Fragile Chaos

by Amber R. Duell

  My chest caves. Theo is going through with his threat then. I’m still not sure how I feel about Kisk, but I hate that Kiskens will be destroyed because of me rather than in spite of me. I’m the traitor here, not Oren, but he’ll pay the price for my foolishness. Maybe he already has.

  “I’m also worried about you,” Goran adds.

  “Me?” I choke back a sob. “You should be glad to see me go after this.”

  His gaze cuts to my face, his expression hard. “I don’t believe you did what Theodric thinks you did.”

  A sudden, desperate weightlessness sends me stumbling from the bed. I right myself and hold my breath, my lips parted, waiting for the punch line. If Theo doesn’t believe me, there’s no way Goran does. But maybe. At least he seems willing to give me an opportunity to explain.

  “Did you?” he asks.

  “Maybe. I don’t know.” My throat is like sandpaper as I swallow. “What exactly does he think I did?”

  “That you conspired with Astra. That she told you to manipulate him into accepting your sacrifice for your brother’s sake.” His eyes bore into me, searching for the truth but hoping for one version of it. “Maybe for Kisk too.”

  “I didn’t do anything for Kisk,” I mutter. My shoulders slump under the burden of his stare. “I didn’t do anything for my brother, either, but I wanted to. I was going to.”

  Goran steps closer. “But?”

  “But.” My cheeks burn and I heave a sigh. “But my feelings got in the way, and I couldn’t do it.”

  “You did, though,” he says cautiously.

  “I know,” I mumble. The reminder pricks at my center. “But my intentions weren’t…this.”

  There were no intentions. Other than the fleeting moment I brought up the war in the kitchen, I didn’t think about anything other than Theo until I woke up the next morning. Even if I hadn’t changed my mind before we slept together, I wouldn’t have had the willpower to stop. If that makes me a horrible person, so be it.

  “Is Oren dead?” I ask after a long silence.

  Goran shoves his hands in his jean pockets. “He wasn’t when I left.”

  My stomach churns. “But he will be?” I don’t need to ask to know the answer, but I can’t help wanting to hear it confirmed.

  “I sincerely hope not.”

  “Did Theo honor your sacrifice?” I blurt in a raw voice.

  “What?” Goran’s eyebrows shoot up.

  I perch on the edge of the bed, too weary to continue standing. “When you came here, did he honor it?”

  Goran’s silence rings in my ears until he finally nods. “I led my troops to a fort without knowing the enemy took it days before. After retreating to an old tower, we came under siege, but we were too outnumbered and weren’t properly supplied. Theodric got them all out.”

  Jealousy swells inside me. Why couldn’t things have been that simple for me? The least Theo could’ve done was save Oren if he didn’t want the war to end. “Can you help me?” I ask. I’m fairly certain I know the answer to this question too.

  “I’ve done all I can,” he says quietly. “He won’t listen. Maybe when he calms down you can explain yourself.”

  My eyes drift to the blue walls, the corners blurring. I’ve done all the explaining I’m willing to do. Theo won’t calm down. Not for a long, long time. A thousand years have passed since the Ostran War, and he’s still holding a grudge for what happened. Humans will probably be extinct before he even thinks about hearing me out.

  “Thanks, Goran.” I blink. “I appreciate your vote of confidence.”

  He leans into the hall and produces the breakfast tray. “Don’t start giving up now.”

  “I won’t.”

  I offer him a small smile as the tray lands on my lap. He’s wrong; I have given up. It took years from the first blow to tear me down, but it finally happened. I’ve lived through more sorrow than joy in my sixteen years. I’m tired and alone and I can’t handle anything else. I can’t.

  After Goran leaves, I set the tray on the nightstand. As hungry as I am, I have no appetite.

  “Where is he?” A man’s voice booms up the staircase to the third floor. It reverberates off the walls of my room, sending my heart flying into my throat. Ebris. It seems like forever ago that I heard him argue with Theo in another language, but I would recognize his tenor anywhere. I stumble over the rug and grab the footboard to keep from face planting. My pulse echoes in my ears as I thunder down the steps.

