Becoming Valkyrie

by Brandy L. Cunningham

  Lifting my eyes to his mixed irises, I willed the anger I felt to flash in my own eyes. “I have had enough of you two telling me who I was, how I acted, or who I loved. Get used to it, I am not the Valkyrie you guys knew, and I’m damned well not in love with either one of you! You both need to harness your feelings, and put the past behind you. I am not going to be coerced into thinking I have feelings for someone I don’t. Besides, you are both really, really old. Let’s move on, please.”

  Desmond’s, right eye twitched, a certain sign he was unhappy with my little speech. I didn’t care. I said what I needed to.

  “It’s a little hard to forget someone you have waited four hundred years for, Valkyrie. Shall I simply forget the love I feel for you?”

  I sighed. Bowing my head, I shook it no. “I’m not telling you to forget your feelings, I’m just asking you to stop pushing them on me.”

  When I lifted my eyes, they found Aeron’s penetrating gaze, and held it. His pupils contracted and expanded, and the corner of his lips twitched. I had the overwhelming feeling he agreed with what I said. What he chose to do about it, however, was the bigger question.

  I chose to change the subject, tempering my anger, and redirecting their aggression. “What I don’t understand is what this pendant represents.”

  Turning toward Desmond, I said, “You gave it to Valkyrian, and he gave it to me when I…before I burned on Halloween.”

  Desmond resumed his seat. “The necklace was given to me by my master. He was the one who saw your death. He told me I would never be able to save you, so I wasn’t sure why he gave this to me at the time, but later, I understood. He had seen in his foresight that I would steal the spell of resurrection, but he also knew I would not be strong enough to do the spell correctly.

  I am not fully aware of what that necklace does, but the one who made it, my old master, he knows the answers to many of your questions. That is why I told you to seek The Fiddler, not Nyte.”

  I felt Aeron’s temper rising again. Apparently, Desmond was not quite done. “You just couldn’t help yourself could you, Aeron? You couldn’t turn down the chance to sink your filthy paws into her again, could you?”

  Aeron controlled himself. Turning his icy gaze toward Desmond, he smiled maliciously. “I didn’t even know she had been reborn. It was completely by chance that she was brought here to me in a moment of weakness. She had passed out, weakened by a lack of sustenance. It appears her Vampire side took a little longer to appear.”

  Desmond stared contemptuously at Aeron. Fearing another fight, I stood. “Stop. Both of you, now! I understand a lot happened in the past, but that was over four hundred years ago. I am not the same woman you both remember from that era. I was reborn as a woman with the same name perhaps, but I am an eighteen-year-old who has only just watched her town burn and awoken to find that the world is much different than she thought.

  Now I learn that not only was Desmond my lover in that past life, but Aeron was my fiancé. This is a lot to take in, and I wish both of you could try to remember that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I would like some time alone.” Again, I could feel my own temper rising, and if I wanted to keep the fire controlled, I needed some space.

  Aeron stepped into my path. “You need to replenish your strength. Your body is still going through the transition and you will become weak again.”

  I looked up at Aeron, into his beautiful eyes and his strong face. I realized I had gained a new understanding and even sympathy for the man. Glancing at Desmond, I no longer felt angry with him. Sadness penetrated the anger, and I felt the sympathetic side of myself returning. What it must be like to love a woman so much that you would go to such lengths to save her, to bring her back, only to find she was not the same, I could not imagine. I smiled softly.

  “Aeron, I know what you are saying. I also have a pretty good idea what is in that goblet, and I am so not drinking that.”

  Aeron’s jaw ticked. “Valkyrie, you are a Vampire, whether you like it or not. You were then, and you are now. You cannot change that. If you do not drink it, you will grow weak again. Your body is undergoing many changes, it needs strength.”

  I knew he was concerned for me, and I appreciated it, but I refused to drink blood. I changed the subject. “There was a bag with me when you found me. Did that burn as well?”

