Hiding Places

by Shannon Heuston

  Will looked over at the other counselors. “Any ideas on how to teach this jackass a lesson?”

  “I have a box of rice in my room,” Moose offered.

  Roman’s eyes bugged. He knew what Moose was getting at, although the rest of the counselors looked perplexed. “Dude, that’s crossing the line.”

  “Rice? Why rice?” Will asked.

  “Make him kneel on it,” Moose said. “It’s nothing at first, but after some time passes…” He grinned.

  Will flashed his teeth in a predatory smile. “Get the rice,” he commanded.

  Moose was back in a flash. He must have taken the stairs two at a time. He proudly brandished an ordinary box of Uncle Ben’s. Who would ever imagine the benevolent smiling icon hawking an instrument of torture?

  Torture. I wrung my hands.

  Will carefully shook out a small pile in front of Will. “Kneel on it,” he ordered.

  Roman rolled his eyes. “Dude, seriously?”

  “Kneel!” Will shouted. “Or you can be on the next boat to China, chink!”

  “I’m Korean,” Roman mumbled.

  After another botched recital of the Pledge of Allegiance, Will shook out some grains of rice for Parisa, too, ordering her to kneel.

  Within minutes, the woman was weeping silently, her shining eyes the only indication.

  “I have to shit,” Roman complained.

  “Too bad,” Will sneered.

  There was a loud fart.

  “Holy shit, that stinks!” Moose cried, covering his nose with his hand.

  “Dude, there were onions in those hash browns we ate for breakfast,” Roman said. “You don’t want to let me use the bathroom, you can deal with the consequences.”

  “If you shit yourself, everyone’s gonna have to eat it,” Will warned.

  Oh no. No, no, no. This crossed the line. I was going to have to go down there and put a stop to this, now.

  Everyone froze, staring at Will, who was glaring at Roman with his hands on his hips. Roman was biting his lip, a flush rising on his cheeks. His token act of defiance had gone down in flames.

  “You can’t make them eat shit,” Lucinda said, her soft voice amplified in the silent room. “I’m not going to let you. That crosses the line. No way.”

  I sighed in relief.

  “That could make them sick,” Maggie agreed. “Dr. Reiter’s going to be pissed if they all end up in the hospital.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Will agreed. “No eating shit.”

  “Will you just let him use the bathroom?” Ariana said. “You’re not punishing him, you’re punishing us with that shit. Literally shit. Enough already. It’s gross and I’m gonna vomit.”

  Will snorted. “Fine,” he relented. “Okay shithead, you can go to the bathroom, but you’re gonna be kneeling on rice for the rest of the morning.”

  Roman trudged beneath the camera. The kernels had already driven angry red grooves into his knees. Fortunately, Will didn’t catch the words he said under his breath as he passed near the microphone.

  “Fucking psycho.”

  Will rethought his program of calisthenics from the day before, for which I was grateful. The visible strain on Samir’s face made him realize that some of the candidates were not fit enough to exercise vigorously.

  “We’re splitting into groups,” he announced, as they lined up to leave for the gym.

  Lucinda and Maggie took the older candidates into the field house, to walk in circles around the indoor track. Moose took Eduardo and Ahmed to the basketball court. Will took charge of Roman and Sahar, the two people he’d labeled troublemakers.

  I understood why he clashed with Roman, another alpha male. But I didn’t understand why he was targeting Sahar. The slender, seventeen year old girl was submissive and devoted to her parents. The only times she’d talked back had been to advocate for her mother. She avoided eye contact.

  Will’s choices were about power. Dominating Roman made Will feel powerful, and so did degrading the quiet, modest Sahar.

  Maybe I should end the experiment. I had all the research I needed already.

  Just a few days more.

  I skipped eating lunch with the candidates, preferring to observe them instead from my computer. I was confused by what I saw. The Abdallas all had grilled cheese on their trays, but they were staring at their lunches with revulsion, as if it were squirming with maggots. I had no way of knowing what transpired, as I didn’t have ears in the Union.

