Emily Post's Great Get-Togethers

by Anna Post

  MARDI GRAS: For several years, Lizzie’s apartment overlooked the local Mardi Gras parade route. She’d invite friends (and parents) to hang out the windows to watch the parade and catch beads, while treating us to some great New Orleans music, cocktails, and hors d’oeuvres.

  EASTER: We celebrate this holiday at our grandmother’s in New Jersey, a treat because it’s usually spring there while Vermont is still mired in freezing mud. When we were small, we spent the day decorating eggs and hunting for jelly beans hidden by Poppa John, Dad, and Uncle David. These days, there are no little ones hunting Easter eggs, but it’s a chance for all of our mom’s family to come together, enjoy baked ham, fettuccine alfredo, and asparagus with oceans of hollandaise sauce. Dessert is the incredible, edible “Egg:” a melon-shaped mold lined with ladyfingers and filled with chocolate mousse. Unmolded, it’s covered with whipped cream and decorated with tiny violets and daffodils (our job). Fabergé, eat your heart out!

  FOURTH OF JULY: This is our Post grandfather Poppy’s birthday. On Martha’s Vineyard, that means watching the Edgartown parade and then heading to the beach for a clambake or picnic with a red, white, and blue dessert—yearly variations of strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, whipped cream, and Poppy’s favorite, vanilla ice cream. Fireworks are a must.

  HALLOWEEN: We have a great friend who throws an annual potluck Halloween party—costumes required and prizes given. A former DJ, he plays amazing music, and pirates, mermaids, witches, and zombies shake the house down.

  THANKSGIVING: This is our family’s time to host. A while back, our grandmother Granny Pat gave Mom all the Thanksgiving plates, platters, and tablecloths she had purchased for her first Thanksgiving in 1950. She had a huge family, so our Thanksgivings can handle twenty-five people. When we were little, our job was to make place cards using stickers, leaves, acorns, and lots of little craft items. Mom has saved them all, and now we rummage in the box to find “Aunt Carroll,” “Uncle David,” and “Granny Pat.” Mom and Dad cook the fresh Vermont turkey, Granny Pat makes the gravy—no one else does it quite as well—and the guests all bring their favorite sides and desserts. Anna makes her famous apple pie, which she mastered when she was about ten. Football or a classic movie round out the day.

  And if that wasn’t enough celebrating, Friday evening our parents host a leftover party. Friends bring their leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner along with their leftover visiting relatives—a great way to mix up the generations and get to know your friends’ extended families.

  CHRISTMAS: We celebrate Christmas with the Post family at our grandparents’ house, North Hill, in Waterbury, Vermont. The “out of Vermont” relatives arrive a day or two ahead for skiing and visiting. On Christmas day, we gather at North Hill around 1:00 p.m. for the big present exchange, an annual draw by generations: parents to siblings and spouses, and cousins to cousins and spouses (a great way to simplify gift giving in a big family!). Then it’s on to the roast feast: standing rib roast, gravy, green beans, and Poppy’s famous onions in brown sauce, with pie and ice cream for dessert. China and wineglasses that belonged to our great-grandparents are lovingly used, hand washed, and put away until next Christmas.

  Chapter Fourteen

  It’s Time for Cake

  Children love parties! Their happiness and enthusiasm at celebratory events is infectious. For adults, watching kids eagerly dive into special occasions is a privilege and a joy. Besides being fun, children’s parties are important because kids discover their social selves and learn about being gracious hosts and gracious guests and rising to the occasion.

  What Kind of Party?

  In planning a children’s party, keep the following in mind:

  Whether a birthday, a holiday, or a special occasion, base the party on your child’s interests. If your daughter likes circuses, set that as your theme and perhaps hire a juggler to entertain. If your son’s into sports, have your party in a play space where he and his buddies can run around. Your kid’s a fish? Think pool party or water park outing.

  Your child’s age and temperament will determine the party details: how many guests to invite, how long the party lasts, and whether you host the event at home or not. Young kids like it simple—friends, fun food—with activities they can all enjoy.

  Don’t be pressured into “keeping up with the Joneses.” Yes, it’s tempting to go all out for Johnny’s birthday, but be realistic about what you can afford. Consider, too, the message an extravagant blowout sends to a child—what could you possibly do for an encore?

  The Birthday Party

  Birthday parties are the primary school for learning how to be a good host and a good guest, give and receive gifts, and say thank you graciously. That’s why it’s good to involve your child in the planning from the start. It may be as simple as asking her whom she’d like to invite or what kind of cake she’d like to have (watch out—you may get stuck coming up with a chocolate cake with rainbow icing, as our mom did for Anna’s fourth birthday), but let her know that her input is important. And don’t worry if it’s not what you had in mind. It’s your job to be open and flexible but also realistic. Consider asking limited questions. Instead of “What would you like?” ask, “Would you like chocolate or vanilla?” Remember: It’s her party. Base the party on your child’s interests—dinosaurs, trucks, dolls, movie or book characters, or sports. Think about it from her perspective—even at a young age she may have a better handle than you do on what her friends would enjoy. After all, happy, entertained kids make your job that much easier! As your child gets older, involve her in more of the details of the guest list, activities, and menu. By the time she’s eleven or twelve, she’ll be well on her way to being a great hostess.