  Aeron shook his head. “No, it is beneath your bed. I wasn’t sure what was in it, and I thought you might want it, so I placed it there for safekeeping.”

  I smiled in gratitude. “Thank you.”

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  12

  Moonlight Silhouette

  Many hours passed as I stared at the small velvet bag in my hands. I wanted to remember, but a voice inside of me told me I was not ready. The indecision ate at me. I wanted to know what Desmond had been like four hundred years earlier, and I wanted to know the old Aeron. Sighing, I tossed the bag down on my bed and walked toward the window. The full moon shone down on me with a bright luminescence that revitalized me.

  Someday, I would use the tonic Evangeline had given me, and I would allow myself to become submerged in the dark memories of my ancient past. That time was not now. At that moment, I needed time to adjust to being whatever it was that I had become. Already too many memories and too much information had been thrown my way, and I could not handle it all at once.

  Lying down, I willed myself to quiet. Even if I could not sleep, perhaps I could find comfort and solace in the act of resting. Closing my eyes, I welcomed the darkness that simple act presented to me. I took deep breaths to calm myself, and allow oblivion to wash over me, cleansing my mind of all thoughts and emotions.

  Late into the night, something roused me. Like the softest caress, it touched my mind. Sitting up, I looked around my darkened room. There was nothing there to stir me from my meditative state. Walking to the window, I caught sight of a faint sliver of moonlight where the drapes were not fully closed. Parting them slightly, I peered into the darkness that permeated everything outside. The moon hung low and bright in the deep hue of the sky. I inhaled deeply as I studied it. The sight of that mysteriously bright orb seemed to infiltrate my very soul.

  As I studied the craters and shadows I could see on the luminescent surface, my eyes caught movement at the edge of the darkness. Shifting my gaze toward that area, I sought the cause of the movement. Far out in the darkness, I caught sight of golden skin as the person there moved gracefully. I narrowed my eyes, my vision seemed to sharpen, and I was better able to make out the form of the man. His body was rigid, and his muscles flexed as he went through a series of what appeared to be martial arts movements.

  I was captivated by the sight of his powerful body and graceful moves. He shifted fluidly from one stance to the next, rotating his strong poised body with extreme precision. He was magnetic, sensual and powerful. I felt my breathing become shallow, and my pulse seemed to quicken as emotions played out in my body. I was uncomfortable with the sensations that occurred within my body at the sight of him. I had no experience with sex, with feelings of lust and desire, yet I was suddenly flooded with them and it confused me.

  The man in the darkness shifted, and suddenly, I was caught by the intense multi-hued hazel eyes of a man I was beginning to feel connected to. Aeron. He held my gaze for a long moment. His golden blond hair was disheveled, falling across his face and obscuring part of his expression. My breathing hitched from the array of emotions reflected in those enticing eyes of his. When the feelings began overwhelming me, I moved behind the curtain, allowing it to fall back across the window.

  Catching my breath was difficult at that moment. My young body was filled with lust, and intense feelings of desire I didn’t know how to react to. Warmth spread through my groins, and I felt sensations in my breasts which, honestly freaked me out. How did just looking at Aeron cause so many illicit reactions in me that I hadn’t asked for? I had gone through puberty long ago, so why did I suddenly feel thrown right back into that awkw
ard teenage state? Running my hands over my face, I took deep breaths, trying to calm the fire within me which had nothing to do with the flames I could call upon.

  Hearing a knock at my door, I froze in trepidation. Could he have made the walk to my room in such a minuscule time? Surely it was impossible. Shaking my head, I took a deep breath to quiet my nerves. I was coming to the reality that very few things in life were actually impossible lately. Approaching the door, I cracked it open. The cognac-brown eyes that stared back at me from the opposite side were not Aeron’s.

  Desmond grinned. “Hey, beautiful. I thought maybe we could talk a little, you know, without Aeron breathing down our throats.”

