The Billionaire Replacement

by Emma Lea

  He rolled them over, still inside her, and held her tightly. It was only then that she realised she was crying. He kept her cocooned in his arms, rocking her gently. She took comfort in him, in his strength and solidness as he surrounded her and kept her safe. She let go of the tension that she had been holding onto and let the grief take her, knowing that Declan would be there to put her back together when she was ready.

  Declan watched Brandi sleep. He’d woken up a little while ago, the deep satisfaction of waking up next to her causing him to stop and stare at the woman who was so different to anyone he had ever known. Maybe it wasn’t so much that she was different; it probably had more to do with the fact that she caused him to think and feel differently. He’d never known the deep desire to get to know someone so completely. He wanted to know her fears and dreams. He wanted to crawl inside her and know her thoughts, her motivations. For now, he contented himself with just watching her.

  The sun was starting to set and the light in the room turned a deep gold tinged with pink. He could imagine that the sunset outside was something to behold, but it could never match the beauty before his eyes. Brandi was beautiful in more than just the anaesthetically pleasing way her features were arranged. There was something about her that pulsed with energy and effused her being with something beautiful beyond just the way she looked. He was ashamed to admit that it was her face and her body that had first caught his eye, but it hadn’t taken him long to see that there was more below the surface. He had dated beautiful women before and sometimes that beauty was only skin deep. Not always, he conceded, as he had also known beautiful women who were nice people, but Brandi surpassed them all.

  He wondered at the clichés that swirled in his brain. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and she was the kindest and most genuine woman he’d ever met. But were those things a universal truth or just because they had somehow connected on another plane? Did loving Brandi make him see her a certain way or did he love her because of what he saw? It was conundrum that he’d never had to analyse before because he had never felt this depth of emotion for anyone. Ever.

  Loving her made him want to be more too. He wanted to be more than what the world saw on the outside. He was good-looking and wealthy and he had a good head for business, but what else was there to him? What could she possibly see in him that she might return his feelings? He was shallow and immature and he was too much of a coward to stand up to his family. Oh, he talked a good game and put up a decent front about his breaking away from the family and striking out on his own, but deep down he knew that some part of him craved their acceptance. He wanted to please his mother. He wanted his father to be proud of him. In some twisted way, he’d thought that setting up his own company and becoming a success would earn him the grudging respect from them that he craved. Only that hadn’t happened. Instead they’d smiled indulgently at him, patted him on the head and given him a ‘good boy,’ but always there was the knowledge that he would come back to them, that he would take his place in the family company just as was expected of him.

  And deep inside himself he knew he would too.

  It had always been there in the back of his mind. He may have started his own company, but there were still invisible bonds that tethered him to his family. They would eventually reel him in and The Mayfield Group would get swallowed into the MLS juggernaut. Oh, they would let him stay as the CEO and give him some semblance of control, but he would know that it was just a façade. He would never be autonomous and neither would his company.

  He hated that he was weak when it came to his family. He hated that they knew he was weak and that they were just biding their time. They wouldn’t pressure him, they knew they didn’t have to. He was a Mayfield and he would fall into line eventually if they were just patient.

  He traced the curve of Brandi’s face with his eyes, his fingers tingling with the need to touch her soft skin. He held them in check though, because he didn’t want to wake her. Instead, he drank her in with his eyes all the while knowing that what they had was finite. It wouldn’t last forever. He couldn’t tell her he loved her, couldn’t admit that she was the only woman he wanted to be with for the rest of his life because in doing so he would also have to tell her that they could never have a future. His family would pull him away from her. Telling her how he felt about her would only make it worse for both of them. The best thing he could do was to get up and leave now before he fell any further under her spell.

  But he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave her when she needed him. He couldn’t break her heart now when it had just been broken by losing Caitlyn. He wasn’t that callous. And besides, he couldn’t go against a little girl’s dying wish. She’d asked him to look after Brandi and he would do that. He would love her without telling her. If he didn’t say the words then it wasn’t real and when she was back on her feet, he would walk away. It’s what would be best for both of them.

  Brandi’s eyes fluttered open and looked up at him. The raw emotion he saw in them tore at his resolve. There was utter trust there, and love. He saw it and it broke his heart into little tiny pieces as he realised just what he would be giving up for the chance of finally getting the acceptance from his family that he so desperately craved. In that moment, he knew he would never love anyone else. Brandi was it for him even if he could never have her.

  “Hey,” she whispered, her voice croaky from sleep.

  “Hey,” he replied before closing the distance between them and kissing her.

