Fragile Chaos

by Amber R. Duell

  “And?” I snap.

  He stops picking at the desk and flattens his hand. His lips drop into a line. “What are you doing, brother?” he asks softly.

  Resentment rages through my body, making me numb. “My job.” His mouth opens, but I keep talking before he can get a word out. “I did stop stirring things up as Ebris asked. I ignored the war. I gave the mortals a chance to sort things out themselves, and look how well that turned out.”

  Leander throws his hands in the air. “You were supposed to guide them toward peace, not wash your hands of the entire thing. You dug them in too deep for them to crawl out alone.”

  The mortals dug their own hole; I simply provided the shovels. I’m too limited without my power to do more than that. The men and women in charge have to step up to the plate if they want a cease fire. I can help, but I can’t simply will the war away anymore. I grit my teeth. “You overestimate my influence,” I say.

  “This is serious, Theodric.” He glowers at me. “How did they figure out how to use antimatter?”

  “Are you implying I had something to do with that?”

  He blinks once. “Did you?”

  “Get out,” I growl.

  “You don’t intimidate me.” He leans back in the chair and crosses his arms. “The mortals should be afraid, but not me. Unless you plan to work me to death, in which case your plan may be a glowing success.”

  I fix him with a cold stare. He must not realize how many lives were saved last night. If he did, he wouldn’t go down this road.

  “The entire city of Ubrar is gone. Do you know what the population was?” Leander asks.

  He stares at me, impassive. I don’t reply. Partially because, no, I don’t know the exact population and partially because it’s still less than the Asgyan target.

  “I do,” he says. “Three hundred fifty-six thousand one hundred and twenty nine. Care to ask how I know that number?”

  “Not—”

  “Because they all showed up at the same time last night. The entire city, Theodric. Including two of your spies. They send their regards, by the way. One of them was in fatigues. Are you sending your own to the front lines now? It’s only fair, I suppose.”

  Timun. There hadn’t been time to pick back up on his trail. I press a fist into my rolling stomach and take a shallow breath. “It wasn’t my intent to set the bomb off.”

  Leander shakes his head. “I understand your need for war, but you have to think about what you’re doing.”

  “I know what I’m doing. I can’t predict everything the mortals will do.” My voice is quiet. I’m not sure how things got this bad so quickly, but I have to do something before everything spirals out of control. I won’t have a repeat of last night on my conscious. “Without being able to see them like you do, I’m left with educated guesses.”

  “Theodric.” Leander leans forward. His fingertips pale as he presses them on the edge of the desk, his nail beds turning white beneath the pressure. “This isn’t like the old days. You can’t keep doing this. Ebris—”

  “Ebris is holed up in a castle with his harem, ignoring what we do until the prayers of the high priests become too much for him to enjoy himself,” I snarl.

  “And what of your high priest? Can you not hear him?”

  Thankfully, no.

  Leander stands, thrusting a finger at Cassia. “Look. Do you see this? Do you see her?”

  My back snaps straight. I forgot she was in the room. Her gaze cuts into me, her face haggard, and my bones turn to lead. “She’s rather hard to miss,” I say evenly.

  “The mortals consider it barbaric to sacrifice livestock to us now, but Kisk sent you a bride. Don’t you see how desperate they are?” he asks.

  “Men are always desperate during war.” I glance at Cassia again. At her dropped jaw. Her wide eyes. This doesn’t concern her. I should have asked her to leave before talking to Leander; I knew what direction the conversation would take. “Goran, take Cassia outside.”

  Goran extends a hand to her, but she skirts around him into the hall. He follows, whispering a string of indistinct words. She says something in return, and her sandals clip rapidly against the tile. Goran’s boots thud in unison and I sag into my seat.

  When the chorus of footfalls fade, I turn back to Leander. A tremor begins deep in my abdomen, vibrating through me until I feel as if I’m humming. My nerves are too frayed, my body too bruised, to have this conversation.