  Will slammed his tray down on the table. It shook. He also had a grilled cheese sandwich. I zoomed in on him. He yammered something at the Afghani family, stabbing his index finger in a manner that was all too familiar. The whole family picked up their sandwiches and took a bite in unison.

  Maggie and Lucinda were both seated at the table, but they kept looking away from the scene, towards the doors of the Union, as if expecting someone to join them. With a shock, I realized they were waiting for me. Moose was eating stolidly, and Ariana was picking cucumbers out of her pre-made salad.

  Frowning, I tried to figure out what was happening. The Abdallas were Muslim. I’d never troubled myself to figure out which denomination, or what dietary restrictions they had. Hmm. Maybe they couldn’t eat pork. That would explain everything. Will was forcing them to eat grilled cheese cooked on the same grill as bacon and ham.

  Will was very creative in coming up with original ways of breaking the candidates.

  Most Americans would not disagree with him. Why should everyone else have to accommodate the Abdalla’s dietary restrictions? Except the family never asked to be accommodated. Yesterday they ate packaged food for lunch. No doubt they would gladly have done the same today.

  I was relieved to shut the cameras down and immerse myself in work for the afternoon.

  At two-thirty I was startled to hear a hesitant knock on my door. I’d been swimming in data analysis. I looked up, blinking in confusion. Roman stood in the doorway.

  “Dr. Reiter, may I talk to you?”

  “You shouldn’t be walking around without an escort,” I scolded. “You’re in custody.”

  He held up his hands. “Dr. Jeff gave me permission. She even gave me directions to your office.”

  I sighed. Dr. Jeff was the instructor teaching the English course the candidates were taking in the afternoon. She was a lovely woman, but a bit of an airhead. “Sit down,” I said, gesturing at the one chair not piled with books and papers.

  “Listen, no offense or nothing, but that guy Will has something wrong with him,” Roman said. “He goes well out of his way to be an asshole. It’s only the second day and I’m worrying about what he’s gonna do next. He’s getting worse.”

  He was articulating what I hadn’t put into words. Most people test boundaries. Will blew them to smithereens.

  “You only have six weeks to complete this program,” I reminded him. “Studies show negative reinforcement help people learn quickly.”

  Roman shook his head. “That’s not true. I’ve taken psychology classes. Positive reinforcement is associated with faster learning, not negative.”

  I recoiled, shocked to be called out by one of the candidates, no less. Roman was a problem. He was a wild card. Too American for the program. He didn’t belong among these cowed candidates, desperate to stay. With sudden insight, I realized that Roman didn’t want to be deported, but he wasn’t afraid like the rest. He knew he’d land on his feet in South Korea, even though he didn’t know anyone or speak the language. He believed in himself.

  “Being able to stay in this country, if you successfully complete the program, constitutes positive reinforcement,” I said with a flash of genius.

  “Please, lady, I’m worried here. Will’s a bad dude. I’ve known guys like that before. Normally he’s just an asshole. For instance, he’s screwing both Maggie and Ariana. Yesterday, when we got back to the dorm, we could hear Ariana screaming all over the hall while he was banging her. They didn’t know we were back alre
ady. And Sahar said he goes in Maggie’s room every night. That’s the kind of guy he is, the type that gets off on pitting women against each other and playing them both. He likes the power. Now he has power over all of us, and it freaks me out.”

  I nodded, thinking. Truth was, the candidates had no recourse for ill treatment. Unless they were physically hurt or killed, there wasn’t much anyone could say. I wasn’t even sure there would be much inquiry if any of them were hurt or killed. They were throwaways. I just didn’t know. What I did know is there hadn’t been so much as a single e-mail from a government official checking on the candidates.

  How could I just dismiss Roman’s concerns? Wasn’t he a human being?

  I didn’t know how far was too far.

