The Alloy Heart

by Quinn Loftis

  “But,” she said to Olivia, “you said we had several stops today.”

  Olivia shrugged. “I can just tell you about it when we get home. I’m actually feeling a little worn out myself.”

  Sophia laughed. “That was a terrible lie. You never run out of energy.” Yet Sophia herself was constantly growing weary. It was getting worse, but she didn’t want to tell anyone. She didn’t want to risk Jackson calling off the wedding because he was worried it would be too much for her. So she simply bit her tongue and made sure she was smiling and looking for all the world like she was fine.

  After several more minutes of sitting and regaining control, Sophia finally stood. “Alright, I do believe I’m ready.”

  Lady Templeton grabbed her tape measure and immediately began holding it against Sophia. She needed to work quickly because it was obvious the girl was exhausted. She checked the length. It was fine, as the sisters were close in height. She was going to need to take it up a smidge in the waist and bosom; Sophia had lost weight since the last time she had seen the poor girl.

  “That should do it,” she said to Sophia and Olivia. “It won’t take me long to make these alterations. I will bring the dress over to your home by tomorrow evening.”

  Olivia and Lady Templeton helped Sophia take off the dress and then don her own clothes.

  “Thank you so much,” Olivia told the seamstress who had proven herself to also be a saint. “We won’t forget your kindness.”

  “Yes, truly,” Sophia added. “I cannot express how thankful I am.” She wrapped her arms around Lady Templeton’s neck and squeezed her tight. When she released the woman, Lady Templeton’s face held concern. But it quickly passed, and the older woman reached up and patted her face.

  “I am honored to be the one to have made your dress. Now, off with you. You need to get home and rest.”

  With a final hug, the two sisters were on their way out the door and once again walking on the sidewalk. By the time they made it to their stoop, Sophia was breathing very hard. She leaned against the door as she turned the handle to let them in. When she was finally seated in the parlor, Sophia felt as if she was going to pass out.

  “Are you alright?” Olivia asked. Sophia’s skin had taken on a bluish pallor, and it was beginning to make her wonder if her sister was much worse than she’d been leading everyone to believe. “Should I see if I can fetch Jackson?”

  “No,” Sophia said quickly. “I will be fine once I’ve rested a bit. What you could do is get me some water and then tell me exactly what it is you have done.”

  Olivia did as her sister asked and then took a seat across from her on the opposite sofa. “Regardless of what you think you deserve or don’t deserve, I wanted you to have the wedding you always dreamed about when we were younger. But instead of wishing it would just somehow happen, I took matters into my own hands. I went to Lady Templeton first to talk to her about your dress. She was so excited to hear about your engagement she just sort of took over from there. She was the one who handled putting the news in the society paper. I went to Mr. Crawly to talk with him about a cake under the instruction of Lady Templeton to tell him he was to do whatever I asked. Then I went to Sir and Lady Grummons’ boutique and, by that time, Lady Templeton had already gotten to them, as well.” Olivia paused. It really was remarkable how everyone had come together to ensure that Jackson and Sophia would have a very special day.

  As Olivia considered all the tasks she’d accomplished to organize the ceremony, her mind couldn’t help but wander to her own wedding that she hoped to one day have. For some reason, those thoughts brought Inspector John Foster to her mind, whom she’d been thinking about a lot since she’d met him a few days ago. She hadn’t seen him since the evening when he’d caught her talking to herself. And she found herself looking for him anytime a guest had come to call. Her intrigue with him, no, utter fascination was more accurate, was a bit alarming considering she’d never been interested in a man before. There had been no one to catch her eye and she was beginning to believe that maybe she was simply destined to live out her days as a spinster. But then Inspector Foster came along and now things were looking a tad different for her future, or at least, that was what she dared to hope.

  “They were all willing do to this, without payment?” Sophia asked.

  Olivia nodded “Turns out there is some kindness still left in this cruel world. Everything is taken care of. All you and Jackson have to do is show up.”

