Sacred Breath Series (Books 1-4)

by Nadia Scrieva

  Only when she felt the reassuring strength of his arms, and heard the reassuring sound of his heartbeat against her ear did she quiet down slightly. She continued to cry, but she had spent most of her energy, and was unable to do much more than rest against her husband weakly. She vaguely remembered that she was not supposed to cry in front of Vachlan.

  “This is just hormones,” she told him once she was calm enough to speak. “The pregnancy is turning me into a worthless girl.”

  Vachlan leaned his chin down to bury his face in her hair. “You don’t have to be tough for me, Viso. I’m crying too. I nearly lost you—I’m grateful that Aazuria was there when she was.”

  “I’m not!” Visola shouted. “I should have been stronger. I should have been smarter. She only just got back to us, and now she’s been taken away again!”

  “She was a hero,” Vachlan said simply. “I think this is the way she would have wanted it. She won the war for us; she made the seas a safer place for her daughter, and for our children. She eliminated the Clan of Zalcan.”

  “Fuck that,” Visola said fiercely. “I don’t want to hear about this ‘hero with a higher purpose’ bullshit. She was my friend. She deserved to live.”

  Chapter 29: Honor the Dead

  Trevain sat by the glass coffin, gazing at Aazuria’s ivory cheeks. It had been several weeks, and he still refused to plan a funeral. He preferred to sit by the special cryonic chamber with its unusually low temperatures, and imagine that his wife was just sleeping. Sometimes, Varia would join him, and he would tell her the fairytales his mother used to tell him, about Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. Varia always seemed upset and disdainful when the princess woke up at the end of the story.

  “So have you tried kissing her?” Varia had asked angrily.

  “A thousand times,” he answered, “before they put her in that special coffin to preserve her body.”

  “Then why are you telling me these stupid stories if they don’t work?” Varia said indignantly. “I’m not a child. I know that there is no such thing as magic. She’s all I ever had!”

  “Well, now you have me,” Trevain said softly, closing the storybook.

  Varia paused, wiping the sorrow and emotion from her face almost instantly. She assumed the composed mask of a princess, echoing the empty expression that her mother wore in the glass chamber a few feet away. “And I am thankful for that, Father,” she said, executing a polite, unconvincing curtsey. She turned to exit the room.

  He had stared after the young girl in puzzlement. No such thing as magic? But had he not seen the Sisters of Sedna perform mystical feats? No. There was even an explanation for that. Trevain sat beside Aazuria’s coffin, searching his brain for a shred of hope. He sat for hours, waiting for inspiration. There was a noise in the doorway behind him, but he was too deep in trancelike thought to turn around. He felt two tender hands gently squeeze his shoulders. He felt a kiss placed on the top of his head, and the soft, familiar fabric of a sweater grazing his skin as arms wrapped around his neck. He inhaled a perfume that he knew very well; he had purchased that perfume for his wife.

  Finally, a voice followed, overwhelming his senses with its sweetness. It had been several months since he had heard that voice. “My love, you cannot sit here all day and all night. Please come to bed.”

  “No,” he said firmly, almost harshly.

  He felt velvety lips pressing against his cheek. “You have to let go of her.”

  “No. I’m not letting go again.”

  Elandria sighed as she stood beside him, staring into her sister’s coffin. “We got through this together before. We will get through it again.”

  Trevain rose to his feet quite suddenly, knocking over his chair. “Oh, together? Isn’t it interesting how she dies and you suddenly want me back in your bed?”

  “Don’t say it like that,” Elandria whispered, stepping back in shock. “Trevain, I…”

  “Now that she’s dead, you’re speaking again. You’re speaking to me again.” He pointed to the coffin angrily. “Is this the only reason we got married, Elandria? Is this the reason you want me?”

  She shook her head tearfully, pulling her sweater closer around herself. “No. I’m sorry…”

  “Shut up,” he said angrily. “I don’t want to hear anything from you. It’s like you’re only happy when she’s gone!”

