Nepenthe (Bracing for Love #2)

by Lindsay Paige

  “What is it?”

  I run my clammy hands over my thighs. “Nothing.” He stares at me until I huff. “Fine. The irritability, is that all due to the, uh, depression? Or only made worse by it?”

  “It depends. Are you as quick-tempered as before?”

  “Sometimes.”

  He seems to think about something before saying, “Here’s what we’re going to do. You haven’t been on this medication long enough for me to be comfortable making any adjustments yet. Instead, I want you to actively work on not letting things get to you and keeping your temper in check. Talk to Ms. Cynthia about it, she can help too. If that doesn’t help, then we’ll talk adjustments. See what you can do first, though.”

  When I get to Ms. Cynthia’s office, I have to wait because her prior appointment is running late, so I text Olivia.

  Me: Dr. Stewart may not be too bad after all.

  Olivia: Good appt then?

  Me: Yeah, waiting on Ms. Cynthia now. Hate waiting.

  Olivia: But you get to talk to me! :)

  Me: That makes it worth it. Gtg, have fun tutoring!

  I slide my phone into my back pocket as I walk over to where Ms. Cynthia is waiting. She leads me into the back where her office is.

  “You look like you’ve been sleeping better. Are Olivia’s nightmares gone?” she jumps right in.

  “For now, yeah.” I go ahead and explain everything that happened.

  “And what do you think about all of it?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, I wish she hadn’t gone through it, but all I want is to make her happy now. She’s done so much for me and that’s the least I can do in return.” That’s not the only reason why I want to make her happy. I’m not getting into that with Ms. Cynthia, though. “We’re going to see my siblings this week,” I add, ready to change the subject. “Should be fun.”

  “This might be a good time to tell them what’s going on with you. You’re doing better, you’re at a good place right now, and Olivia will be with you. We’ve already decided that she’s good for you. If you’re going to tell them, I have a feeling you need her there with you.”

  This weekend? As in less than a few days away? I would need way more time to prepare for something like that. “I don’t know.”

  “Why not? You manage to talk to me, Olivia, and Dr. Stewart. You can do the same with your siblings.”

  “I’ll think about it.” Probably not.

  With the last few minutes of our session, she gives me some techniques on how to not let an annoyance turn into anger. When I get home, I wonder if I’ll actually have the balls to tell my siblings the truth. I set my keys on the end table, pick up the football, and lie down on the couch. I begin tossing it up in the air.

  On the one hand, I don’t want to tell them. At least, not this weekend. Luce is still recovering from her surgery and she’s about to leave for spring break. No need to drop a bomb on her like that until after she’s back. Then again, is there ever really the right time to tell someone you’re on pills and going to therapy for depression?

  Plus, I’ll be there for an entire weekend. There wouldn’t be a way to escape, especially if Olivia is with me. She’ll force me to face them and any questions they have. That would be a good thing. However, it doesn’t mean I’ll like or enjoy it. How would I even bring it up? Hey, Patrick, pass me the mashed potatoes and by the way, I’m depressed. But, no worries. I see a psychiatrist who gives me pills and a therapist, who is a hateful old woman that I kind of like. Oh, my girlfriend knows too and she helps me.

  That sounds ridiculous! How the hell am I supposed to explain all of this to them in a way that makes sense? Sighing, I flick my wrist a little harder, the football going higher.

  The football.

  I’m tossing my football.

  It’s falling back into my hands as I realize this when Olivia says, “What are you doing with the football? I thought you two weren’t acknowledging each other.”

  Her voice startles me; I didn’t hear her enter. The football slips through my fingers, hitting me in the face. “Damn it, Olivia.”

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to make you lose your concentration.” She folds her arms over the back of the couch, peering down at me. I hand her the football. “Why are you giving it to me?”

  “I didn’t realize I was even doing that until just now.”

  “So I ruined it?” Her pretty little mouth frowns.

  “No, you didn’t. Just get over here already.” She walks around, placing the ball back in its place, and lies on me, resting her head on my chest. “I used to do that when I needed to think. I guess since it was sitting there, I grabbed it out of habit.”

