Dirty Money

by Michelle Love

  For the longest time, no one says a word. Then I hear Benny say, “Look, man. I’m sorry for your accident. I really am. And I promise not to interfere with her decision. But the fact is, she and I are in love. She and I have made plans together. So for tonight, I’m taking her home. To our home.”

  “I don’t have a place to stay. I came here thinking she still had our house,” Gage says. “I’d planned on staying with her.”

  “She let that rental go when she and I moved into our place. Since the circumstances are so weird, I’ll set you up in the hotel I was staying in. Tomorrow maybe she’ll feel up to talking to you about things. She and I have some talking to do as well. But right now, she’s breaking down and I need to get her home where she feels safe. Agreed?” Benny asks him.

  I feel like a spectator in this whole thing. One who is watching from very far away. This has to be a dream. This can’t be real.

  “Yeah, I can see she’s not going to be able to talk tonight. Thanks for the motel room. I really appreciate it, man.” I hear Gage say.

  Then I’m scooped up and rest my head on a chest. A wide chest. A strong chest. Benny’s chest. I run my arms around him and bury my face in it. I can’t stand to look at either of them right now. It’s too hard.

  I can hear the sound of gravel crunching under both of their boots and know Gage is walking right next to Benny. There’s the sound of a car door opening then Gage says, “I’ll follow you to the motel.”

  “Okay,” Benny says as he carries me away to his bike.

  “I’m sorry, Benny. I really am.”

  “Shh. Don’t apologize, Baby. We’ll work this all out. You just try to calm down.” He puts me on the bike and has me in front as he climbs on behind me. “We’ll ride like this so my arms can hold you in. You lean back on me, my Angel.”

  I do as he says and feel so damn weak. Weaker than I’ve ever been. It’s even worse than the day Gage left me.

  Why is that? Why is this making me so damn weak?

  I struggle to stop crying but I can’t seem to get it under control. It’s not horrible sobs just constant tears. I feel as if I’m kind of coming unglued. I suppose this is what some call falling apart at the seams.

  I’m just a wreck. My mind isn’t working. My body just wants to shut down. I just want to shut down.

  It seems I have decisions to make and I have no idea what the right thing to do is. It used to be black and white. Gage left me and I was free to move on. And I would be a fool to take him back.

  Only thing is, now I know he was hurt and needed me and I was too stubborn to pick up the phone and make a call to make sure he was alive. I wonder why his family never called me to tell me.

  Or was his family even aware of his accident? How long was it before they were made aware? If ever. And what must they think about me?

  I bet they hate me.

  In the three years Gage and I were together, not once did he take me to meet any of them. They never visited us.

  They did live very far away, in Texas. It made sense at the time that we never had the money to go and they never had the time to come up. But they knew we were together and they should’ve called me when they found out he was hurt.

  We pull into the motel parking lot and Benny gets off and puts his arm around my waist as I lean into his side. “I think I should leave you in his truck while I check him in. You’re kind of a mess right now and I don’t want the clerk to think you’re wasted or anything like that and call the cops.”

  I nod in agreement. And wipe my eyes and make a big sniffle. Gage gets out of his truck and hands me a bunch of napkins from McDonald's. “Here, Angel. Use these to blow your nose and dry your tears. I hate to see you like this.”

  I take the handful of napkins and give him a nod then ask, “Gage, why didn’t your family call me when they found out you were in an accident?”

  “I’m not sure. I just know what they told me when I woke up. They were waiting to see if you would call. The paramedics found my cell phone and had brought it in with me. The nurses had kept it charged up in case anyone called. Mom took it over when my family got to me.” He looks away for a second then back at me. “They thought maybe you and I had broken up. I hadn’t told them a thing about my trip. So they didn’t call you. And once I woke up and asked for you, they told me to forget about you like you had forgotten about me.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  Benny squeezes me a little and kisses the side of my head. “I think she should stay out here while I get you checked in.”

