[Gallagher Girls 01] I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I'd Have to Kill You

by Ally Carter

  "What?" Dillon said. "You don't, like, go there?" he asked, then laughed so loudly that everyone in the restaurant turned to stare.

  I studied Dillon and wondered how long it would take me to hack into the IRS—I bet, by December, Uncle Sam could be repossessing everything his family owned. "I'm homeschooled," I said, while silently chanting, And I have a cat named Suzie, and my dad's an engineer, and I love mint chocolate cookie ice cream.

  "Yeah," Dillon said. "I forgot. You know that's kinda weird, don't you?"

  But before I could defend myself, DeeDee said, "I think that's really nice." Making it infinitely more difficult to hate her.

  "So, what do you say?" Dillon asked, turning back to Josh. He sounded almost giddy, and can I just say, giddy is not an expression that most boys wear well. "Wanna TP the grounds or something?"

  But Josh didn't answer. Instead, he was pushing DeeDee out of the booth and pulling money out of his wallet. He dropped the bills on the table, then reached for my hand. "You wanna leave, too. Right?" he asked.

  Yes! I wanted to cry. I read his face. I knew what he was feeling, and I was feeling it, too. I took his hand, and it was as if he were helping me into another world instead of out of a red-vinyl booth. The two hamburgers lay, barely touched, on the table behind us, but I didn't care.

  Dillon got up and let me out, but Josh didn't drop my hand.

  WE WERE HOLDING HANDS!

  He started pulling me toward the door, but a girl doesn't forget three years of culture training just like that, so I turned to Dillon and DeeDee and muttered, "Bye. It was nice meeting you." Total lie, but one even non-spies tell in polite society, so it probably doesn't count.

  Dillon yelled, "Whoa," in the manner of someone who's seen way too many Keanu Reeves movies. "You're missing out, bro. We're gonna mess with some rich chicks!"

  Yeah, D'Man, I thought, as Josh opened the door. Why don't you go ahead and try it?

  Now, normally, I'm not a huge fan of hand-holding, but that's really just in movies when the hero and the heroine have to run from the bad guys, and they do it while holding hands, which is just crazy. No one can run as fast when they're holding someone else's hand. (A fact I once verified in a P&E experiment.)

  But Josh and I weren't running. Oh, no. We were strolling. Our joined hands kind of swayed back and forth as if we were about to ask Red Rover to send someone on over.

  After a long time, he looked down at the street and said, "I'm sorry."

  "For what?" I honestly couldn't think of one thing he'd done wrong. Not one thing.

  He jerked his head back toward the diner. "Dillon. He's really not that bad," he said. "We've been having that same conversation since kindergarten. He's big on the talk—not so much on the action."

  "So we don't need to go warn the Gallagher Academy, then?" I teased.

  "No," he said, smiling. "I think they're safe."

  "Yeah," I said, "they probably are." I thought about our walls—our world. "And DeeDee?" I asked and felt my breath catch. "She seems sweet." Sadly, not a lie.

  "She is, but"—his hand tightened around mine—"I don't want to talk about DeeDee."

  Maybe it was the twinkle lights of the gazebo or the way Josh's hand felt in mine, or perhaps it was the exposure to Dr. Fibs's purple sneezing gas I'd had earlier in the day, but when we stopped walking, everything got really, really whirly, like the whole world was a merry-go-round and Josh and I were standing in the center. There must have been all kinds of centripetal force, because we were getting closer and closer together, and before I knew it, something I'd been dreaming about my whole life was happening. But I'm not going to write about it here, because—seriously— my mother is going to read this! Plus, all kinds of VIPs are probably going to commission this report, and they seriously don't need to hear about my first kiss. (Oh, jeez! I didn't mean to say that….) So, okay, Josh kissed me. I know some of you might want details—like how soft his lips were, and how, as I breathed out, he breathed in and vice versa so that it seemed we were permanently joined at the soul or something…. But I'm not going to tell you those parts. No way. They're private.