  17

  Declan stayed with Brandi over the weekend and then for the next week. She didn’t want to face the outside world so he made sure they had everything they needed in the apartment. They slept late and made love in that slow passionate way of morning sex before showering together. Declan cooked breakfast for her. He wasn’t very good but he knew how to make an omelette and pancakes, and they would eat in the sunny kitchen nook. After breakfast, Brandi would nap and Declan would work on his computer, connecting remotely to the servers. The project he was working on in Le Beau needed his attention and he would need to fly out there in the very near future, but he didn’t want to leave Brandi, not while she was still so fragile.

  After lunch, they would watch a movie and talk. Brandi wanted to talk about Caitlyn and Declan was happy to let her. He thought it was good for her, although most of the time it ended up with her sobbing in his arms. That was okay too. She would nap again, crying herself to sleep, and Declan would take the opportunity to escape from the apartment for a while and go for a jog before picking up something for dinner on the way home. It was a weird little domestic routine that they had fallen into with ease.

  The nights were for long sessions of love making. Brandi was insatiable and she stirred Declan’s desire with very little effort. She wanted to feel alive and vibrant and Declan was more than happy to accommodate her. She made him feel alive and vibrant too, and in their self-created little oasis it seemed like they could exist in this stasis of grief for an eternity. But they couldn’t and by Friday, a whole week since the funeral, Declan could no longer hold the world at bay.

  It started with a phone call from his father. They were rare enough to cause Declan surprise at seeing his father’s name flash up on his cell phone screen and he answered without hesitation.

  “Father,” he said, trying hard to keep the shock out of his voice.

  “Declan. We should meet. There are things to discuss.”

  “O-Kay,” Declan said drawing the word out. “What things?”

  “About your future, boy. This afternoon, four o’clock.”

  Declan’s father hung up in his ear and Declan stared at the phone with a puzzled expression. His father wanted to talk to him about his future? That could only mean one thing.

  “What’s wrong?” Brandi asked, looking up from the book she was reading.

  She had lost weight, her eyes still had a haunted look about them, and there were dark smudges under them. He didn’t understand. She slept so
much although she barely ate. He was worried about her, about the way she had barricaded herself inside her apartment and refused to face the world. It couldn’t last, he knew and he thought she did as well, but she appeared to have given up on the world outside her door. He needed to do something to get her back into the land of the living. It’s what Caitlyn had made him promise to do.

  “I have to go and see my father this afternoon,” he said, taking a seat beside her on the couch. “And then I think I’m going to stay at my place for the night. Don’t you have a party tomorrow?”

  She frowned up at him and shook her head. “I cancelled it.”

  “What about your shift at the hospital?”

  “I told them I couldn’t come in,” she said looking back down at her book.

  “Brandi, honey,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her head. “You have to go back to work sometime. You love your work at the hospital and you love doing parties. You can’t just walk away from everything.”

  “I’m not,” she said, “I just need a break. I can’t face the hospital. The memories…”

  He rubbed her back. “Okay, I understand. But what about your parties? This is your business and you can’t just walk away from it.”

  “It just seems wrong,” she said with a sigh. She dropped her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. He could see the veins under her pale skin and her cheekbones looked more gaunt than he’d realised. “How can I celebrate at a party when my friend just died? These little girls are all growing up, getting older, having parties and Caitlyn never had that chance. It’s not fair.”

  “No, it’s not,” he agreed. “But you can’t stay here in your apartment for the rest of your life avoiding living. Caitlyn wouldn’t have wanted that.”

  Tears streamed down her face and he felt like an arsehole. He didn’t know what to say to her. The woman who had been so full of life was no more than an empty shell and it broke his heart to see her so mired in grief. He wanted to fix everything, to make her world right again, but he didn’t know how. He’d stayed with her all week in the hope that his support would help her find her feet and she could find her way back to the life she had simply walked away from. But his plan seemed to have back-fired. Instead of helping her get back on her feet, he was enabling her. He understood her grief was personal and that there was no time limit on it, but she needed to start living again, even if that meant just leaving the apartment for a short time.

  “How about you meet me for dinner in the city,” he said, cupping her face and wiping the tears away with his thumbs. “I shouldn’t be more than an hour with my father. We can have an early dinner and maybe go to the movies or something. How does that sound?”

  She blinked her wet eyes open and looked up at him. He could see how much she didn’t want to do it, but he wasn’t going to back down. The words that Caitlyn had said to him pulled at him, reminding him of the promise he’d made. Seeing Brandi just giving up on life showed him that he hadn’t been doing a very good job of keeping the promise he made to Caitlyn.

  “Okay,” she said quietly and he smiled. It was a start.

  Brandi woke with a start. Her eyes popped open and she dragged in a huge breath, her heart pounding. It was a dream. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing, willing her heart to slow down. She couldn’t remember what the dream was about, but she was sure Caitlyn was in it. She opened her eyes again and stared up at the dark ceiling. Declan breathed quietly beside her as he slept and she turned her head to look at him. There was enough light from the streetlight outside her window to see the strong lines of his face. The shadows and low light threw the angles of his face in stark relief and the unfamiliar shapes fascinated her. When she looked at Declan she saw a good-looking man with an easy smile and a sparkle of playfulness in his eyes. Individually his features were average. Average nose, average lips, average shaped eyes, but somehow when they were all put together they made this beautiful man.

