Rose of Anzio - Jalousie (Volume 2): A WWII Epic Love Story

by Alexa Kang

  Anthony, Katherine, and Alexander all laughed. Even Uncle William and Aunt Sophia couldn't hide their smiles, but Tessa only felt her heart sinking further and further.

  In her room afterward, Tessa sat on her bed, crying silent tears in the dark. Not wanting anyone to know she was still awake, she had left the lights off. The view outside the windows was pitch black. There was no moonlight and the government-imposed blackout had taken all the neighborhood lights away.

  She felt engulfed by darkness.

  In the dark, she heard a light knock on the door. She knew it was Anthony, but she could not bring herself to answer it. He opened the door and peeked in, then closed the door behind him and came to sit with her on the bed. She pulled her knees up and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

  "I never meant to hurt you." He put his arm around her.

  "It's not your fault," she said. "You're being drafted. You don't have a choice."

  "That's not entirely true. This would have happened even if I hadn't gotten that draft letter."

  "What do you mean?"

  "I don't want to lie to you. Before I left school for the holidays, I had already decided I would enlist. I just wanted to come home and let you know how I feel about you before I leave."

  She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You planned on leaving?"

  "I can't stay. I can't watch everyone else go to war and stay behind. People won't forgive me. I won't forgive myself."

  She didn't know what to think. He had planned on leaving her. He could leave her behind. She pulled herself away from him.

  "I'm sorry. I swear I didn't know it would hurt so much. I…I didn't even think you would like me back."

  She slumped against the headboard. He didn't think she would like him back? What did he think would happen the way he had led her on?

  "I didn't want to leave without letting you know how I feel. If I didn't tell you, I would regret it. But now, I regret telling you. If I had known this would hurt you so much, I would've kept it all to myself. I'm an idiot."

  Her heart softened. She took his hand and kissed it. "Don't say that."

  He drew her closer again. "For whatever it's worth, when I found out you felt the same way about me, it was the happiest I had ever been in my whole life. I'm so sorry I hurt you. It hurts me too, but I don't regret hurting myself. I would take all the hurt and more if that's what it takes to have what we have together."

  She held his hand up against her face. No. She wouldn't trade what they had for anything either.

  "I kept asking myself, would it have been better if we never got started so you wouldn't be so hurt?"

  She shook her head. "Would you have stayed if you weren't drafted and I asked you to stay?"

  "No." His answer surprised her. "If I stay, we may be happy for the time being, but after a while, we won't be. Almost everyone I know who's qualified to serve is gone. If I stay behind for selfish reasons, I wouldn't be worthy of you. You wouldn't want to be with someone who stayed home like a coward. You want to help. That's why you became a cadet nurse. How could you work day and night to help everyone who had gone to war, and then come home to a boyfriend who wouldn't share the burden?"

  She held him tighter and buried her face against his chest. She didn't want to hear all this, but he was right.

  "If I stayed, you would eventually think less of me, and I would resent myself too. Isn't that true?"

  She couldn't answer. There were no answers to anything. All she could hear was his heartbeat.

  "I'll write to you. I promise. I'll try to write to you every day." He kissed her on the head. "And you'll write me too?"

  She nodded. He squeezed her shoulder and gave her a soft kiss on the lips, then started to get up to leave.

  "Don't go." She pulled him back.

  He stopped.

  "Stay with me for a while. Stay with me till I fall asleep."

  He sat back down next to her while she snuggled up against him. She felt so tired. Everything about the war had tired her out. The warmth of his body comforted her. Her eyes felt heavy and her mind dulled. In his arms, she found the calm she needed to get through the night.

  Early the next morning, seven o'clock, they took off; Anthony, Tessa, Uncle William, and Uncle Leon. Uncle William had relieved the driver and was driving the car himself. The icy winter air chilled them to the bone as they left the house. Aunt Sophia remained behind. At breakfast, she broke down. She had kept up a brave front all week, but today, she could no longer restrain her tears. Not wanting Anthony to see her so devastated, she kissed him goodbye quickly and returned to her room. Aunt Anna had to stay behind to console her.