  Where’s the Party?

  Home is the usual place for a party for children under six. Most guests will have visited your home on playdates, making it a familiar space. Is there enough room for activities and play and an area to serve refreshments? Keep in mind that kids do better sitting down at a table (although a picnic on a big blanket on the floor is fun, too). Your yard is another option, but have a backup plan in case of bad weather.

  If your apartment or house is just too small or your group is old enough, a destination party could be the perfect solution. You can rent out kids’ play spaces or recreation centers, or hold the party in a park. Or take the group to a local site that hosts kid parties: movie theaters, roller- or ice-skating rinks, mini golf courses, science museums, art centers, and hotel pools. Some stores offer crafts—beading, pottery painting, or Build-A-Bear.

  * * *

  Surprise! Or Not?

  Four reasons to avoid a surprise party with children:

  1. It’s difficult for young children to keep a secret. 2. If the secret gets out, someone is sure to feel guilty. 3. Much of the fun of a birthday party is the anticipation—it’s a shame for the birthday boy or girl to miss that. 4. If the birthday child doesn’t like the party that was planned or the guests invited, there could be tears instead of smiles.

  * * *

  Who’s Invited?

  The old rule of thumb of inviting age plus one is still a good one—although we’ve been to several kids’ parties where the entire preschool class was invited. Of course, consider your child’s temperament—a shy six-year-old may want to invite only one or two friends.

  As with any party, keep the basics in mind:

  THE TYPE OF PARTY YOU’RE PLANNING: An indoor supper may restrict the number of kids you can invite. An outdoor picnic supper may open the opportunity to invite more.

  YOUR SPACE: How many kids will fit comfortably in your space—for refreshments, play, and activities?

  YOUR BUDGET: Can you afford four or fourteen? You may be able to invite more kids to a party at home than to a party space off-site, where you’ll be charged not only for the use of the space but for each child.

  Inviting the Whole Class

  It’s a question everyone asks: Do you invite the whole class to the party or can
you omit a few? Whether it’s a school class, team, or scout troop, when inviting a group the most important thing is to invite everyone. Your child needs to understand that “everyone” includes children she may not get along with—and that she needs to greet her not so favorites as enthusiastically as she does her best friends. To exclude one or two—for whatever reason—is not an option.

  On the other hand, when your child is entertaining a smaller group of friends, it’s important for him to learn how to spare others’ feelings—that there are ways to have a party without making others feel bad. Here’s how:

  Use clear-cut groupings, such as just the T-ball team or ballet class, or all girls or boys.

  Don’t have your child pass out invitations at school: Either send invitations through the mail or make calls to invite individually.

  Let your child know that he shouldn’t discuss his get-together at school or in front of those who aren’t invited or feelings will get hurt.

  When parents RSVP, you can clue them in that “it’s going to be a small party” so they can avoid talking about it in front of other parents.

  * * *

  What to Do with Brothers and Sisters?

  Most kids don’t want to miss their brother or sister’s party. We were always a part of each other’s birthdays. Here are some other tips to consider:

  * Enlist an older sibling to help out with games or serving cake.

  * If your siblings are close in age, by all means let the brother or sister invite a playmate to the party so he or she doesn’t feel left out.

  * Younger children may need a sitter who can whisk them away if they get partied out too soon.

  * Be sure to have party favors for siblings, too.

  * * *

  How Long?

  Probably the key to a successful children’s party is defining how long it should be. Younger kids obviously have lower thresholds. Don’t forget: Your little party host or hostess will be wound up in anticipation of the big event—it’s only natural. Try to factor in extra rest time and nutritious meals or snacks, or schedule the party for after nap time. Even so, the added excitement may put him into sensory overload. Keeping the event short will help prevent party burnout.

  As a parent, take a look at your child and the guest list and be realistic. Here’s what’s reasonable for different ages:

  1 to 2 1 hour

  3 1½hours

  4 to 5 2 hours

  6 to 8 2½ hours

  8 to 10 2 to 3 hours

  “Let’s Play...”

  You can never plan too many activities for your kids’ parties. Better to have more than enough to do and not enough time to do it than to find yourself desperately casting about midparty for something to entertain the kids. Children five and under have relatively short attention spans, so you can’t count on keeping them occupied with one activity for the entire party. As one mom told us, “At one of the first birthday parties I had for my child, the activity I’d planned was over in ten minutes.” (Of course, if it’s a hit, don’t call a halt!)

