by Angel Rose
I believed that.
I believed it was fate.
He was meant for me and only…me.
I never had a childhood. I never knew what it was like to have a mother’s love. She only loved them. Her men; their dicks and how they made her come. She never read a story to me at bedtime. She never made me breakfast. We never sat at the dinner table together. She didn’t tell me I would bleed when I got my first period. Stone bought me my first girlie pads after I bled through my clothes at school. He asked Lisbeth to get me some from the girl’s locker room. That day, I didn’t hate her as much. My mother taught me nothing except how to be a whore. How to shoot up heroine. How to roll up a joint. How to shop for lingerie and she told me I should swallow when I suck a man off. My childhood was ruined because I was too busy dragging her up from the floor, or cleaning up her bloody face after they gave her a beating when they were done fucking her all night long. Too busy buying her drugs, melting her heroine…shooting her up when she couldn’t find the vein. She came to me so that I could take care of her.
Where was she when HE came for me?
Where was she when HE was finished with her and she wasn’t enough for him?
I remembered the looks; the smiles; the candy; the gifts.
I remembered his scent. I remembered his touch.
I remembered his eyes and the way he stripped me
of my clothes without even touching me.
I remembered a lot of things.
Things Stone never knew about.
Things I wish I could take back…but I couldn’t.
I wasn’t innocent anymore.
I was tainted.
Spoiled.
***
I believed Stone when he said we couldn’t be together, so I had to make the best of whatever relationship he allowed me to have with him. I loved the way Stone came and picked up the kids every weekend. I appreciated how he never stopped being their daddy. Daniel always stood in the kitchen by the door at exactly the same time every weekend, his Ninja Turtle blanket wrapped tightly in his arms, waiting for me to open the door so he could run into his arms.
Stone and I barely spoke. It was hi and goodbye, a stolen glance here and there. I wanted to show him I didn’t need him. I wanted to prove to him that the day he walked out on me, he didn’t shatter my heart. He played it off nicely, too. Pretending that his heart didn’t bleed when he saw me. He was working full-time, but he didn’t want to tell me what he was doing for a living. I never asked. He hung out with Clarissa a lot at the apartment while I worked at the club bartending at night on the weekends. I dreaded returning home knowing that he would be making love to her while I was at the club, maybe in my bed; maybe in the bathroom…living room, kitchen floor…maybe the windowsill with her hands pressed against the window. I was sick to my stomach, but he needed to move on without me. That’s what he wanted, so I respected his wishes and moved on with my life, too.
“Hey Madison.” The familiar voice rang in my ear as I poured a vodka and cranberry juice.
“Andrew, I thought I was meeting you tonight at your place? I’m working right now.” I said with a nervous smile. I didn’t want anyone at the bar to know I was dating Andrew.
“Yeah…I couldn’t wait.” He leaned over and kissed me on the lips. My eyes looked around the bar to see if anyone was looking. “Tonight’s the night I finally get to make love to you. Your birthday gift to me. Sweet, tender age of nineteen.” He sounded like such a greedy perv, taking everything, my self-respect and now…my virginity. But, I vowed I would use him to get what I wanted; and what I wanted was to be married to get full custody of the kids and then divorce his fucking ass.
“I can’t wait…but I want to surprise you so, I’m going home early to get the outfit I bought yesterday and the special bra and panty set.”
“Jesus, I’m getting hard just hearing you say those words. Okay, I’m leaving. Don’t forget to be there at ten. Remember what happened the last time you came late to my apartment.” How could I forget? He spanked my ass so hard I couldn’t sit down the next day at work. I must be losing my mind. I can’t believe I’m belittling myself like this. But, it’s for Daniel and Alyssa.
The way I belittled myself for HIM, for the sake of my mother and the kids, because they needed me back then. They need me now. They need their mother. ME.
He strolled out of the bar with his five-thousand-dollar blue-gray suit, checking every girl out until he finally swung the bar door open and left.
“Hey Jack, I’m leaving. Do you mind? It’s my birthday.” Jack was the head bartender. He was a decent guy. He knew I was working here for the kids. He knew I needed the extra money. He never let any guy hit on me and he made sure if they tried to, he would get, Gary, the scary bouncer at the front door to throw them out.
“Sure thing Maddie. Happy birthday! How old are you?” he smiled as he poured a vodka and orange juice and sucked it down in two gulps.
“Twenty-two!” I shouted as I started to gather my things and head out through the back door. Thank God Andrew made me a fake ID, otherwise, I would be assed out. Jack would have never hired me if he knew I was only eighteen.
My car was parked in the back. I drove home fearing what I was going to walk into this weekend with Stone and Clarissa. Last time, the kids were asleep and I could hear their passionate kiss, their lips and tongue slapping together while I bit my lip until I bled. My blood pressure hit the roof. I’m going to make sure they know what I’m doing tonight. Clarissa hasn’t told me she slept with Stone. She says they’re almost there. I know she’s lying. Well, he could have her. I’m getting married and he’s not getting in the way. I can’t let my heart get in the way of saving my family.