  “And just where is this wedding taking place?”

  Olivia smiled. “In a park under a certain tree where your very first date with Jackson occurred.”

  Sophia knew her face must have looked comical with the huge grin spreading across it. “That’s perfect!” She honestly couldn’t believe her sister had managed to do so much in such a short amount of time, but then it was Olivia they were talking about. When Olivia put her mind to something, she was capable of incredible feats.

  “I wanted it to be a day you would always look back on and be able to smile.”

  “Thank you, Olivia. There truly are no words.” She wiped away the tears that had formed in her eyes. “I am just so thankful for you and for each of the people who are being so kind and generous.”

  “Your thanks is enough, sister. I am so happy to be a part of your special day. Now…” Olivia stood and walked over to Sophia. “You need to go lie down and get some rest. If Jackson comes by this evening and sees you in this state, he’s liable to cart you off to the infirmary and postpone the wedding.”

  Those words were enough to get Sophia moving. She was not about to have their wedding postponed, not even if she had to crawl to the damn alter.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Saturday, 21st May 1887

  Around 5:00 p.m.

  Jackson knocked on the door to the Hill home and couldn’t believe that in twenty-four hours he wouldn’t have to stand on the familiar stoop in order to see his love. In less than a day, Sophia Hill would become Sophia Elliot. Then she would be living with him, and he could gaze at her whenever he wanted.

  The door opened and Thomas Hill stepped aside to let him enter. “She’s upstairs lying down.”

  “Are you alright?” Jackson asked, taking in the appearance of his closest friend. “You look exhausted.”

  Thomas ran a hand through his already messy hair. “I am exhausted. Between trying to solve this murder case, helping Olivia with the wedding every chance she can corner me, dealing with Sophia’s health, and now Foster constantly bugging me about seeing Olivia, I’m utterly worn out.”

  “Wait, what do you mean Sophia’s health?” Jackson asked. Despite everything else Thomas had said, all he could focus on was the concern he heard in his friend’s voice when he spoke those words.

  Thomas let out a slow breath, hesitating. “Sophia made me swear not to tell anyone, especially you. But you are about to become her husband, so you have a right to know. You’ll see for yourself soon enough. She’s worse, Jackson, a lot worse.”

  “Worse? You mean worse than yesterday?” Jackson asked.

  Thomas nodded.

  “That is a very short amount of time for her to decline.” Jackson headed for the stairs, intent on getting to Sophia so he could see for himself how bad she’d digressed. “Is my backup bag in her room?” he asked Thomas, speaking of the doctor bag he kept at their home in case an emergency occurred while he happened to be there.

  “Yes, it’s beside the bed.”

  Jackson didn’t say anything more but used his long legs to take the stairs three at a time. He pushed opened the door without knocking, which he briefly acknowledged was inappropriate, but then all he could really focus on was seeing his beloved, to ensure she was well, or as well as she could possibly be given the circumstances.

  “Jackson?” Sophia said.

  Her voice was weak, much too weak. Jackson snatched up the doctor bag without saying a word and dug through it until he found the stethoscope. He put the ear tips in
his ears and then pressed the diaphragm to her chest, just over her heart.

  Sophia was used to Jackson’s penchant to switch into doctor mode and treat her as a patient instead of the woman he loved, so she simply laid there and let him do what he wanted. He wouldn’t speak until he’d examined her and decided her health was acceptable to him.

  Jackson listened intently to the stutter of her heart. There was a distinct pause in the beat that was extremely alarming. Her heart had grown significantly weaker just in a matter of days. He thought he’d have longer with her. He stepped back and removed the stethoscope, placing it back in the bag. He sat beside her on the bed and put on his best everything-is-going-to-be-fine face. “How are you feeling?” He pressed a finger to her lips before she could speak. “The truth, my love, please.”

