The Forgotten Debutante (Cotillion Ball)

by Becky Lower

  Gertrude was right behind her at seventeen. Her dark brunette hair and large, striking blue eyes set her apart from other women. But it was the intelligence behind those blue eyes that made her most appealing, if a man bothered to look beneath her surface beauty. Zeke had no doubt some young man would find her irresistible soon. Hannah was still a child at fifteen, but she might end up being the prettiest of the sisters when all was said and done. And Isaiah, who had turned fourteen a few months prior, was already adding on muscle to his childish frame. In no time at all, he’d be a strapping young man. Momma had aged overnight, though, with Daddy’s death. How was it possible her hair turned gray so quickly? And the lines of her face, which had been laugh lines when Zeke was growing up, were now furrows of worry.

  “Your daddy loved this scrap of land, but it wore him down over the years and now has killed him. The rest of you don’t need to suffer in the same way.”

  Zeke stared at his mother. “What are you saying, Momma? You’re going to sell the farm? Leave everything, leave the only home, the only life we’ve ever had, behind?”

  “Yes, son, it’s what I’m going to do. Your daddy held on to it because Adam loved it so, but Adam’s gone now, as is your father. If your brothers were still with us, I might think differently. But you’re not cut out to be a farmer, and Isaiah is too young to take over such a heavy burden. Besides, I’m sick and tired of the constant odor of cow dung.”

  Zeke fisted his hands and placed them on top of the table as his sisters chattered excitedly at the sudden change in their circumstances. Leaving the farm was something they had never considered. He rolled his broad shoulders to release some of the sudden tension buildup. “But Daddy told me to bring the remains of my brothers here to be buried. I can’t do that now if the farm is going to belong to someone else.”

  His mother nodded her agreement. “A foolish notion if ever there was one, in my opinion. You’re relieved of your responsibility there as well, Zeke.”

  Zeke stood from the table and began to pace around the kitchen. “So all of Daddy’s hard work to maintain the farm has been for nothing?”

  His mother pierced him with a hot stare. “No, not for nothing. I’ve already been approached by our neighbor, Warren. He wishes to buy the place and is willing to pay top dollar for it. I’ll have more than enough money to get all of us to Oregon now.”

  “Oregon?” Zeke’s voice rose by a couple of octaves, but he couldn’t control it. “Why in God’s name would we move to Oregon?”

  Levi rose from the table and joined Zeke, putting an arm around his new brother-in-law. Zeke flexed his muscles underneath Levi’s arm and waited for him to speak.

  “Your mother wishes to move to Oregon to continue to be close to Frederica. Your sister and I have been planning to move there since we first started dating, but we never had enough money before to outfit a wagon. Now, your mother can provide for all of us, and I’m willing to take on the responsibility for her, and your younger siblings, too. Especially now since you’ll be joining us.”

  Zeke stared at Levi as the room began to swim. He found it hard to catch his breath. So many changes coming all at once. He sank into a seat before he collapsed onto the floor, and wiped his hand over his eyes.

  He no longer had to be a farmer.

  He could offer Saffron more than a humble existence.

  He had no idea what to do next.

  “So you’ve been planning your move for some time?”

  Frederica replied. “We’ve hoped to, as Levi said, but until now, we couldn’t see any way to get there.”

  “So Daddy’s death is giving you what you longed for?”

  Zeke’s mother sat beside him and wrapped her arms around him.

  “Your daddy’s death is giving us all a chance at a future, not just Frederica. All of us. Please say you’ll come with us.”

  “When will you leave?”

  Levi assumed an air of importance as he picked up the pacing Zeke had been doing. “We need to get to St. Joseph by March in order to be one of the first wagon trains to depart. Frederica and I figured we should head out fairly soon, since the weather will be a factor on the first leg of the journey. It may take us a couple of months to get from here to Missouri, and I’d rather be early than late.”