I parked my car in my spot noticing a black SUV in the spot next to mine, I’ve never seen before. I perused the parking lot making sure I wasn’t being followed. According, to the last time I spoke to Lacky, I was still on Sly’s gangs hit list. I felt uneasy, so I waited a few seconds before opening the door.
I stepped out and locked the car with the remote control on my keys.
“Madison Stone?” A Tall man with a pin-striped grey suit approached me.
“Who’s asking?” I barked.
“Take it easy. We’re still investigating the death of Sly Jacobs. We were told by Lieutenant Ackeroyd to keep an eye on you. I’m detective Paul Stalker.” I sighed with relief. I almost wanted to kiss him, even though I didn’t like his name. “My name is a little creepy. I get that a lot. Anyway, you’ll be seeing us often around here. We’ve received reports that someone has been following you in this car more often than they should.” He pulled out some photos of a car to show me.
“Lacky?” I eyed the guy up and down. “This car?” My eyes were fixated on the photo. “This is my boyfriend’s car.” The heat rose in my face and my anger was fueled when I stared at the picture of Andrew’s car.
“Well, he’s officially a stalker. We were just being careful, miss. We didn’t know you knew him. I’m sorry.” He laughed and shook his head. I stood serious. “Good night, kid.” He shook his head again and laughed.
“Thanks for shadowing me, but, as you can see…I don’t need your help anymore. Tell Lacky, he can back down. My boyfriend is an official asshole. Good night.” I continued and walked into the apartment building and went upstairs in the elevator.
“I’ll see you next week.” I heard Stone shout.
“Who was that?” I asked as I walked into the apartment.
“A friend.” He answered.
“Hey, Maddie. I cooked.” Clarissa said washing the plates in the sink.
“I’m not hungry. I’m on my way out anyway. I have a very important date.”
“Well, I’m sure you do. It’s your birthday.” Stone said smiling. “Here…” He handed me a small box. “Happy birthday, Maddie.”
“Yeah, Happy Birthday. I hope you like it.” Clarissa said smiling.
I glanced over at Stone who was staring at me with
pure love in his eyes. Then he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.
“I’ll open it later.” I said abruptly. “I have to take a shower. Thanks.” I pushed through them, breaking their bond as I stormed into the room. Stone noticed my anger.
“I’ll be right back.” I heard him tell Clarissa.
“Hey, what’s up?” He asked grabbing my wrist gently.
“Let me go…please.” I couldn’t help the jealousy that was blinding me. I was so jealous I began to cry.
“Maddie, for God’s Sakes, what’s wrong?” I dragged him into the bathroom with me and locked the door. I stared at him vigilantly. I wanted to explode.
“Kiss me.” I demanded.
“What?” his eyebrows furrowed.
“Kiss me Stone…please, for my birthday. Just this once.” I pleaded.
“No.” He wanted to turn away from me but I didn’t let him.
“Kiss me Stone, please.” He turned towards me staring into my eyes. He caressed my cheek with his fingers then gently pushed a loose strand of my hair to the side and placed it behind my ear.
“No Maddie. I promised to take care of you. We can’t get mixed up in this shit. It’s wrong. You’re my sister.”
“You don’t know that for sure.” I whispered.
“Why are you doing this? Everything’s been calm. I’m seeing Clarissa, you’re with that asshole boss of yours. What’s wrong?”
“I’m sleeping with him tonight.” I grabbed his hands. “and I want you to tell me not to. I want you to tell me that you will be my first.” He swallowed hard. I could see that I moved something inside of him he always wanted to let go of. I knew he wanted me. There was no denying it.
“Maddie…please…don’t do this. I…I’m your brother.” He held both of my wrists.
“You’re not. I know you’re not. I can’t feel this way for you if you were. Your father was wrong. Ana was wrong. Please…” I pleaded.
“You don’t know that Maddie. What if we really are brother and sister. I’ll be sick. It’s incest.” He walked over to the tub and sat on the rim.
I started removing my clothes and Clarissa knocked on the door. I walked over to him and made him put his arms around my waist.
“Stone…is everything okay?” she shouted.
“Tell her to come back tomorrow. Please…” I whispered in his ear. He gazed into my eyes. Oh dear God…I just want him to love me.
“No, Maddie’s not feeling well.” He shouted.
“Okay…the kids are asleep. I’ll see you tomorrow. Feel better; Happy birthday.” She said softly. I grabbed Stone gently by the waist.
“Maddie, please…” I grabbed his face gently with my hands. I stood there with my bra and panties as he stared at me without blinking. I grabbed his hands and held them.
“Put your clothes on Maddie. This isn’t going to happen.”
“Take off your shirt.” I tugged at the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.
“Please, Maddie. This is wrong. So wrong in so many ways.” I glanced at his rippled chest that was filled with tattoos. I touched each tattoo with my finger sliding it along each and every one of them, looking down at his chest then looking up into his eyes that were fixated on mine. Then, I stopped at the tat right above his heart that had a scripted letter…M…then underneath it read…My life. He grabbed my fingers towards his lips, slowly placing them in his mouth and rolled his soft tongue around them. I gasped as he grabbed me by the waist, pulling me against his chest.