  “What were you thinking about? Did it help?”

  I glide my fingers up and down her spine. “Maybe. Ms. Cynthia suggested I tell my siblings this weekend. Let’s talk about that later, okay? How was your day? I thought you would be gone longer for tutoring.”

  “It didn’t take as long as I thought it would. I had a good day. You?”

  “No complaints. Yoga or dinner first? I thought we could go out to eat.”

  “Yoga first then. What’s the plan for tomorrow?” At this, she lifts her head to look at me.

  “We’ll pack tonight. After I get off work, I’m going to get my bags and you, then we’ll be on our way.” I already booked a hotel since Grant lives with them now and Olivia is with me. We’d rather have a hotel room over the fold-out bed in the couch.

  “Okay. Let me lose the hoodie for the hoodie-hater.” She smirks as she gives me a pointed look.

  “I’m not a hoodie-hater. I’m a fan of being able to see what’s underneath it.”

  She rolls her eyes at me with a grin. We do yoga at her place, shower, and then I drive us to a nearby steakhouse. Olivia wears her hoodie, too. I’m ready for warmer weather, so I can see her without it. After we order, Olivia begins to tell me more about her day.

  “I shouldn’t have scheduled the tutoring session today, because I have to cram to study for my midterm tomorrow and so does the other student. I was stressed out because he knew it already! That’s why we ended early. We did a mock test, he passed, and I sent him on his way. I’ve done good so far on mine, but tomorrow’s is a big one.”

  “You’re too smart not to pass. I can quiz you after we pack if you want.”

  Olivia smiles. “Thanks. What did you do at work?”

  “Installed countertops, the sink, and started building the pantry.” I pause, wondering if I want to bring this up or not. “I don’t think I’ll go back to school in the fall. Or at least, not to continue with that degree. I talked to Hank some today and this is what I want to keep doing. Maybe I’ll go somewhere for programs with other similar work and then I can be an all-around handyman.” My smile falters for a moment. I went from the track to being a professional athlete to a handyman. Shaking my head, I get rid of those thoughts. I love carpentry more than football, so it shouldn’t be a bad thing that my path has taken a turn.

  “That’s great, Corey.” Olivia’s words and smile makes me shove any negativity into a corner far away from us. Dinner is spent laughing, debating who we think will ultimately end up with who on One Tree Hill, and learning more about each other. Afterwards, we go our separate ways to pack before I help Olivia study for her midterm tomorrow.

  These are the kind of nights I love.

  “HEY, CAN WE meet up with my brother tomorrow?” Olivia asks, turning down the radio. We’re en route to my siblings and Olivia has been singing at the top of her lungs for the past twenty minutes. She’s not bad, but she’s not good either. All I can do is chuckle, smile, and try to ignore her when she reaches across to slide the back of her fingers along my cheek as she sings to me. “I’ll see him over spring break, but you could meet him this way.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  She turns the knob on the radio, the music growing louder. She bobs her head and starts singing as dramatic as she was moments ago. I’ve never seen this side of
her, but we’ve never been on a “road trip” either.

  “Corey,” she begins, the volume lowering again.

  “Yeah?” I flick my eyes her way before focusing on the road again.

  “You’re boring. I’m singing and you’re not. You should sing with me.”

  I bark out a laugh. “No. I can’t sing.”

  “Neither can I, but that’s not stopping me. C’mon. I’m the only other person in the car, so it’s not like you’ll embarrass yourself in front of a group of people.” She starts searching the stations and squeals when she hears a song. I’ve heard it before. Something about girls wanting to have fun. “This is the perfect song, Corey! Sing!” The chorus starts and she dances in her seat, which is really her wiggling.

  My laughter can’t be contained as I switch my attention back and forth between her and the road. She pokes my arm, still wanting me to sing. She’s crazy. Maybe I am too because in a low voice, I sing the chorus. She better be glad I like her enough to do that, because it’s a one-time thing for her only. Her eyes widen and she starts giggling between words. I shake my head at her, a smile playing on my lips.