  I chewed my lip in indecision. Part of me wanted to know more about Desmond, about the romance that had blossomed between him and me so many years ago. There was another part of me, however, which screamed warning bells and begged me not to trust the words of this sensually attractive man. In the end, I gave into my basic desires and allowed him entry to my room.

  Desmond sauntered into the room with all the charm of a southern gentry. I closed the door, still somewhat unsure how to act around this man with whom I shared a past I could not recall. He studied my room, before turning to face me.

  “Relax, Valkyrie. I only came to talk with you. I realized that you were right. The way I acted at the club was wrong. It was wrong for me to presume we would still be so connected after all of these long centuries.” There was a sad quality to his golden-brown eyes.

  I tried to ease my unsteady nerves. With the hint of desire still lingering on my mind, I was willing to be distracted. Nodding, I sat in one of the chairs near the window and studied him as he took the other.

  “Losing you all those years ago, it tore me apart. There are times I realize it was rash, what I did, stealing that spell and cursing you with everlasting life. There were so many unknown variables with that spell, and I am honestly sorry.”

  I shrugged. I could see his side of things, even if I was inexperienced and naïve. “Desmond, this is all very difficult for me, not being able to know who I really am, and having my eyes opened to a world full of danger. I can see that you cared for her, err, that you care for me. I can’t tell you what will happen to us, but I’m sorry you’ve waited so long for a woman to return to you, not knowing what you would find if she did come back.”

  I felt restless. I stood, moving once again to stand beside the curtains of the window. Through the crack, I could still make out the bronzed skin of Aeron. My heart and my body felt torn between these two men when all I wanted was to be free of the attraction I felt for either one of them. Desmond watched me.

  “Do you honestly not remember how it was to be with me, to spend your summer days laughing with me and loving me?”

  I shook my head. “Desmond, I hardly even know who I am. I have only the snippets of memories given to me by the Tree of Ashes. I can’t remember what happened between us four hundred years ago.”

  Desmond walked toward the door. He paused, seeming to change his mind. Walking briskly back to where I stood, he sighed as he studied my face. “You remember nothing then? Nothing that happened between us.”

  He stared into my eyes, and I had the feeling he was assessing me for truth. I stared back at him, trying to catch a glimpse of violet, but saw none. I let out a slow breath. “I know we were lovers, I’ve had glimpses of those memories, but no others.”

  Desmond released a breath. It was odd, I felt almost as though he was relieved that I could remember very little about our past life together. After he left my room, I spent several minutes watching the graceful form of Aeron until he disappeared farther into the darkened night. With my mind swirling with thoughts about the two men and who I might have been in an era long past, I drifted back to the bed to wallow in my lost memories.

  ͼ ͼ ͼ ͼ

  Watching her as her face peered around the drapes, I felt again the surge of hope that tried to flare to life within me. This was futile. I had seen the way she looked at him, the way they looked at each other. There was desire there, sexual attraction. I knew Wolfe wanted her back, wanted her for his own again. It was his entire reason for breaking the rules so long ago, and muttering the words of an ancient spell that was taboo. Shaking my head, I tried to clear her from my mind.

  I had come to the woods to relax, to let the stress of being there with her sitting so close to me go. I needed the physical exertion. I was angry, I was sexually frustrated, and I was lusting for blood. Not just any blood, but his. Oh yes, Wolfe and I had a history, and it was wrapped up with her. The unattainable woman that my heart still desired. The one thing I could not seem to move on from. It appeared that Wolfe and I shared that common trait.

  I believed it was that trait that would be our downfall. I had killed him because of her once, and there was little doubt within me I would do it again. She was my death and my salvation all rolled into one delicious package. She was young, too young. Vampires may not look at women the same way humans did, but in my mind, I realized she still thought and acted like an eighteen-year old on the brink of womanhood. When I had fallen in love with her so many decades ago, she had been worldly, she had been past her youth, and well aware of her age. Even then, I had felt I was too old for her, but then, I was too old for almost anyone.

