Round and Round

by Andrew Grey

  “Zach and I baked this,” he said as Mark stepped away and Angus got closer. “I felt bad and didn’t want you to be angry, so….”

  Angus sighed and motioned toward the stairs. He followed Kevin up, and Kevin put the cake on the counter. “Make sure you get a piece,” he blurted, already heading for the stairs. “I’m sorry I bothered you.”

  “Kevin,” Angus called, but he was already halfway running down the stairs like a frightened rabbit. Angus swore under his breath, hurrying after him. “Kevin, stop.”

  Kevin stilled at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at Angus, hurt and shame clear in his expression. “I won’t bother you anymore.”

  “Shit,” Angus whispered and hurried down the stairs. He grabbed Kevin’s hand and tugged him back up the stairs. There was very little privacy in a firehouse. If you were scheduled to stay there, you slept in the dorm, one room for everyone. Thankfully it was empty at the moment. “I’m not mad at you, just surprised, and that you brought me a cake was so sweet.”

  “I’m sorry about Sunday.”

  “Hey. That wasn’t your fault. It was mine letting my stupid insecurities run away with me. I’m the one who doesn’t do relationships, and I was getting scared. I wanted you to be sure about what you wanted.”

  “I don’t want Ken. He showed me how little I meant to him when he left me.”

  “But can you forgive him?” In the back of his mind, Angus knew he was testing Kevin. This was something he had to know.

  “Yeah, I guess I forgive him, but that doesn’t mean I want to get back with him.” Kevin paced the small open area at the one end of the room. “And next time you need to, ask shit, okay? We both can do better. Talking and listening are skills Ken and I never particularly mastered. I guess if we had, I’d be with him, and you’d be out in the cold and not getting any of this.” Kevin flashed him a quick view of his backside, and Angus laughed.

  “Yeah.” Angus smiled and tugged Kevin to him. “We need to talk to each other more.”

  “What we need to do is listen to each other. Ken and I never did. He wasn’t happy here. I realized that after he left, but I didn’t want to see it at the time because I thought he was the living end. He wasn’t, of course, and if I’d listened to what he was saying, maybe things wouldn’t have come as such a surprise. But you have to listen too. I told you I didn’t want Ken, but you just went on and assumed that I had some grand decision to make and cut me out.”

  “I suppose.”

  Kevin smacked him on the chest and then shook his hand. “What are you made of, rocks?” Then he giggled. “I like that you’re all hard everywhere, and I like how you feel when we’re together.” Kevin stood on his tiptoes. “I wish we could be together right now. I could pull your big cock out of your pants and you could fuck me right now.”

  Angus groaned as his cock swelled down his leg. “I can’t.”

  “I know. And I have to go to work. But that will give you something to think about.” Kevin backed away with a grin. “And something to look forward to.”

  “You’re a tease.”

  “I know. That was the point. Now you have things to do, I’m sure, and I have to get to work.”

  Angus grabbed Kevin and pulled him right up to his chest. “Just wait till I get you alone and strip you naked. I’ll suck you and then eat that pretty little ass of yours until you can’t see straight. Then, when you beg me for it loud enough, I’ll slide inside you.” Angus sucked on Kevin’s ear. “And ride your tight ass until you scream at the top of your lungs.” Kevin quivered like a leaf in his arms. “See, two can play that game.”

  “Bastard.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Angus reluctantly released him. “I have to get back to work, and I suspect your boss isn’t going to be happy if you’re late.”

  “He isn’t going to happy if I show up with an obscene boner on display, either.” Kevin backed away, and Angus led him out through the station. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “I’ll call you when I know I’m through for the day,” Angus said, trying to keep his anticipation to a minimum and failing. “What are you doing tonight?”

  “I’m feeling better, so the guys are taking me out to the club. We’re going to plan the benefit for Janice’s Homeless Aid.” Kevin looked around. “We’re thinking of having a kilt party, and I was hoping you’d come…. That is, if you have one. Not that I’m saying that because you’re Scottish you have to have one…. Am I being insensitive?” Kevin colored instantly.

