Defiance Falls Boxed Set: The Complete Defiance Falls Trilogy

by Dean, Ali

  Hanna and Shantal must have opened the floodgates because a couple more people approached us, followed by a couple more, and then we were surrounded. Maybe dispersing wasn’t a great idea. Safety in numbers, at least when it came to the students at Defiance Falls High.

  Chapter 14

  Cruz

  I watched Hazel from the hood of her truck. We’d set up that frisbee game with giant cans that looked like trash bins and she had just sent the frisbee directly into the tiny slot that no one else had managed to hit yet.

  I felt a hundred times better than yesterday after sleeping for sixteen hours straight, but I wasn’t drinking. I needed my head operating back at full capacity, and wasn’t about to do anything to slow that down.

  With Hazel’s shot, Spike and Emmett were out of the game, and Isaiah and Landon took their places.

  “Why are you looking all mopey over here, man?” Spike asked as he jumped up on the hood beside me.

  “It’s ‘cause Bodhi got Hazel to be on his team and now she’s gonna be winning all night instead of cuddling your ass,” Emmett proclaimed as he positioned himself just far enough out of my reach that I couldn’t whack him in the back of the head.

  “I’m not that pathetic. Don’t be projecting your cuddling fetish on me, man.”

  “I know, but it’s nice to finally be able to tease you about it. Used to be we couldn’t even talk about Hazel without you getting all moody.”

  I didn’t deny it. I couldn’t. “So what’s the deal then?” Spike pushed. “Your head feeling okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s good. Can’t I sit back and chill for a minute without getting the third degree?”

  I knew the answer to that though. And Emmett was happy to remind me.

  “Uh no, you can’t. You couldn’t get away with it before, and now? The only reason you’re not surrounded is because people are kind of scared of you, thinking you took on half the Harvard hockey team solo and then helped take out three hitmen hired by the Malones. But they are staring. And talking.”

  “I thought you wanted this party, man. What’s up?” Spike never let me get away with shit.

  I leaned back until my head rested on the windshield. “We’ve finally got the upper hand,” I told the night sky, letting my words drift up. It felt like a confession, a showing of weakness, but I also knew I couldn’t keep it to myself. “But I don’t trust myself with it, you know?”

  They didn’t say anything, and the sounds from the party were only background noise now as I felt them watching me, waiting.

  “There are so many ways I can fuck it up now. So many more moves we still have to make. Yeah, they aren’t the big ones we’ve had up until now, but I feel their weight more.” That was it, the weight of responsibility, it was hitting me full force. “Braven’s going to be mine, really mine, without Malone interference. Not now, not until I’m done with college and shit, but eventually. And Hazel…” I wasn’t proud of how weak I sounded, but these guys were my family. And last weekend I showed them just how vulnerable I was. They deserved to know where my head was at right now. “Maybe it’s all about her. I don’t want to fuck up and ruin her life.”

  “Dude,” Emmett said before I could continue on my pitiful little rampage, “that’s why you left her three years ago. Don’t go there again. She’s here now, where she wants to be, where she belongs.”

  Spike nudged my knee with his. “Cruz, we know it’s not inheriting Braven Pharma that’s getting to you, so don’t bother going there. Besides, you know we’ll all work there with you someday if you need people you can trust. And that’s like, years away. This is about Hazel, but just look at her, man, she’s good. She’s a total badass.”

  I sat up on my elbows to watch her high-five her cousin. She was finally mine, and had proven she could handle this world. Why was I hiding over here again?

  “It’s like you two were saying earlier,” Spike said, turning to face me. “When we were swimming at the dock before everyone got here.”

  “Which part?” I asked, forcing my eyes off Hazel to look at Spike.

  “We’re used to being the underdog, and now we’re the powerhouse.”

  “Spike, are we still talking about Cruz’s hang-up with finally getting the girl he’s been wanting back for three years, or are we back to Malone biz? Wait, I thought we weren’t going to talk Malone biz tonight.”

  “No, this is about Hazel. Just stick with me.” Spike rubbed his palms together like he was having an epiphany. “So you’re used to not having her, to being in waiting mode, and now you’ve got her, so you’re like, in waiting mode wondering when you’re going to fuck it all up and lose her.”

