Reality and dream seemed to merge together before my eyes. I didn't know whether I existed in one or the other.
Gathering all my strength, I rose slowly to stand on my wobbly feet. My eyes took in all of her. Then after a long frozen moment, my hands went forward to wind around that slender figure in front of me, as though on their own accord.
Allecra was still there. She wasn't vanishing as I kept squeezing her harder and closer. She was warm and as real as could be. She was breathing, sighing softly into my hair while holding me back in her strong arms. I could smell her familiar exquisite scent in my nose and feel the ecstatic sensation of her touch on my body. It was like time had frozen and the world had come to a standstill.
"Allecra," I sobbed shakily, tightening my embrace around her, as though I was afraid she was about to fade. The sudden sound of her name struck me as I had never said her name out loud for many years. I felt so overwhelmed but also revivified for the sound of it. It resonated through my body and mended my broken heart. "Is that really you?"
My face buried into her neck. Hot streams of tears smeared her skin. I could hear her heart beating against mine. Our pantings came in tandem.
"Yes, it's me."
Allecra rubbed my back gently. Then she pulled away, and we finally looked at each other's face again.
"Is this real?" I whispered. I still couldn't believe my own eyes though all senses suggested otherwise. My trembling hands came to cup her face, warm and soft, brushing my thumbs over her wet cheeks in awe. "Am I not dreaming? Please, don't be a dream again. Don't go away when I wake up, please."
"No, Nina," she answered softly. "I have come back for you. This is not a dream."
It was too much, too many emotions and questions and confusion and relief all at once. I felt like I was about to fall off the edge of reality. But I wanted to believe it was true.
Allecra stared at me with those brilliant eyes in the same wonderment and speechlessness. How I miss those beautiful eyes! I remembered them too well. They always shone with longing and passion as they rested on me. They too had not changed.
I reached up to touch the smooth velvety skin of her face like a blind person. A burst of warmth flooded my whole being, and I was bewildered with happiness.
"It's you," I whimpered.
But a sudden realization made my body tense. My hands dropped from her face, and I took a step back, hands went to my chest in nervousness.
How can she still remember me?
My stomach twisted in despair once again, preparing to mourn the loss of the old Allecra, the one who loved me before she was gone. The immense joy at seeing her again had clouded my mind that I just forgot about this one forgotten fact.
She looked at me, analyzing the tightness of my stare in confusion.
"Nina, it's really me," she said in the same the voice I longed to hear more than anything.
"You still recognized me?"
"Yes, I remember you now. I remember everything about you. The girl my heart ached to see for all these times."
"How...? How...could that be possible?" I whispered.
"All my memories came back to me the moment I saw you. It all became clear now like a new burst of flames catching the wind. I just know you're the one I'm looking for."
My heart fluttered. Then her lips curled into that familiar beautiful smile.
It took me a few second before I allowed myself to accept that this was indeed happening. I threw my arms around her again. Tears of joy ran hot down my cheeks.
"Finally, you're here," I sobbed. "You have brought my heart back."
"I'm sorry it took me so long," she whispered apologetically. I shook my head.
"No," I said, closing my eyes with a contented sigh. "Just in the right time."
We pulled away. Then our heads tilted towards each other and mashed our lips together, molding them softly with great longing. Our tongues darted out and collided in the midst of gentle rain.
Suddenly, it was like we were transferred back in time like all those lonely years apart didn't exist. My sadness and despair were all gone, replaced by our timeless passion and love that rekindled into ardency, and right there in that moment, we fell in love once again.
CHAPTER 49
“Nina, open your eyes," Allecra whispered, and I opened my eyes again. Time began to flow in the world once more. The rain had ceased. I raised my face and looked up at the sky. The clouds had parted and beyond the bare branches of the aspen trees I could make out the moon. The bright glow on the ground felt like someone had covered the earth with silver cloths.
I turned now to look at Allecra standing before me. This was truly Allecra and no one else. Her eyes, brimming with her own emotions, were the same, bright, unclouded, sparkling turquoises. Eyes that knew exactly what they longed for. And those eyes were looking right into my heart.
I had spent the last five years thinking of her being somewhere unknown to me. During those times, I had engraved her image in my mind. She absorbed all places, and all marrows, she became a part of me. Now she was real, and she was mine again.
Allecra looked at the moon and then back at me as if to make sure of something.
"I need to know this, too," she whispered like she knew what I was thinking. "That there's just one moon, the familiar, solitary silver moon, beaming that tranquil beam, that we're in the same world and seeing the same thing."
I smiled, realizing I wasn't the only one who found it hard to believe. I leaned over to put my forehead against hers and breath in the fragrance of her unique scent. She had sailed through the sea of galaxies and the dark empty space to find me. It was such a long time waiting for her, but it had all passed by in a blink of an eye. Now I could feel the wholeness of her body in my arms. I felt like we were a complete entity rather than two divided souls.
"Welcome home."
~*~
Inside the comforting warmth of our living room, Allecra sat on the couch staring at everything around her in fascination. I looked over to her every few minutes while preparing us some hot Chamomile tea. Sitting in my oversize t-shirt and a dry towel hung over her neck, Allecra looked a lot more corporeal, more earthly than a moment ago. Maybe deep down, I was still reassuring myself that she wouldn't disappear on me in a puff of smoke, the way it always happened in my dreams.