  Last night, she had tried to pack for Anthony. She wanted to make sure he had everything he needed when he went away, but Uncle William kept telling her to put everything back. The draft letter told Anthony to bring no more than three changes of clothing.

  "He can't bring all this stuff. They'll make him throw everything away," Uncle William told her.

  Leaving Aunt Sophia and Aunt Anna behind, the four of them drove along in silence. In the backseat, Anthony held Tessa's hand the entire way.

  The car pulled up to the intersection at 79th Street and Exchange Avenue. The moment Tessa had dreaded had arrived. They were here. The offices of the County Draft Board. Helpless, she looked at Anthony. Their time had run out.

  He gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and got out of the car. Uncle Leon hugged him. Uncle William gave him a hug goodbye, then stroked his head as though Anthony was a child. "Take care of yourself," he said to his son.

  "I will, Father." Anthony turned to look at Tessa one more time, then without saying another word, he walked off to join the group of draftees gathered on the sidewalk. An official in charge began to direct the men to line up.

  "Let's go." Uncle William put his hand on her shoulder. There was nothing left for her to do but to get back inside the car. As they drove away, she looked out the passenger window and watched Anthony until he disappeared out of her sight.

  The three of them drove on silently on the way back. From the reflection in the rearview mirror, Tessa could see Uncle William's melancholic face. Next to him, Uncle Leon pretended to wipe his eyes to hide his tears. It was so disconcerting to see a middle-aged man cry. Anthony's departure had brought back to him all the sad memories of the loss of his brother, Lex.

  She stared out the window. She herself couldn't cry anymore. She had cried enough last week and her tears had dried up. Now that Anthony was gone, what she felt was not sadness, but rage. Red, fiery rage that burned. This damn, bloody war. Once again, it had separated her from someone she loved.

  For what reason must she be parted again and again from people she loved? Why must she put up with this?

  When they reached home, she went straight to her art studio without saying a word. She was enraged and she couldn't unleash her anger. Everyone else was upset enough already without having to worry about her feelings. She needed to be alone. She needed to think.

  In her art studio, Tessa stood in front of the painting of Nadine and Laurent. She stared at it for a long time, but it was not the painting that she saw. In her mind, she replayed every moment and every memory of her and Anthony together. She tried to feel again the sensation of his touch and the sweetness of his kiss. She wanted to recapture the smell of his scent. Everything felt as tangible as yesterday. How long could she hold on to these sensations before they became distant memories? How many days or months would pass when, all alone, she would feel these sensations no more?

  This despicable war. It kept separating her from the people she loved. It kept putting those she cared most about in harm's way. She had been away from her parents for years. Jack had been crippled. And now, it took Anthony away. It kept ruining everything good in her life. The more she thought about it, the angrier she felt.

  Must she remain passive and helpless while the events of the war dictated how she must live?

  No. S
he would not yield so easily to the demands of this war anymore. Two years ago, she had no choice but to do as her parents wished and come to America. This time, she would take her life into her own hands. If she must live with this war, then she would live with it on her own terms.

  If Anthony must be sent off to war and couldn't remain here, then why couldn't she go too? Maybe she could even find a way to go to him.

  She didn't know how she could make this happen. The prospect of going to him was so daunting. If anyone knew what she was thinking, they would think she was mad, but she must try. Yes. She would try. She would do everything she could to find a way. Certainly, it would be better than to stay here and wait. For all she knew, she could be waiting and waiting for years with no end in sight, just like she had been waiting all these years to return to her parents. And heaven forbid, if Anthony got hurt like Jack did, well, then…maybe she could be there for him.

  Coming out of her thoughts, she took the painting off the easel, wrapped it up, and headed out of the house to Murphy's.