  Now, she was back in my life, here to haunt me and plague my dreams once again. Seeing Wolfe appraise her body the way he did, it made me want to rip his throat out all over again. I suppose I should be grateful. If he was seducing her with his charming ways, she would steer clear of me, and I could move on with my life. Unfortunately, all I felt was rage. The animal in me rattled its cage, desperate to find release. I was not as well-disciplined as I once was. They say time teaches you patience, but sometimes, I feel like it has lessened mine.

  Seeing her in the graveyard brought back too many memories, too many feelings I had thought buried away. I still wanted her. There was little use denying it. I wanted her with a hunger I didn’t think would ever be satiated. I lived and breathed with desire for her. More than that, watching her tonight, hearing her talk, and getting to know a little piece of her, I found myself enthralled yet again. With every look, every word, she reeled me in.

  Going still, I glanced again at the dark curtain I knew belonged to her room. Rage, it rose up within me again. I didn’t care. Perhaps I should feel gratitude that she was alive again, but I didn’t. I felt anger, hatred, and rage. I wanted more than anything, to go on pretending she had never existed. It was easier than the pain. My temper was wearing thin. Turning my anger on the tree beside me, I tore the bark from its trunk, sinking my nails in the deep rough wood, and tearing it away from the tree. Reaching up, I splintered the branch above me as I tore it from the body of the tree, imagining it was Wolfe, and I was finally having my revenge.

  Long into the night I tore and ripped at that tree, until nothing was left of it but a barren stump of its trunk, steam rising off the freshly demolished plant in the cold of night. My chest heaved with exertion like I hadn’t felt in such a long time. My fangs pricked the softness of my bottom lip, breaking skin. I felt the small trickle of blood that oozed its way down my chin, and I licked it away with my tongue, my muscles contracting, and my eyes burning brightly. I felt the itch along my skin where my body wanted desperately to change, but I kept it locked away, refusing to allow that part of me out.

  With one last long furtive look at the dark drapes, I slunk away into the darkness of the woods, where I would lick my wounds, and allow depression to overtake me once again. My mind already conjured images of the ebony haired, ivory skinned woman who had haunted my nights for what seemed like an eternity. Tonight, I felt I deserved the punishment thoughts of her would reap.

  ͼ ͼ ͼ ͼ

  13

  Wolves

  Sunlight filtered down from the heavens to spill into my room. Lying absolutely still, I watched the tunnel of light that was cast from my window to my chest. I felt the warmth and radia
nce of it fill me with energy and I was reminded of Tamyra’s words not so long ago. She believed I gained energy from the light of both the moon and the sun. I pondered this as I lay there. I wondered what had become of the Witch and her Panther Shifter. I had liked her, despite her tendency to speak in cryptic riddles and call me immature. She was, after all, right. I was still very immature when compared to these ancient beings.

  I was in no hurry to rise. I felt rested, relaxed, at peace even. The meditative quality of laying in my bed with a clear mind through the night left me feeling refreshed. Perhaps I could not sleep, but apparently, I could achieve the same effect from meditation. I decided that would be a new ritual for me. A tap on my door made me groan. I sighed. I knew I could not pretend to be asleep since Vampires didn’t seem to sleep.

  “Valkyrie, you cannot hide in there for the rest of your life, you know. You wanted answers, and the only way to get them is to find the Fiddler.”

  I stared at the shaft of light as Aeron's voice drifted through the wooden door. “I don’t want to.”

  He chuckled. I found that I liked the sound of his laugh, even if it was a little stuffy from disuse. Throwing my legs over the edge of the bed, I rifled through my messenger bag for a change of clothing. “I’ll be down in a minute.” Remembering something, I called out, “Oh, and have you fed my Gargoyles?”

  He muttered something about insufferable animals as he walked away from my door. I couldn’t help it, I laughed.