The night had caught me by surprise. The prospect of having Allecra returned to me made me light-headed with happiness like I was lying on a bed of clouds. I had pinched and slapped myself to try and wake me up, but it seemed I was fully awake.
When I put the tray of hot tea down, she was still there in flesh and bone, and what happened earlier wasn't sprung out of my vivid imagination. I tried to convince myself that this was really happening, in the real world and the real time where she was sitting there, and I was sitting here not so far away.
Allecra seemed to understand what went through my mind. She leaned across the coffee table and kissed my forehead. My skin tingled after she retreated; taking my hand with her and making me come to sit on her lap.
"I really am here, Nina, stop doubting it," she said, arms wrapping around my waist like she had always done before.
I put my hand to her cheek and felt the smooth warm skin under my palm.
"How did you find me?"
"What do you think leads me to you?" she said.
"The Erytus stone you gave me?"
She laughed. My heart swelled up just at the sound of that musical laugh.
"No, it's love," she said. "Love brought me back through time and space to be with you again. I don't think finding you on Earth is that big of a problem anymore."
I felt my smile widened as I stared longingly at the chiseled face in front of me. She was still the same, always the sweet and charming Allecra I once knew. Looking at her now was like seeing the sun shining through the darkness of the world for the first time.
"I thought you would never come back," I said, my voice quivered with emotions. Then I brought her fa
ce closer until our lips touched again, more reassured this time. Her eyelids fluttered close with a soft sigh. When I pulled away, her lips followed me in yearning. I had to push her shoulders back.
We both giggled.
"I am home," she sighed with her eyes staring at me.
"I've missed you Allecra," I whispered back. "I missed you every single moment of every day."
"I would say it wasn't that different on my end," she said. "Even my mind didn't remember anything back in Arzuria, my heart did remember you. It knew what it was missing. Every single beat of it missed you."
Her hand searched for mine and brought it to her lips before she kissed it gently. Allecra's gaze came back to entwine with my own as she spoke again.
"You know I almost gave up on my life. Just a little more and I would have died from the tangled mess of my feelings. A couple millimeters more I would lose all hope and let go. But something kept me going, something very special that I couldn't explain. It was a strange calling to me. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I do," I said and felt saddened at the thought of her own immense sorrow.
"I had no memory of you, yet I knew you had our little one."
My jaw dropped in bewilderment. She knew about our child. She even used the same nickname I used to call our baby when I was first pregnant.
"Allecra, you knew about our little one?" I asked, amazed.
"I had this feeling," she said. "A mother's intuitive feeling when her children need her the most. I had only heard it from humans. Now I realized how strong this feeling is myself. I couldn't eat nor sleep. All I could think of was coming back to Earth. Do you believe me?"
"Yes, I believe you," I said. "I know exactly how it feels from the bottom of my own mother's heart."
"Me too." She smiled. But then she froze, her smile slid off her lips. She looked like she just realized something.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh Nina, I missed your childbirth!" she said, eyes filled with disappointment and remorse. "I missed the most critical time. Damn it!"
"Allecra, relax!" I laughed and kissed her temple gently to calm her. "It's alright. It's been five years."
"Were you alright, Nina?"
"Well, I did have a bit of a complication during my labor, but it was worth all my pain."
"A complication?" She asked with a worried frown. I sighed, knowing my childbirth story would upset Allecra a little.
"I had a bit of a trouble giving birth, and when they told me our child wouldn't make it, I thought the world had ended, too," I told her, feeling my throat tighten and my body shiver at the dreadful memory. "But I believe in miracles and the power of love, and we both were fine."
"Oh...my goodness," Allecra whispered, putting her head against my chest. "I should have been there for you...I'm terribly sorry you had to go through it alone. I know you must have been so scared. I should've been there with you and our baby... "
"Allecra, calm down." I rubbed her back gently. "It's alright. We're doing just fine."
"How is our baby now?"
I chuckled.
"She's not a baby anymore," I said. "She's grown up...well...a little bit."
"She? Nina, I have a daughter?!"
"Oh sorry, I thought you already knew!" I laughed. "And your daughter just graduated from kindergarten today."
Her mouth fell open. She looked daze for a moment, as if she couldn't wrap her mind around it.
"Oh gosh...all those years lost! I missed that too!"
"It's alright, Allecra, don't beat yourself up because of it," I consoled her. "You can still start being a mom-dad from now on."
"A...mom-dad?" Allecra stared at me with the funniest look on her face.
"What do you prefer to be called then?"
"How about, 'Mamochka’?" she said and smiled, her eyes gleamed brightly in the dark.
"Oh," I breathed in realization. "Now that makes a lot of sense."
"Can I see our daughter?" she asked.
"She's asleep now," I told her. "You can meet her tomorrow, that if you're not my imagination and disappear the next morning."
"How can I prove it to make you believe I'm real?"
I smiled and cupped her cheeks with my hands again and kissed her forehead.
"You really want to see her now?"