  Emmett let out a groan. “Is this supposed to be a pep talk? Because I don’t think you’re really giving our guy the confidence boost he needs right now.”

  I had to smile. “Nah, you’re both right. I’m being a pansy. I’d blame it on the TBI, but it’s fear that’s rocking me right now. I don’t want to lose her.”

  “Why would you? You won’t.” That came from Spike.

  I sighed. “I think I have a temper problem. Like you said, when I didn’t have her, I didn’t feel the weight of all my decisions so hard. Now I second-guess how much emotion is ruling them.” The need to protect Hazel was hot in my lungs and I felt it with each breath. So far, I hadn’t done a great job at that. Sure she was safer now than she had been before, but I knew I couldn’t eradicate every possible threat, even if I wanted to.

  “It’ll settle,” Emmett said, his eyes following mine to our girl.

  “Not soon enough. You know she’s meant to do her recruit trip next weekend at UMass.”

  Emmett’s head snapped back to me at that. I saw it there, for a brief second, the same panic I had at the thought of it.

  Spike was quick to reassure us though. “It might not be our turf but it’s not the Malones’ either. She’ll be fine.”

  Maybe, but it was one more decision I was struggling with. “We have to be there. Should we see if we can get a recruit visit too so we’re on campus?”

  Emmett shook his head, smirking. “No one’s gonna buy it. Especially if you go. Everyone knows you’re goin’ to Harvard.”

  After what happened last weekend, I couldn’t just let her go unprotected. Could I? Shit, it wasn’t like we did much to help her then anyway.

  “Maybe she’ll change her mind. We all know she’ll go to Harvard with the rest of us. She’s just not ready to admit it yet.”

  I hoped he was right. But first we had to clean up the mess I’d made there.

  We watched Bodhi and Hazel win another round of the frisbee game before we got up to join them.

  A movement from the path in the woods caught my attention and I saw Moody stepping into the clearing a second later. Behind him was Meg, a girl he’d hooked up with before.

  Meg hung around with Kai’s friends, and while I wasn’t all that surprised she was at the party, I was surprised that Moody had hooked up with her again. I knew he wasn’t that into her, and while on her own she might have been easy and no strings, her connection to Kai made her complicated.

  “What the hell is Moody up to?” Spike muttered beside me, voicing my own thoughts.

  A frisbee hit me in the chest then and I looked up to find Bodhi grinning at me. “Want to take Hazel’s spot on the winning team? Not sure you can fill her shoes, but you can try.”

  My eyes narrowed as I watched Hazel walking off in the opposite direction. She was headed toward the woods, so I could only guess she was going to the bathroom or something. But I’d been in my own head avoiding her all night as I sulked, and now watching her walk away from me felt weirdly like I was getting ditched. What was up with all these insecurities coming out of nowhere?

  I tossed the frisbee back to Bodhi. “Sure man, I’m in.”

  One game went by and then another, with no sign of Hazel. Most people peed in the woods at these parties, and Hazel wasn’t one to bat an eyelash over it, so I doubted she’d walked a
ll the way to the cabin.

  “Where’d Hazel go?” I asked Bodhi for the second time.

  “Told you, she said she was taking a break.” Bodhi glanced around. “I’m ready for one too. Come on, we’ll find her.”

  Hazel wasn’t by the campfire, or by the keg, or the group playing hacky sack. My eyes darted from one group to the next, hoping to land on her. She was a true social butterfly, floating from one circle to the next effortlessly in these situations. But I didn’t spot her or hear her voice.

  I started for the path in the woods we’d taken on my eighteenth birthday down to the dock. It had somehow remained off limits over the years to everyone else, an unspoken rule of sorts.

  “I know parties are still a new thing for Haze,” Bodhi was saying, “but does she have to disappear on us? Last time she said she needed space, and I got why. That was the same night we told her everything, but now what’s up?”

  “Your guess is as good as mine,” I answered. “Hazel does what she wants. For all I know she decided to go for a solo swim.”