  “Yeah, she’s kind of a wreck. Put her in the truck.”

  I’m picked up and placed in the driver’s side. Gage laughs a little then says, “Don’t drive off, Angel.”

  I make a grunt and blow my nose. “I can’t even see right now to run away.”

  “Good,” Benny says then closes the door.

  I can see well enough to watch the two men in my life walk away, side by side. I think about how ironic this all is and how much I wish it wasn’t happening at all.

  Just when life gets good and somewhat easy, God has to toss a monkey wrench into things and make it all fucked up. He must have quite the sense of humor.

  I run my hands over the steering wheel and for a second, I do think about running away from this. Just putting the thing in drive and peeling off and driving until I can’t anymore. Then maybe take a bus to Canada and change my name and become a nun.

  Nuns have to have easier lives than normal people. No relationships at all to worry over. No kids to worry about. No men to worry about. All they worry about is being good, staying sin free, and talking to God a bunch.

  Yeah, those broads got it made.

  I see the guys coming back out and see Gage taking Benny’s bike and walking it to park it in front of one of the motel rooms. Benny walks toward me and opens the driver’s side door.

  “Scoot, Pumpkin,” he says. I do as he’s said to. “We’re taking this. The bike ride is a bit far for you when you’re in such a bad condition. I’ll bring his truck back to him in the morning and pick up my bike.”

  “Okay,” I say and blow my nose again.

  “If you’re up to it by then. I’ll let him follow me out to the house where we can all talk and figure things out. But I won’t allow that until you’re up to it. I told him I’ll keep the room for him until things are figured out.” He lays his arm out along the back of the seat as he looks back and backs out of the parking space.

  I lean into his side and rest my head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”

  He pulls me in close and wraps his arm around me, making me feel safe and loved.

  The decision should be so easy. And maybe in the morning after a good night’s sleep and a whole pot of coffee, I will be able to make the decision easily. I hope so, anyway.

  “I’ll sleep in the room next to ours so you can think, Angel,” he says out of nowhere.

  I sit up and look at him. “No! No, Benny!”

  “I think you should be alone to think.” He looks straight ahead without looking over at me.

  “No, Benny. Or is it I because you’re mad at me?” I ask as I wipe my eyes.

  “I’m not mad.” He glances at me sideways. “I’m probably just as confused as you are. I mean, here we both thought this guy was just a really big asshole and come to find out he was in a coma all this time. There’s a lot for you to think about. I know that. And I saw how you reacted to him. You did love him at one time.”

  I lean back and drop my head onto the back of the seat. “Please don’t leave me alone, Benny. I’ll just go in circles in my mind. I need you, Baby.”

  His eyes flash as he turns his head to look at me. “If it will make you feel better, then I won’t leave you alone. But if you need space all you have to do is ask me for it. I want you to know I understand this is not a normal situation.”

  Leaning into him, I run my fingertips over his upper thigh. “Benny, I love you. Although this situation is not normal, my love for you
will overcome anything I feel for Gage. I know it will.”

  “Hope so.” He kisses my forehead and I feel something in the light kiss.

  Something that tells me that he’s guarding his heart in case I do pick Gage instead of him.

  “You’re a very good man, Benjamin Worthington,” I tell him and stroke his chest.

  The muscles ripple underneath his tight black T-shirt as my fingers run over them. He takes my hand off his chest and kisses it. “I’m not, Angel. You bring this man out in me. If you knew how badly I want to still rip the guy’s head off, you’d think differently.”

  “Why do you still want to rip his head off? He didn’t leave me like I thought,” I ask.

  “Because he kissed you and wants to steal you away from me.”

  I nod. “Yeah, that would make me kind of want to rip someone’s head off too. You know, Benny, you have more patience and tolerance than I do.”

  “I know,” he says then we both laugh.

  I play with his beard. “Promise me you won’t hurt him, though. I already feel pretty terrible that he was hurt, and I wasn’t around to help him.”