  I clear my throat. “I didn’t create the evil in the world. Sometimes mortals—”

  “Don’t.” Leander wilts. “Don’t pretend you’re doing this for them. You’re doing this for you, and you always have. Drea may have given you the chance for this war by starting the famine in Asgya, but you should have stopped Volkana long before it got to this point.” He holds up a hand, his wrist bending in defeat. “And before you start defending yourself, Asgya still had enough food to survive if they planned things right. You let Asgya walk unnecessarily into this war.”

  I shrug. “Of course I did.”

  He shakes his head. “You needed to scale back before it got out of hand. Even if all the troops leave Kisk tomorrow, the islanders are scattered, monuments lost, their culture destroyed.”

  Most of their culture was destroyed when Asgya colonized them. It’s only recently, sixty years after the treaty for their freedom was signed, that Kiskens started regaining it. I rest my elbow on the arm of the chair and cover my eyes. No headache, no headache, no headache. “You’re the God of Death, Leander. You understand everything fades with time.”

  “I accept death,” he says quietly. “I don’t revel in it.”

  I don’t reply. There’s nothing more to say. He’s here instead of Ebris to put me on a guilt trip when I already feel terrible. No one will believe I didn’t purposely set the bomb off, so there’s no point trying to convince them I’m innocent.

  “Can we take a second to talk about the girl?” he says, breaking the short, uncomfortable silence.

  My already tight shoulders stiffen. “What about her?” I ask.

  “She’s alive, for starters.”

  My fingers dig into my temples. “Ah, yes. I told you she’s hard to miss.”

  “Joke all you want but you know this is going to be a problem,” Leander says.

  I flick my hand at him. “I haven’t accepted her as a bride. What does it matter if I keep her around?”

  “You’re breaking the rules,” he warns.

  “I’m bending the rules. It’s called a loophole and it’s fully recognized by Ebris himself.” I made sure my brother was aware of it a long time ago. If he wants me to live by the laws, he has to as well. Which means allowing this.

  Leander leans forward. “Why keep her if you have no intention of accepting? Isn’t that cruel?” he asks begrudgingly.

  It’s absolutely cruel. I sit up and grab a pen, tapping it on the reports before tossing it back on the desk. It isn’t fair to keep Cassia here. Alone and scared. But I’m selfish. As cruel as it is to make her stay, I can’t fathom her leaving. It doesn’t matter why I’m interested anymore. I’m not sure when it stopped being important, but it did. It’s the most dangerous thing I’ve ever done, ever felt, but I only have to keep her at a distance until the war is over. Then any obligation will become null and void.

  “Weren’t you just lecturing me about sending you too many souls? Do you want another one?” I ask.

  He tilts his head. “Ebris may force you to help Kisk regardless. You can’t keep her and not show your appreciation.”

  “If I sleep with her, I’ll help. If not, there’s nothing our brother can do.” He can try but I’m no stranger to standing my ground. It’s what got me into this mess. I sigh. This is why I never kept a bride before. First Astra presses me to save Cassia’s brother, now Leander to save Kisk. Ebris won’t be far behind, and it’s only a matter of time before my other sisters put in their two cents. I have too much on the line to risk Cassia ripping the rug from be
neath my feet.

  Leander hesitates and inches to the edge of his seat. “I’ll take her,” he says in a halting voice.

  My body bolts upright, sparks dancing in my vision. “What?”

  “If you don’t want the inconvenience or the obligation, I’ll take her.” He looks away and shrugs. “She can stay with me.”

  My heart flies into an erratic pattern, assaulting me from the inside out. Cassia isn’t a thing to be passed off—she’s a person. She’s my person. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  He scowls. “Why is it ridiculous? You tossed away hundreds of sacrifices. Why is she any different?”

  “No,” I say in a hard voice.

  He blinks, his features slipping back to their usual carefree visage. “All right. I don’t want to fight with you. Ebris is angry enough for the rest of us, but think about toning things down. Pacify him a bit.” He moves toward the door. “But, Theodric?”

  “What?” I snap.

  He pauses in the doorway with his back to me. “Another mass killing and I will take sides,” he cautions.

  My muscles twitch in denial and I nod once. Goran is right—even if Leander isn’t in my corner, he isn’t in Ebris’ either.

