by Kendall Ryan
I brought a hand between us to position myself between her legs and eased forward, nudging the head of my cock against her entrance, bracing myself above her. Alexa gripped my biceps as I pushed forward just slightly. She sucked in a breath and held it, biting her lip.
“Are you okay?”
I felt her nod, her face in the crook of my neck.
I brushed her hair back from her face and dropped a kiss on her forehead as I pushed forward again. The pressure of her warm channel squeezing me was almost unbearable. I pulled back and thrust forward a third time, allowing myself to slide just a little deeper inside. I watched Alexa’s expression change as I began to fill her. She was beautiful to watch—the little gasps escaping her parted lips, and her pink flushed cheeks.
When I pushed inside farther, unable to hold off from feeling the friction of our bodies any longer, Alexa released a soft cry that was tinged with both pleasure and pain.
“Am I hurting you?”
She squeezed her eyes closed and shook her head. “Just keep going,” she instructed.
God she was so tight, my dick felt like it was being strangled. “Holy fuck, cupcake, this has to be hurting you. Tell me if you want me to stop.”
Her only response was a series of tiny whimpers. Her eyes were squeezed closed—in pleasure or pain, I didn’t know. “Just go slow, okay?”
A surge to protect her, despite the massive case of blue balls awaiting me, swelled in my gut, and I pulled out completely, sitting back on the bed.
“Cade?” She reached for me. “Why’d you stop?”
“Because I was hurting you.”
“So?” Her expression was one of genuine confusion. “I knew it would hurt the first time, but I want this, I want you, please Cade, I promise I’m okay.” She trailed her hand along my abs, reaching lower.
I removed her hand and pulled her body close to mine. She crawled into my lap, wrapping her arms and legs around me and I cradled her body to mine. She planted insistent kisses along the column of my neck and over my tattoo.
“Fuck, I want you, baby. Are you sure about this?”
“God yes,” she moaned. “Never been more sure about anything in my life.”
“Come here, baby. Lower yourself down on me. You’ll control the pressure. Only take what you can handle.” I positioned myself at her entrance, and Alexa immediately began pushing herself down on me. I bit back a string of curse words. She gripped my shoulders, her nails biting into my skin, and I cupped her ass, holding her steady.
“Cade,” she moaned, sending a spark of pleasure through my gut, hitting me straight in the balls. I wanted to unleash, to pound into her tight pussy again and again, but I held back, holding myself steady while she raised and lowered herself in tiny increments as she adjusted to my size.
Once I was fully buried in her, she threw her head back and let out a coarse moan. She opened her eyes and met mine, her pouty mouth curving into a mischievous grin. It felt amazing being buried in her sweet body, but I needed her to move or I was going to fucking explode.
Finally she began to rock her hips against mine. “Cade, oh God.” She kissed me distractedly, her open mouth sucking and nipping at mine. I wasn’t any more coordinated than she was, content for our lips to brush as I breathed against her mouth and mumbled endearments to her lips. All my focus was centered on holding onto her tight curvy ass while she plunged up and down on me.
She rode me faster, her chest grazing mine as she moved. “Yeah, that’s it sweetheart. Oh fuck, just like that, baby.” Knowing my self-control wasn’t going to last, I reached a hand between us and rubbed the pad of my thumb over her swollen bud, sweeping circles around it. She ground her hips into mine, crying out my name.
“Are you close, baby?” I nipped at her lips, increasing the pressure on her clit and lifting my hips to meet her thrusts, unable to hold back any longer.
“Cade. I’m going to come.”
A rush of pride swelled within me and I held on as she pumped herself up and down my cock, moaning and whimpering in a sexy tumble of incoherent words, until I felt a rush of wetness as she came against me. The friction of her tight walls as she squeezed and spasmed around me sent me over the edge and I groaned out my own release, spilling myself inside her. And as good as it felt, holding her in my arms after, lying with her and watching her start to doze off—somehow that felt even better.
