Emily Post's Great Get-Togethers

by Anna Post

  After you’ve recalculated your recipes for the number of guests you’ll be serving, make a master list of ingredients and amounts. Do a careful inventory of what you already have on hand and what you’ll need to purchase. Our parents regularly host this incredible clambake, sometimes for upwards of seventy people. They developed a master list and timetable that covers everything, right down to the sticks for the s’mores and how far in advance to collect seaweed. My mom keeps it on her computer so that it’s ready for the next time—a huge time-saver.

  The Essential Checklist

  This is a general list of party-prep essentials. You may not need each item, but use it as a guide when preparing your own party checklist.

  Make a party outline or budget

  Create a timeline

  Start a master to do list

  Start a master supply list

  Purchase and send invitations

  Hire help: bartender, servers, caterer

  Rent or purchase equipment and supplies; arrange pickup or delivery

  Purchase liquor, wine, beer, mixers, ice, water (sparkling and still), other beverages; arrange pickup or delivery

  Purchase paper goods

  Purchase or make decorations

  Send linens to dry cleaner, if necessary

  Prepare party music

  Prepare menu

  Gather recipes and recalculate all amounts for the number of servings

  Make a detailed grocery shopping list

  Shop for all ingredients

  Check /clean entryways

  Clean house/party area

  Set up party area and decorate

  Pick up any orders: rental items, liquor, flowers, meat or fish

  Set up bar

  Set table/buffet

  Set up coat area

  Cook/prepare dishes

  Make a seating plan

  Choose a party outfit and accessories

  The Party Notebook

  Our grandmother has these beautiful red leather notebooks in which she records the details of every party she gives. It’s fun to look through them and read about our mom and dad’s engagement party or her famous New Year’s Day parties. For our grandmother, it’s also an invaluable resource in terms of remembering what was successful and what wasn’t. Here’s what she includes:

  The occasion, the date, and the time

  Who was invited, and whether they could come or not. Sometimes, for special occasions, she kept a copy of the invitation, too.

  The menu

  Wines, liquor, and other beverages—what she served and how much of it was used. (This is especially useful information for cocktail parties.)

  Flowers—which flowers and if she arranged them herself or used a florist

  Table linens and other decorations

  The seating plan

  Help: bartender, servers, caterer

  Notes on what worked and what didn’t

  Jottings about costs

  Fifteen Minutes Fashionably Early

  With all the hustle and bustle of party preparation, there’s one more important thing to factor in: No matter what it says on the invitation, start your party a little early, just for you. Plan to be dressed and refreshed about fifteen minutes before your party begins. That leaves some wiggle room for you to look over the scene one last time and take care of any remaining details. Do a quick mental run-through of your overall plan and spend a couple of minutes thinking about your guests. Then take a deep breath, turn on the music, and smile!

  Chapter Four

  The Invitation Tells All

  What’s your occasion? Are you celebrating a birthday or an anniversary? Throwing a holiday affair or welcoming new neighbors with a potluck party? Or have you simply decided to host your favorite crowd with a cocktail or dinner party? Determining the type of party you want to give makes the main elements of your celebration—guest list, time of day, formality, and even menu—fall into place naturally.

  Let the circumstances of your celebration guide you in choosing the type of party to throw. If, for example, you want to introduce your new friends Carrie and Sean to a group of your old friends, a dinner or cocktail party is a good bet. A surprise birthday party for your best friend means that the guest list will be comprised largely of her relatives and friends.

  Once you’ve chosen the type of party you want to give, turn your thoughts to your guest list and invitations.

  Who’s Coming?

  No matter the occasion, the right group of people will go a long way toward making your party a hit. The key? Invite people you like and people you think they’ll like, whether they know one another or not. Your mix of guests can actually determine the personality of your party—whether the vibe is laid-back and relaxed or vibrant and exciting.

  Often it’s the occasion that drives your guest list, such as a business dinner for work associates or a lunch for members of a club. If the event is in someone’s honor—a birthday, an anniversary, a shower, or a graduation—then the honoree usually helps prepare the guest list.

  The Invite

  Back in Emily Post’s time, mail was delivered twice daily, and local mail was often delivered the same day, so mailed invitations were fast, convenient, inexpensive, and reliable. The telephone was considered too informal; besides, it was expensive, and you never knew if operators or people sharing party lines were listening in. With a mailed invitation, it was hard to go wrong.

  Mailed invitations are still the preferred mode for formal celebrations like weddings or black-tie affairs (an invitation received in the mail comes with an invisible Important stamped on the envelope), but for expediency’s sake, phone and e-mail invitations are now an accepted part of the invitation establishment. No matter how you issue your invitation, the main thing to remember is that all your guests should receive their invite the same way. If you mail out invitations to every other guest but invite your best friend by phone, she may think that she’s an afterthought.

  Whichever way you choose to deliver it, don’t forget to include your Ws: Who, What, When, Where, and Why, a Way to Respond, and any info, if necessary, on What to Wear.