  We check in to the hotel around 8:30 p.m. since we left a little late and stopped to eat on the way here. After dropping our bags in the room, we make it to the house around nine. Cars are parked up and down the street and I wonder which house on this road is throwing a party.

  All the lights are shining through the window as I hold Olivia’s hand and walk up the steps. When I open the door, Lucy is standing there with a big smile on her face as all my former teammates who haven’t graduated yet stand behind her, including Jamal.

  “Surprise!”

  My lungs stop working while my heart pumps as fast as it can, rushing the blood to my head. I start to feel dizzy. My chest tightens and my hands start to sweat. Right there in front of me is everything I lost. Friends, teammates, and the game.

  “These guys still ask about you, so I thought it would be fun to get everyone together again,” Lucy continues as if I’m not about to have a full-blown panic attack in front of everyone.

  I try to scan the faces, but they start to blur together. “Fuck it all to hell,” I mutter. Olivia squeezes my hand, momentarily snapping me out of it. “Thanks, Luce. Hey, guys.” Swallowing hard, I barely lift my chin in greeting.

  “Corey.” I glance down at the sound of Olivia’s voice. “Show me where the restroom is before everyone starts talking to you.”

  Lucy starts to offer to do it for me, I assume, but I quickly begin to drag Olivia through the people and down the hallway. Just outside of the bathroom, I stop, position Olivia against the wall, and rest my forehead against hers for a moment of relief.

  But only a moment’s worth.

  “What the fuck was she thinking? Inviting all my old teammates?” My voice is low, but the panic is clearly heard. “I can’t do this. We need to leave. We can sneak out the back or something, but we can’t stay here. I can’t do it.”

  “Corey,” Olivia lifts her hands to frame my face, “breathe. She didn’t know she shouldn’t do this because you haven’t told them. We’re not leaving. You can do this. Those are not your teammates. Those guys are your friends. That’s how you need to look at it. They are your friends who want to catch up with the guy who abandoned them the moment he wasn’t their teammate. You didn’t have to lose them, so don’t make the same mistake twice. Now, go back out there with a smile on your face and talk to them.”

  With a deep breath, I nod. She lowers her hands, so I take one, intending to take her with me, but she stops me.

  “I’ll find you. My excuse was valid.” She points back to the bathroom.

  Shit. Olivia gives me a reassuring smile before giving me a gentle push away from her and into my worst nightmare. I’m surrounded when I return with lots of hey’s and hard slaps on the shoulder.

  “I still can’t believe you transferred to the dark side,” Jamal says with a shake of his head, talking about our rivals.

  “Yeah, they’re a bunch of arrogant bastards,” Dean, another teammate, adds.

  “From what I hear, they have every right to be since they whooped your asses this season,” I find myself telling them. Football isn’t what I want to talk about, yet here I am.

  Jamal laughs. “Well, are ya doing good over there? How’s their school?”

  “We know they have hot chicks,” Dean mumbles under his breath, eyes on someone behind me.

  I look over my shoulder to see Olivia talking to Lucy. My gaze hardens when I face Dean again. He’s a dog that wants to fuck every “hot chick” he lays his eyes on, regardless of any relationship she might be in. There’s no telling how many relationships he’s helped break up.

  “Don’t even go near her, Dean, or so help me, I’ll break both your hands,” I warn, completely serious.

  “Corey,” Olivia chides as she appears next to me. I immediately wrap an arm around her waist, tugging her closer to my side. “Hi, I’m Olivia,” she holds her hand out to Jamal, who shakes it.

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Jamal and this is Dean.”

  Olivia only smiles at Dean. Good girl.

  “I was trying to figure out how our boy is doing at his new school,” Jamal fills her in.

  I pause, wondering what I’m going to say as Dean quietly makes his exit to bother someone else. “I’m taking a break from school for a bit. I’m working with a carpentry company for now.” Maybe for forever.

  “Really? That’s great, man. You look good, a hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you.”