  3

  When Tessa walked into Murphy's in the late afternoon, Nadine was surprised to see her. The last time Tessa had come to Murphy's, Jack was still a patient at the Veterans Hospital. She had come with Henry to pick up the beer Mr. Murphy had wanted to give to Jack. That was a long time ago.

  "Honey! Where have you been? I haven't seen you in months." Nadine put down the glass she was wiping and gave Tessa a warm smile.

  "I'm sorry," Tessa said, her voice more reserved than usual. "Couldn't get away from the hospital." Knowing she was here now only because she needed something, she shifted her eyes away.

  "Can I get you anything?" Nadine leaned over the bar counter toward her. "I've been experimenting with a new cocktail recipe. It's a variation of the French 75. Want to try one?"

  "No, thank you." Tessa shook her head. "I can't stay long. I came to ask you a favor."

  "Sure," Nadine said, still not noticing how tense Tessa looked. "What do you need?"

  Tessa tightened her lips. "I know the Colts come to you when they need forged identification documents. And since Pearl Harbor, some of the boys around here younger than eighteen come to you if they want to join the army."

  Nadine raised her eyebrow with a wry smile. "You're more observant than I thought," she said. "So what can I do for you? Someone you know needs a new birth certificate? Passports? A driver's license maybe?" She winked.

  Tessa took a deep breath. "Can you help me get an American birth certificate to prove I was born in 1923?"

  "You want…" Nadine said, confused. Then, eyeing Tessa with suspicion, she asked, "Why?"

  "I want to transfer to the special training program for American military nurses for service overseas. I need to meet the age requirement."

  "You want to serve overseas? How come?"

  "Because if Anthony is sent overseas, I want to go with him," Tessa said without hesitation.

  "Go with him?" Nadine's eyes widened. "Your family is okay with that?"

  "They don't know I'm doing this," Tessa reluctantly admitted, but seeing Nadine's doubts, she pressed on. "You have to help me. You're the only one who can help me. I have to do this."

  "Tessa, honey," Nadine touched Tessa's hand on the bar counter. "Are you sure? We are talking about the war. You could be sent to a combat zone."

  "I don't care," Tessa said, determined. "If that's where Anthony is going then that's where I'll go."

  "I don't know. This could be dangerous…"

  "Nadine, please. It's dangerous for the boys too and you do it for them."

  "That's different. Those boys would have no future here anyway. The army gives them something to do. It's not the same with you."

  "So what?" Tessa asked, frustrated. "I shouldn't be treated any differently. I wish everyone would stop trying to protect and shelter me all the time."

  Nadine still looked hesitant. Feeling desperate, Tessa said, "You would do the same if you were me. I know you would. If Laurent was being taken away somewhere, you would go with him no matter what. Wouldn't you?"

  "Yes, of course, I…"

  "So please. Help me."

  "Tessa, the army doesn't let people pick and choose where they go. Even if you are qualified to be a military nurse to go overseas, how could you be sure you'll be sent to wherever Anthony would be?"

  "I don't know." This problem weighed on Tessa's mind too. She had no idea what she could do. "I'll figure something out. There's a dire shortage of nurses serving abroad. Maybe I can find a way. I want to try. Would you please help me?"

  Nadine crossed her arms and thought for a while, then sighed and relented. "I hope I won't regret this, but all right. If you are sure this is what you want."

  "Thank you! Thank you so much," Tessa said, relieved.

  "Come back tomorrow afternoon and I'll have it ready then."

  "I know I can count on you."

  Feigning disapproval, Nadine started wiping the glass again.

  "By the way, I have something for you." Tessa took out the painting she brought and showed her.

  Amazed, Nadine gasped. "You painted this?"

  Tessa nodded.

  "It's beautiful!" Nadine dried her hands with a towel and took the painting from Tessa.

  "I'm glad you like it."

  "Laurent will love this."