  “Of course I have one, and I’ll come.”

  “But no one sees what’s under it but me,” Kevin said seriously. “And you will not be part of the auction.”

  Angus’s curiosity was piqued, but he needed to get back to work. “You’ll have to fill me in on that.” As much as he wanted to know, he couldn’t spend any more time talking to Kevin. The equipment had to be ready in case they got a call. “I’ll call when I can.” He wanted to lean in and kiss Kevin within an inch of his life, but not with every guy in the station watching them. So instead he smiled and walked inside, turning to make sure Kevin got in his car and drove away. Then he hurried back to the equipment room and began checking all the breathing equipment.

  Thankfully the station was quiet and he was able to clean and prep everything, including all the secondary equipment.

  “So I take it by your smile that things are better,” Clark said when Angus stepped out, wringing with sweat. On days like this with the doors open and the guys washing and cleaning, the humidity went through the roof.

  “Yeah. We’re talking again.”

  “You don’t sound convinced.”

  Angus sighed. “How did you know your wife was the one? That you really wanted to spend the rest of your life with her?”

  Clark shook his head in that way he had. “Look, I was raised Catholic—no sex before marriage or my mother would have cut it off. She said it so many times that damn if I didn’t believe her. That woman is a menace. I love her… but she’s scary. So when I met Michelle, I fell for her and figured my balls were going to fall off, either that or my hand, so when we got serious, I asked, she said yes, and I instantly won the lottery because she’s amazing. And I dodged a bullet the size of Pittsburgh. She understands about my work and schedule, never complains, is always there, and I love her more now than I did the day I married her.”

  “So blind luck,” Angus supplied.

  “Pretty much. There wasn’t some grand plan. We were in love, and I was in major lust and I let my dick do the thinking, and for once it was the smart head. Go figure.”

  “You’re no help,” Angus said.

  “Kid, I’ve been around the block, and after a decade together and three kids, I know more than I did then. I got lucky. She really loves me.” He walked in the direction of the truck they were cleaning, and Angus followed, absently picking up a cloth to help. “If you want my opinion, you’ve known this guy, what, for two weeks or so and you’re wondering if he’s the one?” Clark scowled at him. “At least date, get to know the guy. You kids just jump into bed and want to fuck first and then see what happens. I got to know Michelle before we jumped into bed.”

  “I guess, but….” Angus smiled. “I get to jump into bed and have great sex. What’s wrong with that?”

  “Do you know what food he likes? What his favorite movie is? Maybe you could go to the department store and actually pick out a shirt or a pair of pants he likes?” Clark raised his eyebrows, and Angus had to admit he didn’t know any of that stuff. “Everything is instant, and you want an instant relationship with instant compatibility, no fights, and love that goes on forever.”

  Angus realized the entire station was listening in on their conversation, but Clark had a good point. “Don’t worry so much.”

  “Or bed-hop so much.” Clark had gotten on his soapbox and had warmed up to his theme. “There are dating sites, speed dating, clubs, bars, and God knows what else, and all of it to find Mr. or Ms. One-Night St
and. Then you wonder why you’re all miserable and alone.” Clark shook his head once again and then looked around. “Get back to work,” he bellowed. “This truck isn’t going to clean itself.”

  They all scurried to get back on task, and Angus chuckled. “I see your point.”

  “It’s like a damn buffet, and you eat your fill but wonder why the food doesn’t taste very good.” He turned and went back to work.

  Angus took a few seconds to pull out his phone and ask Kevin on a date for Thursday night after work. They’d been out once, but it should be something they did regularly. He told Kevin to pick a movie he’d like to see. At least then he’d know the kind of movies he liked—two birds with one stone. I’ll pick you up on the bike, and we can ride if you like. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and went back to work.