  “How can you say that?” Elandria asked in a hushed voice. “Trevain, I only wanted you to be with her. I wanted her to be happy, even if I wasn’t. That’s why I withdrew from you.”

  “Don’t give me your bullshit reasons!” he shouted. “We were together for years, and then she shows up, and you just disappear. You just crawl back into a shell and shut down, and refuse to let me in. No, Elandria; your love for me can’t be fickle and dependent on the world around you. You didn’t fight for me. You didn’t defend your right to be with me. I’m obviously nothing to you.”

  “You’re everything to me,” Elandria said miserably. She moved over to Aazuria’s coffin and allowed her tears to fall on the glass. They instantly froze on the surface. “The problem is that we both loved her more than we loved each other. Oh, Sedna, I wish I were in that coffin instead! I wish it was me.”

  “Elan,” Trevain said remorsefully, moving close to her and taking her hand. “I’m sorry for yelling. I’m sorry for being so cruel. I’ve just been upset with you—I’ve been upset about everything.”

  “If I could trade places with her, I would,” Elandria said brokenly. “I wish I could do that for you, so you wouldn’t have to settle for an inferior replacement.”

  “Stop that,” Trevain said angrily. “You were never an ‘inferior replacement’ to me. Do you know that I barely spoke to her since she returned to Upper Adlivun? It was almost always only professional, or related to Varia. She was avoiding me for your sake. While you had abandoned me completely.”

  “But if she had lived another day you would have been together again,” Elandria said with a sad smile. “You would have returned to her eventually. You loved her dearly.”

  Trevain lowered his gaze to the woman lying inside the coffin. He reached out to flick Elandria’s frozen tears away from the glass as he nodded slowly.

  “I am not necessary to this kingdom,” Elandria said softly. “I am not necessary to my friends and family. I am not even wanted! My own husband would rather sit and stare at a dead woman day after day than be near to my living flesh; for my flesh is that inadequate.”

  “That’s not it, Elan. I want to be with you, but…” He swallowed, realizing the depths of his own stupidity. “I just feel like if I sit here long enough, maybe she will wake up. Maybe if I hope hard enough, and pray, and wish, and beg… maybe something will change. Maybe she’ll open her eyes.”

  Elandria gazed up at him mournfully. “I am so sorry.”

  He smiled, reaching out to touch Elandria’s cheek. “I still remember the color of her eyes; they’re emblazoned in mind, but I’m sure everyone else can remember them too. She was famous for them, after all. Azure, or sapphire, or whatever you want to call them; they were exactly like yours, Elan, but there was something different.”

  “Strength,” Elandria answered instantly. “When she looked at you with those eyes, she made you feel instantly stronger; it was like magic.”

  Trevain nodded, almost flinching at hearing the word again. “Go to bed, Elan. I’ll come join you soon—as soon as I give up on her.”

  “So should I lie awake waiting for you for several months, or several years, perhaps?” Elandria asked with a smile

  Trevain returned the smile. “I don’t know. I don’t want to betray her again. I don’t want to give up on her like I did last time.”

  “This time,” Elandria said softly, turning her head to the side, “we have a body.”

  “I know. But it doesn’t feel over to me. Do you know what I mean? I know it’s not logical, but I recently promised myself that I’d listen to my heart. And I feel like even though she�
��s lying there silently, she’s screaming out to me for help. When I look at her corpse, I don’t see death; I see her skin glowing with life as though she might sit up at any moment and ask to go for a morning swim. Does that sound crazy?”

  Elandria stared at him for a moment before nodding. “Yes. You sound utterly insane. But I will stand by you and support you in any way you require.”

  “Thank you,” he said, relaxing. “Thank you for always understanding me.”

  “I love you,” she answered, “and I love her. Far beyond the point of reason. If you want me to sing to her every day to see if it will coax her out of death then I will try my best.”

  “I love you too, Elan,” he said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. “I don’t really know what I’m doing at the moment… but it feels right just to sit close to her lifeless body and honor the way she lived her life. I really don’t know what else to do, other than to sit here and honor her.”