  She sighed. This is what she’d been wanting to avoid. She didn’t want to be honest. She wanted to lie through her ever-loving teeth and tell him she was great. She wasn’t short of breath, she didn’t feel like every muscle in her body was on fire and cramping. She didn’t feel as though death had gone from tapping on her door to nearly crashing through it. But the pain and worry in his eyes told her he wouldn’t believe her anyway. He knew. There was no sense in lying. “I’m tired. I can’t walk around much without getting short of breath. My muscles are cramping and burning.” This was the other reason she didn’t want to tell him anything because then her sickness became real and she had to be honest with herself that she was dying and it was going to happen very soon. “I don’t want to die, Jackson.” The tremble in her voice angered her, but it also broke her.

  Jackson reached for her and gathered his broken lover into his arms. “Love,” he said softly. “I know you don’t, and I don’t want you to die. God I don’t want to lose you,” he said and held her closer, desperate to keep her with him. He wanted to roar at the top of his lungs that it wasn’t fair. He wanted to curse God and shake his fist, insisting to know the answer as to why he would take this sweet soul from this awful earth. He allowed the tears, which he so often held back, to finally fall.

  Sophia clutched her arms around the strong form of the man she loved. She felt his shoulders shake as the tight rein he kept on his emotions loosened. Her heart seemed to crumble all over again. “I’m sorry it was me,” she said softly even as the tears still fell.

  “Sorry for what?”

  “I’m sorry it was me that your heart chose. I wish, for your sake, that it had been someone else. Someone healthy and whole. But, instead, you had to end up with a weak, dying woman who will only bring you heartache. God, Jackson, I am so sorry.” Her chest tightened, making it harder to breathe, and she gasped for air.

  Jackson patted her back. “Shh, calm down, Sophia. Please, take slow breaths.” His hand rubbed up and down her back as she began to obey his words. When he was sure she wasn’t going to hyperventilate, he loosened his hold just a bit. “I am in no way sorry. I couldn’t have fallen for a more precious soul. You are kind, loving, gentle, and I look forward to seeing you every day, no matter how many of those days there are. One second with you is better than a year with anyone else.

  “I find myself wanting to find ways to make you smile and laugh. I want to be the one you turn to when you’re scared and need comfort. I want to be the one you come to when you want to talk or just sit with quietly. No matter the pain, Sophia, the happiness and joy that I’ve had because you are in my life is greater.”

  Sophia heard his words but she couldn’t help but think that one day, once she was gone, he might resent her.

  “I could never resent you.”

  Apparently, she had spoken that out loud and hadn’t realized it. Her fear and anguish was making her mouth unable to stay shut.

  Jackson pulled back so he could see Sophia’s face. “I need you to hear me and believe me, please.” He waited until she nodded. “I could never, ever resent you. Please, if you believe nothing else, believe that. When you are—” He choked and swallowed back the tears. “When you’re gone, I will spend my life remembering all of the good times we had. I will mourn you, I will hurt, and I will be in agony, but I will never blame you, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Do you understand?” he asked. He grabbed her chin between his forefinger and thumb when she tried to look away. “Do you?”

  She finally nodded. “I understand,” she whispered. And she did, because if the roles were reversed, she would feel exactly the same way. It wasn’t fair of her to think he was capable of any less emotion than her or that he didn’t know his own mind. “I love you, Jackson Elliot.”

  He smiled at the woman who’d stolen his heart years before and would always own it. “I love you, Sophia Hill. Always have and always will.”

  Sophia felt as if she’d run up a hill and back down again by the time the tears subsided. The pain and fear were still there, but she did feel some small measure of peace in Jackson’s arms.

  “You’re tired,” he said as he began to push her back so she could lie down. “I should let you rest.”

  Sophia grabbed his wrist, her heartbeat picking up again. “Please don’t go. Please.” Before he could argue, she continued. “I know it’s improper but, bloody hell, Jackson Elliot, I’m dying and I don’t want to be without you, not for a second. Please,” she pleaded.

  Jackson shook his head as he chuckled. The woman actually thought he was going to refuse her. Silly girl. “I’m not going anywhere. I was going to be a gentleman and sit in the chair.”