  Zeke studied the man. Levi had grown up on a neighboring farm and he and Zeke and been friends for years. Levi was a strong man, but he’d only ever been a farmer and was a wide-eyed innocent in the ways of the world. Yet Zeke’s mother was going to entrust Levi to bring her family safely to the other side of the country. He shook his head at the foolhardy mission.

  “I’m sorry, Levi, if it’s going to change your plans, but I can’t join you on the journey. At least not right away. I’ve got to take care of getting my brothers into a Union cemetery now that bringing them here is out of the question. Maybe after I fulfill my obligation to them and to Daddy, I can join you. But I’ll stay long enough to see you off on your journey.”

  As December gave way to January, Zeke helped his mother load the few remaining items into the wagon and waved goodbye until his family disappeared over the horizon. If he could, by some huge miracle, convince Saffron to take a westward journey with him, they could catch up with the wagon in St. Joseph. He moved from his spot in front of the only home he’d ever known, loath to leave but anxious to see Saffron again.

  He had to convince her to join him in America’s exciting westward expansion. To convince her that simply because she’d grown up with wealth and comfort, she didn’t need to continue such a lifestyle, which didn’t suit her any better than it did him. Or if all else failed, to say goodbye one final time. He ran his hand over his eyes again. In actual fact, he was returning to DC on a fool’s mission if he expected any outcome other than a final end to their relationship.

  It was worth a try, though. Saffron was worth a try.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Saffron kept telling herself she wasn’t worried when Zeke didn’t return to DC right away from his trip home, even if she did find herself tapping her feet while she waited as each long hour dragged by. Anything could have happened to delay him by a few days or even a week. She had jumped back into her workday, logging in the letters coming to the Reburial Program from all parts of the country and then filing them into the appropriate folders. When the time came to retrieve the bodies, Saffron and the others in her department would have everyone organized, and the work would proceed smoothly.

  She tossed and turned each night, losing sleep as she came up with one wild scenario after the other as to what had caused his delay when Zeke didn’t return the second week of the new year. She didn’t believe he’d stay on the farm and not come back, despite Grace’s notions. At least not without telling her what he was doing. He was as smitten with her as she was with him—of that much she was certain—and she hadn’t slaved over pie dough during her holiday for nothing. She had plans to marry him. So where was he? She bit her lip as she pondered the question.

  Finally, at the end of the second week of January, he walked into the office. Saffron’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest when his familiar voice rang out down the hall as he greeted the others. Although she longed to rush down the hall and propel herself into his arms, she had to remind herself she was angry with him for his tardiness. And she had to remind herself to play hard to get. He’d need to work hard for the second kiss he had been asking for. His first kiss had been the stuff of her dreams for three years now. The second one had to be every bit as monumental.

  Even though her body strained toward him, especially when he called out a greeting to Suzanne, she held back. A kiss in front of a crowd of coworkers would not be nearly monumental enough, even if it would put Suzanne in her place. He finally entered the small office they shared, and she glanced up from the folder she’d been holding onto.

  “Welcome back, Zeke. I wondered if you were gone for good.” Saffron was pleased her voice came out in a well-modulated tone. If there was a slight
quaver, she hoped she was the only one who noticed.

  He set his hat on the desk—their desk. Then he stared at her, his bottle-green eyes all-consuming. It was almost as if he were dying of thirst and only she could provide him the life-giving water he needed. Well, after all the worry he’d caused her over the past two weeks, he could be parched a bit longer. She’d remain unaffected in his presence and not go soft and gooey. Even as she scolded herself, she could not break eye contact with him.

  “How was your holiday?” Zeke spoke, finally, and propped one hip on the desk as he continued to stare at her.

  She brushed a hand over her chignon. So, no explanation for his tardiness? If he wished to be nonchalant, so could she. “Oh, it was great fun. Nice to be home again. And yours?”

  “It was interesting.”

  “Must have been, since you’re two weeks late getting back here.”

