Maureen's Journey Home

by Ian Macdonald

  Paul just roared laughing – what you shout at your workers – Nah I can’t see you doing that, Sarge, not you”

  “That’s what I thought too – but I went along with it out of politeness –after all he had done so much for me, right?”

  “Oh Yeah, that was the least you could do for him.” and both men laughed.

  “Anyway, Paul he was quite right and I learned quite a lot on that course. At the end of it he offered me a job as a Foreman here at his Richvale plant. He’s one hell of a guy Paul, he really is and he also thinks the world of you and La Chance too.”

  “Believe me Pete, it’s mutual, Andre and I idolize the guy, he really is the salt of the earth.”

  “Anyway, Paul I just dropped by to say thanks for what you guys did for me, I’ll never forget it, I owe you both.”

  “No you don’t, Pete, just seeing you like this is more than enough reward for us. Let me get Andre in here to have a look at the new and improved Sgt. Bradshaw. He’ll be just as over the moon as I am Pete. We were in pretty poor shape ourselves when Tony found us and offered us the opportunity to set this place up. We never looked back and the same will no doubt apply to you too, Pete. You’ll find a good woman out there to make a nest with – Andre and I have, in fact you met Maureen the first night I brought you home.”

  “Yeah, well about that, I was in a pretty sorry state back then. I don’t think I would have treated her very well.”

  “That’s fine, Pete, she understood, she was putting up with me and my issues and we weren’t even married at the time. That alone tells you what kind of girl she is. We shall be getting married soon too – play you cards right and we just might invite you to the wedding if you are good.”

  “I would be honored Paul, but six months ago I was still shaky. I was pretty good, but just not quite there yet.”

  “I hear ya Pete, I do - anyway you are now. The past is the past you have the rest of your life ahead of you.”

  That conversation would take place twelve months into the future, so let’s return to the present. Right now Sgt. Bradshaw was a mess and just starting out on his road to recovery. Andre and Paul had done all that they could do for him – now it was up to the professionals.

  ***

  It was quite tiring and draining to be working in the Shelter for long periods of time so Gwen and Andre decided to take a holiday. They checked out a few places and finally settled on Ocho Rios in Jamaica. It had a beautiful beach, lots of activities and plenty of sights to see. They were both excited by the prospect, but Gwen suddenly became self-conscious of her body. As Dr. Raymond had predicted only those two deepest wounds, the ones he had stitched up properly, would still be visible. He had been quite correct, they were the only ones. A swim suit would cover them, but not a bikini and this was causing Gwen some distress. Andre did his best to assure her that she was still a very beautiful woman and two barely visible scars where not going to change that. Gwen still paraded herself in front of the bathroom mirror daily convincing herself that Andre was simply prejudiced and would say anything to bolster her spirits. That was of course quite true – but so too was the fact that he was right – they didn’t matter. He then told her to make a list and write down all the good and bad points about her body.

  “Gwen, do me a favor will you, write down all the things you like about your body on one side, and all your negatives on the other.”

  “What!” she said immediately, “I’m not going to do that.”

  “Humor me, it’s not as if I haven’t heard about such flaws since we met – just jot them down.”

  Grumbling to herself the whole time she did as he had asked. As he suspected the negatives far outweighed the positives.

  “Well now what have we hear” he said as he read down the list. He took his time and studied this list and analyzed it in depth.

  “The term for this is totally inappropriate considering what you have been through –but I’m going to say it anyway. This is nothing short of Self-Flagellation – you have to stop this, Gwen. You are a beautiful woman and everyone knows it – well apart from you apparently, hence your beating yourself up. Let’s carefully go down the list shall we?”

  He then began to read out what she had written. She was overweight, too tiny in places, too large in others, her hair was unmanageable, her coloring was off, her feet were disproportionate, and her overall figure was certainly not bikini worthy.

  Andre then ripped into each of those criticisms and tore them to shreds. Starting with the fact that nobody was perfect, Vogue models, film stars and the like could all make out such a list. Some had even committed suicide because of this lack of perfection or their perceived idea of what perfection was. He then went through each item in detail and put it all in perspective.

  “Gwen, tell me someone you know who measures up to these exacting standards.”

  She just looked at him. She knew that he was right, she couldn’t think of anyone off hand that came close. However, she still just didn’t feel right about herself in a bikini.

  “I can’t help how I feel, Honey, right or not, this is how I feel.”

  “Well you damn well shouldn’t –half the women on the beach will be wishing they looked half as good as you and that’s a fact. Everyone has their flaws, plastic surgeons are booked up years in advance in some cases – why is that do you think?”

  “Well I hadn’t quite thought of it that way, Andre.”

  “You should, oh and another thing, sometimes the operations make them look worse than before they had the procedure done. Just be happy with who you are – I sure as hell am. To me you are perfect, scars included. It’s who Gwen Holt is as a woman that matters to me and whether she loves me or not. The rest is simply noise – so stop fretting about perfection, Gwen, it doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion created by the fashion and cosmetics industry to keep them in business.”