CHAPTER 17
* * *
Alexa
“Hey, sleepyhead.” Cade pressed a kiss to my forehead, and a lazy smile crossed my lips, remembering where I was—warm and cozy in Cade’s bed. I opened my eyes to find his sleepy gaze inches from mine. His alarm sounded from the dresser and Cade hopped out of bed, still completely nude, to silence it.
I stretched and rolled over, taking the warmth of his vacated spot. It smelled of him—a hint of spicy cologne and the rest just his own masculine scent. Him. I was decidedly sore and dressed in one of Cade’s T-shirt that I didn’t recall putting on.
“Mmm.” I reached for him. “Come back.”
He turned to face me, his morning erection greeting me as he sat on the edge of the bed next to me. He pressed a quick kiss to my mouth. “Last night was amazing,” he murmured.
I stretched seductively, pulling the T-shirt over my head and dropping it on the floor. “Come back to bed.”
His eyes roamed my body, and he grinned at what he saw. He traced a fingertip along my belly, circling my hipbone. “Aren’t you sore, baby?”
“Just a little. You might have to kiss it and make it all better.” I smirked seductively, trying my best attempt at dirty talk.
“I better not…I’ve gotta work today.”
“At the construction site?”
He looked down, tucking the edge of the blanket around me. “Ah, no. Actually I have a film shoot today.”
I shot up in bed, tugging the sheet over my naked chest, all inhibitions of the night before gone at the mention of him…working. Especially when said work involved him sleeping with another woman.
“I didn’t think you were still doing that. And especially after last night…” Shit. I was going to cry. Right here, naked in his bed and still sore from our lovemaking. I pulled in a breath to steady myself.
Cade slipped into a pair of jeans, forgoing even boxers. I hated the thought that someone other than me would unwrap that package later. I couldn’t share him. Sharing him with Lily was one thing, a very different thing, but certainly not something like this. God, how had I been stupid enough to think that a having a porn star for a boyfriend was a good idea?
He looked tense, more serious and stern than I’d ever seen him. The muscles in his jaw clenched and he tightened his fists at his sides. “I’m going to handle this, okay? I just need you to trust me.”
“But after last night…” Things changed for me. Completely. But if the morning after being inside me he could go off and do the same thing to another woman without a passing thought, clearly my feelings were way more one-sided than I’d believed. Sex didn’t hold the same importance to him as it did to me. And I could never be with someone that didn’t understand and appreciate the intimacy we’d shared.
Sure I might’ve joked in the beginning about losing my virginity, but we both knew better. I was falling for Cade. Had fallen. Hard. And he’d taken the gift of my virginity without understanding that he now held my heart in his hands.
“Cade?”
“I’m sorry, but I’ve got to get going, cupcake.”
I threw the covers off and leapt from the bed. Don’t cupcake me…
“Alexa…talk to me. What’s wrong?”
I spun around, facing him. “What’s wrong? You’re seriously asking me what’s wrong?” I was not having this conversation while naked. I jerked on my clothes, feeling close to violence that if he so much as tried to lay one finger on me, I’d annihilate him. If he didn’t know what was wrong, there was no use talking to him at all. “So just like that, you’re going to…go off and d
o that today?”
He hung his head, apparently at a loss for words.
“Don’t call me.” I stomped out of his room, grabbing my purse and keys on the way, and tore out of his house to my waiting car as quickly as I could. I said a silent prayer of thanks for the pickup on my X5, the law be damned. I’d like to see anyone try to pull me over. I’d castrate a police officer before I let anyone stand in the way of me crawling into my bed. Through tear-filled eyes, I dialed MacKenzie.
“’Ello?” she groaned sleepily.
“Kenzie, I need you. Now.” I sniffed, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. “And bring Jell-O shots.”
She hesitated, bed springs creaking in the background. “It’s seven in the morning.”