  He had been quiet when they’d met for dinner. He wouldn’t talk about what his father had wanted to see him about and she didn’t have the energy to pry. It took enough out of her just to get dressed and leave her home. She knew she was avoiding - work, friends, life - but it had all just seemed too hard to face. Going out tonight had been taxing on her, but it had also been a small breakthrough for her. Life went on. It felt like the world should stop, that it should stand still after someone died. Loss of a life seemed so very significant that there should be some cosmic pause to acknowledge it. But people died every day, every hour of every day. It was part of life and she had been struggling to accept that very fact. She wanted her life to pause so she could…what? She didn’t really know. Understand the reason for the death of someone so young, she supposed. But was that even possible? How could you explain something that seemed so inexplicable? She wanted to shake her fist at God and demand answers as to why He would give Caitlyn life just to snatch it away before she’d even had a chance to live. But if Caitlyn had never lived then Brandi would never have met her. It went even further than that. If Caitlyn had not gotten sick, if she hadn’t been terminally ill, then Brandi would never have met her. She wouldn’t have spent all that time with her in the hospital getting to know her. Would that have been better? Never knowing Caitlyn at all? No, Brandi thought, it wouldn’t have been better.

  Caitlyn had brought so much joy into her life. She had never thought that someone so young could give her such a different outlook on life. Seeing the way Caitlyn had dealt with her disease, with the knowledge that her life would be cut short, was humbling. Here Brandi was, wallowing in her grief and squandering her life when she should be out there celebrating that she had life. Caitlyn would be ashamed of her for shutting herself away. Brandi looked over at Declan again. He had been so sweet to her, staying with her, looking after her. He had been endlessly patient and hadn’t demanded anything from her and she appreciated that more than she could even articulate. But he was right to try and get her out into the world again. It was okay to be sad, to grieve and to mourn, but walking away from her life would not honour Caitlyn. Brandi felt a responsibility to, not exactly live for Caitlyn, but to live a life that would make Caitlyn proud.

  Brandi rolled over and snuggled into Declan’s side. He reached for her, tucking her into him and wrapping his arm around her. She sighed and closed her eyes, relishing the feel of him next to her. This man. He continued to surprise her. He should be cold and distant with the way his family had raised him, but he wasn’t. Declan was warm and caring and loved so easily and abundantly. It had been so easy for her to fall in love with him. It had been as simple as stepping through a doorway, like walking out of a dark house and into the bright sunshine. There hadn’t been a big crash of thunder or a lightning strike. There hadn’t been choirs of angels singing or fireworks or letters written in the sky. She had simply woken up one day and realised she was already in love with him. Resisting it had been useless and too late by far. She didn’t know what it meant for them. This was only meant to be a temporary arrangement, a mutually beneficial agreement that should have ended weeks ago. But here they were, still together. What did it mean? Were they now a couple?

  Declan stirred and opened his eyes, looking at her sleepily.

  “Hey,” he whispered, his voice husky. “You okay?”

  She smiled up at him and nodded. He kissed her sweetly before closing his eyes again and settling back into sleep. Brandi closed her eyes too, her heart warm and a feeling of well-being infiltrating the cold that had settled into her bones when Caitlyn died. She was going to be okay. She would get through this and she would make Caitlyn proud. With Declan by her side, she could do this, she knew she could.

  Fucking golf. Declan swung his club connecting with the ball on the tee and watched as it soared through the air, straight down the fairway. Huh. Maybe he was getting better at this stupid game.

  “Nice shot,” Brooks said, slapping him on the back as he stepped up next to Declan to tee
off.

  “Yeah, thanks,” he replied, moving out of Brooks’ way.

  Declan walked over to stand next to Mason, his insides churning. His little ‘chat’ with his father on Friday afternoon had been running on a continual loop in his head for the last day and a half and it was slowly sending him crazy.

  “Spit it out,” Mason said looking at him with concern.

  “What?” Declan asked looking at him innocently.

  Mason sighed and shook his head. “Fine, be an arsehole,” he said and then changed the subject. “How’s Brandi?”

  This was the first time he’d seen the guys since Caitlyn had died. He’d missed last week’s golf game because Brandi had been so fragile and then he’d skipped out on their regular Wednesday night catch up because he didn’t want to leave her. Since Friday, though, he had noticed a marked difference in her. She wasn’t miraculously over it, but she had turned a corner and was less zombie-like. That shit had scared him, seeing her like that, so he was immensely grateful that she was starting to be a little bit more like herself. She was even going back to work tomorrow.