  By Phone

  The phone is perfect for those occasions when you want to invite close friends to an informal gathering such as brunch; a small, casual dinner; or a birthday party, barbecue, cocktails, or dessert. You’ll know right away who can come and who can’t, plus you’ll be able to settle any “What can I bring?” or “What should I wear?” issues on the spot.

  Start with the facts: “Hi, Chloe, it’s Trish. We’re having a few people over for dinner next Saturday night. We’d love it if you and Sam could join us.” This is a much better way of inviting someone than ambushing Chloe with “What are you doing Saturday night?”

  What if no one’s at home? It’s fine to leave a voice-mail message, but do try to call again and issue the invitation “in person” in case the message doesn’t get delivered.

  e-vitations

  Using e-mail or online services like Evite® or Socializr.com (which organize and customize the invitation process for you) can save time and money and build some excitement at the same time. The key is knowing when the situation is right to use an e-mail invite—and when it’s not. The bottom line is that your guests get the message.

  Pros

  You don’t have to go to the store.

  It’s free.

  You have lots of design choices.

  You can send your e-vitations 24/7.

  Sites like Evite and Socializr.com are well organized.

  It’s easy and fun.

  Cons

  It’s not as personal as a phoned or written invitation.

  It might not provide enough fanfare for a formal event or be special enough for an intimate gathering.

  It may end up in a spam folder or undelivered as a result of a computer glitch.

  E-vitation RSVP messages are seen by all—so guests may angst over sending a clever response.

  You still may
have to follow up with people who don’t respond.

  Tips for E-vitation Success:

  Make sure the e-mail addresses you use are correct and all your invited guests check their e-mail regularly.

  Make yourself familiar with all the options. For example, you may want to turn off the feature that lets guests see who else is invited. This is especially important to people who don’t know each other well. (Between privacy issues and abuse of the “Reply All” button, this can save the party before it starts!)

  Be sure you’ve included all the important info: who’s hosting, what kind of party it is, why the party is being thrown (if there’s a reason), when and where it is (including links to maps if necessary), and RSVP details.

  If using a service like Evite® or Socializr.com, fill in all the details the site asks for and remember to include a personal message.

  Proofread before you hit “Send.” Invitations are the first hint of what a party will be like, so make a good impression.

  Be prepared to follow up by phone if you don’t receive an RSVP in a timely fashion, just in case your message has not been delivered or is lingering unopened in an inbox. (Note: One of the advantages of Evite®, compared with using your own e-mail account, is that it lets you know if the recipient has viewed the invitation.)

  Follow up with a reminder to the group a day or two in advance.

  By Mail

  If you’re hosting a more formal event—honoring a special guest or celebrating a milestone, for example—a mailed invitation is the way to go. Of course, you can mail invitations for informal dinners and parties, too—even the simplest get-together is elevated to party status by an invitation in the mail.

  Be sure to pick invites that match the event or the style of the party. More formal events call for more formal invitations (see The Pleasure of Your Company, opposite). For less formal parties, choose a fill-in invitation from a stationery shop that suits the occasion. Many stationers carry computer-friendly invitations: Supply the wording, select a font, and either have the invites printed out for you at the shop or do it yourself on your home computer.

  The most personal invitation? A note handwritten on your own stationery. Handwritten invitations are few and far between these days, but wow, what an honor it is to receive one! Your guests will know they’re cherished friends.

  The Pleasure of Your Company

  When your party’s formal and the occasion fancy, it calls for third-person formal invitations. These invitations are printed, engraved, or handwritten. The most formal invitations are engraved in black ink on white or cream cards. But for slightly less lofty occasions, colored papers and inks, thermography, and letterpress can add personality and style.

  A formal invitation can be handwritten, too. Use the same wording and spacing as the engraved model on plain white or cream notepaper or stationery printed with your monogram or house address. To make it as easy as possible for your guests to respond, include a phone number or e-mail address below RSVP. And make sure your voice mail is active and that you check your e-mail! Another option is to enclose a reply card with a stamped, preaddressed envelope or postcard.

  Tina and Thomas Giordano

  request the pleasure of your company

  for dinner and dancing

  on Saturday, the tenth of April

  at half after seven o’clock

  The Coach Barn at Shelburne Farms

  Shelburne, Vermont

  RSVP Black tie

  802-555-1234

  When do the Invitations Go Out?

  Whether you mail, e-mail, or phone your invitations, timing is key. Nowadays, sooner rather than later is the rule, to best accommodate guests’ busy work and social schedules. How soon? Give your invitees enough time to respond—and give yourself enough time to organize the party. If you’re hosting a holiday party or if guests have to travel to get there, invitations might go out as early as six weeks ahead. Here are some general guidelines on timing your invitations, but feel free to adapt them to fit your particular circumstances:

  Formal dinner: 3–6 weeks

  Informal dinner: A few days to 3 weeks

  Cocktail party: 1–4 weeks

  Lunch or tea: A few days to 2 weeks

  Casual get-together: Same day to 2 weeks

  Birthday or anniversary: 3–6 weeks

  Graduation: 4 weeks

  Christening, Bar/Bat Mitzvah: 4 weeks

  Housewarming: A few days to 3 weeks

  Holiday party: 4–6 weeks

  Thanksgiving or other holiday dinner: 2 weeks to 2 months

  Invite Clearly

  Make sure your invitation lets your guests know what to expect. Whether you invite by phone, e-mail, or written invitation, let your guest know:

  WHO’S hosting, include the names of any cohosts.