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  The entire city of Ubrar.

  My whole body shakes. Last night Theodric told me the mountain exploded, not the Volk capital. I knew people lost their lives but had assumed it was the military or the scientists that created the bomb. And there I sat, feeling sorry for him when he blew up a bunch of innocent men, women, and children. I didn’t just feel bad for him, either. I was actually grateful he risked his life to save Asgya. How could I forget who he is? He doesn’t deserve sympathy. I should have let him soak in his own blood all night on that uncomfortable little sofa and wake with a crick in his neck. Most definitely, I shouldn’t have enjoyed kissing him.

  But I did.

  And I want to do it again.

  Bile rises in the back of my throat. What is wrong with me? I have to make him think we have something, which means the kissing is a good thing. The tight, bubbling anticipation in my stomach when I think about doing it again is definitely not.

  The rough stone of the mansion scratches at my bare shoulders as I sit against the outer wall. I bite the knuckle of my index finger to keep from screaming. I need to talk to Cy again and ask if these feelings are a side effect of the sacrificial ritual, but I doubt I’ll be seeing him for awhile. Not after Theo kicked Astra out the way he did.

  “I know the way, Goran.” Leander’s voice drifts from the open door. It’s cheerful again, the sound rising and falling in a lyrical tenor. “I’ll see you next time.”

  Goran calls a goodbye from deeper in the house, then Leander is on the stoop. I press myself back against the stone and bring my legs up to my chest, tucking my skirt behind my knees. An oversized garnet pot hides me from plain sight. The bristly branches of the potted shrub allow slim slices of Leander’s face to peek through, and I twist my head to study him.

  When the door shuts, his shoulders slump, his head hangs, and he massages his forehead with both hands. There’s definitely a family resemblance, but Leander looks more like a boy than a divine being. Strange, since he’s older than both Theo and Astra. While his clothes cling to a fit body, maybe of a twenty-year-old, the edges of his face are softer. His nose ends with a rounded tip. When he cornered me outside the Wall on the way in, I noted the same ice blue eyes as the others, but there’s no cunning spirit there. It’s just him—someone without any walls to hide himself. He is what he is, and what he is seems almost…sad.

  There are a dozen different names for him in Kisk. Some call him The Great Thief, others The Murderous Cheat. The Demon is the most popular these days. They say he crawls from the ground covered in black tar with wings ten feet wide and pointed teeth to devour souls. But watching him from my hiding place, his body swathed in sunlight with shadows haunting his eyes, all I can think is, Death isn’t so scary.

  Without warning, Leander’s gaze snaps in my direction and his hands drop to his sides. I can’t help noticing his lack of a weapon, but surely the God of Death doesn’t need one. My pulse beats wildly in my chest. I take that back, he’s a tiny bit scary.

  His full lips pull back in a smile. “Cassia, right? Sorry, I forgot to ask earlier.”

  “I wasn’t spying on you.” I scramble to my feet and brush the gravel from the back of my skirt.

  His laugh is light and musical. I feel myself blush. “I didn’t assume as much,” he says. “But if you were, I doubt you’d find anything of interest.”

  “I think that would depend on what I was looking for.” I walk around the shrub and hug my abdomen. Maybe intimidating is a better way to describe him. Or maybe he’s not intimidating enough, because, while I’m not sure what I meant to imply, I do mean it when I smile.

  He ambles down the steps in a red plaid shirt and holds his palm out to me. I set mine over it in the Kisken greeting. I stare at our hands, my brows lowering. It’s like touching an ice sculpture. Could he be cold because he’s Death? But he’s still a god. If they run hot, he should too.

  “I apologize if we scared you in there. I’m not usually so rude, but I had a long night,” he says, pulling away. “I had hoped to talk some sense into Theodric before Ebris resorts to extremes, but he’s…” Leander waves a hand toward the mansion.

  “Impossible?” I smirk. “I brought the war up once and he abandoned me at the waterfall.”

  Leander shrugs. “Well, you’re still here, which is more than I can say for the others. You must be doing something right.”