  While not being totally convinced by Andre’s comments Gwen was a little more accepting now. Andre certainly wouldn’t object to seeing her in a bikini, of that she was now certain. Any concerns of him being ashamed to be seen with her on that Jamaican beach had now vanished. That much he had achieved. Further scrutiny in front of that bathroom mirror was no longer entertained. If Andre thought she was acceptable then that was good enough for her – well sort of anyway. She was no longer unduly concerned by her lack of perfection. Andre had convinced her that nobody was. He had also pointed out that if she was perfect she’d expect him to be too and he was far from it. He probably couldn’t live with her then if she was obsessed with making him perfect too. He had a point- and so she came to terms with who she was, figuring she wasn’t so bad after all. Andre still loved her.

  The following weekend they flew to Jamaica. They would have two weeks of sun and relaxation on the beach. They would also do some snorkeling, go para-sailing and float around in a glass bottomed boat looking at wrecks and all kinds of fish as they swam amongst the rocks. They would also pay a visit to Dunn’s River Falls and actually climb up them. Their hotel room over looked the bay and they could see the cruise ships come and go. The town itself had more than sufficient sights to see including one of the most romantic restaurant setting one could imagine. They had stumbled upon it by chance. It was sort of set in a garden with a natural waterfall cascading down in three streams with the tables positioned around them. When the wind picked up they could actually feel the spray land on them. The way it was situated they had a clear view of the moon and stars above them as the restaurant lighting was very dim for that very reason. It really was a beautiful setting and the food itself was exquisite and mouth wateringly good. One could feel the romance in the air, in fact one could almost touch it.

  “Oh Andre”, said Gwen. “I have never ever seen anything like that, it was absolutely gorgeous.”

  “Yes it was wasn’t it? - Almost as gorgeous as you in that yellow dress. Everyone in the place was admiring you in that dress and envying me at the same time – well the men a
nyway.”

  “Now don’t lay it on too thick, Andre, I’ll get a swelled head.”

  “I’m not, I’m just telling it like it is, and believe me, it wasn’t your swelled head they were admiring. You most certainly filled out that dress; I had to look twice myself to make sure it wasn’t just painted on.”

  “Andre behave yourself, flattery will get you everywhere.”

  “Well that’s what I was hoping for – but it’s still the truth Gwen.”

  That meal was then followed by a long stroll along the beach and a night cap to finish it off. It turned out to be quite the night.

  In all they had a wonderful time there and returned home duly tanned and totally relaxed. It had made them both realize just how stressful their lives had been up until this point. While lying on that beach under an umbrella sipping a Pina Colada under a clear blue sky, it made them realize just how peaceful it was. For Andre it was like he was back in the forest by the lake just listening to the birds. It was far nicer here though; he had Gwen and a lovely beach and plenty of cold drinks. Ah Yes, he could get used to this. Gwen was on the same page too. She had never been this happy before and certainly never been outside of Canada. It was a totally new experience for her and with a man that absolutely adored her too. Andre had been quite right when he told her that she would be envied by other women on that beach, she had noticed one or two covert and admiring glances from the men and the glares from their wives on the strength of it. This cured her doubts about her being seen in a bikini. Therapists could have lectured her for days – and not had the same effect as one brief visit to the beach. Gwen Holt, for the first time in many years, was now totally content with who she was. That second hand pin cushion image had disappeared now – she no longer thought about it anymore- Andre had totally removed that from her mind. This holiday had been very uplifting for them both as well as drawing them even closer together – if that was possible. They would now return to their respective positions in the Shelter and the Man Cave with renewed vigor. If nothing else, it had shown them both just how fortunate they were when compared to those they were trying to help.

  ***

  Tony Braxton dropped by the Man Cave one morning and suggested to Paul that he and Maureen should take a vacation like Andre and Gwen just had.

  “You know Tony, Maureen and I keep talking about doing it, but something always comes up.”

  “Yes and it always will, Paul. However, you need to recharge your batteries too you know. You’ll be no use to others if you are all stressed out yourselves. You need to be relaxed and clear headed in order to listen to their needs and then be of assistance to them. You just can’t do that if you are strung out like a piano wire.”

  “Yeah, I know, Tony, I’ll talk to Maureen tonight.”

  “No, No, No, I’ll talk to Maureen, I’m headed there right now. You two are on vacation as of Friday night, Paul, so start thinking of places you’d like to go.”

  “Yes Boss, Thank you Boss, I’ll get right on it boss,” he quipped and both men were now laughing.

  “Seriously though Tony, thanks for everything and not just the time off. What you have done here in this place is amazing. I’m so glad you asked me to be a part of it. You have made a terrific difference in these people’s lives by providing everything that you have set up here. Maureen feels the same over there at Rachel’s. She knows only too well what despair feels like and being able to help others suffering from it - well it’s just priceless, Tony.”

  “Yes it is Paul and I too know what that feels like. One day I may explain that to you, but not today. That is the reason behind all of this, Paul. It is the reason that I hired you guys. People who have been there know instinctively what it is all about, how it feels and how helpless they are. That is why they can be invaluable in helping others – when they are rested. So come Friday night I want you out of here okay.”