  “Today, he just started messing with the Abdallas. They don’t eat pork. Fine, he tells them to order grilled cheese. Then he cuts them in line and orders a grilled cheese with bacon, so there’s grease on the grill when the cook made their sandwiches. He did that on purpose. Then he told them if they don’t eat every bite of their lunch he’s throwing them back into whatever desert hole they come from. They’ve been throwing up all afternoon. It’s a good thing we’re with Dr. Jeff, because Will would probably make them eat it.”

  I blanched. He was right. I should fire Will.

  I just needed a little more time. This was the kind of research that could put a psychologist on the map. I’d go down in history with the likes of Freud, Jung, and Milgraum. How could I give that up?

  “I’ll speak to him,” I said.

  Roman rose, looking at his watch. “I better get back before Dr. Jeff calls out the National Guard.” He looked me in the eye. “Listen, getting nabbed by immigration was a bum rap. I didn’t ask to be adopted and brought here, and now kids adopted overseas are automatically granted citizenship, except they won’t make it retroactive. I’m not a criminal. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “I know,” I assured him. “Just bad luck. My father’s whole family was killed in the Holocaust when he was a little boy. He nearly died too. He didn’t do anything wrong either.”

  Roman glared at me. “Then you should know better than to let this kind of shit go on,” he said. He turned and trudged away looking neither to the right nor the left, until he was out of sight, and I could hear his footsteps receding down the hall.

  It had to get better. Will was a teacher. Maybe he was just coming down hard at first, so he could loosen up later.

  Will being a teacher was a horrifying thought.

  Ten minutes after Roman departed, there was another knock on the door. My office was Grand Central Station today. I glanced up, annoyed, figuring he’d doubled back to tell me something he’d forgotten.

  Instead, Lucinda was standing there.

  What now?

  “Come in,” I invited, gesturing at the chair Roman had just vacated.

  “I’m not going to sit,” Lucinda said. “I just came to tender my resignation, effective immediately.” She extended a piece of paper.

  I didn’t take it. “I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. “How much notice are you giving me?”

  “None. I need to leave within the hour. It takes me six hours to get home.”

  “Why?”

  Lucinda put her resignation letter down on the corner of my desk. “The camp where I worked last summer offered me the assistant director position,” she explained. “The person they picked for the job backed out, and training starts tomorrow. I’m really sorry, but the pay is great, and I loved working there.”

  “And you don’t like working here,” I stated.

  “You’re a very nice woman,” she said, “but this job’s not for me. I don’t fit in, and I don’t like this whole negative reinforcement thing of yours. Some of the stuff we’ve been doing reminds me of stories you hear about prisoners being tortured at Gitmo.”

  I flinched. “Well, thanks for your honesty,” I said, hoping I didn’t come across as condescending. I genuinely liked Lucinda.

  “You won’t miss me,” she said with a sad smile. “You don’t need five counselors. You’ll do just fine with only four.”

  “Are you sure there’s nothing else you’d like to tell me?”

  Lucinda pressed her lips together. “The job’s just not for me. See you next semester.”

  Then she was gone.

  I got home before Maggie left for the day. She was in the sitting room with Papa, watching some court show. “We need to talk,” I told her.

  Maggie’s face spasmed. Those were the four scariest words someone could utter in a relationship. But I didn’t feel any sympathy for the girl. If what Roman said was accurate, she was cheating on me.

  Or was she? I wasn’t acquainted with the exact definition of cheating, and I had pushed her to hide our relationship from the world. It wasn’t like we ever made a commitment to each other.

  Maggie followed me into the kitchen, hugging herself.

  “Roman stopped by the office this afternoon,” I said. “He’s upset about Will.”

  Maggie shrugged, avoiding eye contact. “Roman mouths off a lot.”

  “Has Will been crossing the line? Tell me the truth.”

  She took a deep breath. “He dances around the line, a little,” she admitted. “But you told us to punish them.”

  She had me there. “You’re right,” I stammered. “I just want to make sure it doesn’t cross the line into torture. That’s unethical. You understand?”

  “Didn’t a lot of people accuse Stanley Milgraum of being unethical?”