  “I want to see him now,” he shouts.

  My palms are slick against the railing. Did he hear me? If Ebris was listening to my prayer, it obviously wasn’t received well. Maybe I should be running in the opposite direction.

  “He left.” Goran’s back is to the bottom of the stairs when I round the final spiral. His hands are held away from his sides, and I pause a few steps from the landing. “I can’t get him back. He took the ring.”

  “I can go,” Leander says.

  My breath catches. I’m not an expert, but I doubt the King of the Gods needs Death as backup. Not unless he wants me to have a VIP pass to the Netherworld. I shouldn’t have asked for leniency for Theo by putting the blame on myself. What did I think Ebris would do? Send me to my room without dinner? I bite my bottom lip and back up the staircase slowly, barely moving in fear the motion will be noticed.

  “A lot of good you did the last time,” Ebris snaps. “You said you were hopeful the war would end. That it looked like he would accept the girl.”

  “Well, I was hopeful and he did accept her,” Leander says calmly.

  “For all it was worth. You—” Ebris roars. “Show me his plan to destroy the island, or I swear I’ll flay you with my bare hands.”

  Goran steps aside and motions to the back of the mansion. “He smashed the war table, but you’re welcome to see for yourself.”

  “See what?” Theo strides through the front door and the world slows. He brushes a bit of dust from his sleeves and the crisp scent of Kisken winter drifts up the staircase. I watch as the familiar powder lifts, dancing with each subtle movement in the air.

  Oh, Theo. What did you do?

  I want to run to him, wrap my arms around his waist and tell him how sorry I am. I want to tell him I love him and I never meant any of it. I want it so badly my whole body shakes, but it’s impossible. We both made sure of that.

  “Enough is enough, Theodric.” The King of the Gods darts into view, his chest nearly bumping Theo’s, and I stifle a gasp. Brutality shadows Ebris’ features. His teeth are bared; his square jaw locked. “How many times do I have to say it?”

  Theo’s face contorts with a fury so deep, he’s hardly recognizable. “This is my choice. My role to play. You’ve taken enough from me.”

  The veins in Ebris’ neck throb. He isn’t as big as Theo, but I don’t doubt for a moment he holds more strength in his fists than Theo holds in his entire body. I’ve seen what he can do without trying. “This is a new era,” Ebris says. “We can’t entertain wars for your amusement anymore. Did you see what that bomb did to the mountain in Volkana?”

  Theo laughs, a harsh sound. “Did I see what it did? I was blown to bits stopping it from reaching its destination.”

  “If you were minutes later, it would have hit its target.”

  “You’re worried about my part, but no one seems to know how the Volks learned to harness antimatter,” Theo spits.

  “Don’t you dare try to pin this on me.”

  My heel slips as I back up another step, and both gods whip their heads in my direction. Heat floods me, roasting me from the inside out. My legs have trouble remembering how to stand and my arms hang limp at my sides. If it weren’t for my skin, I would be a puddle at their feet.

  “You’re owed your country and you shall have it,” Ebris says to me. His head tilts stiffly back and forth as if restraining himself is taking all his willpower.

  “She won’t.” Theodric glares at me with cold, hard eyes. It’s so different tha
n the way he looked at me twenty-four hours ago that my brain strains to accept the new truth all over again. “After dusk, there won’t be a Kisk left to save. Whoever wins the battle will win the island.”

  “Kisk will keep its freedom,” Ebris says in a flat voice.

  “There’s no chance of that happening. Volkana and Asgya will come at them from both sides, outnumbering the Kiskens seventy to one.”

  A tremor rolls over Ebris, power humming through the air around him. “Goran, ready counter measures. I’ll take care of this myself.”

  Goran bolts toward the war room without a moment’s hesitation, and I struggle to breathe.

  “Throwing you in the Between won’t change anything, will it? I want to more than I’ve wanted anything in a long time. It’s what I had planned, but I know you, Theodric. You’d come out two, three thousand years from now hungry for retribution and more determined than ever to get it.” Ebris steps back, his body tight as a bow string. “You’ll trade places with Leander until you learn the true price of war.”

