Round and Round

by Andrew Grey

  “He’d be a fool to try,” Angus said. “I built this house a few years ago, and there are fire-suppression systems everywhere, including sprinklers and smoke alarms. I have a fire extinguisher on every floor, and a special alarm in the garage, since it’s on the first floor and I live above it. You’re as safe here as you can be anywhere.” Angus rubbed his feet and then up his leg, sending a shiver through him.

  Kevin closed his eyes once again. “You still didn’t answer my real question.”

  “Maybe because it doesn’t deserve an answer. You seem to think you aren’t good enough or that there’s something wrong with you and you don’t deserve to be happy, and I don’t understand that.”

  “It’s not that. The guys I like either don’t like me or they don’t stay around too long.” Kevin kept his eyes closed. It was easier talking about this if he couldn’t see Angus’s face. “I used to have a crush on Harry, Bull’s partner in the club. I thought he was interesting, but Harry really liked Tristan, and rather than seeing me, he actually waited Tristan out and helped him when Tristan needed to get rid of the guy who turned out to be a drug dealer. The two of them are happy, and as part of the whole adventure, I met Ken. He was with the police, and he was pretty hot, but he moved away.” Kevin pulled his feet back, ready to get up, but Angus held him still.

  “You think my life has been a bed of roses? I’m a firefighter. It’s what I love to do. But guys aren’t particularly interested in someone who works for a solid week, can get called in at just about any time, and who might not come home. It’s a dangerous job, and most people can’t take it. So for me, it was always easier to just have simple relationships that never went too far.”

  “Is that the only reason?” Kevin asked, and when Angus turned to him, the darkness in Angus’s eyes told him there was a lot more to it. He’d seen that look a few times before, and each time Angus had turned away and hadn’t talked about it. “What happened? Is it about your family?”

  “I don’t have any family. Not anymore,” Angus whispered and released Kevin’s feet.

  Kevin could feel Angus pulling away from him as they approached the same point where Angus had lashed out on their first date. Kevin waited and wondered how Angus was going to react.

  “Can you just tell me what happened?” he asked.

  “I don’t like to talk about it,” Angus said.

  “Yeah. There are things I hate to talk about too, but I did it anyway, because you asked. So I’m asking. What happened to you?” Kevin sat up and took Angus’s hand. “You’re so strong all the time, but it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes, especially with people you care about.”

  Angus shook his head, and Kevin pulled his feet away, slowly standing. He checked the time and yawned once again. “You’re supposed to be resting,” Angus said as Kevin put the blanket over the back of the sofa. “If I tell you what you want to know, will you sit back down?”

  “I keep wondering what could be so bad that you’d hide it like this. Did you kill someone?”

  “No.”

  “Get arrested for something stupid, like streaking at a soccer game?”

  Angus smiled. “Where did that come from?”

  “I don’t know, but it made you smile.”

  “I don’t like to talk about it. That’s all. It isn’t as though I did anything. I grew up in Scotland, at least until I was sixteen. We lived in Edinburgh in a small house. My dad owned a pub, and he provided pretty well for us. It was good and I was popular with the other kids because… my dad owned a pub.”

  “What happened?” Kevin asked.

  “I was staying with a friend. He’d invited me for a sleepover. When I got up the next morning, his mom was there. She sat me down in the lounge and told me that there had been a fire during the night, and that my mom and dad—” Angus’s voice broke. “I can hear her even now trying to tell me through gasps and near sobs that my parents had both been killed. One of the pieces of kitchen equipment had apparently caught fire, and they didn’t make it out.”

  Kevin swallowed. “Is that why you became a firefighter?”

  “Yes. Part of it, I think. I always wondered if things would have been different if I’d been there. I might have been able to get them out.”

  Kevin sat down next to Angus. “You were a kid. Now, I have no doubt that you’d have saved them like you saved me. But then, you could have been killed too.”