  Plan a schedule for the entire party, with several types of activities. Start with unstructured activities to occupy guests until everyone arrives, basically something that’s easy to join in—coloring or sticker books, blocks, Legos, a dress-up box—then move on to more active or structured games or activities like freeze tag, pin the tail on the donkey, or scavenger hunts. Always have a couple of backup activities as well—a few good storybooks to read aloud, coloring books to draw in, chalk for the sidewalk, or a movie the kids can watch. Schedule time for refreshments and opening gifts (if you plan to open presents at the party; some parents make that a postparty activity—see Opening Gifts: During the Party or Later?, page 218).

  * * *

  The Spider Web

  This is a fun activity—inside or outside.

  FOR EACH CHILD YOU’LL NEED:

  * A ball of string or yarn

  * A goody bag (the birthday child can help assemble them).

  * A stick (Popsicle or Mother Nature’s finest) labeled with the child’s name

  Secure the string to the goody bag. Hide it and then start unraveling the string, wrapping it around trees and bushes outside; furniture, door handles, and other stationary objects, high and low, inside. Weave the string over and under, creating a maze. Make sure you end your weaving at a common starting point. Attach the string to a stick. Repeat with each bag, weaving a tangled, giant spider web.

  TO PLAY:

  Give each child a stick and tell them to wind up their string to find their prize.

  Be sure to take pictures!

  * * *

  Celebrating with Spongebob

  Does your child love Clifford the Big Red Dog? Or Dora the Explorer? Go to the Web to find entire parties built around book, movie, or TV characters, including activities and decorating ideas. At www.pbsparents.org you’ll find a wealth of information on hosting theme parties based on PBS characters, all focused on what’s age appropriate. For just about everything else, there’s the Birthday Express catalog, also online at www.birthdayexpress.com, where you can order entire party kits, including paper goods, decorations, masks, party bags, and more—all featuring a favorite character or theme.

  Max the Magician

  It may seem like the perfect solution to keeping the kids entertained—but before you hire a clown or magician, think about your age group. Most four- or five-year-olds won’t last through a forty-five-minute magic show, and people in costumes, no matter how friendly, can be scary. That said, a storyteller or craftperson might suit your group perfectly. (We’ve seen kid-friendly jugglers thrill tiny guests by teaching them to balance plates on a stick!) Note: Be sure to check references before hiring anyone who works with children.

  Getting Help

  At parties for one- to three-year-olds, parents or caretakers often stay for the duration of the party to keep separation issues at bay. But by age four, children are usually dropped off and left until the end of the party. Having another adult or two to help you with games, serving, cleanup, or a guest who might need a little extra attention will make the party go more smoothly. Pay the sitter, but give a relative or friend a gift and a thank-you note instead. Start by thinking about one additional adult for every four kids and adjust that number depending on:

  The age and number of kids in attendance

  The site of the party

  The length of the party

  The activities planned

  Note: If the party is held at a site where there’s water, for safety reasons it’s imperative that a sufficient number of adult swimmers or a certified lifeguard is present. Make sure your invitation lets parents know that swimming will be involved.

  Childproof Your Party Area

  For the younger set, make sure breakable items are out of reach and the play area is safe. Very young children—four and under—may have a hard time sharing toys with party guests. Simply put away favorite toys during the party. If you plan to be outside, make sure the yard is clear of rocks and branches, tools and grills have been put away, standing water has been emptied, and play equipment is in good condition.

  As much as your pet is a member of the family, sometimes it’s easier if Max or Fluffy isn’t in attendance at the party. Some children have pet allergies, are afraid of animals, or don’t know how to behave around pets. Plus pets can distract your attention when it needs to be on the kids. Arrange for your pets to visit a friend, go to doggie (or kitty) day care, or be confined in a place away from the party.

  Birthday Cake...and more

  For most kids, birthdays are all about the cake! By three years old, it’s time to ask your child what kind he’d like. If you’re not a baker, don’t despair. Your local supermarket bakery can provide a cake in almost any size and flavor and even decorate it to match the theme of the party, from trucks to movie characters. Since most kids go for the icing, try to have enough “roses” (or other icing decoration) to go around. Ice cream usually accomp
anies cake, and having a choice of flavors will make it easy to satisfy all.

  For older kids, it’s fun to do “make your own sundaes” with sprinkles, candies, sauces, whipped cream, and cherries; it’s messy but memorable. Milk, ginger ale, or punch rounds out the refreshments. Yes, it’s usually a sugar extravaganza—which is why refreshments are served at the end of the party.

  Depending on the time of day or the party, you might want to add a meal. If you want the focus to be on the big finale (cake!), keep the meal simple and easy to eat:

  Sandwiches Cut in shapes (triangles, rectangles, diamonds, stars, hearts—cookie cutters make it easy!)

  Egg or tuna salad, turkey, ham, cream cheese and/or jelly

  Grilled cheese

  Wraps

  Pizza Cheese and/or pepperoni

  Make your own on English muffins

  Add your own toppings

  Cut the pizza into small pieces that children can handle with ease