Fighting Redemption

by Kate McCarthy

  She walked over to the stove and peered into the saucepan. It looked like some kind of red sauce with odd shaped lumps of meat. “What is that anyway?”

  Jake stuck the spoon back in the pan, and sauce splattered up the tiles as he gave it a messy stir. “Go away or I won’t cook anymore.”

  She grinned. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

  Jake swiped at her with the tea towel, and she danced out of his reach. “Go. Get out of my kitchen!”

  It wasn’t until three nights later, with Ryan yet to return from his exercise, that Ian called her back.

  “Fin,” he muttered when she answered the phone.

  Fin put her head in her hand. “Ian. I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m sorry too.” After a pause, he said, “We need to talk.”

  “I know,” she agreed softly.

  “My place?” Ian shared an apartment closer to the city with his co-worker, Evan. “Evan’s not here,” he added.

  “Okay. I’ll be over soon,” she promised.

  After hanging up, Fin changed out of her work clothes and into a pair of petite tailored shorts and the pretty pink knitted top that Ian had once said looked good on her. Grabbing her keys and sandals from the wardrobe, she called out, “Jake? I’m going out.”

  “Where?” he yelled from his sprawled position on the couch.

  She opened the front door and over her shoulder said, “Ian’s place.”

  He started to get up. “Fin, you can’t—”

  She shut the door quickly behind her. As much as she loved her brother, he needed to realise that Ian would never hurt her.

  Arriving at his apartment, she knocked softly on the door. Ian opened it, his shuttered eyes roaming the length of her before he stepped aside.

  “Come in.”

  “Thanks,” she murmured.

  She set her bag on the dining table and walked into the living room, sitting down on the wide, navy leather couch.

  He scratched at the back of his head. “Drink?”

  Fin nodded. “Please.”

  After a moment he came out of the kitchen with a wine for her and a beer for himself and sat down beside her.

  “So dinner was a bit of a fail,” he said, looking at her.

  She nodded at that understatement. “I’m sorry, Ian. It got out of hand very quickly, and ended badly.”

  Ian sighed deeply. “I’m not sure where we go from here, Fin. You’ve resisted me every step of the way. Maybe it’s time I cut you loose.”

  “Cut me loose? What am I? A horse?” She set her wine on the glass coffee table with an angry clatter.

  “Christ.” He ran a hand through his hair. “If you don’t want me, just say so. Stop dragging this out. I’m over it. I’m over …”

  “Over me?”

  His blue eyes searched her face. “I don’t think I ever really had you. Not all of you. There’s always been something missing.”

  “Is this about work?”

  “Part of it,” he conceded. “You’re always working. Always away on some excursion or some research expedition. What do you want from me, Fin? To sit around and wait for you for another six months?”

  “Six months isn’t that long!” she burst out.

  “But that’s what you said last time. And when you’re back, then what? You’re off to wherever to start on your thesis. Where do I fit in with all of that?”

  Fin picked at the hem of her shorts. “I’m not ready to settle down. We’re both so young. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us to do all that stuff.”

  After a deep swallow of his drink, Ian set it down next to her wine. “Come here.”

  He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. Fin shifted on the couch until she was straddling his lap, and his hands came around to rest on her ass, his thumbs hooking into the waistband of her shorts.

  “What do we do?”

  She swallowed. “I don’t know.”

  Resignation swept across Ian’s face and he closed his eyes. “I’ll wait. Six months, Fin. You come back and we’ll see how we feel then.” He opened his eyes. “You told me you loved me.”

  “I did,” she whispered.

  Ian leaned in, his lips a breath away from hers. “Then show me.”

  It was after midnight when Ryan let himself through the front door of the little cottage. Seeing both Fin and Jake’s doors closed, he shuffled quietly down the hallway and tossed his bag on the bed. In the bathroom, he peeled off his army fatigues and stood under a hot shower.

  Resting both hands against the cool tiles, he bent his head, letting the steaming water pound over his neck and back.