  He pulls into our drive and looks over at me as he parks the truck. “You know I won’t hurt him. Unless he really pisses me off, then I will.”

  “Well, of course, if he really pisses you off. I’m going to need you two to play nice while we all figure things out.” He gets out of the truck and I scoot over. Then he picks me up and carries me. “I can walk, you know.”

  “I know that. I want to carry you.” He kisses the tip of my nose.

  Laying my head on his chest, he carries me inside where Cuddles greets us at the door. “So, this was his dog, huh?”

  “He got her from the pound when she was a puppy.”

  The dog jumps around his feet, threatening to trip him up but somehow he evades her efforts. “You know something he said keeps running through my mind.”

  He takes the stairs up to our bedroom as I ask, “What’s that?”

  “He said his cell phone was there, in the hospital, turned on, right?”

  I nod as he gets to our room and pushes the door open. Cuddles runs in ahead of us and goes straight to the little doggy bed Benny picked out for her. Our bed is too high off the ground for her to jump up on.

  “I think he said that. The truth is my head is more than a bit foggy.” He lies me on the bed and starts to undress me.

  His fingers run over my stomach as he unbuttons my pants. “If he had his phone, and he said all he could think about was you when he woke up then why didn’t he call you?”

  “Maybe because his family still had the phone and I think he said he forgot how to talk too.”

  He takes my boots off then pulls my pants all the way off. I sit up and pull my little top off and unclasp my bra and take it off too. Benny nods as he looks as if he’s thinking hard.

  He strips my panties off then begins the process of pulling off his own clothes. “But when he could speak again, what stopped him then? Do you have the same cell number as you did when he left?”

  “Yeah. And my work number was on his phone as well. And now I do wonder why he didn’t call. Especially before he set out to come to Sturgis to find me. He could’ve made a phone call and done that. But maybe he has some brain damage now. I couldn’t really tell, but I wasn’t all there, to be honest.”

  He lies next to me and pulls me to lie on his chest. Soft lips touch the top of my head. “Sleep, my Angel. Tomorrow we’ll get our answers.”

  And now I can’t do anything but lie here wide awake and think about why he didn’t just call.

  Something doesn’t seem right about this…

  BLAZE

  My night was pretty sleepless as Angie tossed and turned most of it. But she’s sleeping peacefully now that the sun’s come up. I was woken up by my cell phone springing to life at six this morning, a half hour ago.

  I had put the phone on silent but the light from the screen woke me and I found my father’s name on it. I didn’t answer it, of course, as I have a lot on me as it is without adding their drama to it.

  Climbing out of bed, I want to get the coffee started so it’ll be ready when she wakes up. She always does better with a little coffee to help start her day. And I think this day is going to be pretty eventful.

  I pull on my underwear and head out of the room to go to the kitchen, scratching my beard as I go. I feel like something the cat drug in.

  Cuddles follows me and jumps around all happy and I wonder how she’ll feel about seeing her old master, Gage. She’ll probably split a seam I bet.

  Just as we hit the last stair, she bolts toward the front door, yapping her little ass off. I follow her and see a black town car parked in our drive.

  Now who could this be?

  Quickly I go back upstairs and throw on a pair of jeans and pull a T-shirt over my head and head back down to find out who in the hell thinks it’s okay to pull up in my drive so damn early in the morning.

  I throw the door open and Cuddles runs out to the car barking like a mad dog. As I thought, even though she’s tiny, no one wants a piece of that action. The window in the back goes down and my father’s head pops out of it.

  Fuck!

  “I wouldn’t get out if I were you. We think she has rabies,” I shout.

  The way his eyes go all wide makes me laugh. “Really, Son?”

  I walk out in my bare feet and pick up the frantic poodle mix and hold her under my arm. “You’re safe now.”