  WHAT type of event it is (lunch, brunch, dinner, tea, cocktails, barbecue, picnic).

  WHERE it’s taking place (your house, a park, the beach).

  WHEN: State the date and the time you’d like guests to arrive or, for an open house or cocktail party, the beginning and the end time (6:30 P.M. to 8:00 P.M.).

  WHY: Let guests know the reason for the celebration, such as a birthday or an anniversary, and the name of the honoree.

  HOW TO RESPOND: Provide a phone number, an e-mail address, or a postal address. It’s also okay to include a “reply by” date if this is critical to your planning.

  ANY SPECIAL INFO: Put any information into the invite that guests should know ahead of time, such as what to wear or what to bring or not bring: “It’s a surprise!”; “No gifts, please”; “Bring a bathing suit”; “Casual.”

  RSVP

  RSVP is the abbreviation of the French phrase Répondez, s’il vous plaît, which means “Please respond.” Of course, you can always just say in plain English, “Please respond by [date].” Most invitations include some sort of RSVP; it lets the host or hostess know how many guests will be attending the party—crucial if you’re having a sit-down dinner, for example, or a catered party that demands specific headcounts. Add a physical address, a phone number, or an e-mail address on written or e-mailed invitations, and if calling, include your number if you leave a voice-mail message. A guest is obligated to reply to an RSVP, so if you haven’t heard back from someone within a reasonable amount of time, it’s perfectly okay to call and ask (politely of course!) for a yes or a no. (Include a “Could you let me know by Thursday?” for any wafflers.) Remember, the hope is to have that person there!

  For a big party, you might be tempted to add “Regrets Only” to save yourself from being inundated by phone calls. We really don’t recommend this. It’s confusing, and guests often call anyway or simply forget to call and fail to show up. It’s best to include a “Reply By” date, usually a week or more before the event—especially if you need to provide a headcount for a caterer. For weddings, large events such as balls or benefits, and business events, reply cards make it easy for guests to make a menu choice or send payments or donations. If you just need a yes or no answer, go green and ask for an e-mail reply.

  Invitation Extras

  Some invitations aren’t so cut-and-dried. Here are a few more tips for those party invites that require a little extra:

  If more than one person is hosting, be sure to list all the hosts on the invitation: “Please join Marcia and Bob Heiddecker and Linda and Ian Williams for...”

  If your party is in someone’s honor, list the honoree on the invitation as well: “Please join us for cocktails to celebrate Antoine’s thirtieth birthday.”

  End times aren’t generally included on an invitation, with a few exceptions. Children’s parties list an end time so parents know when to pick up their kids. Invitations to cocktail parties or parties that precede another scheduled event (theater, sporting event) have a start and end time so that guests can go on to dinner or the next event. End times are also given for open houses and other events where guests are free to come and go during the specified
time.

  You may need to include other information for your guests with, but not on, the invitation. This is done using enclosures. Simply place enclosures in front of the invitation, which is inserted with the written side facing the flap side of the envelope. This way, the recipient sees the writing on the invitation and the enclosures as the invitation is removed from the envelope. Some typical enclosures are: MAPS AND DIRECTIONS: Be sure to add a contact number—just in case!

  SCHEDULE OF EVENTS: Useful for weddings or reunion weekends.

  TICKETS: For graduations, say, or if you’re inviting friends to a concert or game.

  RAFFLE TICKETS: For charity events, for example.

  REGISTRY INFORMATION: For bridal or baby showers.

  RESPONSE CARD: Make sure the envelope or postcard is addressed and stamped.

  Decoding Dress Codes: What (or What Not) to Wear?

  Parties are a great time to dress up a bit. The question is “How much?” That’s why it’s helpful to include any information about attire on the invitation. Not only does it help ensure the comfort level of your guests, but it lets them enjoy all the party has to offer—especially if they need to bring a change of clothes: BRING YOUR SWIMSUIT AND TOWEL; WEAR YOUR WHITES AND BRING YOUR RACQUET; COSTUMES.

  On what occasions, then, do you need to specify a dress code on the invitation? On formal invitations, BLACK TIE or WHITE TIE is printed or written in the lower right corner. On informal invitations, it’s not necessary to mention a dress code, but for those in-between occasions, guests appreciate any guidance you can give, such as CASUAL DRESS, BUSINESS CASUAL, NO JEANS, PLEASE, or JACKETS REQUIRED. The idea is to be helpful, which means being clear. Not everyone will understand SAFARI CHIC. If there’s nothing on the invitation about dress and a guest is unsure, it’s perfectly fine to call the host or another invitee and ask. (See Chapter 16, Be Invited Back, page 233.)