  Elandria nodded, falling into a subtle curtsey. “I must retire now, but I will return to sit with you when I can. Goodnight, Trevain.”

  He turned to watch her leave, and saw that his great-aunt was leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. She nodded in salutation to Elandria as the queen left the room, before turning back to observe him in amusement.

  “Interesting plan you’ve got there, kid,” Sionna remarked dryly. “Forsaking the living to honor the dead.”

  “It feels like the right thing to do,” he said, remembering when his grandmother had told him so long ago that he should marry Elandria to honor the living. He realized quite suddenly that he did not regret marrying Elandria—she was a noble soul who had helped him to become a better person. For the first time, he understood that he had not wronged Aazuria by making this choice. He felt like he was surrounded by such warmth and love that anything was possible in this place, and among these people.

  “You seem a bit delirious to me,” Sionna said fondly. “Are you running a fever? Have you been accepting any beers from any strange men?”

  Trevain looked up sharply. “Bring her back to life, Aunt Sio.”

  Sionna paused. “Psh, have you been watching the Sci-fi network again?”

  “Reading fairytales to Varia,” he answered. “But I’m completely serious. If anyone can do it, you can. I know there’s a reason you asked to freeze her body.

  “Sure. It’s sea-dweller tradition. At least for the royal family.”

  “And since when have you been traditional?” Trevain accused.

  Sionna pursed her lips and remained quiet for a while. She seemed to lock her arms more tightly across her chest as she peered at her great-nephew through skeptical eyes.

  “Aunt Sio?” he demanded impatiently. “Are you going to be straight with me?”

  She cleared her throat loudly, glancing back into the hallway to make sure that no one was around. Finally, she began walking forward with a grave look on her face. “It’s a long shot. The longest shot.”

  Trevain felt his heart leap into his throat. “I’ll take any shot.”

  Sionna hesitated. “Yes, well… I guess I could try a few things. Don’t tell anyone about this. No one can know what I’m attempting. I don’t want to give anyone false hope that this will work. Especially not Varia.”

  “I think I’ve already killed Varia’s hopes with stupid folktales and stories,” he admitted.

  Sionna lifted an eyebrow. “What happens in your fairytales, Trevain?”

  “Oh, you know. The prince kisses the princess and she wakes up from her eternal slumber.”

  “A kiss?” Sionna rolled her eyes and gave an incredulous grunt. “That seems like a cheap price for life.”

  Trevain was suddenly paying very close attention. “What’s a better price for life?”

  Sionna lifted her shoulders as she glanced at the coffin. “When Viso and I were young girls, our father told us a much better story. Would you like to hear it?” Seeing that he nodded, she moved to sit on the chair before the coffin, crossing her legs carefully. “There once was a princess who ruled a small kingdom in the Northern European seas. Her name was Nehalennia. She loved adventure, and she loved to explore the waters surrounding her kingdom, and as adventurers often do, she made a discovery; she found a special fish. Every day, she swam down to the bottom of the ocean to visit the special fish that only she could find. They became friends, and they would have long conversations. Now, the fish lived in the deepest of waters, in what we call the Abyssal Zone. It was the only light peeking out of a deep and narrow trench that no one else had ever dared to explore. Nehalennia was the only person strong enough to swim down to where the fish lived, and each day, she beseeched the fish for a single one of its glowing scales. The fish was enchanted by Nehalennia’s beauty, and requested that she give him a single strand of her hair. This exchange continued daily, for when Nehalennia digested the scale of the fish, she found that it was filled with magical properties which gave her great health and strength. She was able to live for thousands of years, maintaining her youth and beauty until everyone considered her a goddess.

  “A greedy man eventually wanted to know the secret of her youth and beauty, so he followed her down to the deepest of waters. Of course, he was not strong enough to follow her all the way to the bottom. He waited for her to swim back up and kidnapped her, holding her hostage until she would tell him the secret of her immortality. Fearing for the safety of her beloved fish, Nehalennia refused to divulge her secrets or procure her treasured fish scales for the greedy man.

