Hiding Places

by Shannon Heuston

  I’d deliberately kept my distance from her.

  “You’re leaving,” Maggie stated.

  “Yes,” I said. “I would have told you, but…” I shrugged, leaving the rest unsaid.

  “How are you?” Maggie asked, face creasing in concern.

  She was a nice girl. Nice girls asked how you were and genuinely wanted to know the answer.

  “I have good days and bad days,” I admitted. “I’m lucky not to have scars on my face, not that I ever worried about my looks.” I gave a rueful laugh. “About Papa…I have dreams about him all the time. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I catch myself worrying about him, wondering what he’s doing. He’s finally at peace. That much I know.”

  I stopped talking. Maggie’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears. “It was all my fault,” she said. “Will asked if he could leave you a note, and I just turned my back on him for a second…”

  I waved her concerns away. “He was determined to get into the house. If not that way, then another way. You’re not to blame. He is.”

  “Your poor father,” Maggie said. “He thought it was the Nazis, come back for him after all those years.”

  “He’s at peace,” I repeated. “He saved us from Will. That’s all he wanted.”

  Maggie took a step forward, and I knew she was one second from throwing her arms around me, so I turned away, presenting her with my back. A cruel rejection, I knew, and not one out of character for me. But this time there was much more behind it than the fear I’d always carried within me of getting close to someone. One hug and we’d be making love again, and then what? Then I’d be trapped, just as surely as I’d been trapped with Papa, and Maggie trapped too, shackled to an older woman who would grow increasingly neurotic with the passing years. No. It was time for us to fly free of each other. We’d served our purpose in each other’s life.

  When I turned back, her head was bowed, her hands folded. I saw a sudden vision of the girl I’d made love with for the first time, naked and glorious. But not for me. I’d always known she wasn’t for me, no matter how hard I tried to deny it.

  “I take it you’re not teaching this semester,” she said.

  “No,” I told her. “I’m taking some time off, to figure out what to do next. I think I’d like to spend some time in Europe.” I spread my hands out to encompass the room. “I can do whatever I want now. I just have to figure out what that is.”

  “I guess that’s what we all need to do,” Maggie sighed. “Figure out what we want.”

  She turned on her heel and walked out, head held high, before I could ask her what she meant.

  That was the last time we ever saw each other. That was okay. We were both moving on with our lives. All I felt towards her was gratitude. For a short time, an angel entered my life, transforming it, when I thought I was beyond hope. We made each other whole.

  Our love was the type always destined to fade into a lovely memory, so perfect and flawless in the remembering, we’d end up doubting each other’s existence. In the years to follow, I would often wonder if there truly was a Maggie, or if my fragile mind had split for a short time, creating an alter ego.

  For the rest of my life, she’d haunt me. I would smell her scent on the wind, and see her flaming hair in a glorious sunset. She’s in my heart. We will always be two sides of the same coin, the missing piece in the puzzle of our lives, and because of her, I believe there is good in the world. Because of Maggie, my life was transformed from darkness into light.

  When the time comes for me to depart this world, I’ll wait for her in the meadow. And one lovely day, she’ll join me.