  But I will say that it was everything it was supposed to be—warm and sweet and very much the beginning of … well…just the beginning.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Pros and cons of being a girl-genius-slash-spy-in-training-slash-girlfriend of cutest-slash-nicest-slash-sweetest boy in the world:

  PRO: ability to tell the boy how you feel in any of fourteen different languages.

  CON: boy cannot understand any of the languages (well, except English, of course, but even then he speaks with the highly specialized and often untranslatable "boy" dialect).

  PRO: when boy is having trouble with his chemistry project, you can meet him at the library and help him study.

  CON: you can't help him too much because it's kind of hard to explain how you're doing PhD-level chemistry in the tenth grade.

  PRO: the look on your boyfriend's face when he surprises you with an assortment of cat toys and asks, "Do you think Suzie will like them?"

  CON: knowing there is no Suzie, and you can never tell him that.

  Three weeks later I was sitting in the Grand Hall, listening to my classmates talk about how they were going to use their Saturday night to catch up on movies (or homework … but mostly movies), when Liz came in and dropped about a dozen textbooks on the table so hard my fork jumped off my plate.

  "Are you ready for this?" she said, her voice reverberating with glee. "We've got a little Chang, a little Mulvaney, a lot of Strendesky, some—"

  "Liz," I said, really hating what had to come next. "Oh, gee, Liz, I thought you knew…I've got plans with—"

  "Josh," she finished for me. She picked up a copy of A Mayan's Guide to Molecular Regeneration that had fallen to the floor and added it to the top of the stack. "This project's due on Wednesday, Cam."

  "I know."

  "It's thirty percent of our midterm grade."

  "I know. I'm gonna work on it…" But I didn't know when. I hadn't thought about it once since Dr. Fibs assigned it three weeks ago—the Monday after my first date with Josh. I was taking life one day, one outfit, one date at a time.

  The Grand Hall was starting to empty as some girls went to grab dessert and others headed upstairs or outside. I glanced at my watch and got up. "Look, Josh has got something planned, okay? It's this whole surprise thing he's been talking about and … I think it's a big deal. It'll be okay. I'll do the project tomorrow." That was what I'd said yesterday.

  But Liz didn't remind me of that. She just nodded and told me to be careful as I dashed out of the Grand Hall and toward the library, where, if you push against the D-F shelf while pulling on a copy of Downing's Modem Uses for Ancient Weapons, you can slip into my second favorite passageway.

  That is, unless Mr. Solomon is in the library.

  "Hello, Ms. Morgan," Mr. Solomon said, stopping me in my tracks. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know about any of the secret passageways—especially that one, since it took me two full years to find it—but still it totally freaked me out to turn around and see him standing there.

  "And what are you up to this fine evening?" He shoved both hands into his pockets, then leaned forward. "Hot date?"

  I'm pretty sure that was Joe Solomon's attempt at male-role-model humor, but it still didn't stop me from making a noise that sounded like hahahahahaha. Yeah. I know. How covert am I?

  "Oh, I was just… Um …"

  "Hey, kiddo," I heard from behind me. "Were you looking for me?"

  The library is probably my favorite room in the mansion. It has a huge stone fireplace in the middle of a two-story circular space that's filled with study tables and big comfy armchairs. Overhead, a second-story balcony overlooks everything, and that's where I saw my mother.

  She started down the stairs, a book of poetry in her hands, and I thought she looked like the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She reached the main floor and slipped her arm ar
ound me. "I was just coming to find you."

  "Uh, you were?"

  And then I remembered Joe Solomon who was standing there, looking on.

  "Well then," he said, taking a step toward the door. "I'll leave you two girls alone."

  Okay, I'm not sure, but I think my mom could totally take Joe Solomon, and as soon as he called her a "girl" I thought for sure I'd see the proof. But Mom didn't say anything. She didn't pin his arm behind his back or jump into the air and slash him across the face with one of her high-heeled black boots (a move I totally want to perfect someday—just as soon as I can borrow those boots). Oh, no, she just smiled at him. Like a Thanks, I can take it from here smile.