  “What?” Theo and Leander shout in unison.

  Ebris holds up a hand. “Leander, you’ll work with Goran to put things right after I save Kisk. He seems quite capable. And you,” he points to Theo. “You’ll be chained in the Netherworld. Let’s see how well you greet the souls of the people you’ve condemned to death. When you appreciate human life instead of treating them like pawns, we’ll see about letting you out.”

  Theo’s face is tight, but I can’t tell if it’s anger or dread. War is his life. He’ll go crazy sorting people into neat little rows day after day, but Ebris has a point. He treats war as if the people aren’t real. They’re nothing more than pieces on his war table to be shuffled around at will, but I was more than that. Goran still is. Ebris can’t see the caring part of his brother, buried deep beneath the pain and need for control, because he isn’t looking.

  Perhaps if I hadn’t lied, or I had been able to properly explain, we wouldn’t be in this situation and Ebris would have to come around. Maybe not with this war but with the next. I can’t accept responsibility for what Theo’s doing out of spite, but I know my part in it. I started down the path to this end weeks ago when I convinced myself that using him was justified.

  Aren’t we the same? Using people without a care for who gets hurt in the process. Theo is simply working on a grander scale.

  Theo’s hand shifts to the hilt of his sword. My mouth runs dry, my muscles seizing. He can’t seriously mean to raise it against Ebris. But he will. I see it in each taught line of his body.

  “Wait.” I fly down the steps and find myself between Theo and Ebris. The air is thicker here, overpowering, and my limbs go numb. “The only one who can fix this in time is Theo. He knows all the players and where they are. Goran and Leander would only be able to make educated guesses. No offense,” I add to Leander. “And Theo will only make things worse in the Netherworld. Souls would probably get lost or sent somewhere they shouldn’t.”

  I’m babbling now. I have no idea how the Netherworld works, but I’m sure if anyone can mess it up, it’s Theo. And he’d likely do it on purpose to prove another point.

  “They’ll manage,” Ebris says slowly.

  “I’ll go,” I whisper. The image of Oskar pushing the pearl across the seabed rises to the front of my mind. I say it without looking at them, without thinking, because, if I do either, I will lose my nerve and collapse in a useless heap. “I’ll help Leander sort the dead in Theo’s place. I’m his partner now, right? As his bride, I carry the same weight. Let me go instead. With Leander’s help, everything will run smoothly and Theo can bring peace to the West.”

  “He’ll learn nothing from that.” Ebris says it dismissively, as if I have no idea what I’m talking about. He’s right. I don’t. But I do know Theo, and Theo knows war.

  “I agree to it,” Leander says. I search his face for a hidden meaning, but his expression betrays nothing. He steps forward rubbing one hand nervously against the other. “She’s right. He accepted her. By law, she can carry his punishment.”

  “It isn’t your place to decide,” Ebris says.

  “This is about Theodric not adhering to the rules,” Leander says. “If there’s ever a time to uphold them, it’s now.”

  Heavy silence snuffs the oxygen from the entryway. I clutch at the hem of my shirt to keep from reaching out to Theo for comfort. He’s so close I would barely have to raise my arms to touch him. His body heat shimmers against me, but I have to stay strong. This is what I deserve for my role in this disaster, for lying and being too cowardly to tell him the truth about Oren when I first heard it. Ending the war, bowing to Ebris’ demands, is his punishment for lying to me.

  I draw in a shallow breath. If Theo were anyone else, I would hope this would make him realize I wasn’t trying to be dishonest. That I do care for him. But he’s Theo. I can’t have such lofty wishes.

  “Fine,” Ebris grinds out. “You have three months to end the entire war with Kisk a free country. If you fail, she stays in the Netherworld permanently and you’ll go to the Between.”

  “No,” Theo growls.

  “No to which part? It’s a fair deal.”

  “She stays here.”

  I glance up before I can stop myself. Theo flushes. He’s purposely not looking in my direction, but he can’t hide the edge of panic in his eyes or his too rapid breath.