  I’m fairly certain I’m doing everything so, so wrong. Most people would bite the bullet and ask Theo for help instead of manipulating him. If I had anything other than my brother to lose, I’m not sure I would take the risk. Theo will probably hunt down everyone I care about if he finds out what I’m up to. If there’s one thing I believe from the mythology book, it’s that gods don’t take betrayal well.

  “Not caring if he helps Kisk seems to be my best quality,” I squeeze out.

  Leander’s face flashes with something I can’t quite decipher. “And do you care about the citizens of Ubrar?”

  If I don’t care about my own island, I shouldn’t care about a Volk city, but I do. It’s easy to write Kisk off after what they did to me—I almost feel like they deserve it—but Volkana did horrible things too. More than Kisk has. They stole my brother and killed so many people. I blow out a frustrated breath. “It’s different,” I say unevenly. “The people that died were innocent.”

  Kiskens were too. My eye twitches.

  “You do care, but that’s okay. That’s good.” Leander sighs, his smile falling. “If it’s any comfort, I do believe Theodric had good intentions, but antimatter is volatile. I don’t know how the Volks contained it as long as they did.”

  I’d like to believe that. A small part of me does, but I’m not sure if it matters. I have to keep my purpose in sight without getting involved with messy extras. Even if the messy extras include ground-shattering kisses. Especially if they do.

  “Even if you claim you don’t care about your country, you should know that the rumor is the Volks were planning to use a stolen Kisken plane to drop the bomb,” Leander says.

  I gasp. “What? Why?”

  “To pass the blame, I assume. There were too many souls to process for me to thoroughly question them.” His lips curl slowly and a curious gleam passes though his eyes. “I have a lot to catch up on today, but it was good to meet you, Cassia.”

  “You too.” My mouth is dry as I speak, my concentration only partially on the words. Theo saved Asgya from death and Kisk from taking responsibility. I don’t want it to matter.

  Don’t allow it to matter.

  It matters.

  “Maybe there’s a bit of hope for my brother after all,” Leander adds, walking backward toward the Wall.

  A nervous chuckle escapes my chest. That’s tw
o people that think I’ll bring Theo hope, but what does he bring me? Misery and death? I can’t do anything for Theo; he’s too cold-hearted and set in his ways. Maybe the hope Goran and Leander see is my potential to trick him into accepting his first bride and putting an end to all this insanity. If I succeed, that only helps with this war though. I’ll hold no sway in the future. He’ll never take my concerns into consideration, especially when he brushes off his siblings so easily. And that’s assuming I live long enough to see another conflict ignite.

  “Thanks for the rat, by the way.” Leander calls as he passes under the archway. “For the record, I enjoyed receiving it almost as much as you enjoyed sending it.”

  My mouth cracks, ready to defend myself, but I stop when Leander winks. His warm laugh carries across the courtyard. The tension drains away, running down my limbs and into the rocky ground, then I’m laughing too. The sound fades as he walks away, his back a bright speck weaving toward the temple.

  “What’s so amusing?” Theo asks from behind me.

  I jump, my smile dropping. All the strain that fell away a moment ago rushes back, settling into place like a well-worn glove. Goran’s beside him, watching me wearily.

  “Nothing,” I say. He would never understand my hesitation to kill a beady-eyed rodent when he has no problem murdering people.

  “It has to be something,” Theo says. An emotion other than anger hovers between each consonant. “I’ve never heard you laugh like that before.”

  I narrow my eyes. He can’t be serious. Is he…? He is. He’s jealous. “Of course not. You haven’t exactly made this a barrel of fun for me,” I say before I can stop myself.

  Theo works his jaw. “Give us a minute, Goran.”

  He doesn’t need to be told twice before spinning on his heel and disappearing into the bowels of the mansion. Theo stares at me with a look that manages to be both cold and uneasy at the same time. I’m not sure whether to make up an excuse to run or hear what he has to say. Running seems like the more logical choice now that we’re alone, but I hesitate a moment too long. He shifts his weight, balling his fists, and joins me on the gravel.