there to restrain me. “You’re going to kill him, stop!” I yell as he lands another punch on the guy’s face. I grab his arm that Jameson already works to restrain and can feel the tension in his entire body.

  His eyes snap to mine; they’re cold, dark pools I don’t recognize, and I shake my head. “Stop. Please stop.” Unexpected tears burn in the back of my eyes as his begin to register recognition. He drops the hold that he has on the guy’s shirt. My hand falls from his arm as I turn to make my way to the front door. I need to get out of here.

  “Ace!” Max’s voice calls out, and I feel the unfamiliar urge to stop and wait for him. Logically I know he just saved me—from what I’m not sure. I won’t allow my mind to go down that dark rabbit hole, but I know he protected me. The whole situation is just too overwhelming to process right now.

  I hear the others calling to both Max and me as I weave through the crowd, focused on the front door. As I get halfway through the living room an unfamiliar guy wraps his arm around my waist and begins dancing against my side, pressing his pelvis into my hip and delivering a friendly smile. I push away and shoot him an icy glare. He backs away, apologizing.

  The interaction slows me down enough so Max catches up with me, and I feel his hand on my lower back, following me through the remainder of the house.

  I take a few gulps of the evening air. It’s cool against my sweat-dampened skin. Max’s hand grips my elbow and directs me forward as a few people pass to join the party.

  He guides me over to a bench sitting under a large tree, and my body falls against the wooden planks. My head tilts back so I can take in the large expanse of the dark sky as I hastily pull my hair from my sweaty neck and shoulders into a knot.

  “Ace, I know you’re pissed—”

  “I’m not pissed, Max! I’m freaking overwhelmed and a little freaked out at the moment!” I didn’t intend to yell and feel a bit surprised when my voice comes out so loud. “What in the hell was that? You went nuts!” I run a hand over my face in exhaustion. “Are you okay?” I ask, focusing my eyes on his abdomen as the visions of Max being hit flash through my mind.

  “I’m fine,” Max says automatically, shaking his head. His voice rises to match mine. “Ace that guy was going to …” He stops, his eyes squeeze shut, and his head shakes as he throws both of his hands in the air. Sighing, he looks down at his shirt. It’s covered in blood spatters. He peels it off in one fell swoop and uses the inside to wipe his face and arms.

  “Ace, that guy and his friends were going to hurt you.” His voice is quieter as I turn away from him. “Fuck.” His chest heaves with a deep breath as he sits beside me and props his elbows on his knees, keeping his eyes focused on the yard as though he’s expecting someone to come.

  “You always want to think everyone is nice and good, and it’s great to be all Anne Frank about humanity, but you have to have a little bit of self-preservation and realize that there are some seriously fucked-up people. It took Jameson and me forever to get to you. Then when his friends jumped me and I realized it was a team operation, I knew shit could’ve gotten really bad. People attack in teams like that for fucked-up reasons.” His eyes dance across my face watching his words resonate with me.

  “You scared the shit out of me, Ace. I couldn’t figure out why you weren’t punching him! I know Caulder taught you girls that shit!” Max stands up again and throws his shirt in a bush. “And what in the hell were you thinking getting in the middle of things? Are you crazy?” His voice rises as he glares at me.

  “Max you looked like you were going to kill that guy,” I admit barely above a whisper.

  “Ace, I grew up with my brothers and me beating the shit out of each other. I knew he wasn’t going to die. If I’m lucky, I broke a couple of ribs and his fucking nose.”

  I don’t bother expressing how ridiculous I find this. “We need to get out of here. If the cops come, they’ll arrest you.” He shakes his head and looks back to the house, and I can feel his desire to go back inside as he rakes a hand through his short hair.

  “That’s the last thing I’m worried about right now.”

  “Well, it’s pretty much at the top of my list, so let’s go. Kendall’s car is over there.” I grab Max’s hand and find it to be sticky with blood. I almost drop it from the disgust bubbling in my stomach, but when I look up to see Max looking at my hand wrapped around his, I stop. His eyes slowly reach mine and the calmness begins to return to his features.

  “I have my Jeep,” he says, nodding to the street as he fishes his keys from his pocket. Red and blue lights light up the night sky, and I tighten my grip on Max’s hand, pushing him through the shrubs to the neighbor’s yard.