  I felt sick. She pulled me into the hall and walked with me toward the chapel. Behind me, I heard the scrape of forks on plates and dinner chatter (in Farsi) as we passed the Great Hall. She looped her arm through mine and said, "I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight."

  Okay, so I know I have lots of different languages at my disposal and everything, but I honestly didn't understand what my mother was asking. It was weird— not like Nazi-submarine-in-the-lake weird, but someone's-been-watching-too-many-made-for-TV-movies weird.

  "Or not," she jumped to say when she read my bewildered expression. "I just thought you might want to go into town or something."

  Well, actually, I did want to go to town—just not with her. In fact, I was already wearing lipstick, and an outfit was stashed in the tunnel. Josh had sounded so excited when he'd said, "Now, you're coming Saturday night, right? You don't have to do something with your parents, do you?"

  I'd said no, but now my mother was asking me to do just that. I looked into her eyes—her beautiful eyes that have seen horrors and miracles and all things in between, and then I said, "I'm pretty tired." Technically not a lie.

  "Something low-key, then," she said with all her super-spy persistence. "Maybe a movie?"

  "I…" I am a terrible person. "I… See, I've got to …"

  Then I heard a voice behind me. "Cammie promised to help me with my organic chemistry paper."

  I turned to see Macey McHenry strolling my way. Her face was blank, her tone perfectly normal. Macey might have been behind the curve academically, but when it came to the lyin' side of spyin', the girl was a natural. (And the fact that Tina Walters swears she hijacked a sheik's yacht in the Mediterranean probably played into that a little bit.)

  Mom looked at Macey and then back at me. "Oh," she said, but her smile seemed a little forced and her tone a little sad as she lowered her voice and rubbed my arms. "Okay. I just didn't want you to be alone tonight."

  Alone? When am I ever alone? I live in a mansion with about a hundred girls, and except for when I'm in my secret room or one of the window seats or by myself in the loft of the P&E barn or … Okay, so sometimes I'm alone.

  Macey slipped away, and Mom watched her go. "I know it hasn't been easy … with her. But I'm proud of you, kiddo." She hugged me again. It was a hug that lingered, like there might not be another one for a long, long time, and I wished for a second that I didn't have to pull away so soon. Or ever. But I did anyway. Josh was waiting.

  "Supper?" I asked. "Tomorrow night?"

  "Sure thing, kiddo," Mom said as she tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I turned and headed down the corridor, my footsteps thankfully louder than my thoughts. That is, until I turned the corner in the long stone corridor and ran right into Macey.

  She was leaning against the wall, hands on hips as she looked at me. "I don't like lying to your mom," she said. "I'll lie to mine, but not yours. That's messed up." Then Macey let out a low, soft laugh, pushed off from the wall and studied me. "I hope he's worth it."

  "He is," I whispered.

  She stopped just before she passed me. "Really? He is? 'Cause I don't see what's so special about him that you'd risk losing what you've got."

  It was a good question. A great question, especially if you're Macey McHenry and everything in life has been given to you but nothing has been earned. If the world looks at your slick, plastic shell and expects there to be nothing but candy inside. If this is your one and only shot at being part of a family—despite your famous last name. Yeah. Then that's a really good question.

  "He's just…" I tried, wanting to say "sweet" or "caring" or "funny"—because they're all totally true. But instead, I said, "He's just a normal boy."

  "Hmph," Macey scoffed. "I know lots of normal boys."

  I looked at her. "I don't."

  Chapter Nineteen

  Josh was supposed to meet me at the gazebo, but he wasn't in sight. In fact, no one was in sight. I glanced toward the movie theater—nothing. The lights were off in all the stores, and as a scrap of orange paper blew across the deserted town square, I was reminded of a scene from just about every apocalypse movie ever made (and at least three episodes of Buffy).

  I was a little freaked out.

  The Operative surveyed the area, assessing possible threats and exit routes and whether or not that really cute purse in the Anderson's Accessories store window ever would go on sale.

  Then a minivan turned onto the street. I guess I was too busy staring at its MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT ROSEVILLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL bumper sticker to notice who was driving, because I didn't realize it was Josh until he parked and got out and stood there in the middle of the empty street, holding a wrist corsage.

