Fighting Redemption

by Kate McCarthy

  Then he was pressing her back down, the pillow soft behind her head as he slowly pushed his way inside her body.

  She tensed.

  “Just relax,” he whispered in her ear.

  She nodded and felt him slide all the way inside.

  Burying his head in her neck, he shuddered. “You feel so good,” he moaned.

  After a moment Ian drew back, bracing his hands on either side of her. His eyes holding hers with an intimacy that was new as he began a gentle thrust.

  Fin closed her eyes and whispered, “Don’t stop.”

  When she wrapped her legs around him, he paused, drawing a deep shaky breath into his lungs.

  Her eyes flew open. “Are you okay?”

  Ian nodded. “I just need a minute. I want this to feel good for you too.”

  It did feel good, but it was over quickly.

  “I’m sorry,” he mumbled into her neck and pressed a kiss against her ear. “I’ll make it better next time. Promise.”

  Afterwards, she showered for the first time with another person. They laughed as they fought over the soap and ran slippery hands over each other. With hot water pounding over their skin, they learned what made the other giggle or moan.

  After flicking off the taps, Ian helped dry her off before leading her back to his bed. He kissed his way down her body, his mouth finding its way between her thighs. Soon she was breathless and falling over the edge with mind numbing pleasure.

  Grinning, he crawled up her body and she could feel him hard again and pressing against her belly. “Stay a bit longer,” he whispered, trailing his lips up her neck.

  “I can’t. It’s midnight. I have to get back.”

  Ian nodded into her neck. “Okay.”

  Pulling into the driveway of her house, she pressed a quick kiss against his lips and ducked from his car towards the house. Breathless, Fin waved at her parents before running up the stairs and to her room, unable to wipe the grin from her lips. Her phone buzzed, a message from Ian telling her that he couldn’t wait to see her in the morning. She giggled softly, tossing her phone on the bedside table, and that was when she saw him. Ryan was lying on her bed in the dark.

  Fin’s breath caught in shock.

  “Ryan?”

  Her eyes adjusted to the dark. His hands were tucked behind his head, eyes trained on the ceiling, surrounded by masses of pink and white lace sheets. They’d been so pretty, she couldn’t resist buying them when she went shopping with Rachael just over a month ago. Now when she looked at them, all she would ever see was Ryan.

  “What are you—”

  She halted her words because suddenly she knew. Ryan was leaving. Her heart, so recently buoyed by her night with Ian, cracked wide open.

  A month later she waved goodbye to Jake, and she hadn’t been the same since. Fin finished school and after another six months of dating, she broke up with Ian when he moved to Sydney for university.

  Fin stayed behind, completing her studies in environmental and marine science at the local university where she roomed with Rachael. Both girls were beautiful in their own right and dates were never hard to come by, despite Fin’s tendency to wear simple clothes like tank tops and sweatpants. Her heart just wasn’t in it to make the effort.

  “My God. For once would you wear something that doesn’t make my eyes bleed,” Rachael told her as Fin dressed for another day of uni lectures. She blinked her huge brown eyes at Fin with exaggeration. With Rachael’s dark hair styled in a Mia Farrow pixie cut, it only made them look even bigger.

  Fin laughed and did a bootie dance in Rachael’s face after yanking on her sweatpants.

  Rachael groaned and tossed a cushion at her. “That was so not attractive.”

  Fin puckered her lips at her friend. “You love me.”

  “You’re lucky I do,” Rachael replied with a raise of her perfectly arched brows. “You know,” she added, “I reckon Ian would have stuck around if you’d tried hard enough.”

  Fin, stuffing textbooks into her bag, paused and looked at Rachael. “Tried hard enough? Are you serious?”

  Rachael flopped backwards onto her bed. “Yes. You never gave him a real chance, Fin. Honestly, the only time I’ve seen your eyes light up around a guy was when…”

  Fin slung her bag onto her back. “When what?”

  “When Ryan was around,” Rachael mumbled.

  Three years and she hadn’t heard a word from Ryan. Anything she did know was all second hand information from Jake. They were finishing up SAS selection or would be soon. She wasn’t sure.