  My father’s driver gets out and opens the door for him. My mother slips out of the car behind my father and I walk toward the house. With the dog trying desperately to gain its freedom and kill my parents.

  If she could do any real damage, I might just let her go.

  But since she can’t, I hold onto her until we get inside the house. “Let me just put Killer here out in the back.”

  I walk away as my parents look all around the great room and try not to look impressed. That would be too boorish of them as my grandfather would say.

  When I come back, I see they’ve sat down on the giant leather sofa and seem to be a bit confused by everything. “You keep a dog in the house, Benjamin?” my father asks me.

  I nod. “You guys want to follow me to the kitchen. I need to get some coffee going and maybe a pitcher of margaritas.”

  They get up and follow me as Mother says, “Surely, you jest.”

  I shrug my shoulders. It seems like a little alcohol might be in order this morning which is starting way too early and way too awful. Not that it was going to be an awesome day, anyway with Gage in the plans for the day.

  Gesturing to the barstools by the island in the kitchen, I say, “Take a load off. That must’ve been some ride. I’m sure you two are beat. I can set you up in one of our many guest rooms if you guys need a nap.”

  My father looks at me as if I’m insane. “Benjamin, you must know we took our jet to the small airport just outside of town and had a car waiting there for us.”

  “And you brought your own driver from home? You didn’t think James might like the day off since you’re away from New York?” I ask as I pour some water into the back of the old style coffee maker Angel insisted on.

  My mother shakes her head, making her blonde bob haircut bounce around her neck, that’s strung with pearls. Always the picture of the perfect wife and mother, she is. Much like June Cleaver. I guess she’s her role model.

  “What are you doing there, Benjamin? When is it you learned to cook, Son?”

  “I took a cooking class in college,” I say with a smile as Harvard offers no cooking classes in its legal schooling.

  My father frowns. “Seems you’ve become quite the jokester this year. I don’t see the need for humor myself. It gets in the way of real things. Life, work, respect. Of which you are rapidly losing mine by the way.”

  “Am I now?” I spoon in the fresh coffee grounds Angel loves and look at my father. “I’m losing some for you and especi
ally my grandfather. Representing that horrible man. Bain isn’t a thing I thought you approved of either. Nor my brother for that matter. But when Grandfather speaks, you two cower. I’m done cowering. I won’t work for a firm that takes that man’s back.”

  Mom chimes in, which is not at all like her, “Mr. Bain has every right to charge the price he sees fit without the government telling him what he has to do. This is a country with a free enterprise system. If we let them do this to him, then it sets a precedent where they can do it to others as well. Setting the prices, they see fit without the knowledge of what it costs to produce things.”

  I shake my head and look at my mother. “You’re right in the regards of the government and their interference in most things. Bain holds the keys to the only drug known to extend the lives of people with AID’s, though. He’s jacked up the price the original producer found they could sell the product for and still make a profit.”

  My father clears his throat. “But our client, Mr. Bain, has a product which is high in demand. He’s justified in raising the price. Others in areas of in-demand products do the same thing.”

  “But, Father, those are things people want. Their lives don’t depend on them being able to get it. People should be able to affordably obtain what’s necessary to live. I shouldn’t even have to argue about this with you. In the beginning, you were on the right side. What the hell happened?” I ask and then I see Angel stumbling to the top of the stairs, rubbing her eyes.

  “Is Gage here already?” she asks in a mumbled voice.

  “Shit,” I hiss and run to her as she’s wearing only a robe and her hair’s a mess.

  She didn’t even bother to do a thing. She’s must’ve woken up and thought I was down here arguing with her old boyfriend.

  “Angel, my parents are here.”

  She stops on the third from the top stair and spins around. “I’ll be right back. I have to change my clothes.”

  I’m thankful the position my parents are sitting in didn’t let them see her. Neither of them ever leave their bedroom without looking a thousand percent ready for the day.

  And then their eyes level on me. “What was she wearing, Benjamin?” my mother asks.