  By the time he was ready for a break, Angus went upstairs to find the cake nearly gone. That served him right for not putting his name on it. Not that he’d have been selfish, but it would have been nice to have had a piece before everyone else in the station. “Did you get some?” Angus asked Clark when he came up. Angus ended up cutting two small pieces from what was left and handed the other slice over.

  “They’re worse than vultures around here,” Clark said with his mouth full.

  Angus laughed and took his first bite, moaning softly. If food were sex, then this was wild monkey love. He grinned and took another bite as the station alarm sounded. Angus took one more bite and set his plate aside, then slid down the pole and jumped into his gear. Most people thought the pole was quicker to get down, but many times it was because the stairs would become dangerous if everyone tried to take them all at once. Angus jumped into the engine, and as soon as everyone was onboard, he pulled out of the station and headed to the call.

  HE BACKED the engine into the station a couple hours later, grateful that the call turned out to be a false alarm for the most part. The fire department was called for nearly every reason, including ambulance and other emergency calls, so some calls had little directly to do with them. But they were the central dispatch, so they always went and sometimes stood around waiting to be told they weren’t needed.

  “At least our fire starter has been quiet. I hope to hell he’s moved on,” Mark said.

  Clark lightly smacked him on the top of the head. “What you hope is that he’s been caught and is in jail. Never wish our problems off on someone else, because the reverse can always happen.”

  Mark rubbed his head and glowered at Clark. “You can’t do that,” Mark said.

  “Yeah, I know. But you’ll remember the lesson.”

  Angus stepped away and let the two of them hash things out. He had to agree with Mark that he hoped ‘quiet’ meant ‘gone,’ but he wasn’t counting on it. Whatever happened, when it did, was sure to be big and destructive. The arsonist was building up his need like a junkie, and the fix required got higher and higher as the days passed.

  Angus used the few minutes he had to respond to Kevin’s texts that he was looking forward to seeing him too, and Woman in Gold was a fine movie choice. He’d expected an action flick, but something cerebral was fine with Angus too.

  “Angus,” the captain called down the stairs. “I’m supposed to remind you it’s your turn to cook.”

  He groaned and began climbing the stairs. He usually tried to prep something in advance so all he had to do was heat it up, but he’d forgotten. When he got to the kitchen, he found Randy Trump, one of the other firefighters, who’d been there about a decade longer than Angus, getting things ready. “You’re a lifesaver.”

  “Since you were out on a call, I started sloppy joes. They can eat those as they’re hungry and when they aren’t busy with other things.” Randy loved to cook and did a great job.

  “That’s awesome.” Angus got to work, and soon they had food hot and ready. It wasn’t gourmet, but it was filling, and the scent called the other guys to dinner.

  One by one they came in, filled plates, and wandered away. Some sat in the television area to watch the news as they ate, while others took the time to be by themselves. On television, fire stations always ate together like some huge family of brothers, but Angus had found that varied depending on the guys. Mark got his plate and watched Clark, then headed in the opposite direction. They’d work it out eventually, but in Angus’s opinion, Clark was in the wrong on this one, and if Mark chose to make an issue of it, Angus would have to tell the captain what he’d seen.

  “I hope it stays quiet. We’ve been run ragged for days,” Randy said as he sat down across from Angus. “Tell your… friend that the cake was delicious and thank him for bringing it.” The hesitation was a reminder that while Angus was pretty open about who he was, not all of the men were comfortable with it. The central part of Pennsylvania was conservative, but Angus never thought them unaccepting, just not quite sure how to take gay people in their midst. It continued to surprise him how men like Randy lived their lives, having never traveled more than a hundred or so miles from where they were born, even in this day. Randy knew that Kevin was more than Angus’s friend, but he’d made the effort and that was enough.

  “I will. He’ll be thrilled to know that everyone liked it.”

  Mark strolled in for seconds and helped himself to sloppy joes. “If you keep seeing Kevin, will he keep bringing in food? ’Cause if he does, you should marry him. Heck, I’d consider marrying him.”