“I know. But it’s an emergency.” I wiped the tears freely streaming down my cheeks and sucked in a deep breath. “I slept with Cade last night. And things went to shit this morning.”
“Oh, crap. Okay, hang in there, I’m on my way.” I heard rustling in the background as MacKenzie sprang into action, just like I knew she would.
“Bring vodka, too.”
“On it.”
CHAPTER 18
* * *
Cade
I moved through my morning in a haze, still stunned over the turn of events. How did Alexa not understand that what had happened with us was real, and that this was just my job? A job I planned on quitting as soon as humanly possible? She obviously didn’t trust me like I would need her to if we were going to make anything of us.
Alexa hadn’t even given me a chance to explain, she’d just jumped to conclusions and stormed out on me. I hadn’t bothered to stop her. The disgust and judgment written all over her face told me what I’d known deep down all along—I would never be good enough for her. And the truth stung like a motherfucker. Especially after the special night we’d shared.
She would never be able to comprehend that sometimes there were things in life that you didn’t want to do, but had to do to take care of your family. And Lily was my family. I’d do anything for her. Life wasn’t all fucking sunshine and rainbows. Real life was hard. I’d always done what needed to be done. Period. She said she understood my responsibilities regarding caring for Lily, but when it came down to it, she bailed. End of story.
I’d stayed up half the damn night, my brain spinning as I held Alexa. I knew I wasn’t going to go through with the shoot today, but I did need to see Rick and tell him face to face. But now? Now that Alexa had bailed … fuck. I released a heavy sigh and tore my hands through my hair. Fuck it. What did I have to lose? And not to mention I needed that fucking money. The bills from Lily’s latest surgery were about to go into collections. I had to protect Lily. I couldn’t let bill collectors come after us and take our home.
After getting Lily off to school, I took a lengthy shower, shaved my chest and groin, and then got dressed and made sure to stretch. I recalled from my previous shoot that three hours of sex will make you sore in the oddest places.
When I arrived at the set, the model I was going to be working with was already there, getting her hair and makeup done. She certainly didn’t fit the porn-star image. Her looks were the epitome of the sweet girl next door. She had wavy, shoulder-length brown hair, big brown eyes and was more cute than sexy. I felt weird and itchy already. Just breathe, dude.
I went up to introduce myself. “Hey, I’m Cade, er, I mean Sebastian.”
She smiled warmly. “Hi. I’m Jill, but you can call me Britney.”
“Got it. Nice to meet you.” I returned her smile. At least she seemed like she’d be easy to work with, which was nice. I didn’t need any more drama today. I had no idea how I was going to hold it all together as it was. She turned back to the makeup artist to finish up, and I went to find Rick.
Today’s shoot was relatively straightforward. We’d start in the opulent master bathroom, where I’d find Britney taking a bubble bath, and after spending a few minutes kissing and helping to wash her, I’d lift her from the tub and carry her into the bedroom where we’d finish out the scene.
“I have a request and you’re not going to like it,” I informed Rick.
He squinted at me. “What now?”
“I’m not going to fuck her. We can simulate the sex and if you capture us from the right angle, the viewer will never know.”
He shook his head. “No way. What we film is genuine. It’s erotic and sensual and never fake.”
I stood my ground, posture straightening. “Those are my conditions, or I walk right now.”
His nostrils flared. “You’re fucking unbelievable, you know that? You little shit. Fine.” He waved me away. “You go tell that to Jill.”
“Happily,” I grinned.
Once we agreed to the setup, I got rubbed down with bronzer, and then waited for my cue from Rick. Once Britney was relaxing in the Jacuzzi tub, I sauntered in, barefoot, dressed in just a pair of jeans. I hesitated briefly as feelings of uncertainty swam inside of me. You can do this, man. You have to. I got my feet working again and approached the jacuzzi. We shared a few tender kisses, and I rubbed her shoulders and neck, before moving on to her breasts. Then they captured a shot of me helping her from the tub before calling cut. My stomach was tied in a great big fucking knot, but I tried my best to ignore it.