  “So many times I wish I had been,” Angus whispered. “After Mom and Dad died, there were no relatives in Scotland. My mom was an only child, but my dad had a brother who lived in Carlisle. So he came over and took me back with him. I was sixteen and ended up moving partway around the world. I’d lost my parents and then everything else I knew. The kids here picked on me because I talked funny. So I worked hard to lose my accent and try to fit in. I was strong and athletic, so that helped, but it was still hard. Then, of course, I realized I liked guys instead of girls, and that made things even worse.”

  “What about your uncle? Did he understand?”

  Angus sighed. “I don’t know. I never told him. Uncle Thad was good to me and treated me well. He was a supervisor in a trucking warehouse, and he worked hard. He never married, and he never talked about anyone he might have loved. As far as I know, he was a bachelor and stayed that way his entire life. Now I wish we’d talked about it, but we didn’t.”

  “Where is he now? Can we visit him?”

  Angus shook his head. “He died when I was twenty.”

  “How?” Kevin breathed and then stopped. The anguish in Angus’s eyes told the story. “No way.”

  “Yeah. I was away at college. Mom and Dad had left some money, but Uncle Thad didn’t use any of it. He said it was so I could have a good start in life. Anyway….” Angus shook his head slightly. “I was going to business school. Uncle Thad had said that I should do whatever I wanted and that my mom and dad would be proud of me. I was at school, in class, when I got a call from the police. Uncle Thad had had a massive heart attack. They found him in the basement. He had been dead a few days, and he’d died all alone with no one to help him.”

  “Jesus,” Kevin breathed. “So you quit college….”

  “…and became a firefighter. Just like that. There was no question. I had to stop other people from going through that if I could.”

  “Is that why you rushed back into the building to save me?”

  “I guess so. Maybe. Going back in to get you was a gut reaction. I didn’t think about it, I just raced back inside.”

  “So you’d have gone back in for anyone?” Kevin asked. He’d thought that he might have been special and that was why Angus had saved him, but maybe he’d been reading things wrong and Angus had just been doing his job. Of course he’d been doing his job. Kevin knew he was being a ninny and kind of stupid but couldn’t stop the disappointment.

  “I kept thinking I needed to save you,” Angus said. “I couldn’t let you die, not if there was a chance. So I raced back inside.” Angus leaned closer and slipped his arms around Kevin’s waist. “I acted like such an ass when I got mad at you during our date. You were asking about my family, and I don’t talk about them because I don’t have any. They’re all gone, and instead of saying I didn’t want to talk about it, I got huffy. Then afterward you didn’t call, and I got worried, so I was going to come see you, maybe bring flowers,” Angus smiled. “But then I got the call, your building was on fire, and you weren’t outside.”

  “So you rushed in to try to save me.”

  “Yeah, I did.” Angus rested his head on Kevin’s shoulder. “Of course I wasn’t fast enough and you nearly died from the smoke, and we both could have died when the building collapsed.”

  “You know it’s okay to be scared. Hell, I’m scared of stuff all the time. Every time I meet someone, I keep wondering when they’re going to leave.”

  “And I wonder when they’re going to die in a fire,” Angus retorted.

  “Okay… you win,” Kevin quipped, hoping t
o lighten the mood. “But since I’m the one who would have to die in a fire for you to lose me, I guess we both win… or in this case lose.” Kevin’s head began to spin. “I’ll stop babbling now before you think I’m totally stupid.” Kevin leaned back against Angus. “When were the guys going to come over?”

  “Zach said about six. They were going to bring food with them.”

  “Lord. That means enough junk food and chips to feed an army… and nothing else.”

  “I have stuff here,” Angus said.

  “So were you a Boy Scout?”

  “No. We didn’t have that near where I grew up. But I like to be prepared anyway.” Angus stood slowly and then guided Kevin until he was lying on the sofa once again. “Rest some more. Give those lungs a chance to heal, and I’ll get things ready for your friends.”

  “I’m not sleepy anymore.”

  “Then watch television, though how you can find anything on that isn’t drivel is beyond me. But you’re welcome to try.” Angus leaned over the sofa and kissed him. Kevin put his arms around his neck and held on, deepening the kiss until he felt like he was going to cough.

