The Story of Us

by Barbara Elsborg

  Caspian nodded.

  “Fuck you,” Zed snapped. “How the fuck do you think that would make me feel, supplying the method for you to off yourself? Tell me you’ve not taken any.”

  “I’ve not taken any.”

  “Is that the truth?”

  “Yes.”

  “Thank, Christ.” Zed picked them all up and put them in a pile in the corner. “They need destroying. I don’t want dead squirrels on my conscience either.” He lay down next to Caspian so that their faces were inches apart.

  You are so beautiful. Your eyes… If they were the last things I saw…

  “Whatever you’re on the edge of, fall on my side,” Zed whispered.

  “I’m not good enough for you.”

  Zed took Caspian’s chin in his hand and stroked his mouth with his thumb. “That is not true. You have a choice now and it’s a simple one. You continue to live the old miserable life, or you write yourself a new happy one. One with me. And I’ll write it with you.”

  “I… I do want a life with you. I just don’t know—”

  Zed pressed Caspian’s lips together. “Jonas and Henry have gone. Jonas brought me a present.”

  He put his hand in his pocket and produced a strip of condoms and several sachets of lube.

  “Or I can just hold you,” Zed said.

  “Hold me.” Don’t let me fall.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Zed wrapped his arms around Caspian and held him tight. He was struggling to stay afloat in a mountainous sea of emotions. He wondered if Caspian could feel how hard his heart was hammering. I want to help you, but I don’t know how. Fuck, if he’d not come… If he’d arrived too late… He clutched Caspian even tighter.

  He’d driven over, parked out of sight of the house and gone straight to the woods. Zed wasn’t sure if he’d just thought things were going well between them before Henry and Jonas had arrived, or whether he’d been mistaken. Caspian had taken those tablets earlier in the day so had this darkness been waiting for the chance to smother the light? Zed wasn’t going to let it. All that really mattered in Zed’s world was Caspian and he wasn’t going to allow anyone or anything to hurt him again. Somehow.

  So Zed couldn’t go to sleep. That silent sentinel of pills still sat in the corner and while part of him wished he had tossed them out of the tree house, they were also a reminder of how close they’d been to disaster.

  “What made you come out here?” Zed whispered.

  “Elise is pregnant.”

  “Wow, you work fast.”

  At least Caspian laughed. “Lachlan’s wife.”

  “Are they going to ask you to be a godfather?”

  “I doubt it.”

  “They fucking should. No one has done more for Lachlan than you.”

  “A godless godfather? It’s not going to happen.” Caspian sighed. “Lachlan stood up for me tonight. Told me he’d support one of my inventions, that I could live with him and his wife. He apologised for what he’d done. He’s said sorry before but this time… This time I felt he really understood the consequences of what he’d done. He’s doing pro bono work for underprivileged kids and working for an LGBTQ charity.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Yeah. He offered to go to the police. I said no. The not insignificant fact that his wife is a lawyer and knows the truth means her career would be in jeopardy too. Lachlan didn’t ask me to forgive him but I’m thinking I should.”

  “Really?”

  “He wasn’t much older than me when the accident happened. I think he’s come to see that our father was wrong to let him get it away with it. He’s not the good child anymore.”

  Zed huffed.

  “He didn’t take the job Father wanted him to. He’s not quite the black sheep I am but he’s definitely dirty grey. There’s hope I think that one day I might not want to throttle him.”

  “Except I still do.”

  Zed dragged his fingers through Caspian’s hair.

  “I probably shouldn’t spend the night up here,” Caspian said.

  “You’re still technically at Barton House. It’s only stretching your licence requirements.” No way was Zed letting him go back to the house alone. What if he had more pills?

  “Can you give me your supervising officer’s number? Henry wants to call him.” Zed held his breath and only exhaled when Caspian pulled his phone out of his pocket.

  Zed let him go and took out his own phone. Once he’d texted Glenn Woodrow’s number to Henry, he held Caspian again.

  “Tell me about some of the things you invented while you were inside. What did you ask your father to back that he said no to?”