  He’d had a shitload of rage to work out of his system. The training exercise couldn’t have come along at a better time. Ryan always, always, had control of his emotions, except when it came to Fin.

  Every day he trained—how to crash a car properly, using explosives, climbing, roping, diving, parachuting, tracking. He could speak three different languages. He was taught how to save lives and taught how to kill at the same time. He could take a man out, quickly and silently, with his bare hands. He learned how to lock his emotions down, but when it came to Fin, none of it mattered. Seeing Ian get violent towards her had him losing control in a split-second.

  Dead on his feet, he switched the shower off and stepped out, towelling himself dry half-heartedly. Tugging on a pair of sweatpants, he wandered into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and reached for a beer.

  “You’re back.”

  Ryan tried to smile but his heart wasn’t in it. Over his shoulder he offered a beer to Jake. “Yep.”

  Jake took it and he grabbed another. Twisting the top off, he took a deep swallow as he shut the fridge door.

  “Fin’s gone.”

  He drew the beer away from his mouth. “What?” His voice was sharp. “Gone where?”

  Jake moved to the couch and sat down. “Ian’s.”

  “Motherfucker,” he breathed. “Christ, Tanner. He threw a goddamn glass at her.”

  “She says he didn’t—that he threw it at the cupboard.”

  Ryan sat down in the armchair opposite and hung his head in his hand. “It was close enough. It could’ve hit her. He’s a goddamn cunt for treating her the way he does.”

  “Agreed.”

  They sat quietly for a long moment until Jake’s voice cut through the silence. “How long have you been in love with my sister?”

  Ryan’s head whipped up sharply, suddenly breathless. Jake’s elbows rested on his knees as he looked at Ryan with steady, green eyes.

  He swallowed. “Since as long as I can remember,” he admitted.

  Jake nodded and set his empty bottle on the table. Ryan tilted his head as Jake stood up.

  “Maybe one day you’ll pull your finger out,” he said and walked quietly back to his room.

  “Fuck,” Ryan muttered.

  He must have sat there for hours, his stomach twisted in knots. When the sound of a key came at the front door, the early light of dawn was just starting to break over the sky.

  Ryan stirred, his eyes burning dully as Crookshanks leaped off his lap and trotted down the hallway.

  Fin came through the door, dishevelled and utterly delectable. With the cat winding around her feet, she stumbled, scowling as she banged her knuckles into the side table.

  Ryan bit his lip at the clumsy and endearing behaviour. He watched as she fumbled her way towards the bathroom and shut the door with a soft click. The shower ran for a solid half hour, and he closed his eyes, imagining every naked inch of her, warm and wet, as she stood beneath the pounding water.

  When she came out belting her cotton robe, thick clouds of steam trailed behind her.

  He cleared his throat and she looked towards the living room, her eyes wide.

  “Ryan. You’re home.”

  He liked how that sounded. Home.

  “So are you,” he replied as she walked towards him.

  Fin brushed her fingers through her damp hair. �
��I uh … went to talk to Ian.”

  “Until five in the morning?”

  “I don’t have to explain myself to you,” she ground out, her hands falling to her sides.

  “Maybe you don’t, but I don’t get it. He was violent towards you.”

  She huffed, her exasperation clear. “He wasn’t. We had an argument. You punched him.”

  Ryan nodded, drawing in a deep breath of satisfaction. “I did, and I won’t apologise. Not for that, because I’d do it again.”

  She stood in front of the armchair Jake vacated earlier that evening and sank into it. “We’re just going around in circles,” she muttered wearily.

  He looked at her, drowning in the desolate green depths of her eyes. “I want you, Fin,” he finally admitted. “So damn much I can’t sleep from it. I lie in bed at night and I dream of my lips on yours, my mouth tasting every inch you. I want to fuck you until I go blind from it and even then I don’t think it would ever be enough.”

  Fin scrambled out of the chair she’d just sat down in.

  “I’m sorry,” he added hoarsely. “I want to say I’m trying not to want you, and I did. I tried, but I don’t know if I can any longer.”

  “Stop,” she said shakily.