  “Where are you parked?” He doesn’t bother answering, tugging me toward the street.

  “Here, call Jameson. Tell him to get everyone out of there, and to take Pedro too.” I nod and take his phone.

  Max pulls open the passenger door as Jameson’s phone begins ringing. I watch Max jog around the front of his Jeep while I breathe his familiar scent—the perfect balance of sweet, spicy, and musky. I take a deep, cleansing breath that the fresh air outside couldn’t offer me as Jameson answers.

  “Dude, where in the hell are you guys? Please tell me Ace is with you. Kendall is freaking the fuck out, man!”

  “It’s me,” I assure him. “We’re heading home now. Is everyone okay? Is Pedro with you?” I hear Jameson assure everyone that we’re alright before responding to me.

  “Yeah, yeah, we’re good,” he says, letting out a deep breath as I hear Kendall firing off questions about what had happened, and where we are, and if I’m really okay.

  “We’ll see you at home. Tell her everything’s fine and to calm down.” Before the barrage of questions can continue, I press end and set his phone down in the cup holder.

  I feel Max’s eyes on me and try to fight the impulse to look at him. I successfully avoid meeting his gaze for about two minutes.

  “Are you okay?”

  I shake my head and let my head fall back against the seat. “I froze, Max. I completely froze.” I take a deep breath and look over to him as he glances between me and the road. “This summer has been such a confusing clusterfuck of emotions and events. I just hope that tonight was the pinnacle of this crazy summer, because that has got to be one of the top five worst parties I’ve ever been to. And that’s pretty impressive because last year Kendall entered the top five after she got so wasted she used my purse to empty her stomach.” I nod to myself, recalling the horrible memory. “But I knew how to fix it; I knew how to make it better. Tonight, I didn’t know what to do when he grabbed me.”

  “You felt sympathy,” Max says. The words make my face crumple in a frown as I begin to rebuke, but realize he’s right. I did. I’m not sure why exactly, but I know that I did.

  We sit quietly for a moment, the hum of the engine lolling me into a quiet sense of peace as I let the fear fade with each mile we go.

  “Why did you go to Alaska?” Max looks over at me, his eyes wide. “You don’t have to tell me, I just always wondered why you left.”

  “No, no, it’s just that people only ask me why I came back, like they forgot I had a reason to go.” He pauses and adjusts the radio as the band that we’d listened to together in his kitchen after the TP incident streams softly through th
e speakers.

  “I went to find my dad. I needed to know why he left.” Max sits quietly as my heart breaks a little for him. I can’t imagine having lost my father, especially to have him just walk away one day and never look back.

  “My grandma had heard that he and my uncle ended up in Alaska. When I got there I met this guy that told me this long story about my dad and how he used to be a fisherman with his brother for this company that went out for Chinook Salmon and King Crabs. So I went and tried to find the ship that they had worked for. My dad was long gone, but they offered me a job and the chance to go to more ports where he might still be working.”

  His eyes flicker to me, and the right side of his lips quirk up before he turns back to the road. “That’s where I met Jameson. We spent seven months out on the ocean together. Few people remembered my dad. So when we docked I got off and enrolled at the University of Alaska and continued looking for people that might know something. Jameson and I met Landon there. He’d just gotten out of the Army and was going to school. Every once in a while someone would swear they knew who I was talking about and would tell me where to go, but they were all a bunch of loose ends. Who knows, he’s probably dead.”

  Max’s fingers clench the wheel. “He was a heavy alcoholic that liked to gamble and use his fists to make his hard-headed points. He’s been gone a long time.”

  I work to swallow several of the words I want to say. “I feel sorry for him.”

  “What?” He looks at me with a grin I know is forced.

  “I feel sorry for him, for missing out on seeing who you are.” Max raises an eyebrow as he balks. “I’m serious. You’re pretty great, Max.”

  As we pass a well-lit stretch, shadows dance across Max’s bare chest. I’ve seen him shirtless several times now, from both running together and swimming, yet the image still distracts me. My eyes slowly trace over the planes of his chest and the contours that accentuate his abs, over to his tattoos.