  We started down the path but then heard loud bass coming from the party. “Bet Nick brought his huge-ass speakers in again.”

  Bodhi laughed. “Yeah, he loves getting the dance parties going. Horny bastard. I know how his mind works. Girls drink more when they dance, and when they dance they also loosen up.”

  “You mean lower their standards?”

  “I was trying to be diplomatic.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  We got to the end of the trail and walked out onto the dock. It was another clear night, just like on my birthday. But no sign of Hazel. Bodhi and I shared a look but we didn’t spell it out. If we did, it would make it real. We walked back through the dark woods, and my heart was hammering in my chest. The pounding I hadn’t felt since yesterday returned with a vengeance. We didn’t even know if she was missing and I was already shaking with rage. What had my disappearance done to Hazel and the guys? I’d known I’d fucked up, but now I understood just how harmful my unchecked emotions could be.

  It was only this realization that kept me from overreacting when I walked into the clearing. As expected, the music was pulsing a popular pop song. People had congregated near the speakers and bodies were swaying and bouncing with the beat. Hazel stood out like a vision, hair flowing down her back, arms raised in the air, hips shaking. But she wasn’t alone. Isaiah Cross was standing right behind her, and when his hands reached for her waist, I nearly lost it.

  Bodhi didn’t stop me, but I stopped myself. She was safe. Happy. Enjoying herself. That was all that mattered. I repeated it like a mantra in my head. Hazel was good. This was not a crisis. Chill. Taking a deep breath, I walked with forced calmness toward the scene in front of me.

  Chapter 15

  Hazel

  I am sexy. I am awesome. I am confident.

  The mantra I’d chanted to myself to prepare for my first Lake party weeks ago was no longer necessary. I felt all those things as I closed my eyes and threw my head back, singing the lyrics to a catchy pop song. Everything was falling into place, and I finally felt like I belonged. Like I knew who I was and where my place was.

  The air around me shifted from smooth and easy to sharp and crackling and my eyes snapped open. Cruz stood in front of me, dark eyes dilating and jaw ticking.

  I frowned and slowed my movements. “Everything okay?”

  Cruz’s eyes cut over my shoulder and I turned my chin. Isaiah Cross was retreating with his hands in the air, pleading innocence. Really? Really?

  I swung my gaze back to Cruz. His brow was furrowed and I pressed my lips together and pulled him to me. He hardly budged, his body like stone as he fought an internal battle. His eyes continued to follow Isaiah, I assumed, from over my head.

  “Cruz, look at me.”

  He did, but his expression didn’t soften one bit. I sighed, took his hand, and dragged him behind me. Something was up with him, and we weren’t going to dance around it. He came with me, neither of us speaking, and before I knew it we were standing under the same tree where we had our first kiss all those years ago.

  I spun around to face him and his eyes were drifting up the hill all the way to the dancing crowd we’d left behind. “I should go make it clear to Isaiah that you aren’t his to touch.”

  “He wasn’t touching me, Cruz.” I immediately dismissed the idea.

  Cruz’s eyes swung back to me. “He was. He had his hands on your waist. He was practically touching your ass! How did you not notice that?”

  I squinted at Cruz, trying to determine if he’d imagined it or if I’d been too wrapped up in my little dancing zone to notice.

  “If he touched me, it was barely a graze, okay? I can handle myself, Cruz.”

  Cruz crossed his arms and rested his head back on the tree. He looked torn up, and I almost took pity on him, but first I needed to set some things straight. Especially while I was feeling sexy and confident.

  “There will always be guys like Kai and Isaiah. I’m a badass, Cruz. I’ve got soccer moves most guys can’t even handle, and my boobs would be all-state too if that was a thing. So, figure out a way to handle your jealousy or you won’t get to touch my boobs again.”

  Cruz’s stiff shoulders dropped a bit and I watched his hard jaw relax. It wasn’t a smile, but it was something.

  “You know it’s not about jealousy. Not really. I trust you. It’s not that I don’t trust you.”

  “I know that. If I didn’t know it, I wouldn’t be being so patient with you.”