We picked things up again once we were on the bed, and I was soon naked and pressed right up against her slick flesh. But I couldn’t feel a fucking thing. And I couldn’t escape my thoughts about the previous night with Alexa. She was so soft, so trusting that I wouldn’t hurt her. Being with Britney was the complete opposite. She thrust her hips against me, begging for me to move faster. A deep, nagging feeling boiled up, but I kept moving—hoping we were making this look real enough. But it wasn’t sexual relief that I was after. It was relief from the shame, guilt and remorse of hurting Alexa.
Realizing I didn’t have to be careful with Britney, I didn’t hold back. Pushing my hips forward, I faked it as best I could. The sound of Britney’s whimpers reminded me of Alexa. And holding the image of Alexa’s face in my mind, I faked my finish. But even now that it was over, relief didn’t come. And the disgust I felt with myself once we were done was almost all-consuming. I couldn’t even meet my own eyes in the mirror after when I showered.
“Hey, Rick,” I called out once I was dressed again. “I quit.”
“That’s just perfect,” he called back. “Fucking high maintenance.”
• • •
Ian arrived just as the game was about to start.
He scanned my coffee table and gestured to the six-pack of beer and takeout pizza box with a frown. “Hey man, where are the wings?”
I shook my head. “Not in the mood.” It would remind me too much of Alexa. Damn, watching her sweet mouth tear the meat off the bone and her pink tongue darting out to catch a drip of barbeque sauce…no, there would be no wings tonight. Maybe not ever again.
He sank to the couch, grabbing a beer.
“Have you been working much?” We both knew he wasn’t asking about construction. We typically kept a don’t ask, don’t tell policy when it came to me dabbling in porn, but I’d let it slip that Alexa had left me over it, and that was why I’d been so miserable.
“Nope. I paid off the bills I needed to, and now I’m keeping myself out of all that shit.”
He nodded, sipping his beer. “And Alexa?”
I pulled my mouth into a tight line and shook my head.
“Still? Damn you’re stubborn.”
I drained my bottle and reached for a fresh beer, keeping my eyes glued to the play. “How am I stubborn?”
“Because you’re telling me you’re not doing porn anymore…and the reason Alexa left you was because you were doing porn…”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I growled, picking at the label on my bottle.
“And do you not see how stupid that logic is?” Ian shook his head. “Go after her, bro. Quit being a fucking pussy.”
“Drop it, man. It
would never work between us anyways.” Would it?
No… there was no way. I guess I’d just have to learn to live with this aching, emptying feeling in the center of my chest.
CHAPTER 19
* * *
Alexa
MacKenzie and I were sitting in my living room with two wine glasses on the coffee table and a bottle of Merlot between us. It had been a long week. I woke each morning with thoughts of Cade and Lily swirling in my head and went to bed each night with tears in my eyes. I missed them both fiercely, though I’d never admit that to Cade. What he’d done was unforgiveable. He’d strung me along, pretending to be this amazing guy—he met my parents for heaven’s sake—but worst of all, he’d captured my heart. It was exactly what MacKenzie had warned me about. Thank God there was no I told you so. She just listened when I needed to vent, and kept quiet when I didn’t want to talk, and she’d come over every night this past week to distract me. It had helped the tiniest bit. The ache was still there and I didn’t see it going away any time soon, but having her here was better than being alone.
After a few glasses of wine MacKenzie had begun trying to pump me for information about how Cade was in bed.
I wasn’t giving anything away. It was too painful to even think about.
She took another sip of her wine, cocking a hand on her hip. “Hell, I could be seven months pregnant with another man’s baby and I’d still want a piece of him.”
“Not helping.” I frowned at her.
She held up her hands. “Sorry, but that’s the truth. Listen, sweetie, you had your fun. Maybe just chalk it up to getting some experience under your belt, and let the rest go.”