  Ebris shrugs. “Enjoy your time chained in the Netherworld, then.”

  Theo’s forearm stiffens beneath my hand when I grab hold. “What are you doing? You hate me now, so what does it matter? Let me do this.” For you, for me, for everyone. For the living, who will be saved under an experienced god and the dead who will be able to pass on without trouble. And maybe, just maybe, this will stop guilt from eating me alive.

  “No,” he says again without meeting my gaze.

  “Theo.” I dig my fingers into his forearm. “Take this as my apology and go help Goran.”

  He works his jaw, his breath coming even faster now, but he doesn’t reject the idea again. I want to heave a sigh of relief but can’t manage it. This is the last time I’ll see him for a long time, if I ever see him again. I want to leave on a better note. One where he tells me he isn’t mad and he doesn’t want to murder me after inflicting horrible pain. I want to tell him I understand where he’s coming from. That I forgive him even though it’s unforgivable. He’s a god and that’s a much bigger difference than I realized.

  “Come on.” Leander gently taps my shoulder. “I’ll come back for your things later.”

  I nod. My fingers are stiff as I release Theo. My chest aches as I follow Leander out the front door, praying I don’t faint.

  Please, Theo, don’t think to raise your sword against Ebris again.

  I fight the urge to look over my shoulder as we cross the courtyard. If Leander were different, I’m not sure I would have the courage to go through with this. I take a shaky breath and focus on his narrow back. Whatever horrors wait in the land of the dead, I have to believe Theo’s going along with his end of the agreement. Otherwise, this is all for nothing.

  Cassia doesn’t turn around as Leander leads her from the mansion. I’m not sure I expected her to, but it doesn’t hurt any less when it doesn’t happen. I should stop this while I still can. Run after her and force her to stay. The Netherworld for a mortal is the same as the Between. I can handle the darkness—to spare her, I can. What I can’t handle is her staying with Leander. I’m not a fool. I know how charming he is. There isn’t a cruel bone in his body.

  I lock my knees, curling my hands into fists. It shouldn’t matter what she does anymore, what torture she endures, but my traitorous heart is shattering. They aren’t even at the temple yet, and the ability to hate her has already left me. A taut string of anxiety takes its place.

  Maybe this is for the best. Leander will treat her better than I ever have, and I won’t have to live with the reminder of her betrayal every day. Because I couldn
’t have killed her. As angry as I was, as I still am, I couldn’t have done it. Her brother, yes. Her country, without a doubt. Her? Never.

  “You’re lucky to have such loyal friends,” Ebris snarls behind me.

  We’re alone now, so I don’t turn from the window. It’s easier to face the empty courtyard than risk breaking his nose with my fist. My hand twitches toward my hip. I can’t draw my sword, either. Not if I want to see Cassia again.

  “Loyal?” I scoff. Goran is, even if he refused to stand behind me in this. I don’t know about Cassia, but Leander didn’t do this for me. He did it because he’s lonely.

  “Don’t mess this up, Theodric.” Ebris moves to block the window with his wide frame. “I’ve been more lenient than you deserve. If you throw this in my face, you won’t like the repercussions.”

  My nostrils flare as I match his stare. If he doesn’t leave soon, I won’t be able to hold myself in check. “I heard you the first time.”

  “Did you?” He steps closer. “Did you hear me the first time I told you to end this war? Or the second? What about the third?”

  I slam my jaw shut. He’s trying to goad me into ruining this, but I won’t give him the satisfaction. I’ve spent so long trying to prove I’m in control that to lose it now would be a mistake. “I heard you,” I say again.

  Feminine voices cut through the courtyard, loud and screeching. I can’t see over Ebris’ shoulder, but I don’t need to in order to recognize them both. “What now?” I mutter, sidestepping my brother. I fling the door open as Brisa drags a hysterical, sobbing Astra up the stoop. “This isn’t a good time.”

  Brisa scowls at me from under her lashes and blows a curl away from her mouth. “You’re welcome,” she huffs. When the door slams shut, she tosses Astra away from her and leans on her knees. “She’s a scrappy one.”