  The last time he saw me was during a particularly rough time. I hadn’t shaved in who knows how long, I barely left my room to do anything at all. We got into an argument over something stupid, I don’t remember what exactly, but he pissed me off so much that I hit him. Guilt rises up within me because I was a terrible friend and person in general to him.

  “Yeah, sorry about that,” I offer.

  He shrugs like it’s no big deal. A few other teammates come and drag Olivia and me away to do more talking. I’m offered a drink numerous times, but I always answer with, “No, thanks.” The surprised looks get annoying quick, but I ignore it. Tonight isn’t half bad. Football doesn’t come up as much as I thought it would. It helps that girls and others start showing up to take the focus away from me.

  What doesn’t help is that Dean keeps glancing over at Olivia. It wouldn’t bother me nearly as much if I didn’t know what a pig he is. He wouldn’t have any issues trying to get Olivia to sneak away with him for a quickie. I hate that he’s looking at her, but I do my best to ignore it for the simple fact that she’s mine and she wouldn’t sleep with him.

  Finally, I make it into the kitchen where my siblings are. I lay an arm around Lucy’s shoulders since Grant has finally left her side.

  “How are you feeling, Luce?”

  “Good. Should be back to one hundred percent just in time for our trip.” More softly, she asks, “You’re not mad at me about this, are you?” Her blue eyes beg me to say no. Out of the four of us, she’s the only one who got Mom’s eyes.

  “No, I’m not. You did good, Luce.” I want to tell her no more surprises, but I know how much she loves them, so I don’t.

  She smiles wide. Grant returns, so I drop my arm as she moves towards his side. “Did y’all have a good drive here?” he asks.

  “Yeah, but I think I’ll tie Olivia to the roof on the way back. She likes to sing.” I fake a cringe and she slaps my arm.

  “You loved it, don’t even lie.”

  I laugh because I did, a little bit. We hang out with everyone for a while before Patrick starts shooing people out. Jamal slaps me on the shoulder and is the only one who tells me to keep in touch. Olivia and I leave too, since it’s been a long day for us both. Once we get settled in, she turns her head to look at me.

  “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

  “No, not really.”

  She smiles. “Are you going to text Jamal someti
me? I think he misses you in however guys miss each other. Plus, he was the nicest.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. You know,” I turn on my side to face her. “I never realized how much of a jealous person I was until I met you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Dean,” I grit. “His eyes hardly left you all night.”

  Her brows bunch for a moment. “The creepy guy? The one where you threatened to break his hands?”

  I smile wide. “Yes, the creepy guy.” Who knew those three words would make me so happy? “I would have made good on my threat, too.”

  She rolls her eyes as if I’m kidding. “What’s so bad about him and not every other guy there?”

  “He has no boundaries. He’ll sleep with anyone. Even if he knows they are in a relationship, he’ll pursue her anyway because he thinks if she’ll cheat, he might as well benefit from it. Trust me, if he could have gotten you alone, he would have tried to fuck you in the bathroom.”

  Olivia makes a disgusted face and I’m pretty sure I love her. “That’s terrible. Were you friends with him before?”

  “Not once I found out how he is, but that was mostly because I didn’t want him anywhere near Luce.”

  She nods in understanding. “You did good tonight. You weren’t grouchy even once! Although, I kind of like you grouchy.”

  I laugh. “You do?”

  “Well, sometimes. I don’t like the arguing part we seem to do so much, but I like that you get ill with me. It means there’s still a fight in you, even if you’re fighting for the wrong thing.”

  Reaching for her hand, I interlock our fingers. “You do realize that all our fights are because you don’t know when to stop pushing, right? Your see-into-my-soul radar stops working and you keep going.”

  “Don’t try and blame it all on me, Corey. There’s still things you clam up on and barely acknowledge. You—”

  “I know, Olivia,” I interrupt. “But you’ve said yourself that there’s no quick fix, so sometimes, you gotta give me some space and let me breathe first.”

  It seems I’ve stumped her because she’s quiet as she mulls over what I’ve said. “I never thought about it like that. Only that you need a good kick in the ass to get something accomplished.”