  “They’re not inventions, are they? Mostly it’s just using things already invented for another purpose.”

  “That counts as inventing something. Tell me about them.”

  Zed listened as Caspian described a system to find missing children via a wrist band connected to the parent’s phone. A flotation device inside the wristband that automatically inflated if you went below a certain depth or inflated if you pushed a button or for kids who couldn’t swim that inflated if they hit water. Using satellites to follow pirates. 3D printed supports for damaged limbs. Tattoo ink that faded after a year. A water treadmill that doubled up as a hot tub and generated electricity. A water-saving gadget to put on a tap.

  Caspian went on and on. The only problem was that Zed couldn’t hear any enthusiasm in his voice. Not all of the ideas were good ones or original, but some maybe were.

  “Now you talk to me,” Caspian said. “Tell me about your band. Need someone to play the triangle?”

  Zed’s smile went all the way to his heart and calmed it.

  “Can you play the triangle? It’s not easy.”

  “Cymbals then. I like the idea of making a loud noise at an inappropriate time.”

  Zed kissed his forehead. “That sounds more like you. Well, the band is called Electric Ice. It’s been through a number of names but that one stuck. There are four of us. Jonesie, he’s a plumber, plays drums. Akash has just graduated, he’s on bass. Fin did music at uni and graduated three years ago. It’s his band. He and I play guitar and sing.”

  “You can sing?”

  “Turns out I can.”

  “You still play the cello and piano?”

  “Yes. I learnt the violin too. Sometimes I play a different instrument in the band instead of the guitar. Jonas and Henry bought me an electric cello for my birthday.”

  “Who does the band sound like?”

  “Fin would say we have our own distinct sound and I suppose we do. I know every band wants to think that, but I guess we’re a mix of The Killers, Wolf Alice, Radiohead, a bit of Coldplay. That type of thing. Melodic pop-rock with occasional sixties sounds. Strong hooks, strong beat. Great lyrics.”

  Caspian started to quietly sing and Zed froze in shock. Thank you for loving me. The song Zed had put on the MP3 player. Even flat on his back with his face pressed to Zed’s shoulder, Caspian’s voice gave him chills—of a good sort. His supple croons were superb, his voice so full of emotion that Zed temporarily forgot to breathe.

  Then Zed joined in, singing in harmony and Caspian smiled.

  “Shit,” Zed said when they’d done.

  “I should stick to the cymbals, yeah? I think a big clash at the end would work perfectly.”

  He snuggled deeper against Zed and a moment or two later seemed to have fallen asleep. Zed’s mind was racing. Just as well because there was no way he was going to sleep. He had to keep Caspian safe, but it wasn’t just that. Maybe Caspian could join the band, be lead singer. Fin would not like that, but Caspian had a better voice than either of them. Who’d have thought…

  Zed jerked awake. What the hell? It was morning. Caspian wasn’t there, but the pills were. Thank fuck for that. He sat up, winced at the pain in his back, and pulled out his phone. Eight thirty. A text from Jonas and one from Caspian. Caspian’s read Gone to get breakfast. Back in twenty. He
’d sent it fifteen minutes earlier. Zed sighed in relief. Jonas’s had been sent last night and was to let him know he and Henry were back in Greenwich and would be trying to find a way to help Caspian.

  Today, he was not leaving Caspian’s side. They’d walk back to the house and do the rest of the sorting out. Maybe by the end of the day, there’d be a call with good news, though it was a Sunday. Could anything be sorted out on a Sunday? But Zed wasn’t driving back to London tomorrow without Caspian. There had to be a way to fix this.

  “Are you decent?” Caspian called.

  “Let me just finish wanking. Right. Done.”

  “Damn, that was bad timing.” Caspian’s head appeared in the hatchway. “Here, take this.”

  He handed Zed a bag, then climbed inside, dropping the hatch down behind him.

  “Coffee in the flask. Croissants in the foil. Best I could do.”

  You look better. Happier.

  Zed poured the coffee into two mugs.

  “Almond or chocolate croissant?” Caspian asked.

  “Half each?”

  “Okay.”