  “Okay Tony I promise, well Saturday morning at the latest.”

  “Fair enough Paul, have a great time, See Ya.”

  With that Tony drove over to the Women’s Shelter to see Rachel and also have a few words with Maureen.

  Tony spoke to Rachel first when he arrived at the Shelter and after he had finished talking to her he went looking for Maureen to inform her that she was on holiday as of Friday night.

  When he found her, Maureen was miles away daydreaming as she looked out across the fields. Her mind had drifted back to her childhood and how she and Helen had played together, the dolls they shared and how they set up house. They would pretend to be mothers, just like their own, and play for hours like that. As they grew older they would go down to the dock when the fishing boats returned. Everyone was excited when those boats would come in after they had been away for days or even weeks at times. The seagulls were all flying around squawking at the prospect of free food. The owners were there to weigh the catch and see how much money they had made. The fishermen too had an interest in that as their pay depended upon it and was based on the going rate at the time. The women too had an interest and they had to get their hands on that cash before their husbands squandered it away in the bar or on gambling. Oh Yes, everyone got caught up in that excitement and for a young girl it was just enthralling. She had been a very shy girl during her school days and one boy in particular used to tease her and pull her pigtails. Her boyfriend Robert, whom she later married, would rush over and chase that boy away and that made her feel safe and protected. They were only married a short while when Robert was lost at sea. They had been talking about having children, but they decided to wait until they had more money. Now as she was reflecting upon all of this she realized she was at those same crossroads again, or very soon would be once she married Paul. The thought of being a real mother was once again on her mind and this time it was not make believe. She knew Paul wanted children, that they had discussed, they just hadn’t decided upon when. As she was gazing across the fields she realized that time was not on her side and that sooner was preferable to later in that regard.

  “Ah! There you are Maureen” said Tony, making Maureen almost jump out of her skin.

  “I was talking to Paul, earlier and I told him it was time for you two to go on a holiday. Now before you say that you are too busy and that you have this and that to do – let me stop you right there. You are going as of Friday and that’s final, okay” he said laughing at her. I don’t care where it is but you and Paul need to recharge your batteries as I told him earlier. Take the next two weeks to unwind – even if you just stay at home – although I don’t recommend that to be honest. Get away somewhere and relax, Gwen and Andre just did and you guys need to do the same. I know only too well how dedicated you are to this place, Maureen – but you need a rest too. If it were left to you I know you wouldn’t go – so I’m stepping in and making you go alright. Come Friday night I want you and Paul gone off to have fun and relaxation somewhere.”

  “Thank you, Tony. I guess I could use a holiday. I hadn’t actually thought about it, but now that you mention it I can see that I do need a break.”

  “Well I’m glad to hear it, Maureen, so just go and enjoy yourself. The place will still be here when you get back – have a great time, Bye.

  Tony then gave Maureen a hug and left her still looking out of the window. However, she was now thinking about her holiday. Perhaps she could persuade Paul to go back out East and see those docks again, smell the wharf and hear those seagulls again. There was certainly a distinctive aroma to it all and Maureen was now feeling the pangs of nostalgia. She was sure that she could persuade Paul to take her back home, the more she thought about that the more she knew that she could. A huge smile crossed her face then as she imagined the many ways in which she just might manage to persuade him. The poor guy never stood a chance.

  Chapter Seventeen

  ***

  It was now all set, they were going to pay a visit out East and visit their old haunts. Maureen had indeed managed to persuade Paul that this would be a wo
rthwhile trip. Paul could hardly disagree with her, Maureen’s persuasive arguments had indeed been worthwhile and they hadn’t even set off yet. How grateful she might become when they were actually out there was something to really look forward to, he thought.

  Paul rented a car at Halifax airport and drove to Murdock’s Cove first. Alya was going to be their host on this trip and she had prepared the spare room for them. She had offered them the master bedroom as it was Maureen’s house after all, but Maureen refused.

  “Maureen, you and Paul can move into the master bedroom while you are here, it is much larger and I can take the guest room.”

  “You most certainly will not, Alya, we wouldn’t dream of it. It was very good of you to offer, but no, we’ll be quite happy in the guest room. There’s no need for you to have to move your things around for just a few days.”

  “Are you sure, Maureen, it’s no trouble really?”

  “Yes Alya, I’m quite sure. How are things going for you out here, are you settling in now?”

  “It was lonely at first, I must admit. I was crying to my Aunty Myna each day and she was crying with me. However, it soon got better. I love the school, the children in my class and all of the teachers too. I was accepted by all of them right from the start and even more importantly I was respected by them all too. I was not a potential terrorist or a refugee who had to be given a job under the racial discrimination laws or some ethnic quota requirement. None of that ever came up. To them I was simply Alya, the new teacher and that was it. I was invited to their homes, to share in their get togethers and any other activities that were happening. I was now one of them, I belonged for a change. I never had that back home. Here I am free and can do as I wish with my life – that was not the case before, Maureen. I do miss my family, I miss them very much – but this is the way it has to be. I just couldn’t marry an old man and live in squalor having one baby after another just to please him. I just couldn’t do that.”