  “I think Laura would have something to say about that.” Mark was marrying his high school girlfriend in a year. Apparently they had been dating for nearly five years, and he had finally asked her to marry him a few months ago.

  “Yeah, I suppose she’d never understand that.” Mark laughed nervously, and Angus wondered if there was more to his comment.

  “Actually, Laura is the smart one of us,” Mark said. Angus motioned for him to sit, and Randy got up, leaving the two of them. “I was really shy. I still am, I guess. But not as bad as I used to be. See, in high school I couldn’t read very well. The words got all messed up. They still do, but I understand it now.”

  “You’re dyslexic. Wow, I’ve never seen any sign of it.”

  “I can handle it now. Anyway, Laura asked me out when we were in the eleventh grade. She said she thought I was cute and that she’d grow old waiting for me to make the move.” Mark chuckled, and Angus smiled. “After a while I think she figured out I couldn’t read well, but she never said nothing. She waited until I told her. I’d been faking it a long time with everyone, even my mom. I figured she’d leave me when she found out I was a dummy, but she got me help.”

  “Why are you telling me this? Not that it isn’t a great story, and Laura has to be an amazing person, but I thought that already.”

  “I heard you talking to Clark.” He made a face, and Angus knew the feud wasn’t over. “He talks like he knows everything, but you wanted to know how he knew if his wife was the one.” Mark looked down at the table, and Angus waited for him to continue. “I think what Clark said was so full of crap. I think you know you’ve met the right person when you can tell them your greatest fear, the one you’d never tell anyone, and they love you more not in spite of it, but because of it. Then that’s the person you should be with.” Mark smiled quickly, nodded, then stood up and left the table.

  Angus watched him go and then turned back to his meal, finishing the last of his sloppy joe. The name was appropriate—he had to be careful not to end up with it all over his shirt. He could remember his mother telling him he wore more of his food than he ate. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to the memory, keeping still for a few seconds. He didn’t realize he was still holding the bun for a minute. Angus ate his last bite and took care of his dishes. Then he thanked Randy for all his help and went in search of something to do.

  He hadn’t expected the discussion of relationships he’d started to circle around and then knock at a door deep inside that he’d kept locked and thought hidden, even from himself, for a very long time. But now he st
ood right in front of it, black and ominous. He was afraid to even touch the knob for fear it would burn him.

  “Angus,” Mark called as he approached. “I was hoping you’d show me how to maintain the breathing equipment. That is, if you have a few minutes.”

  “Sure,” Angus said, relieved that he had something to do to keep his mind off his immediate problems. “Let’s go down and I can run you through the process.” Angus checked the clock on the wall—just after eight—and wondered what Kevin was doing right now. Then he blinked to bring himself out of his daydream and led Mark down the stairs.

  “Everyone relies on this equipment during a fire to breathe, so it has to be kept in top condition. Valves are checked and all the hoses must be free of wear of any sort. If not, then they’re changed. We use compressed air, not oxygen, in the tanks. Otherwise they could become an accelerant in a fire.” Angus walked Mark through the equipment and its maintenance and care. He was just about to call it done for the day when the alarm went off. As soon as he heard the address, Angus went completely cold for a few seconds, then his professionalism kicked in and he jumped into his gear, raced to the engine, and drove to the destination he knew all too well.

  Chapter 9

  KEVIN WAS having a ball. The club was rocking even if it wasn’t super busy. The guys who were there were all having an incredible time. “I can get into my new apartment on Friday,” he told Zach when he saw the e-mail from his new landlord saying that everything was good to go. Not that he had anything to move into the place, but at least he’d have a home to call his own once again, and he could furnish it as he went.

  “When you buy furniture, we’ll help you move it all in,” Jeremy said, looking around the table. “So I take it that the benefit-planning portion of the evening is over.”

  “Yeah.” Kevin closed the notebook he’d brought along. “I have lots of ideas that Angus and I can run past Janice and see what she thinks.”