  Fin frowned at Rachael. “Don’t mention his name.”

  “Fine. Are you going out with that guy tonight? What’s his name—Marlin?”

  “Marlin?” Fin laughed. “Martin. And maybe,” she replied, hoisting her bag over her shoulder.

  “Good. I’ll pick you out something to wear,” Rachael yelled as Fin strode out the door, shutting it loudly behind her.

  Later that afternoon Jake rang to tell her they made it through. Ryan had done exactly what he’d set out to do and soon they would be fighting in Afghanistan. That night she let Rachael dress her. In a slinky black dress, smoky eyes, and slick red lips, she didn’t recognise herself in the mirror.

  Good.

  Blowing off her date with Martin, she went out with Rachael and a group of friends and drank well into the night.

  Hands grabbed her hips as she leaned over the bar to order another round of drinks.

  “Baby,” came the voice in her ear.

  “Ian!” She spun around. “You’re back.”

  He stood there, bigger, older, and still as hot as she remembered. Paying for the drinks, she turned back to face him again. “You look good.”

  Heavy lidded eyes roamed over her. “You look hot. I almost didn’t recognise you.”

  Fin flushed, looking down at her dress. “I don’t usually dress like this.”

  “I like it.” Sliding an arm around her waist, he leaned in, his eyes on her lips. “I missed you.”

  Her eyes searched his face. “Me too. I missed you too, Ian.”

  Ian’s eyes crinkled in a grin, and her heart lifted a little. “Wanna get out of here?”

  Fin looked over at her friends. Rachael was giving her an obvious thumbs up. Her other friends were laughing and whooping, catching male attention and appearing to love every minute of it.

  Taking a deep breath, she looked at him. “Okay.”

  And just like that, they picked up where they left off.

  That was two years ago. Fin graduated and Ian worked with the Perth City Police. He was pushing for them to move in together, yet Fin resisted. She valued her independence. She had a great job with the Department of Environment and Conservation. She also owned a restored cottage in Fremantle. She’d bought it with Jake when he came to visit before being sent on his first tour to Afghanistan.

  Now they were back on their second deployment and Fin was thankful she was busy with work to take her mind off the worry. She’d completed an Antarctic research expedition last year and would be off for another one in two weeks. Ian wasn’t happy about it and she was waiting for the ultimatum. The sad part was she knew what she’d choose.

  The phone rang, pulling her from her memories.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, baby.”

  “Ian,” she breathed softly and rolled out of bed, planting her feet on the solid timber floors. The same floors Jake had spent weeks sanding and refinishing during his return. The cottage was in the perfect spot, close to the beach and family. Single-story, painted beige with white trim, lush green lawns, and a back yard with a big timber deck covered with a large shade sail. A vegetable patch traversed the left side of the lawn, which gave her fits with the painstaking maintenance it required. Yet Fin persevered, hating to fail at anything.

  A mammoth, smushed face Himalayan cat came trotting in as Fin stood up and shrugged on a short cotton robe. She tripped over him as she left the bedroom and slammed into t
he hallway wall face first.

  “Dammit, Crookshanks,” she muttered irritably and rubbed at what felt like a painful, burgeoning lump on her forehead. “Why can’t you sleep in like normal cats?”

  “Meow, meow,” he replied impatiently, looking more cranky than normal this morning. Fin had had Crookshanks since moving into the cottage, naming him after Hermione’s cat from her beloved Harry Potter books. What was not to love about a magical world where one could fly about on a broom without pillaging the world of resources in order to do so? Solving wars between worlds with just a flick of the wand.

  “Tripping over again, Fin?” Ian said down the phone with a sigh.

  “Just the cat,” she muttered, watching him trot ahead of her down the hallway and into the kitchen, checking behind him repeatedly to make sure she was hot on his heels.

  “Jeff, Ray, and Becca are having a barbecue over by the beach today. Let’s go, okay?”

  Fin cringed as she reached for her cat’s Fancy Feast Royale. “Actually, I have to go into work.”

