The Forgotten Debutante (Cotillion Ball)

by Becky Lower

  She had followed his movements as he lurched across the field and walked, with the instinct of a homing pigeon, to the foot of an apple tree. He had fallen to his knees, wiped tears from his eyes, and sat among his brothers again. She had turned away from the private moment, only too aware of the atrocities he was reliving, and forced a smile onto her face. She had carried the boxes Zeke should have been shouldering, and made small talk with the others who were setting up camp.

  She was happy to be out from under Halwyn’s prying eyes, although there were others here with her who would be quick to report any rebellious activity back to him, so she still needed to be careful in her dealings with Zeke, happy to inhale the fresh, country air, and happy to get started on their monumental task. It would probably take years to collect all the bodies left behind on the various battlefields but this was the beginning. So much of her last three years had been invested in researching the Chancellorsville battle, in documenting where people said the bodies were buried, in imagining how those days must have seemed endless, and in grasping why a boy of sixteen would need to escape the carnage he was witnessing and run back to the safety of his home.

  Zeke’s humor would improve as the days progressed. How could it not? He had chafed under Halwyn’s watchful eye as well, and from their conversations, and their kisses, she knew he longed for more time alone with her. This was their golden opportunity to become more familiar with each other as a man and a woman. Saffron’s hands fluttered in excitement as she pondered the days, and the nights, to come. Of course, they were surrounded by soldiers and other program workers, so they weren’t exactly alone. But the situation did give them a bit more flexibility, and they could take their courtship to a different level. Take long walks at dusk. Maybe do more than kiss. Perhaps she could replace Zeke’s bad memories of what had happened here with some new ones. Better ones.

  Their talk earlier in the day when they’d walked around the fields seemed to be the first step. Now, he needed to join her for dinner, after which they could escape into the darkness and steal a few kisses from each other.

  She lingered over the meal. The rest of the field team had arrived over the course of the day, and the meal tent was raucous, but Saffron didn’t join in the merriment. She kept glancing at the vacant chair beside her as she waited for Zeke, but he never showed. Finally, she made her way over to the tent where the men were housed and nodded to Jacob, the man sitting outside.

  “I’m searching for Zeke Boone. Any idea where he’s at?”

  “I suppose by now he’s back in DC.”

  Saffron shook her head. “No, he was to come here, as part of the field group. And he was here earlier.”

  “The last of the wagons had orders for him to return to DC as soon as possible. So, he boarded the wagon headed for home.”

  “But he didn’t even say goodbye …”

  “He probably hoped to spare you from seeing him in handcuffs, Saffron.”

  Her head came up. “Handcuffs? Why was he in them?”

  “He’s been charged with desertion from the army.”

  “But he didn’t desert. He’s reenlisting. There has to be some mistake. What will happen now?”

  “He’ll be put on trial. And if found guilty, he’ll hang.”

  Saffron put her hand to her head to keep it from spinning. She fell into a seat beside Jacob as her legs gave out and her stomach threatened to expel the contents of her dinner.

  “How long does the process usually take?”

  “A couple weeks. Maybe more.”

  “I have to get back to DC then, as quickly as I can. I have a feeling Halwyn thinks he discovered something in Zeke’s records, and I need to straighten him out.”

  “The next supply wagon will be here by the end of the week. I’m sure they’ll let you ride back with them.”

  Saffron closed her eyes, forcing the tears to retreat. If only she’d opted for the choice of moving west with his family instead of having the life of a military wife, his prior military career would not have come under scrutiny. He would not have been charged with desertion. It was all her fault. Now she had to be strong, for both her sake and for Zeke’s.

  But she’d never stood up to her brother before. He’d always been the one who did things correctly, and she’d always been the one who went along with whatever he came up with. Now, by her relationship with Zeke, she was in direct defiance of him. A place she’d never believed she’d be.

  But her future happiness was at stake. Zeke’s life was at stake. She’d go toe to toe with Halwyn if she must.