  “News of her abduction spread, and all the brave young men from the kingdoms around took arms to rescue Nehalennia. But when they were finally able to rescue her, they found that she had fallen ill. Without the daily diet of special fish scales, her health had deteriorated. She knew that the fish scales would return her to health, but she was no longer strong enough to withstand the deep sea pressures and swim down to her fish. Yearning to live, she told the young men that she would marry whoever was strong and brave enough to swim down to her fish, and retrieve three scales for her. She gave them each a strand of her hair so that the fish would know it was for her.

  “Many of the men searched for the fish, but most gave up. Many could not even withstand the pressures. But finally, one brave prince succeeded. The fish had been worried about Nehalennia, and was happy to help. The prince retrieved the magic scales, and swam back to the ill goddess. She took his gift, and she was soon recovered. She married the prince, and they lived happily ever after.”

  “Varia would love this story,” Trevain said softly.

  Sionna snorted. “Varia would tell you to swim down and get the fucking fish!”

  “Then I will,” he said boldly.

  “Ha. You know, this is actually the story of Aazuria’s grandmother.” When Trevain displayed surprise, she shrugged. “Or so they say—her grandmother on her mother’s side. According to some legends, Queen Undina was a daughter of Nehalennia.”

  “Wow,” Trevain said softly. “So where can I find this fish?”

  Sionna chuckled. “I’m not sending you on a quest, Trevain.”

  “Of course you are. You’re just too practical and reasonable to admit it.”

  “Really, this is just a sea-dweller fairytale,” Sionna said with a raised eyebrow. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch, young man. I was just demonstrating that a real story should show the prince actually doing some feat of physical or mental bravery. He should actually accomplish something; risking himself, and proving his merit in order to obtain the special item required to revive the princess. It was just an allegory. Just a parable.”

  “That’s right, Aunt Sio. Just a parable. That’s why you had me purchase a coffin worth $250,000 to preserve Aazuria’s body.” Trevain gave the doctor a wide smile. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone that you believe in fairytales. I’m going off to look for a special fish now.”

  When Trevain left the room, Sionna began to rub her forehead. “Da
mmit,” she cursed softly to herself. “Why am I filling the boy’s head with nonsense?” She stood up and walked over to Aazuria’s glass coffin, and barely just skimmed the surface with her fingertip to test how cold it was. It was very cold. “Science cannot wake the dead,” she whispered to herself. “If there was any possible way, I would try. I would call in the best of the best, doctors from all across the world. We would find a way—but there is no way. It’s ridiculous. Our best bet is to wait a few hundred years until technology improves, and then maybe… or, I could try to improve the technology now. I could ask Yamako to help, and we could…”

  She shook her head, realizing how foolish her train of thought was. Still, the beautiful profile of the queen lying in the glass coffin moved her deeply. If anyone deserved the effort, it was this woman. “I had better try, shouldn’t I, Aazuria?” she asked lightly. Sionna chuckled and rolled her eyes skyward. “If I don’t, that poor boy is going to kill himself searching for a fish that doesn’t exist.”

  Chapter 30: Nehalennia’s Fish

  Varia lay on her back, staring at the stars through the thick glass window of her room in Upper Adlivun. It had been a while since her mother’s death, but she kept a mantra in her head to soothe her mind. Please, Sedna. Please, please, please, please, please. She closed her eyes and repeated these simple words over and over again, imagining her mother’s face. Not frozen and serene the way she was in her coffin, which Varia still visited every day; often, several times a day. No, she tried to picture her mother full of life and power, the way she had always been when Varia was growing up. She held these images in her mind, and continued to repeat her mantra. Please, Sedna. Please, please, please, please, please. She was not quite sure what she was asking for anymore, and how much she dared to ask for, but the mantra reminded her that she was asking. That was all that mattered.