  He grinned. “It’s so nice that you’ve been breathlessly counting the minutes until my return.”

  She rose and walked around the desk until she stood in front of him. Although she did have to stand on her tiptoes to even come close to his eye level. Her chin rose as she glared at him. “I did not ‘breathlessly’ count the minutes. I had to cover for you. I didn’t appreciate the extra work. That’s all.”

  He reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Are you certain that’s all?” His voice was low, and her ear tickled at the sound. Her heart rate sped up, and his touch, as innocent as it might have been, made her knees weak.

  She needed to back away.

  She needed to lean in and let him kiss her.

  Making her decision, Saffron leaned forward. His hand cupped her cheek and brought her face to meet his. The kiss began quietly, softly. They were merely two friends welcoming each other. Then his tongue slid across her lips. The intimate contact made her gasp, and she opened her mouth. His errant tongue found its way in, and Saffron could no longer control her emotions, which she’d tried so valiantly to keep in check. She responded to the jolt of electricity that coursed through her body, wrapped her arms around his familiar form, pressed her body up against his hard muscular frame, and kissed him back every bit as fiercely. She breathed in his scent, a mix of the outdoors and shaving cream. She could not stop herself from reacting.

  The whimper at the back of her throat brought both of them crashing to the present. They broke contact, and Zeke dropped his hands. She reluctantly let go of him as well.

  What had she been doing? They were in a public place. If Halwyn had chosen to walk into the room the moment she let her longing for Zeke be shown, he would have kicked Zeke out of the building. And out of her life. She ran a hand over her now-swollen lips before she turned back toward her desk and began to shuffle papers around, hoping to hide her flushed skin and her pulsing heartbeat.

  “Well, welcome back, even if you are two weeks late.”

  By the way her lips were tingling, her body told her their second kiss might have been even more spectacular than the first.

  • • •

  “I have a good reason for being weeks late,” Zeke attempted to control his emotions. Right now, he was somewhere between the ecstasy of her kiss and the agony of her words. His body was shooting off all kinds of sparks, and he had to control them. If Saffron wished to be nonchalant about their kiss instead of professing her love for him, so could he, although the kiss had been wonderful. Anger seemed a good alternative.

  “And what might your excuse be?” Saffron returned to the desk and sat, acting as if their kiss meant nothing. Yet she was the one who had moaned, not him. He glanced at her. She appeared to be as cool as the outside temperature. If he hadn’t seen a slight tremor in her hand as she patted her blonde hair before she picked up the papers on the desk, he would have sworn he’d been dreaming. Lord knew, he’d spent enough time doing just that with this woman. Well, if she could act unaffected, so, by God, could he.

  “My father was killed by an errant horse hoof the night before I arrived home.” He hadn’t meant to be so blunt about it, but Saffron had him riled up. He immediately regretted his words as he witnessed her tears.

  “Oh, Zeke, I’m so sorry.” She wiped away the wet from her cheeks. Zeke longed to touch her, to be the one wiping her tears. Kissing them from her cheeks. Instead, he sat, imitating a hen guarding her eggs, and waited.

  “So what happens now? Do you need to return home and run the farm?” He caught the slight hitch in her speech. Maybe he had affected her the same way she did him.

  “No. There’s no longer any farm to run. My sister, Frederica, got married a few months ago, and she and her husband have been planning to head west on a wagon train. So Momma and the rest of my sisters and my brother are going with them.”

  Saffron stared at him for a long minute and then mumbled something under her breath.

  “Sorry, I didn’t catch what you said.”

  “I said, damn pie crust anyway. Not that it has any meaning for you.”

  Her nostrils flared as she rose and flounced out of the room.

  Zeke’s head spun. He’d experienced the second finest kiss in his life, with her, had been highly aroused, was certain the feeling had been reciprocated, and now she left in a huff at his pronouncement there was no longer a farm for him to take her to. He shook his head as he adjusted his pants to make room for the sizable erection she had caused with their kiss. He couldn’t wait until he could get her alone and kiss her again. This time, it would be good and proper. And last a whole lot longer. But there would be no third kiss if he couldn’t figure out what had made her so angry.