  "I hope so," Tessa said. "I have to go. Need to get back to the hospital. I'll see you tomorrow." She picked up her purse and started to leave.

  Still admiring the painting, Nadine called out after her, "Tessa."

  "Yes?"

  "I would try to do the same thing if I were you."

  Tessa smiled as she left the bar. At least, she had Nadine on her side.

  The day she got the forged birth certificate from Nadine, Tessa set her alarm clock an hour earlier than usual. When she woke up the next morning, everyone else in the house was still asleep. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and knew exactly what she had to do.

  Carefully, she rolled her hair back and pinned it in place the way so many women were doing these days. The thought of having to spend extra time to fix herself up like this every morning from now on annoyed her, but the hassle was a minor nuisance to put up with if it could help get her what she wanted.

  With her hair set, she dabbed water on the sides to keep the curls in place, then applied the lipstick. She was not used to seeing herself like this, but it worked. Yes. She could pass for someone older. If she acted correctly, no one would suspect she wasn't at least twenty years old. Satisfied with how she looked, she left the house.

  Please, she thought on her way to the hospital. Please don't let anything go wrong today.

  In the office of the chief nurse, Tessa stood at attention as she tried to gauge what Lt. Jean Carlson might be thinking. Outwardly, Tessa did her best to appear detached and emotionless, but inside, her stomach churned. Why was Carlson taking so long to review her performance records? America was gearing up for war. There weren't enough nurses to meet the military hospitals' demand for them overseas. Everyone knew that. That was why the hospitals at home were all staffed with student nurses. Carlson should be rolling out the red carpet to accept her request to transfer to the Nurses Specialized Training Program.

  "Your performance record is fine," Carlson said.

  Tessa felt slightly relieved.

  "Your bedside manner could be improved, it seems." Carlson continued to examine her records. "The doctors and senior nurses you've worked with have all noted you need to show more compassion at times."

  Tessa didn't say anything. She didn't know her superiors thought that of her. How annoying. Just because she didn't always smile at everyone like Ellie or chat them up like Sarah didn't mean she did not care about the patients. She took good care of them.

  "But that aside, you're clearly qualified," Carlson said.

  Good, Tessa thought. So far, so good.

  "You grew up in England?"

  "Yes. But my mother's A
merican," Tessa said. She hoped Carlson would not ask her any more questions about that.

  Carlson finally closed the file. "The program you're asking to be transferred to is very demanding. It's highly selective because of the accelerated training time. You'll have to undergo training for many subjects in just twelve months. Being a transferred trainee, you're already behind. You'll have some serious catching up to do."

  "I can handle it, Ma'am. I'll work hard. I won't fail."

  Her determined insistence seemed to be working. Carlson looked impressed.

  "You are aware that the sole mission of this program is to train nurses for service overseas. Are you absolutely clear you understand what that means?"

  Tessa clutched her hands. She understood Carlson was asking whether she was up for the risk of the dangers ahead, but the risk that weighed on her mind was something else. This was a huge gamble. "I understand clearly, Ma'am."

  Carlson nodded. "We do need nurses at home to care for the veterans and civilian patients too," she said, almost as if she was testing Tessa's resolve and at the same time giving her another chance to back out. "There are enough returning veterans who need our help. Your services would be equally valuable here. With the Nurses Specialized Training Program, once you've completed it, you will receive an assignment, and there will be no turning back."

  Tessa felt her chest tighten. If she were to serve abroad but couldn't find a way to join up with Anthony's unit, she would be doubling down on the risk of her and Anthony being separated even further. But if she did nothing, if she didn't try, then she would have no chance of joining up with him at all.

  What should she do? She couldn't change her mind now.

  She looked up. Carlson was watching her, observing her.

  "I'm ready." The words slipped from her mouth before she could sort out her own thoughts. The firmness in her voice surprised even herself. "I want to be available and ready for service overseas. This is what I want to do."