  Anxiety rolled off her in waves. He stood up and walked towards her. She held out a hand as though to ward him off. “Ian and I … we worked things out.”

  Ryan blocked out her words. Instead, he grabbed hold of her hands and yanked her towards him. The sweet smell of her surrounded him until he couldn’t breathe from it.

  Leaning in, he whispered in her ear, “Don’t tell me. Please.”

  Ryan grew hard thinking of her in the shower, but having her close like this had him throbbing painfully. With his teeth, he tugged on her earlobe and felt the moan deep in her chest. Grabbing her hips, he pulled her flush against his body, needing her to feel just how much he wanted her.

  He licked a path along her neck, letting his tongue swirl maddeningly over her skin. God, she tasted better than he even dreamed she would.

  “Ryan,” she moaned, and the sound of his name on her lips set him on fire. “Stop.”

  He wound his arms around her body, his hands gripping her ass before her words registered and he froze.

  “We can’t do this. Ian’s going to wait for me, Ryan.”

  Ryan closed his eyes and buried his head in her neck. Her arms came around him, holding him close. He blinked away the tears that burned his eyes, not wanting her to see them.

  Taking a deep breath, he drew back and her arms fell away. Reaching up, he wiped at the tears spilling down her cheeks. “Don’t cry, baby. I’m sorry.”

  She pressed her lips together.

  “Smile, okay? You’ll be gone in a little over a week and you can do that moving on thing,” he whispered thickly.

  Fin nodded through her tears and his heart ached.

  “Now smile. For me,” he ordered.

  Her lips curved upwards but sadness lingered in her eyes. He tickled her ribs, digging his fingers in until he forced a laugh out of her.

  “That’s better,” he murmured and cupped her face with his palm. “I’d give almost anything to wake up to that every morning.”

  He hated the words that came out of his mouth. It hurt like a bitch knowing her beautiful smile belonged to another man.

  “Almost anything.” She backed up a step. “That’s always been our problem, hasn’t it?”

  Five days had passed since that morning with Ryan. They were long ones because every time Fin closed her eyes, he was sitting on her couch, his dark eyes searing and intense, and he was telling her how much he wanted her. God. He didn’t need to tell her. When she’d been yanked against that rock hard chest, she could feel it.

  Time with Ian had been spent at his place until emotions cooled down. She had good reason to believe his reception at the cottage wouldn’t be a welcoming one right now. With her farewell party being held in two days, she was thinking it was going to be spent with Ian on one side of the room and her family on the other.

  With a sigh, she kicked off her work shoes in the direction of her wardrobe and reached for her phone when it rang.

  She unzipped her skirt, answering the call as she wriggled out of it.

  “Fin, God. Please don’t hate me,” Rachael moaned in her ear. “I already hate myself.”

  Fin laughed. “Are you having a hate party and forgot to invite me? Hang on.” She set the phone down, and after peeling off her top, picked it back up again. “Sorry. Getting changed. I swear I’m not running late. We have ages until the movie starts.”

  A loud sigh came through the phone. “I can’t make it.”

  “Oh.” Disappointment welled up in her chest. “Well. You suck. Just for the record.”

  “So noted. Sorry, Fin. End of month is killing me. Who ever thought being an accountant was a stellar career choice? I should have been a smarty-pants scientist like you.”

  Fin sat on the edge of the bed and flopped onto her back, her hair fanning out behind her. “You’re just jealous because you think all the geeky guys I work with are hot.”

  “I do. Smart guys are hot—except for accountants. Why can’t I find a hot guy where I work? I have no eye candy here. If they hired hotter guys, then maybe I’d find the motivation to come into work every day.”

  Fin laughed. “Okay, so that’s your bad news out of the way. Do I get any good news?”

  “Only that I’ve got you the best going away present that ever lived. You can thank me properly at your party on Saturday night.”

  “I’m gonna miss you, Rach.”

  “Rubbish. You have Ian to miss. And Ryan. And you’ll be surrounded by hot Antarctic men who ride snowmobiles and peel off their thick parka’s to reveal tanned chiselled abs just for your benefit.”