  “You said you never got serious with anyone. But I want to know why any of them let you go. You’re kind, sweet, gentle, and really easygoing.” Kevin breathed as levelly as he could with Angus’s lips just inches from his. “You’re also super sexy and hot.”

  “I didn’t give them much of a choice, I guess,” Angus answered.

  “Will you give me a choice when the time comes?” Kevin asked. If that was Angus’s pattern, then Kevin figured it was only a matter of time before Angus returned to it. “How long before you decide I’m not worth it and toss me away along with the others?”

  Angus straightened up and turned away. “I’ve never told anyone about my parents and uncle before.” That was the only answer Kevin got before Angus left the room, and a few minutes later Kevin heard him working in the kitchen. He took Angus’s response as a minimal reassurance. If Angus was willing to open up to him, then maybe there was hope.

  Kevin rested and the tightness in his chest eased after a little while. He figured it had been a combination of his lungs and what Angus had told him. Eventually he dozed and was awakened by the doorbell, followed by the guys as they tramped inside.

  “Thanks for having us,” he heard Tristan say, followed by the rustle of a bag of chips.

  “It’s really cool of you,” Jeremy said. “We’ve been really worried about him.”

  He didn’t hear Zach, but knew he was there, and soon all three of them had joined him in the living room.

  Kevin sat up and got a hug from each of them. Zach hooked up his Nintendo and Jeremy plugged his iPhone into Angus’s docking station, and soon the room was filled with dance music. “We thought since you couldn’t come to the club, we’d bring the club to you,” Tristan said.

  Jeremy left the room and returned dragging Angus by the hand. Kevin had never seen him terrified before, but he looked it now.

  “I don’t dance.”

  “Come on, you can dance. Everyone can dance.” Jeremy tugged him farther into the room, and Angus looked lost. Tristan had moved the coffee table to the side, and he was shaking it in the middle of the floor. Jeremy began dancing as well. Kevin wished he could join them and dance with Angus, but instead he went to his rescue and guided Angus down next to him on the sofa.

  “Is it okay?” Kevin asked. “I can tell them to turn it off.”

  “It’s fine. I just look like a dying chicken when I dance.”

  “I bet you look fine when you dance. Think of it as having sex standing up.” Kevin winked, and Angus blushed. The song ended and a slow one came on. Jeremy went to change it.

  “Don’t,” Kevin said and stood up. “Let’s dance,” he said to Angus and waited for him to stand up. He put his arms around Angus’s neck and waited until he pulled him close. “Just move slowly to the music. Okay?”

  Angus nodded and swayed back and forth. Kevin rested his head against his shoulder, and it felt like it was just the two of them.

  “This is really nice,” Angus whispered.

  “You know what would be nicer?”

  “What?”

  “Doing this with you wearing nothing but those fire pants of yours.” Kevin grinned. “Or maybe with you wearing a kilt.” He knew he was being naughty, but feeling the heat rise in Angus’s skin was more than enough indication that he’d hit on something. “You like the thought of that.” He kept his voice low enough that only Angus could hear him.

  “Yeah,” Angus breathed. “If your friends weren’t here right now, I’d keep dancing with you, stripping you down until you were naked.” Angus slid his hands down Kevin’s back and over the curve of his butt, stopping just at the point where Kevin could feel the tips of his fingers touching his tuchus. “I’d press to you and love on you all night long.”

  Kevin swallowed hard and closed his eyes.

  “I’d make you pant and whimper for me… and yes, I’d dance with you in my fire pants or anything else if it would make you happy.”

  Kevin lifted his head so he could look into Angus’s eyes. “What would you like?” The song ended and something more energetic came on. The others began dancing, but Kevin stayed where he was, pretending nothing had changed.

  “Just you,” Angus whispered and shifted his hips. Kevin felt Angus’s erection pressing against his. He closed his eyes as pleasure shot through him. “You weren’t kidding when you said dancing was like sex standing up.”