  “I can’t wait until the end of the week. I’ll figure out a way to get back there in the morning.”

  • • •

  The next afternoon, Saffron dashed into Halwyn’s office without knocking. Halwyn lifted his head from his hands, and his startled gaze settled on her disheveled appearance. She had encouraged the wagon driver to go as fast as possible on the return trip from Chancellorsville, and as a consequence, she’d lost most of her hairpins in the wind. But none of her resolve.

  “What have you done?” she asked.

  The entire way back from Chancellorsville, she’d had one idea after another about how best to approach Halwyn. She had tried out several different conversations in her head and had decided to try to cajole him, much as she had done when she was younger and had tried to get her way with him. However, once she entered the room, anger overrode her previous decision to sweet-talk her brother.

  Halwyn ran a hand through his hair. “You’re back. I figured you’d come, even though you may lose your job in the process. You’re assigned to Chancellorsville.”

  “I don’t give a fig about my job right now. What have you done with Zeke?”

  “Saffron, sit. I tried everything I could, but it wasn’t enough.”

  Saffron paced instead. “What do you mean, you did everything you could?”

  “He’s been charged with desertion from the army three years ago and will hang for it if he’s found guilty. I delayed putting through his request to rejoin the army, because I couldn’t find any discharge papers on him. I feared this would be the outcome.”

  “Well, then, why did you put through his request in the first place? Is this to be his punishment for loving me? Do you hate him so much?”

  Halwyn rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t hate him, Saffy. I may not appreciate his brash attitude, but no man deserves to be hanged. I started his reenlistment process immediately after he told me of his wishes, and notified the commanding officer a new recruit was forthcoming. When I noted the discrepancy, I stalled on filing the paperwork as long as I could. However the army is eager for new recruits, and I had to turn over my findings.”

  Saffron wrung her hands together. “Did Zeke give you any explanation when he was brought back?”

  “No. He accepted his fate almost as if it were expected. That’s what I don’t get. “

  “Where is he? I need to talk to him.”

  “He’s in the jail at Fort Myer. Perhaps you can you convince him to at least fight the decision? Otherwise, the army will do its job.”

  She straightened her spine, searching for strength. “Well, in this case, the army didn’t do as good a job as it should have. You didn’t do as good a job as you should have. My question is why Zeke didn’t say anything. I need to talk some sense into him.”

  “You’ll be pitting yourself against the army now, though. It’s the military’s business, not yours.”

  Saffron inhaled a deep breath and grasped the back of a chair. Halwyn was trying to protect her again, as he had her entire life. But now, in the biggest problem of her life, even Halwyn couldn’t smooth the way. Her future with Zeke was being threatened, and she had to figure out why he hadn’t stood up for himself. She squared her shoulders and faced her brother.

  “Anything to do with Zeke involves me. We became engaged several months ago and were waiting until his enlistment was approved to say anything to you. So I need to talk to my fia
ncé right now.”

  Halwyn finally rose from his desk and came to her side, where he wrapped his arms around her. “I had no idea the two of you had become so serious. I thought you were merely having a good time. Regardless of your feelings, though, this is not going to play out well. I’m sorry, Saffron. Truly I am. But unless he has a really ironclad, plausible reason for deserting, I’m afraid his hands are tied. I had hoped now, since the war is over, to have seen the last of death, but Zeke put himself in the army’s crosshairs.”

  She brushed his hands away. Tears stung her eyes as she stepped out of his grasp.

  “I have to talk to him, and if you won’t take me, I’ll find another way to get to Fort Myer.”

  Halwyn’s cheeks puffed out as he exhaled. “All right. I’ll take you. See if you can talk some sense into him.”

  “But I’ll talk to Zeke in private.”

  “Agreed. You’ll get five minutes alone.”

  She swung her gaze over to him. “It may take longer. He’s more stubborn than even you.”