“Make love to me Stone…please…I don’t want him to be my first. I want you to be. You. Only you.” I needed him to be the one. I loved him. I loved him so much…and I didn’t even realize how much until this very moment that I was going to give myself to another man. I could see the pressure building in his chest. He was breathing hard, his chest heaving in and out. I knew he wanted to lose control and fuck me right there on the bathroom floor, but the look in his eyes said something different, and I knew I would be disappointed by his decision.
“Maddie…don’t.” He pushed me away gently and walked out of the bathroom.
I looked at myself in the mirror and cursed my mother to hell a million times. Who was this man that I loved? Only she had the answers and she was dead. I got into the shower and sobbed and sobbed until I didn’t have any tears left to cry.
I finally got dressed after staying in the bathroom for practically an hour. I was so embarrassed about what I did, I didn’t know how to confront him. I opened the bathroom door slowly looking into the room but he wasn’t there. He was sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me, feeding Alyssa. Alyssa fell asleep in his arms. Just staring at him watching him feed her made me want to cry even more. He’s been there for us all these years, even locked up he’s been the best father to them. There’s no man that can even come close to the way he treats us. I’m living a lie and I don’t care that he’s my brother. I love him. Only him.
“Maddie, you don’t have to have sex with him.” He whispered not wanting to wake Alyssa up from her heavenly sleep.
“I know that. But, should I Stone? Because I can. I can start my life with him and move on. But if you don’t want me to. I won’t. I swear to God, I won’t.” He stood up and walked towards me. I grabbed Alyssa and placed her in the crib in the bedroom. He followed me.
“Don’t do it Maddie.” He said. “If he touches you…I’ll kill him; If he touches you, I’ll leave forever. We’ll figure out a way to fix all of this. We’ll try to find my birth certificate. My father has to have it. I’m sure he has it somewhere. Just wait and if we can’t be together, then things will have to change.” He stroked my cheek gently with his thumb.
“What about Clarissa? Do you love her?” I asked lowering my head. I was so jealous, just saying her name was poison on my tongue.
“Maddie…Look at me.” I glanced up at him. “I’ve loved you since I was thirteen going on fourteen, remember…and you were eleven. That little girl that made me crack a smile when I never, ever in my life had a reason to smile before, captured my heart. I loved you the moment you grabbed my hand in the doorway of your bedroom. I fell in love with you right there, in that moment…forever. I died in that prison without you and the kids and when Bryan died, I knew my life would never be the same and…it hasn’t. It’s never been about anyone else, no matter who I’ve slept with along the way.”
“I have to go to him.” I said worried.
“No…you don’t.” He shook his head adamantly.
“Yes, I have to explain to him that I can’t be with him anymore. I’m a big girl. I can handle him.” I knew I couldn’t and I knew what to expect. I was already an hour late. I knew if I didn’t show up. The punishment would be at work and everyone would know. I needed this job to take care of the kids and…Stone. I needed the health insurance and my guardianship papers, even if they were fake. He’ll take the kids away from me and I couldn’t let that happen.
“No…wait here.” Stone walked into the bedroom. I sat patiently at the table and waited for him which seemed like forever.
***
“What are you doing?” He walked out with Alyssa and Daniel clothed and a baby bag on his shoulder. “Where are you going?”
“With you.” He said smiling.
“Stone, I have to tell you something.” I glanced away from him.
“What? Can’t it wait?” His eyebrows furrowed.
“The guardianship papers are fake. He said if I didn’t marry him he’d take the kids away from me and put them in foster care.” I swallowed hard, remember the exact words Andrew used to threaten me. I knew Stone would be infuriated.
“That fucking piece of shit. Is this the reason you were with him all of this time, to keep the kids?” He barked.
“I had to. The deal was that if he helped me, I would stop going up to see you. That’s why I didn’t visit for a year. I lied when I told you I had to make my own decisions. He was making them for me. Children’s services were
going to take them away from me, but he stepped in. I wasn’t even dating him. I had just started the internship. He was my boss. I thought he just wanted to help me. He said the papers were legit.” I clenched my hands together nervously.
“How could you be so stupid?” he shouted.
“Lower your voice.” I glanced over at Alyssa who slept in her crib. “Are you a fucking moron? I’m nineteen. What the fuck do I know about any of this shit.”
“You’ve been taking care of those kids since you were thirteen. You were the grown up in your house. You took care of me, like a woman takes care of a man. How could you not know when you’re making a deal with the devil? You should’ve asked me, Maddie. I would’ve helped you,” He grabbed me by the arm.
“How? How were you going to help me?” I said through gritted teeth. “From where? Behind bars? You bastard!” I shouted.
I glanced over at Alyssa who opened her eyes and smiled at me. The tears flooded my eyes and skated down my cheeks. He was right. I got mixed up with this asshole and now our lives were in his hands.
“Maddie…I’m sorry.” He whispered.
“You’re right…I just can’t get out of this mess. I have to sleep with him. Then, I’ll get out of it. But, I have to give him what he wants or he’ll ruin our lives by taking the kids from us. These kids are my life. They are all I know.” I whimpered.