"Of course!" she said with a vigorous nod. "I have come across the universe for this moment. I want to see what our daughter looks like more than anything."
"You don't know what she looks like yet?"
"No! How could I know?"
"Well, I just thought maybe you have seen her because she told me she dreamed of you."
"I did too! But I thought it was just my own imagination."
"Maybe our dreams are visible and could be the link between worlds?" I said, smiling. "I believe you two have some sort of a special bond."
"You think we do?"
"She's your daughter," I said. "You'll know it when you see her. She's special."
Allecra nodded and then brushed my cheek with the back of her fingers.
"I'm nervous," she admitted. I shook my head back with a smile.
"Don't be."
Allecra looked into my eyes in awe and gratitude.
"You've changed, Nina," she noted.
"Five years as a single-mother would change anyone."
"No, it's not just that," she said. "You're a lot more than you were before. There's equanimity in you, a lot more serene, more sophisticated and even more beautiful."
I smiled at her.
"Maybe it's because the thing I feared the most had already happened to me, and going through it has set me free," I said honestly. "There are times when I was so exhausted by the endless struggle that I was on the verge of surrender, but then I thought of you and our daughter, and immediately I felt lighter, excited, and hopeful, like I could overcome anything in life."
"You are a really brave woman, you know that?" Allecra whispered. Her eyes glittered with tears. "Beyond the simple words, I thank you, for waiting for me, for everything you have gone through because of me, for everything that you are. I thank you from the depth of my heart. And I love you, Nina, I love you with all I have in me."
Tears formed and flowed from my eyes.
"I love you, too," I said.
Allecra wiped the tears away and pulled my body against hers desperately like she couldn't stand any more distance between us. No words were needed to tell me how she felt. I understood her perfectly. We held each other and stayed like that for a long while.
After that, I pulled away.
"Come on, let's go to El's room."
"El?"
"Elvira," I told her. "That's our daughter's name. It's taken after my mother's. Do you like it?"
"Elvira," Allecra repeated. She thought for a second and then she smiled. "I like it a lot...Elvira Knight. What a perfect name."
"Who said she has your last name?" I chastised.
"Aw, why not?"
"She's a Black at the moment."
"Well, she will be a Knight eventually."
I frowned at her, but Allecra just smiled and grabbed my face before she kissed me again. Lips moving feverishly with all her tongue slithered inside my mouth, and I couldn't speak. We both missed this so terribly. My mind twirled again, spinning into a blissful universe.
I slipped my hand down her back while my other hand roamed her chest through her shirt. Her soft breasts filled my palm. Heat coursed through me as our kissing intensified. I could hear her breathed caught in her throat. Her moan vibrated through my lips. My own heart pounded as her fingers wandered over the thin fabric of my sleeping gown.
Then Allecra's hands made their ways through the hem and squeezed my leg earnestly. A moan slipped from our lips at the same time. She pulled me closer, and I straddled her, gently nudging her with my pelvic bone. Something stirred within me, something hot and familiar that I almost forgot it was there. It started to crawl back to the surface of my desire, spread
ing like wildfire through every part of my body. I heard myself begin to pant, and then—
"Mommy?"
My eyes snapped open and I turned around to find my daughter standing there looking at us. Allecra and I both froze in our current positions. My legs still entangled around her waist while her hand wound over my body as the other went inside my gown.
"Oh!—oh god," I gasped and quickly pulled away from Allecra, who looked as disoriented as I was. Then we all stood, eyes wide in shock and embarrassment at Elvira's curious stare. But when I cast a glance at Allecra again, she looked like she had never seen anything more miraculous and wonderful than the little girl in front of her. I would have found this moment magical if I wasn't concerned about what my daughter had seen.
I decided to break the silence and sucked in a lungful of air before I went to El.
"Hey...honey!" I said with a bright smile, kneeling beside her. My hand stroked her unkempt blonde hair awkwardly. "What are you doing here up late, sweetheart?"
But El didn't seem to hear me. Her stare was still transfixed on Allecra, who was standing there like a statue in the middle of our living room. She was also looking back at El in astonishment.
"Who's that?" my daughter finally asked. A few minutes of palpable silence went by, and yet no one spoke. But as I struggled to answer her question, Allecra came forward slowly. She looked rather daze with pent up emotions.
"Elvira," she spoke softly. Her voice seemed to have a mysterious effect on my daughter. They both kept staring at each other. I was holding my breath, afraid to interrupt this precious moment. Then Allecra kneeled down before El, too.
"It's me," she said. There were tears as she stared at our girl. I could only imagine how Allecra must have felt seeing her child for the first time. Coming from a race that had no heir for generations, she was overwhelmed by this blessing in front of her. My own heart was also seized by the euphoric joy and contentment at seeing the two of them together, the sight I had always dreamed of for many years.
All the while, their shimmering eyes never broke contact. Instead, those turquoises seemed to glow brighter like the depth of the galactic seas. I felt like I was witnessing some unexplainable connection between the two. Allecra reached her hands out to touch Elvira's tiny cheeks, and a look of recognition registered on El's face. Then my daughter stepped forward and put her hands back on both sides of Allecra's cheeks.
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