  Fin laughed again. “Are you ovulating?”

  “How can you tell? Now scoot. Go take that hot brother of yours and his even hotter best friend to the movies with you instead.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good. I’ll email you tomorrow.”

  “Rach, no! Stop forwarding me those dirty emails. I can’t open those things at work.”

  “Can’t hear you, Fin. Bye!”

  The call disconnected before she could reply, and she tossed the phone beside her with a sigh. Pushing up off the bed, she walked towards her wardrobe. Catching movement from the corner of her eye, she turned her head and jolted. Ryan was leaning casually against the doorframe, his arms folded. Licking his lips, he stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.

  “Ryan. You scared me.” She reached for the top she’d tossed on her corner chair a few minutes ago and gave him her back.

  Fin felt him come up behind her and she shivered. He reached around, grabbed the shirt from her hands and tossed it on the floor. Suddenly breathless, she looked at it, then at his hands where they came to rest on her stomach.

  He was an asshole for doing this to her, but her door was ajar. When Ryan heard her voice and saw her lying on her bed in nothing but lacy pink underwear, he couldn’t stop himself. How did she manage to look so innocent and so sexy all at the same time?

  His lids lowered as he looked down over her shoulder, watching his hands as they skimmed up the smooth, taut skin of her belly to cup her breasts firmly.

  Her body trembled as he rubbed his thumbs across her nipples. He felt them harden beneath the flimsy lace of her bra.

  “Fin,” he breathed, running one hand down along the inner edges of her tanned thigh. Fuck. Her legs were smooth and warm, and he wanted them wrapped around him as he sank himself deep inside her.

  Burying his head in her neck, Ryan shifted his hand to cup the pretty lace panties between her thighs and took a deep, shuddering breath. God, he shook with the need to taste her.

  “Ryan,” she moaned.

  With his other hand, he fisted the soft strands of her hair and yanked her head back, exposing the line of her throat, and he fell on it—su
cking and biting the sweet skin until he was unbearably hard.

  A tap came at the bedroom door and they both froze. “Fin? Are you heading out soon or eating here first?” Jake called out.

  “I-I’ll be right out,” she stammered and took a step forward out of Ryan’s arms. She turned around, meeting his eyes.

  “Okay,” Jake called back.

  Ryan’s blood pulsed so hard it was a roar in his ears as they stared at each other wordlessly. After a beat of silence, she tore her eyes away and opened the wardrobe door.

  “Are you happy now?” she hissed as she grabbed a pair of jeans from the shelves.

  His eyes on her ass, he muttered, “What?”

  She threw the jeans at him and he caught them when they hit him square in the chest. “This. Us. Yes, okay? I want you. Is that what you want to hear? That I dream of you too?” she choked out. “Your hands on me, inside of me, and I ache too.”

  Ryan took a step towards her.

  “Don’t.” She snatched the jeans out of his hands and tugged them on.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

  Fin turned, rummaging for a top. She pulled one off a hanger and tugged it on furiously. “You’re sorry. I’m sorry. Everybody’s sorry. Well it’s just one sad, fucking sorry situation, isn’t it?”

  Christ, Fin was a fiery inferno when she was mad, and it had his dick swelling even harder. “Fin, I—”

  “Enough!” She jabbed a finger in his chest. “There’s hurt in there. I know it. You know it, but you’re not going to move on from it until you let that shit out. Whatever you’re doing now isn’t working. Own it, Ryan. Stop letting it own you.” With that she brushed passed him and opened the bedroom door. She looked at him over her shoulder before stalking away.

  “Sizzler?” Fin moaned as Jake pulled into the restaurant car park an hour later.

  Pulling the key out of the ignition, he turned in his seat and grinned at her. “That’s what you get for a last minute date with the two of us, right, Kendall?”

  Ryan chuckled from the front passenger seat. “Right.”

  Fin eyed the two of them flatly and reached for the door handle. She sighed as she opened the car door. “Let’s get this over with.”