  Sophia frowned at him. “I’m becoming your wife tomorrow, Jackson. You aren’t going to sleep in a chair. You’re going to lie next to me and hold me and make me feel safe.”

  Jackson stood and took off his suit jacket, unbuttoned his shirt, and laid both on the chair in which he had been planning to sit, though not sleep. No, his intention had not been to fall asleep but to simply keep watch over her all night. He needed to be near her. But if she was willing to let him hold her while she slept, he wasn’t about to deny her what she wanted. He couldn’t help but laugh when he took off his undershirt and watched as her face turned bright red. It was probably the first bare, male chest she’d seen, and it was simply adorable that it embarrassed her.

  “Dr. Elliot, I said lie with me and hold me.” She huffed. “Why are you undressing?”

  “Surely you don’t want me to be uncomfortable while I slumber,” he said in a teasing tone. “Just the outer shirt, and perhaps my shoes and socks if you think you can control yourself when you see my bare feet. But if the feet are too much of a temptation, I will keep my socks on.”

  How they went from tears to teasing each other was something she loved about their relationship. Jackson had always understood her sense of humor, and she’d always found joy in his. “I suppose your feet will be safe from my advances,” she said in a bored tone.

  Jackson walked over to the gas lamp on her side of the bed and turned it down until there was barely a flame, just enough to be able to see his way without tripping. “Good to know my virtue is in no danger,” he said as he walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled back the covers. How many times had he dreamed of climbing into bed with Sophia Hill? He was a man, after all. No matter how much he respected her and would never take advantage of her, his attraction for her was intense and any man would have to be blind not to be attracted to her. When he was settled on his back, he reached out his arm and motioned for her to move closer. When she was within reach, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tucked her against his side so her head was lying against his chest. She let out a contented sigh that made Jackson smile. He ran his fingers through her hair and loved the way her familiar scent wrapped around him. If he died in that moment, he would die the happiest man on earth.

  “Thank you, Jackson,” Sophia whispered into the darkened room.

  “You are not the one who needs to be thankful, precious Sophia. It is I who should be on my knees thanking you. I love you, and tomorrow I will make you my wife. Now, I want you to rest becau
se I know you. You won’t want anyone worrying about you, so you’ll want to look your best, not that you won’t be absolutely beautiful, no matter what.”

  “Is that a doctor’s order?” She teased him, loving the way he attempted to be stern with her.

  “Doctors order, fiancé’s order, whichever it takes for you to obey.”

  She pinched his side, causing him to grunt. “I’m going to sleep, but not because I’m obeying you. I’m tired. It’s as simple as that.”

  Jackson patted her head, knowing it would irritate her further. “Whatever you need to tell yourself, love.”

  “Jackson Elliot, you better watch yourself, or you will be standing at that alter waiting for an eternity.”

  Jackson loved the breathless squeal she let out when he quickly rolled until he was hovering over her. He kept his body completely off of hers, not wanting to cause her any pain or make it harder for her to breathe. “If I could marry you right this second, I would,” he said as he leaned his face closer to hers. His lips hovered dangerously close to hers, and he could feel her warm breath against his face. “Don’t make me wait any longer than I have to. And if you don’t show up on time I will come find you and carry you, kicking and screaming, all the way to the altar.” He pressed his lips to hers before she could respond. He wanted to kiss her deeply, but he knew that might make it harder for her to breathe, so he kept it short and tender.

  Sophia snuggled closer to Jackson as he settled back down beside her. His action had surprised her, but also delighted her. And in the same breath, it saddened her all over again. She would not have many of these nights with him. She didn’t want to sleep because she wanted to cherish it, to be held in his arms, to feel his breath against her skin and his lips on her forehead as he periodically kissed her. Every now and then she would hear him whisper words of love, and she wasn’t sure if he was aware that she was awake enough to hear him. Until he spoke, removing her doubt.