  That's right. You read that correctly—flowers on a stick (or, well, flowers on a stretchy band thingy).

  He walked toward me slowly, as I said, "That's a wrist corsage."

  "Yeah," he said, blushing. "Well, it's a special occasion."

  "So, is this an inside joke thing or a your-mom-made' you-buy-it thing?"

  He leaned down to kiss me but stopped halfway. "You wanna know the truth?" he whispered.

  "Yes."

  I felt a quick peck on my check, then he said, "Both."

  At approximately 18:07 hours The Subject presented The Operative with a vital piece of (floral) evidence. Macey McHenry later determined this to be an eight on the overall "lameness scale." The Operative, however, thought it was sweet and kind of funny, and decided to wear it with pride.

  "You look great," he said, but I totally didn't. I mean, I looked movie okay or bowling okay. I soooo didn't look wrist-corsage okay.

  I tugged at my skirt. "So what is this special occasion?"

  And then he laughed. "You didn't think I'd remember, did you?" he teased.

  Remember what? the girl in me wanted to scream, but the spy in me just smiled and said, "Of course I knew you'd remember." Total lie.

  "So"—Josh went to open the door—"shall we?"

  According to protocol, an operative should never allow herself to be transported to a secondary location. However, because of her history with The Subject and the fact that she once tossed him to the street like a sack of potatoes, The Operative thought it was probably safe.

  I'd never been in a minivan before. It was like the roadtrip portion of my great small-town experiment—with cup holders. Take it from someone who is highly interested in gadgetry on both a personal and professional level—the modern-day espionage world has nothing on the good folks at General Motors when it comes to cup holder design.

  "I like your van."

  "I'm saving for a car, you know?" he said, like he'd thought I was being sarcastic.

  "No, really," I hurried to say. "It's… roomy, and it's got these great… I just like it."

  Maybe wrist corsages cut off circulation to the brain? I mean, is that why so many girls do stupid things on prom night? I was really going to have to investigate this further, I decided. Then I caught a glimpse of Josh in the dashboard lights, and he was, in a word, beautiful. His hair was longer now, and I could see the shadow of his long eyelashes on his cheekbones. The more I was around him the more I saw the little things—like his hands or the small scar at the edge of his jaw where (he says) he got cut in a knife fight, but where (accor
ding to his medical files) he fell off his bike when he was seven.

  I have scars, too, of course. But Josh can never hear the stories.

  "Josh?" I said, and he glanced at me. We were almost out of town, and the trees were growing heavier overhead as the road curved.

  "What?" he asked softly, as if secretly fearing something was wrong. He turned off of the highway and onto a winding bit of blacktop.

  "Thanks."

  "For what?"

  "For everything."

  Okay, so there are two basic things I know for a fact about the good citizens of Roseville. One: they honestly have no clue about what really goes on at the Gallagher Academy. None. You'd think there would be a few government conspiracy theories floating around about what takes place behind our ivy-covered walls, but I never heard a single one (and I had reason to listen).

  The second thing about Roseville is that it takes its small-town-ness seriously. As if the gazebo and town carnival hadn't been enough to tip me off, I saw a man with a reflector vest and a flashlight directing traffic as soon as Josh pulled into a pasture. Yeah, that's right, crowd control in pastures is key to small-town life.

  We parked at the end of a line of cars, and I looked at Josh. "What's going—"

  "You'll see." Then he walked around to open my door. (I know—totally sweet!)

  We followed the gentle strains of music that floated out toward us, riding on a wave of light that filtered between the slats and through the sliding doors of a huge old barn.

  "Hey," I cried, "that looks just like our barn—" He looked at me quizzically. "—in Mongolia."

  "It's the fall harvest dance," Josh explained. "It's a Roseville tradition from back when almost everyone farmed. But now it's just an excuse for everyone to get drunk and dance with people they're not married to." He stopped and looked at me. "We can do whatever you want to do, but when I heard this was tonight I kinda thought you might want to come," he said. "I mean…it's okay if you want to go do something else. We could…"