  Zed had a mouthful of croissant when Caspian’s phone rang.

  “Glenn. My SO.” Caspian let out a shaky breath.

  “Put it on speaker.”

  “Okay. Hi, Glenn.”

  “Morning. Are you all right?”

  “Why?”

  If Caspian’s father had called to tell this guy he hadn’t spent the night in the house, Zed was going to find a way to destroy his father’s reputation.

  “I heard you had some trouble in Upper Barton.”

  Zed and Caspian exchanged glances.

  “Did I not tell you to get in touch with me if there was any trouble? What happened?”

  “I live in a small village. Everyone knows someone who knew those girls. They don’t want me here. I understand that. I think they called the press. Someone took a picture.”

  “And you had water thrown at you.”

  “A guy spat in my drink the day before. No one will serve me in any of the shops.”

  Glenn tsked. “There’s an offer to let you stay in a house in Greenwich. Someone with good connections. I’m okay with it, but I’ll have to visit to approve the accommodation. Won’t be for another few weeks. I googled the address. Nice house. Once I’ve signed off, I’ll pass you over to someone in that area, but you can move address in the meantime. And you can take the holiday in Cornwall.”

  Caspian gasped. “Thank you.”

  Had Henry done that?

  “I’ll give you a call in a week or so and arrange a meeting.”

  “Okay.”

  “Bye.”

  Caspian gaped at Zed, opened his mouth, then covered his face with his hands. Zed pulled him into his arms.

  One thing Caspian didn’t let himself do if he could help it, was cry. When he’d begun to lose faith in human nature, the kindness of Jonas and Henry had restored it. He knew they were doing it for Zed but that didn’t matter. All Caspian wanted was Zed’s happiness anyway.

  “We’re going to go to your house and pack up all your things,” Zed said. “I brought the car over last night so we’ll go and get that first. We can’t leave until I’ve been to the bank on Monday and got rid of the furniture, but I don’t think your SO will mind about one night. No one’s going to tell him. Finish your croissant.”

  Once Caspian had brought himself back under control, he felt different. Stronger. Lighter.

  Zed slipped the tablets into his pocket. “I’ll put them back with the others. We can take them into a pharmacy in Ashford tomorrow.”

  Caspian put the mugs and flask into the bag and followed Zed down the ladder. He paused at the bottom and whispered, “Thank you, little house.”

  “Are you going to speak to your parents before we start packing up your stuff?” Zed asked.

  “I suppose I’d better.”

  He could hear them in the dining room when he and Zed went into the house. Zed squeezed his fingers, then let go.

  “Go get ‘em, Tiger.”

  “Except I’m a flamingo, remember?”

  “Then do it in style. But don’t stand on one leg, you might fall over.”

  Caspian walked into the room smiling. Zed was right behind him. Everyone but Betsy was in there.

  “I’ve just come to tell you I’m leaving,” Caspian said. “I have my supervising officer’s permission to move out. Is it okay if I take a suitcase?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Good.”

  He walked out and went to the kitchen. Betsy was sitting at the table drinking a cup of tea.

  “I’ve come to say goodbye,” Caspian told her. “I’m going to live with Zed in London.”

  She stood and threw her arms around him. Caspian found he didn’t want to pull away.

  “The press came here yesterday,” she said. “Your father sent them packing but they’re not going to leave you alone. You’re right to leave.”

  Caspian nodded. “Do you have some plastic bags I can use to pack up my stuff?”

  “’Course I do.” She handed him several. “Good luck, Caspian.”

  It didn’t take him and Zed long to remove everything he wanted. The clothes his mother had bought him, his telescope, guitar, his notebooks, his little collections of all sorts of bits and pieces. Charlie Bear. The marble.

  As they came down to the hall with the final load, his parents and sisters were waiting.

  “Will you let me know you’re all right?” his mother asked.

  When Caspian didn’t say anything, Zed spoke. “Yes, he will.”

  Caspian left before any of them could hug him.

  Back at Zed’s father’s place, they unloaded the car and put Caspian’s things in a corner of the hall.

  “Want to finish off the rooms and then it’s all done?” Zed asked.