  “Dammit, Fin.” He was obviously irritated and Fin paused to rest her hip up against the kitchen bench. “You’re leaving for six months soon. Don’t they get enough of your time?”

  “I’m sorry. There’s just so much to do …” she trailed off as Crookshanks head-butted her leg.

  “Well, I’m going anyway then.”

  “That’s good,” she replied, bending over to spoon food into the cat bowl on the floor by the fridge. “You should go. Tell them I said hi, okay?”

  Ian exhaled loudly into the phone. “Fin …”

  Shoved out of the way by her cat, Fin stood and rinsed the spoon in the sink. “Hmm?”

  “Nothing. I’ll see you tonight?”

  “I’ll give you a call,” she told him.

  “Yeah, sure, okay,” he replied and hung up.

  “Well that went well,” she muttered to the cat and tossed the spoon into the sink with a clatter. Turning around, she realised she was talking to herself; Crookshanks was already gone.

  Later that afternoon, Fin was sitting at her desk at the DEC putting the finishing touches to some reports for the research project when her phone buzzed, startling her out of a paperwork coma. Seeing Jake’s name on the display, she picked it up with a frown.

  “Hello?” she answered cautiously.

  “Fin!” came the shout down the line.

  Fin frowned, wondering why Jake was ringing on her mobile. He only ever rang the house phone when he was away.

  “Jake?”

  “Wow, are you quick this morning or what? I thought you were the smarts of the family.”

  “But—”

  “I’m home!”

  “You are? Like Australia home? Or home, home?”

  “Home, home, Fin. I’m looking into Crookshanks’ evil mastermind eyes as we speak.”

  Fin’s heart leaped in excitement. The urge to throw all her paperwork to the wind and rush home was overwhelming. She grinned like a maniac instead. “Oh my God, Jake. I can’t wait to see you! Does Mum know? And Dad? What about—”

  “Whoa, whoa, Fin. Don’t tell anyone we’re home early. We both want a couple of days to get some sleep before the entire family descends, okay? Please?”

  Fin nodded, adding an “of course” when she realised he couldn’t actually see her nodding. She was used to talking to him on Skype. Then her brow furrowed. “Wait a minute … We?”

  “Yeah, me and Ryan. He’s staying here in the guest room. That’s okay, right? You’re gonna be gone most of the time we’re here, honey, so I didn’t think it would be a bother.”

  Fin spun around wildly in her swivel chair at his words, knocking a stapler flying. It whacked the wall divider between her and Paul, a fellow researcher. He bobbed his head up like a meerkat at the clang, and she smothered a laugh. She shook her head at him, and he bobbed back down with an eye roll when he spotted the stapler on the floor.

  “Fin?”

  “Yeah, that’s like umm, cool. Okay.”

  There was a pause. “Are you okay? You sound odd. You’re not getting sick, are you?”

  She hadn’t been, but the thought of seeing Ryan again after six long years had her stomach churning. She exhaled deeply. Why was Ryan suddenly deciding to re-enter her life now?

  “No. I’m fine.” She cleared her throat and checked her watch. “I can’t get out of here until after five. I have so much to get through. I’m sorry. Do you want me to pick something up for dinner on my way home?”

  There was a pause where she could hear Jake conferring with Ryan. She didn’t hear what Ryan said, only catching the murmur of a deep voice that sent shivers down her spine.

  Jake came back on the line. “Okay. That would be great.”

  “Alright. Message me what you want me to pick up. Jake?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Can’t wait to see you.”

  “You too,” he replied softly. She went to hang up when he called out, “Oh, was Crookshanks fed this morning? The evil ball of fluff keeps head-butting my leg and I don’t believe it’s because he missed me.”

  “Yes he was so don’t let him fool you. Just shoo him outside.”

  “Okay. See ya, Fin.”

  “Bye, Jake.”

  Fin hung up the phone and spun her chair back around, flinging the phone on her desk and staring blindly at the paperwork in front of her. How was she going to concentrate now?

  Heart pounding, Fin stumbled through the front door weighted under by an armful of paperwork and dinner. After hearing from Jake, focusing on her reports had been a lost cause. She would have to work through Sunday now. She winced at the thought, realising that would irritate Ian even more. She hadn’t had a chance to call him yet and cancel on tonight.