  I crossed my arms right back at him, which lifted my chest and brought his gaze to that area.

  “This is you patient?” he asked, a little smirk appearing.

  I shot him a glare. “If you actually felt threatened by another guy dancing too close to me, even a hot one like Isaiah Cross – and stop.” I threw a hand out at his little growl. “We can all acknowledge he’s hot, just like I can say Polly Tutino is hot, and you’ve even made out with her so, chill – if you felt threatened by a hot guy talking to me, you wouldn’t be strong, you’d be weak. You wouldn’t be you, and we wouldn’t be us.”

  Cruz narrowed his eyes. “He wasn’t talking to you, he was touching you.”

  “Cruz, I’ve been touched when I didn’t want to be. This wasn’t that.”

  Cruz’s chin snapped back and he looked like I’d just punched him in the gut. My eyes widened. “Wait, that came out wrong. Shit. I think I might be a little drunk.”

  I threw my hand up though. “But I’m not that drunk. I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never been wasted but I think this is what would be called tipsy.” I tilted my head to one side, then the other, trying to assess my state of mind. Cruz watched me closely and he was about to say something, I could feel it. But I still wasn’t done.

  “We know we’re good, Cruz. What I’m saying is, stop using jealousy or whatever you want to call it as an excuse to pummel someone when what you really need is to deal with your emotions in a better way.”

  Cruz bit his lip like he was fighting a laugh, and I was cool with it being at my expense if it meant he wasn’t angry or hurt.

  “Hazel Ross, what am I going to do with you?”

  I pointed a finger at him. “Cruz Donovan, I see you. You can’t hide from me.”

  Taking a step closer, I finally allowed myself to brush my knuckles along those razor-sharp cheekbones and offer a little sympathy.

  “I sure as fuck can’t.” He leaned into my touch. “I know fear. I know loss. But when it comes to you…” Cruz closed his eyes. When he opened them, his voice was hoarse with the admission. “It’s always there. The fear of losing you. Even now, when it shouldn’t be. I see every situation like a potential threat, through the same panicked lens. How do I stop that?”

  There was anguish on his face, and my chest twisted at the realization that he was struggling all night, trying to be in the moment, while I was having no trouble doing what we had come here to do. Celebrate.

  “I
don’t have all the answers, Cruz, but I know I’m here right now, and I want you here with me too.”

  His arms slipped around my waist and he pulled me into his chest. “Guess I didn’t see how deep this pain ran. From Mom, Dad, being at war with the Malones. All of it made me stronger, yeah, but when it comes to you, it made me vulnerable as hell. I’m sorry, Hazel.”

  He’d been through so much, had he ever really dealt with any of it? Besides through the fighting over the years, the strategizing, soccer, partying, the security firm. I knew it was all necessary, sure, but it was also all a distraction from the pain. “Did you ever, like, talk to a therapist or anything after your mom died?”

  “I can’t see a therapist. Pretty sure there’s some exceptions to patient confidentiality that would apply to my story and land my ass in jail next to a Malone.”

  Cruz’s hands were wandering lower and I pulled back, refusing to let us move on just yet.

  “At some point, Cruz, you need to sort out all that pain, the loss and fear that you’re so familiar with. I’m sure you can figure out a way to deal that doesn’t involve excessive violence and harming of innocent humans, hmmm?” I crossed my arms and jutted out my hip for good measure. It seemed to get my point across. I hoped.

  “Anything to get to touch those all-state boobs,” Cruz said.

  I rolled my eyes. “Not yet. I still want to dance.”

  “Hey, where’d you go earlier? We couldn’t find you.”

  “Oh.” This wasn’t the best timing, but I gave a shrug and told the truth. “I went to pee in the woods and then I ran into Willow and Hunter. I think they were trying to find somewhere to bang, actually. It was a little awkward.”

  “Oh yeah, I saw Moody with Meg earlier too. That crew’s been at our parties before.”

  There was a pause, and then I rushed out the rest. “I asked about Kai, and they said they think his beat-down was drug related because he won’t tell anyone what happened.”

  Cruz nodded, but he eyed me warily at the same time.