  “Sure.”

  It took them a few hours to go through the shed, the garage, the utility room, kitchen, study and lounge. They stuck Post-it notes on every item of furniture and bag that was to be taken away. The garden equipment was left for the new owners.

  “Would you mind if I took a few of your father’s tools?” Caspian asked.

  “Course not.”

  Caspian slipped them into a cardboard box. Drill, hammer, screwdriver, bits and pieces.

  When Zed opened the fridge to look for something to eat, he laughed. “Jonas doesn’t want us to starve.”

  Caspian looked over his shoulder. “You should call and thank him.”

  “Yep. I’ll go on Skype and you can thank him too.”

  Jonas answered immediately. “Hi.”

  “Thanks for the food,” Zed said.

  “Thanks for the lube and condoms,” Caspian added.

  “Shit. The neighbours are round for coffee and listening to this.”

  Caspian winced.

  “No, they’re not,” Zed said. “Jonas wouldn’t say shit in front of the neighbours.”

  Jonas chuckled.

  “Thank you for everything,” Caspian said. “I should warn you I’m not housetrained.”

  “We’ll leave that to Zed. He’ll whip you into shape.” There was a short intake of breath. “If you’re into that. Perfectly fine if you are. Zed, did we have that conversation about boundaries and consent?”

  “I already wash my own sheets.”

  Jonas groaned and Caspian felt his cheeks heat.

  “We’ll be home early evening on Monday, I guess,” Zed said. “See you then.”

  “See you then.”

  Zed put his phone in his pocket and pulled food out of the fridge. “Picnic?”

  “Sounds good. Oh look, there’s strawberries, meringue and squirty cream.” Caspian gave a long moan.

  “The salad first. You want beer or white wine? It’s Prosecco.”

  “Prosecco.”

  Caspian had a plan and a very interested cock. All the ingredients had been provided. Then the buzzer went at the front gate and he wondered if his afternoon was
going to be wrecked. Zed went to open the front door with Caspian at his back.

  “Your father,” Zed said.

  “Let him in.”

  Zed pressed the fob and the gates opened.

  “Stay in the house and I’ll talk to him.” Caspian walked outside, his boner gone.

  His father got out of the car and headed towards him.

  “Did I forget something?” Caspian asked.

  “No. I did. Your mother pointed out to me that I’d been rather unfair. I’d promised to help you when you came out of the Young Offender Institution and that’s what I want to do. Stay here. I’ll set up one of the outbuildings as a workshop and provide you with a hundred thousand pounds to develop one of your ideas.”

  Shit. That was a lot. “Which one?” Caspian wouldn’t take his father’s money, but he was interested to hear which idea he preferred.

  “I don’t care. Whatever you like.”

  And that said everything. “The instant ice-maker? The razor phone? Hair in a can?”

  “Whatever you want to go with.”

  “Goodbye.” Caspian turned and his father caught hold of his shoulder and spun him around.

  “I’m offering you what you wanted. Don’t be stupid enough to turn this chance down.”

  “I don’t want your money.” I want something from you that I’m never going to get. An acknowledgment that what you did was wrong. That you’re sorry.

  “A hundred thousand pounds and you don’t want it?”

  “No thank you.”

  His father laughed. “That just goes to prove what a dumb little shit you are. I only came over here because your mother pleaded with me. You’re never going to amount to anything. I’m glad you’re out of my hair. Your mother also asked me to give you these. Ten tickets for her ball.” He held them out. “Don’t come.”

  Caspian took them. “July the fifteenth. I think my cellmate should be out by then. We’d love to come. Thanks.”

  He walked back into the house smiling and heard his father spluttering behind him. Caspian closed the door.

  “A razor phone? Hair in a can?” Zed laughed.

  “And what’s wrong with those?” Caspian looked as indignant as he could.

  Zed rolled his eyes.

  “Yeah, well, he didn’t listen. The offer’s come too late. Far too late.” Caspian cracked open the door. “Close the gate. Pity he’s got his car all the way through. I’d have loved to scratch his paintwork.”