  “Five minutes. The army won’t allow you any more time than that.”

  “Let’s go, then. I’ll take five minutes when the alternative is nothing.”

  Halwyn grabbed his hat, and they walked in silence the few blocks to the townhouse. They didn’t even go inside, but instead skirted around back to the carriage house where Halwyn hitched up a horse to a small open carriage. They were on their way to Fort Myer in Arlington, VA, before long.

  He flicked the reins over the horse’s back and settled back onto the seat. Saffron stared ahead, quietly willing the horse to quicken his pace.

  Halwyn tossed a glance in her direction. “What did you mean when you said the army didn’t get it right this time?”

  Saffron turned in her seat and gazed at his profile. “You feel the army can do no wrong?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying. But in this case, I’m the one who did the research. And something doesn’t add up. Hasn’t been adding up since I opened a file on him. Zeke was silent from the time he was handcuffed and brought here. I asked for an explanation, but he didn’t say anything. It was eerie. Almost as if he’d been expecting it. Waiting for it.”

  Saffron squirmed in her seat. “But that’s crazy! If he had any idea that by enlisting he’d be setting himself up for a court-martial, he never would have given me the option to pick from. At least I don’t think he’d be that impetuous. We would have instead joined his family in St. Joseph, where they’re poised to head west on a wagon train in a matter of days.”

  “So who decided on his rejoining the military?”

  “I guess he left the final decision up to me. Oh, Halwyn, this is all my fault!”

  She pulled her shawl tighter around her and wove her fingers into the fringe at its hem. Her stomach ached, and she bent over to ease the pain. She had a feeling she was the cause of Zeke’s behavior, and she needed to talk some sense into him. Only then could she talk some sense into her brother. And into the blasted army.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Zeke didn’t bother to rise from the cot he sat on in the stark jail cell, even when the sound of Saffron’s silk slippers made its way to his ears. Saffron had been a dream of his for years, and he finally acknowledged, in the depths of his soul, life with her would never be a reality. This interlude of theirs was similar to the one they’d shared three years before. Brief. Fleeting. Delicious.

  His body quaked at the idea of what was about to happen to him, but he accepted it without question. He figured for whatever reason, he had been spared on the battlefield when his brothers all died, so he could help his family get back on solid financial footing. But now, since the family was on its way to Oregon, the obligation was fulfilled, and he needed to join his brothers. They had pledged all for one and one for all. He had one last thing to do. Protect Saffron, at all cost. If hanging was the only way, so be it.

  He also figured Saffron needed an explanation, or she wouldn’t go quietly into a future without him. And she needed to do just that. He had been a brash young man when they’d first met, they had both been in a heightened state of excitement, and kissing her had seemed appropriate at the time. But she was no farmer’s wife, and he was a disgrace to the military, so it would be for the best if she’d turn her back on him. Her dainty footsteps flew down the hallway, so Zeke finally stood and went to the bars that separated them. The irony was not lost on him.

  She rushed up to the iron bars and put her hands through them, grabbing on to his shirt. “Why haven’t you told the army what really happened? You are no more deserving of a court-martial than I am.”

  Zeke placed one hand over hers and kept his voice low. “But it’s true I left the battlefield, which is technically desertion, even though I’d never enlisted in the first place. But your involvement in my getaway could also spell trouble for you. If I tell them what we did, and I tell them what you did to help me, you could be in as deeply as I am for aiding and abetting me.”

  “But you never enlisted in the first place! And, if you never enlisted, you couldn’t possibly be a deserter. The army is being ridiculous.”

  “Yet, it’s the way things are. You shouldn’t be embroiled in my mess any more than you are. If the army decided to take action against you, I’d never forgive myself. I need to join my brothers. It’s time. I could sense it as soon as I knelt by their graves.”

  Saffron’s eyes filled with tears. His belly knotted, and he had a heavy heart. He had hoped to give her tears of joy, but instead he’d saddled her with tears of sadness. He intertwined their fingers and kissed her hand.