  Why did Maggie bring up Milgraum? Did she suspect something? I studied the girl. “They did,” I conceded. A change of subject was in order. “Lucinda resigned an hour ago.”

  Maggie gaped. “She did? Why? She didn’t say anything to me about it.”

  “She got offered a better job,” I said.

  Maggie shook her head. “She didn’t like it here. She wanted me to talk to Will about the way he was treating the candidates last night.”

  “Why you?” I demanded to know, although I knew the answer.

  I’d thrown her off balance. She was trembling. She peered up into my face with scared eyes. “No particular reason, just because Will and I are friends.”

  I looked away. “I hope you’re being careful,” I said.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  I looked her straight in the eye. “You know what I mean. There isn’t much you can hide from me, I’m a psychologist, remember?” This was my trump card, even if it was a false one. I wouldn’t have known without the cameras and Roman.

  “It’s not what you think,” Maggie mumbled like a recalcitrant child, reinforcing that it was, indeed, what I thought.

  “I hope you’re using a condom,” I said. “I’ve seen Will’s ilk before, and it never ends well. Just so you know.”

  The girl swiveled on her heel and fled. She slammed the front door so hard the house shook.

  I wondered if she’d be the next to resign.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Maggie

  I left without saying good-bye to Helmut. Guilt cramped my belly. Ursula knew. I’d heard the hurt behind the cold words. Tears blinded me as I stalked down the uneven sidewalk that led to campus, stumbling at one point. Stupid town. They were asking for a lawsuit. Didn’t they know drunk students walk home this way?

  What did Ursula expect? She made me keep our relationship a secret, forced me to sneak around, not exactly the ingredients to a stable long-term partnership. We never agreed not to date others or formally declared ourselves a couple. We were just lovers. Nothing more.

  Except if Ursula started sleeping with someone else, I’d feel betrayed. I would think she was cheating.

  The guilt fueled my fury.

  It was all because of this stupid program. I never wanted to do it, and now Dr. Reiter wanted to lecture me about ethics? Nothing about this was ethical. We were forcing people into a cookie cutter mold of the perfect American, despite cla
iming diversity was our strength. But now the government wanted everyone to be the same. Wear the same clothes, eat the same foods, speak the same language and recite the Pledge of Allegiance on command, here in the land of the free. What kind of freedom was that?

  Last night when Will made love to me, our bodies fit together so perfectly it felt like destiny.

  I knew deep down Ursula was right about him, but I didn’t want to hear it. I liked him. Even when he was being an asshole to the candidates. He wasn’t really like that on the inside, he was just playing a role, doing what was expected of him. Following orders. He had a sweet side that was hidden from the world.

  Ursula didn’t know him the way I did. She didn’t understand him. She didn’t understand me, either. Heck, she didn’t understand her own father, even. She was so wrapped up in her research that she lost sight of the living, breathing people around her. We were all just subjects.

  Today I spoke up when Ariana invited Will to lunch, rubbing up against him.

  “Mind if I tag along?” I asked, congratulating myself on how quickly I’d learned to play their game.

  Ariana’s eyes narrowed, but before she could reply, Will said, “Hey ladies, you know what? I’m going to take some time for myself and go shopping.”

  “Ooh, shopping!” Ariana cooed. “I’ll go shopping with you!”

  Will rolled his eyes at me. “Shopping alone,” he clarified, through gritted teeth.

  “Fine,” Ariana snapped. “Be that way.” She shot me a look full of daggers, letting me know she blamed me, before sashaying away.

  “Good for you,” I said, “taking some time for yourself.”

  “I wasn’t asking for your approval,” he replied.

  I opened my mouth to respond, but couldn’t think of anything to say. I felt like he’d slapped me.

  I ended up just walking away.

  To make things just perfect, I quarreled with Ursula. It was official. I was terrible at relationships. Within hours, I’d somehow managed to alienate the two most important people in my life. And I couldn’t just stop talking to them, either. One was my boss, the other was a coworker. How did I get myself in this mess?