  He figured she’d welcome the news he no longer needed to be a farmer. Instead, she turned on him with a mention of pie crust. He could make no sense out of Saffron at all. The only thing he was certain of was he had it for her in a bad way.

  Maybe they could have lunch together, and he could present his options for his future and see which one appealed to her most. He could marry her right away, and they could meet up with the wagon train in St. Joe before it departed in the spring. Or, he could marry her right away and enlist in the military, continuing to do the work they were both involved in.

  He didn’t care either way, as long as the first part of his ideas happened soon. All he hoped for was to marry her right away so she couldn’t walk out on him again. Either from the room or from his life.

  But even though Saffron might be a bit impetuous and inclined to go along with his plans, her brother was not. Zeke would need to present to Halwyn the merits for whichever idea Saffron favored. So Zeke had better spend his lunch hour alone, going over in his mind the ramifications of each choice before he presented them to Saffron and then to Halwyn.

  He’d spent the day before he left the farm preparing a chart with the various pros and cons, because each option would present challenges and would mean a total change in Saffron’s way of life. He needed to convince her first that marriage to him would continue to be an adventure. Only then could he present whichever option Saffron favored in the best possible light for Halwyn’s perusal.

  He didn’t even want to contemplate the third alternative to his future—Saffron not agreeing to either of his options and selecting another man to spend her life with.

  With a heavy sigh, Zeke turned his attention to the pile of paperwork that had accumulated during his absence.

  He was being paid to work, not to dream about holding Saffron in his arms. He caught a whiff of her spicy, floral scent that lingered in the air. At least not yet.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  It was finally too cold in Washington, DC, to eat outdoors. Even as late as early December, there had been a handful of days where the air was crisp but not cold, and made for good lunchtime weather. But late January was a whole different story, as an arctic blast blew people around. Saffron had managed to stay away from the desk most of the morning and avoid Zeke. She got caught up on her filing, which was done in a small, enclosed room, but her stomach’s rumbli
ngs told her it was time to eat.

  And the lunch their cook had prepared before she and Halwyn left home in the morning was in the desk drawer. Merely pondering the salty ham sandwich made her mouth water and her stomach roar. But eating would mean she’d see Zeke. And she had a righteous anger against him. All her work in the kitchen over Christmas was for naught. There was no farm to go to. She blinked away the tears brimming her eyes. She had so wanted to see the farm.

  She inhaled sharply, removed the apron she’d donned while doing the filing, straightened out her purple-and-white striped skirt and walked back into the small chamber she and Zeke shared. His green eyes sparkled when she walked into the room. When she banged into the side of their shared desk and yelped, his grin nearly made her loosen her resolve to not be friendly. Without a word, she opened a drawer and pulled out her lunch before she sat in the chair on the opposite side of the desk.

  Zeke’s grin faded, but his eyes wouldn’t leave her alone. They ran down her face, making her warm and shivery at the same time. She could feel the blush climbing to her cheeks as she took a large bite of her sandwich.

  “As cute as your cold shoulder treatment is, we need to talk.”

  Saffron nearly choked. She took her time chewing, dragging out their inevitable conversation. What did they have to talk about, anyway? His farm was gone, and with it went her dream of becoming a farmer’s wife. She took a sip of her beverage and then lifted her gaze to meet his.

  “You have something to say?” Could he feel the frost in her tone? She hoped so.

  “Quite a bit, actually. But I’d appreciate your input on how best to proceed.”

  Despite warning herself to not get involved with him, Saffron’s curiosity was piqued.

  “What can I possibly help you with?”

  “You can help me make sense of my future. Without a farm, there’s no need to bring my brothers’ bodies home. They can be buried in one of the national cemeteries being set up.”