  “Saffy, you deserve someone so much better than me. I love you with all my heart, but sometimes love isn’t enough. We come from totally different backgrounds, and there’s no way we could ever be a good match for each other. Halwyn sensed that we’re not a good match, too, and has tried his best to keep us from getting too close. That’s why he’s put so many roadblocks in front of us. I will always love you, but it’s time for both of us to accept our fates. And for you to go your way, as I go mine.”

  She pulled her hand away.” But if your way means death, I can’t let it happen. If you need to end our engagement, fine, I’ll let you off the hook there. But I can’t let you go to the gallows to protect me. I’ll talk to Halwyn, tell him of what we did those years ago, and see what he has to say.”

  “I’m not worth you getting in trouble with the army simply because of your act of kindness. You could be in as much trouble as I am, and they might issue you the same verdict.”

  Saffron’s head snapped up. She reached through the bars again, this time placing her hands on either side of his face and pulling him forward. Her lips met his in a fervent kiss, and he conjured up the taste of peaches on her breath.

  “Yes, you are worth it, Zeke. And I’ll prove it to you. I’m going to get you out of here, and then we’ll turn our backs on the military altogether. I’ve always hoped to explore the west. We’ll head to Oregon.”

  “The Promised Land?”

  “Exactly. It will be our Promised Land. I promise you that.”

  He’d let Saffron hold onto that promise if it would make things easier for her. Yet the chill pervading his body made him aware it was a foolish notion. No one could fight the army once it had made up its mind. He only hoped Saffron would be able to stand clear of the ensuing chaos.

  • • •

  Saffron dried her tears and made her way back to her brother’s side when the prison guard indicated her time with Zeke was up. She remained silent as Halwyn assisted her onto the carriage and they began the return trip home. She kept replaying in her mind how hopeless Zeke had appeared when she’d first arrived. It seemed almost as if he had resigned himself to his fate. She had to help. Once again, it was time for her to save him.

  She inhaled a deep breath and turned toward Halwyn. “If I tell you something, will you swear it will be only between us?”

  “Of course. You can tell me anything
.”

  “But what I’m about to tell you may be something you’ll feel compelled to reveal to your commanding officer.”

  Saffron wove her fingers together to keep from wringing her hands. Instead, she held her hands in her lap. She clasped them so tightly together her knuckles were white, but she hoped the billowing skirt of her gown would cover her anxiety.

  “I won’t tell anyone else what you’re about to say, Saffy. I promise.”

  She trusted Halwyn implicitly, so once she extracted his promise, she forged ahead.

  “Do you recall the time a few years ago, when I left the house unannounced during the draft riots and got punished for it?”

  “Yes, Mother and Father were frantic when you went missing.”

  Saffron smiled slightly. “I did give them a fright. But I had a good reason for disappearing. I had discovered Zeke in the carriage house and needed to get him out of town.”

  Halwyn stopped the carriage and turned toward her. His eyebrows lifted and his eyes, behind his glasses, grew large. “You did what?”

  “He was hiding in the carriage house and had taken all of Biscuit’s treats—her apples and carrots—and eaten them. That’s how I figured out someone had been in the building. I found him asleep in Biscuit’s stall.”

  “So you were acquainted with him before he came to work for the program?”

  Saffron’s head bobbed. “Yes, obviously. I’m not as impulsive as you think. I wouldn’t have allowed him to take me to a dance if I’d only met him a few weeks prior. Our relationship goes back years.”

  “What happened in the carriage house?”

  Saffron rolled her eyes. “Nothing inappropriate, I can assure you. He was a perfect gentleman. After his four brothers fell at Chancellorsville, he was the only one left, and his family needed him. The brothers received a letter from home before the battle and decided one of them should return to aid their ailing father. They elected Adam, the eldest, to be the one to head home, but after the battle ended, Zeke was the only one left.”