  “We have to stop or—” Kevin swallowed and pulled away, but not too far. He didn’t want to give all his friends a show. Slowly he sat back on the sofa and pulled the blanket over himself and Angus when he joined him. The others continued dancing. He and Angus swayed to the music until the others tired and turned the music down.

  “Do you want to play games? I have everything hooked up,” Jeremy said.

  “Sure,” Kevin said.

  “I’ll go get the food and bring it in,” Angus offered.

  “He’s pretty cool,” Tristan whispered once Angus had left the room. “I figured he’d be more straitlaced than he is.”

  “What’s to be straitlaced about? We’re playing video games and eating junk food, not plotting to take over the world,” Kevin countered. “Angus is really special.”

  “How special?” Jeremy asked in the way he had that could make any question sound naughty.

  “Yeah, how special am I?” Angus asked as he came back in the room, and Kevin snickered at the way Jeremy clammed up.

  “I’ll explain later. Right now I’m about to kick Jeremy’s butt at Mario World.” Kevin winked at Angus and then picked up the controller. It had been a while since he’d played, and to his surprise and shame, Jeremy managed to beat him, but just by a little bit. Since he lost, Kevin handed his controller to Tristan. Kevin sat back, watching and hooting as they played, especially when it was Angus’s turn. Zach beat him handily, and Kevin begged off playing again, settling on the sofa under the blanket.

  “Don’t overdo it,” Angus said.

  Kevin nodded, already fighting to stay awake. At least he’d managed to call the insurance company to get things rolling. Other than that he hadn’t done much and felt a little useless.

  “I got a message from Janice about an hour ago about a few potential apartments for you. So we’ll call her in the morning and look at places.”

  “Don’t you have work?”

  “The day after tomorrow. So until then I can help if you want it.”

  Kevin nodded slowly and leaned against Angus, watching as the guys continued playing. Eventually he curled up on the sofa and fell asleep with Angus next to him.

  “Guys, we should go,” Kevin heard Zach say after a while. “Kevin is out, and we need to help clean up.”

  “It’s all right,” Angus told him, and Kevin stirred, slowly sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

  “We can help,” Zach said as he gathered snack bags and began closi
ng them. Jeremy gathered trash, and Tristan carried the dishes into the sink. Once everything was put away, Zach unhooked the game console and packed it in the box. Finally, the coffee table was put back into place, and it was like they hadn’t been over at all.

  “Thanks for having us. When we get together, we can be a bit much, and you’re a real sport,” Tristan told Angus, who simply nodded. The guys all said their good-byes and then left, with Angus seeing them out and locking up.

  “Did you have fun?” Angus said when he came back in the room.

  “Yeah. I hate that I was too tired to do much, but it was nice doing something we always do. I know it may look dumb to you, but it’s our thing and felt normal.”

  “They were nice, if a little energetic.” Angus extended his hand and gently tugged Kevin to his feet. He led him through the house and up the stairs, turning off the lights as they went. “It’s time for bed.”

  “I’m not sleepy now,” Kevin said sheepishly. But from the way Angus looked at him, that wasn’t going to be a problem.

  Chapter 6

  WHAT ARE you doing? Angus sent as a text the following Saturday night. He was just finishing up his shift and was about to go home. He had to be back at the station the following afternoon. Having the evening off had been a surprise, but one he wasn’t going to question.

  Going to the club with the guys, Kevin responded. I promise not to dance very hard. I want to go out and have some fun.

  Want company? Angus sent and got a smiley face followed by a sound file that made squee sounds. Angus took that as a yes. He checked his appearance in the bathroom mirror at the station after changing and then left, heading right over to the club.

  It was still relatively quiet when he entered and found a table. “You’re the guy Kevin is seeing, aren’t you?” a huge bald-headed man asked.

  “You must be Bull.” He extended his hand. “Kevin has told me a lot about you.” Bull shook Angus’s hand firmly and then released it.

  “You were the one who saved him in the fire?” Bull asked as he pulled out one of the chairs and sat down. “Kevin’s a nice kid, really nice. He’s had some hard luck with guys. I hope you don’t plan to add to that.”