  Kicking the door shut behind her with the shiny, four inch heel of her shoe, Jake wandered out from the kitchen.

  The files slid from her arms, scattering carelessly to the floor.

  “Jake,” she breathed, tears burning her eyes.

  He grinned at her. “Hey, Fin.”

  Her eyes roamed over him quickly. In two long years he was bigger than she thought possible—his shoulders wider, his hair lighter, his eyes brighter.

  Jake opened his arms, and dropping her bags to the floor, she rushed down the hall and flung herself into them, burying her face in his chest. Picking her up, he spun her around.

  “Missed you so much,” she mumbled into his shirt when she was set back on her feet.

  Jake pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Not as much as I missed you.”

  “Rubbish.” Fin pulled back, her lips twitching as she wiped at her tears with shaky hands. “It’s all just one big party, isn’t it? That’s why you joined the SAS.”

  He laughed down at her. “Of course. Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.”

  The smile died on her lips. “Two weeks and I’ll be leaving for Antarctica for six months. You’ll be gone again when I get back, won’t you?”

  Jake nodded, his jaw tight, and her heart sank.

  “I wish I wasn’t going now.”

  “Don’t say that.” He forced a grin. “You’re saving the earth, one whale at a time. They need you.”

  Fin pressed her lips together, her eyes on her feet. “I know.”

  “Look at me.” Fin closed her eyes for a moment, swallowing tears, and looked at Jake. “Don’t forget about your own dreams, honey.”

  She sniffed and arched a brow. “Would I do that?”

  His smile came a little easier. “Of course not. You’re a Tanner. Nothing gets in our way.”

  Dropping his arms, Jake stepped into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

  Her brows flew up as she caught sight of the contents. “Did you get enough beer?” she asked, watching him pull one from the fully stocked shelves.

  Jake offered it to her with a wink. “Enough for a couple of days.”

  “No thanks,” she replied with as shudder. Beer made her feel bloated and tired
. “I’ll have a wine though.”

  He set the beer on the kitchen counter and reached for a glass from the cupboards above.

  Fin looked around the living area, searching out Ryan and not seeing him. “I thought Ryan was with you?”

  “He’s in the shower,” Jake told her as he poured out a red wine.

  Trying to ignore the flutters filling her stomach, she returned to the hallway to collect the dinner and files she’d dumped on the floor.

  Showered and dressed, Ryan rubbed a towel at his hair haphazardly. Hearing voices coming from the kitchen, he hung it neatly on the rack and leaned his knuckles down on the bathroom vanity, frowning into the sink.

  What the hell are you doing staying here, Ryan?

  It wasn’t the first time he’d questioned his own motives, but he couldn’t seem to find an answer. He missed her. It was that simple and that complicated.

  Looking up, he saw nothing in the mirror except tired eyes and the ghosts of those he’d killed in the line of duty. He rubbed a hand across his face as though to wipe it all away and left the bathroom.

  Back in the hallway, his eyes fell on the scattered files littering the floor. He crouched down and started pulling them together.

  “Ryan.”

  He froze for a moment, time standing still when he turned and saw Fin in the hallway. Her blonde hair was a tousled mess, reading glasses were caught in the neckline of her pretty top, and her legs—so damn long—were on display in a short, black skirt. His eyes skimmed the length of her before falling to her full pink lips.

  She was utterly beautiful and it was like a punch to the gut. Despite tears filling her eyes, she smiled the smile that haunted his sleep at night, and seeing it right before his eyes left him breathless.

  Fuck, he swore to himself and dragged his eyes away from her mouth.

  “Fin,” he murmured. He stood slowly as she reached his side. Her eyes went wide as they followed him.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  Was I okay?

  Fin eyed the stranger in her hallway, realising she wasn’t okay at all. The person that left her bedroom six years ago had been a boy. The man that stood before her had dark eyes that should have been familiar, but they were hard now, and intense. Framed in long black lashes, they were studying her face, darkening when they came to rest on her mouth.